To be Black
by Encairion
Summary: The story of a modern Kenyan girl who arrives in Middle Earth after her death in a plane crash. The story looks at the racism she faced as a black mortal among the elves. It also explores the reality of a mortal/Immortal love. Not a 10th Walker.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Chapter Notes:

Disclaimer: I own nothing but Jaden, the rest is Tolkien.

Author's Note: A big huge thank you to Cameo Corbin for Beta reading this! Reviews are always welcomed :) Enjoy!

Chapter 1

Jaden gazed out of the plane window at the puffy white clouds outside. She was so excited; she didn't think she would make it through the eight hour flight from Nairobi, the capital of Kenya, to her destination London, without squealing in glee. She was going to Oxford!

Only a few short years ago, Jaden wouldn't have thought this day possible. She had lost her mother when she was five years old, and had long since forgotten what she had been like. The only thing she remembered about her were her eyes. Dark midnight blue eyes were the only physical resemblance she had of her white skinned fair haired mother. The rest of her was African.  
Jaden ran a hand nervously over her flattened braids. She wore her hair in long curving cornrows hugging her skull. She leaned back in her seat, trying fruitlessly to settle her churning stomach. _What would it be like? London, Oxford..._

She had experienced much since leaving Nakuru, the rural town she called home This morning she had traveled to Nairobi for the first time in her life. It was a long and tedious trip where the _matatu _or Kenyan bus had been stopped 3 times, twice for over two hours, at police check points. Some of the other passengers had lamented the delay. They said it hadn't taken this long before the elections.

The violence that had torn her country apart after the 2007 presidential elections was still fresh in people's minds, in particular the Gikuyu. They were the ones who had been affected most severely. She could still remember the fires, terror, and confusion which lasted for weeks after the fateful elections. She had stayed indoors as often as possible, especially since the schools had been closed, some even looted or burned.

Many of her friends' families had fled the area, seeking safety in Nairobi. But her father and her had remained to ride it out; but staying had borne a price. She had witnessed to the brutal murder of her friend Wanjiku who was savagely hacked to death by the Mungiki, and their gang. Many more had died, and for a few lengthy months it seemed as if her entire world had become steeped in madness.

Jaden closed her eyes pressing her fingertips against them in an effort to wipe out the hideous images flooding her mind. She could still see it, as if it were yesterday. She_ hated_ the Mungiki. The intensity of her feelings terrified her, yet at the end of the day she felt they were justified since the barbarians had reduced her father to nothing. Before the Mungiki had come, he had been a respected member of their town.

The Mungiki were known for embezzlement and intimidating others to get what they wanted. Jaden knew many people respected and were even willing members of the secretive and powerful cult. Their influence stretched across the land, and no one could openly criticize them for fear of retaliation. Many of her friends' parents as well as high ranking members of the government were deeply affiliated with the cult.

Jadan's father had been lucky. While he had only paid with his leg, others had paid with their lives. When her father had stood up to the Mungiki, Jaden had never been prouder or more terrified for him. He had never been the same after that. He had taken up drinking, and neglected his duty to support not only himself but his only child. It would have been only a matter of time before Jaden would have had to drop out of school to beg and forage for food, if one of her schools board members hadn't offered to sponsor her schooling. She knew just how lucky she was. She could never repay the man. Without his intervention she would have been just another one of thousands of street children who ate out of the garbage and turned to drugs and alcohol to dull the pain. As a girl she would have also faced the constant threat of rape, which was almost unavoidable for girls living on the street.

Jaden was wrenched from thoughts when the stewardess touched her shoulder, making her jump.

"Oh, I am sorry my dear! I did not mean to startle you."

"Don't worry, it's all right." Jaden reassured the woman.

"Would you would like a beverage?" Asked the stewardess, gesturing to the cart she was pushing.

Jaden thought for a moment before making her choice, "I'd love an orange juice."

She was still somewhat uncomfortable around whites. She had grown up in Nakuru where few foreigners traveled. She had never seen so many white people as the day she entered the airport. There were so many of them that she found herself unconsciously staring at various ones.

The stewardess handed her an orange juice, and Jaden opened her folding table. She reached for the book that she had been trying to concentrate on earlier to take her mind off her destination. It was "The Lord of The Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring." While she had already read the book many years ago, she found she had forgotten much of it. She had read in the newspaper that the books had been made into movies a few years ago. She remembered she had enjoyed the books enough to seek out "The Hobbit" and "The Silmarillion." Her small village had no theater, and the few televisions it housed were used solely by the men of the village for news and sports. They were not too interested in watching a movie about a fantasy world.

Jaden flipped the page happy to be making some progress. She remembered the first half of the book was a little dull, and she was happy she was past the council in Rivendell and onto the exiting part - the quest.

Jaden had just finished reading about the fellowships encounter with the watcher in the water outside the gates of Moria, when she felt the plane give a jolt. She could hear a few of the other passengers' surprised gasps.  
It happened so suddenly Jaden barely had a chance to drop her book and clasp her arm rests.

Gusts of ice cold air hit her face, and her breath felt like it was being ripped from her very lungs. She couldn't open her eyes to see what had happened, but she didn't need her eyes to know the plane was in serious trouble. The wind roared about her filled her ears. Her chair shook so violently she thought her neck would snap under the constant jolting. The last thing she felt was something sharp and cold pierce her shoulder wrenching an unheard scream from her lips. Jaden welcomed the darkness that engulfed her, offering her relief from her burning lungs, and the agonizing pain ripping through her shoulder.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Chapter Notes:

A big huge thank you to Cameo Corbin for Beta reading this! Review's are always welcomed :) Enjoy!

Chapter 2

Jaden awoke lying face down in the middle of a narrow trail of sharp stones and packed dirt. Crispy yellow and brown leaves crunched beneath her right arm as she moved it slowly across the ground beside her. For some reason, the air seemed heavier, yet fresher – a far cry from what she had expected her destination, the industrialized London to be.

She sat up slowly, looking around in disbelief at the immense vegetation around her. There were no cars, buildings or people, but instead, an endless gathering of trees that seemed to stretch on for miles. Jaden's breath hitched.

_What the hell?_ She thought. _Is this the afterlife? I guess I never pictured myself waking up in a forest after I died. _

But she knew she most certainly had died. She had felt herself die the world fading away and the encroaching darkness consume her. It was a certain and terrifying experience that had etched itself into the depths of her mind.

Jaden reached up and gently examined her shoulder. The wound had disappeared. Miracle healings did not just happen; she must have truly entered the afterlife.

_But which one? Heaven or hell? _

She placed her bets on heaven. It was hard to picture hell with a woodland landscape.

The forest was thick, with groves of strange gigantic trees lining each side of the crude dirt path. They closed in menacingly; tall branches like thin gnarled fingers reaching for the cloaked skies. Their crooked branches and overlapping feldgrau leaves formed something akin to an arch, causing only a few skeletal rays of golden sunlight to filter through.

But it was the stillness that scared her the most, a deathlike calm. A sense of panic and impending doom crept into her chest, as she noticed she could not hear a single bird's song. There was not even a faint wind to rustle the leaves. Nothing moved.

Jaden shuddered, rethinking her afterlife theory. _Wasn't heaven supposed to be a happy place? _

Suddenly, she heard the sound of someone approaching. The slow gentle clip-clop of horses' hooves was amplified in the forest around her. It had taken a moment for Jaden to place the sound as a horse, since she was unaccustomed to it. Her initial instincts told her to hide, but she decided against it. She wanted answers.

_Heaven, definitely heaven,_ she thought, as the three tall strangers eventually came into view. They were like angels; magnificently stunning and unblemished. Hard sinewy porcelain skin appeared almost radiant in the few thin beams of sunlight. Two were fair, and one dark, with thick lustrous tresses that cascaded in rivulets down their shoulders and lower backs. Long slender limbs and catlike grace gave them an almost androgynous beauty, while their angular and finely boned faces made Jaden think of Asian features.

_Not bad for white men._

The three approached Jaden on their finely muscled horses and scrutinized her.

_OK…they may be damn beautiful, but they certainly aren't friendly. Are angels supposed to look at you like you are filth on the bottom of their shoe?_

"What business do you have in Mirkwood Southerner? Speak quickly!" demanded the darkling one coldly. The tone of his voice sent a shiver down her spine.

_What have I done to warrant such coldness?_

In fact, wait a second…did they just say Mirkwood? As in Lord of the Rings? Jaden blinked. _This was just getting more and more confusing!_

"I am sorry, did you say Mirkwood?" asked Jaden in the most civil voice she could muster. The intense unwavering stares of the three strangers had begun to make her nervous.

"I asked you to state your business here, not to ask questions!" replied the first speaker sharply.

"Well, I am a little confused to be honest. I am not sure where Mirkwood is exactly, at least in retrospect of afterlife locations. You see, I just arrived and I am still a little disoriented."

"I find your excuse of being lost hard to believe," retorted the darkling man. "You are in the heart of King Thranduil's realm, Mirkwood forest. Now I will ask you one more time, what is your business here? Choose your words wisely Southerner, for the lands of the north do not look on your kind with trust in these dark days."

"Who did you say you were?" asked Jaden, convinced that she was talking to a crazed Lord of the Rings fan. Thranduil, she remembered was the name of Legolas' father, and Mirkwood was definitely where Legolas was from in the books.

_But what were crazed Lord of the Rings fans doing in the afterlife? Don't you kind of get over stuff like that when you died?_

"You will answer Prince Legolas' questions or suffer the consequences whore of Sauron!" snapped one of the fair haired elves.

_Hold up, 'whore of Sauron'?_

Okay, keep your cool here Jaden. These guys are obviously insane and... armed.

She eyed the three crazy men who had by this time drawn their bows and were pointing arrows in her direction. She told herself she had to keep calm. These guys were crazy and assholes, but she was going to have to keep cool and stay in control of her anger.

_These guys think they are in Mirkwood, and this dark haired fellow believes he's Legolas from Lord Of The Rings. But what's with 'whore of Sauron?' I haven't done anything suspicious!_

"I don't see where you get off calling me a 'whore of Sauron', but I would appreciate it if you kept such opinions to yourself in future. I was unaware I had entered Mirkwood forest, and I am sorry to trespass on your lands. I meant no harm. If you will just point me in the right direction, I will be on my way, no harm done."

"Point you in the right direction?" asked the annoying blond with a sneer. "We don't let dark skins like you go wandering about in Mirkwood so you can bring a horde of Orcs down on us! We are not fools! We know you dark skinned mortals swore allegiance to Sauron long ago."

Jaden was momentarily speechless. _Dark skins? Was he telling her she was evil and untrustworthy because she was black?_

She didn't know what to say. She was completely shocked and infuriated and it wasn't long before the rage took over. She had never been so insulted in her life. They had just referred to her as evil because of the color of her skin. She didn't care if they were all crazy, bow wielding dead men, she would not tolerate their scornful words another moment.

"Let me get this straight, you called me a 'whore of Sauron', claiming I am loyal to Sauron all because of my skin color?" asked Jaden coldly.

"Is this all some kind of sick joke? First, you all go around claiming we are in Mirkwood, and that that prick there with the long black hair is freaking Legolas from 'Lord of the Rings', then, you have the nerve to claim I serve Sauron because I happen to be black? Why don't you get down here and tell me that to my face you coward? Let's see how brave you are when you aren't hiding behind your bow!"

It was the three armed psychopaths' turn to be shocked, but the racist blond soon snapped out of it. His face turned a color between red and purple Jaden would have found amusing if she knew it didn't mean he was infuriated. She felt her words had been very justified, but a part of her had began to regret challenging the man to face her._ It was a very stupid move_, she thought, as the fair haired being, who had to be well over 6 feet tall, jumped off his horse and began stalking towards her. Jaden gulped and did her best not to look frightened. She had never hit anyone. Fighting was not something she actually condoned.

"Are you suggesting, _little girl, _that you could possibly possess more skill in battle then I? I think not. I suggest you use your head before that foul mouth of yours, which is just one more example of your loathsome ties to the dark."

The tall fair haired being was now very close to Jaden's face, the nearness of him making it hard for her to keep eye contact.

Strangely enough, it was the one who called himself Legolas that ended up saving her from having to make what she was sure to be a less than intimidating response.

"Talion that is enough, she is not armed, and I would prefer to keep this conversation with the Southerner as civil as possible."

Talion stepped back, and Jaden could barely help letting out a sigh of relief. But before she could start feeling somewhat comfortable, the lunatic Legolas turned back to her.

"I will only ask you _one _more time Southerner, before we will be forced to think ill of you. Who are you, and what is your business in Mirkwood forest?"

Jaden took another deep calming breath. She had to think fast. These men were completely insane, and judging by Talion's reaction, they were not opposed to violent actions.

"To be honest, I am not entirely sure how I ended up in this forest. I was on my way to London…but my plane crashed." Jaden hesitated to tell about her strong suspicions she had died, but decided completely against it. "I can assure you though, that I am _not_ in league with the Dark Lord."

Jaden was not sure whether or not the three beings believed her. They kept their faces irritatingly blank.

"Your claims to not be in league with Sauron have yet to be confirmed, and only time will tell," said Legolas.

Jaden gritted her teeth, and bit back the sharp reply she was itching to make.

"However," he continued, his face contorting into a mask of suspicion, "I have never heard of this London that you speak of. It is not around here, so what explanation do you have for being in Mirkwood?" he demanded.

_That was it! _thought Jaden angrily._ Never heard of London my ass! They have taken this whole thing entirely too far! _Jaden no longer cared if they were stronger then her and had weapons. She was already dead, wasn't she?

"I've had it!" she snapped. "I am _not_ going to play along anymore! You are grown men for Christ sake! _Get a grip! _We are _not_ in Mirkwood forest, and this pretty boy here is not Legolas Greenleaf! You are all just a bunch of crazy men that belong in a mental institute, and I don't care what you do to me, I am already dead anyway! Right, so I am leaving. You can just keep playing 'Lord of the Rings' dress up by yourselves!"

With that Jaden swung around and marched off down the path. She did not get more than a few feet before she felt a hand grab her arm and swing her around to face an angry looking Talion.

"Talion, bind her wrists!" ordered Legolas.

"What?" cried Jaden. "Get your hands off me!"

Jaden struggled against the iron grip of Talion to no avail. The other blond stepped forward to help Talion bind her wrists in front of her, before taking a rope he had attached to his saddle and tying it to the one holding her wrists.

"Why are you kidnapping me?" Jaden cried. She was getting dangerously close to tears. This had to be one of the worst days of her life.

"I haven't done anything to you!"

"I am taking you with us," Legolas answered. "Once we have reached our destination, it will be decided what is to be done with you. Most likely you will be imprisoned as a Southern spy, after that we shall see."

Jaden fought down her tears. She would not cry in front of these horrible men!

"I am not a spy! I told you! Why do you keep saying I am? I haven't done anything wrong!" She cried helplessly.

"You are a black Southerner, and it is common knowledge your kind have pledged themselves to the darkness. You have also failed to give a valid reason for your presence here in Mirkwood. Foreigners are not welcome, and you have done and said nothing to dissuade me from the belief that you serve the Dark Lord" said Legolas coolly.

_But what could I say! They took one look at me, and immediately thought I was a servant of Sauron, because I am black._

Jaden had never been ashamed of her skin color. She never had to suffer teasing as some of the other darker children had. Her skin had been lighter than the others' because of her mother, but she had never been singled out because of it. If anything her skin color had been a source of pleasure to her. She had never been one of the darker children, and she was happy for that. Children could be cruel, and she was glad she had not had to endure the teasing and name calling the darkest skinned children went through. But she had never wished to be white either.

Many of her school mates had wished for it. She remembered one of her class mates, Rita, had obsessed over the color of her skin, and her hair. She was one of the richer ones, and had been able to keep her hair long and upbraided using flat irons to give it a western style. She had been lighter skinned like Jaden too, and had taken much pride in it. However, Rita had always wanted to be lighter and more western looking and sounding. She would go on and on about the uncle and aunt she had in America, and tell the other girls that one day she would get to visit them.

It was everyone's dream, even Jaden's, to get out, travel to the west, go to university and get a good job. But Rita wanted more than that. She wanted to _be_ white. It had made Jaden sick, but Rita hadn't been the only one. There were others who looked at the whites and saw only beauty. Looked at their soft, hairy skin, and silky hair with envy. But Jaden had never felt like that, she had liked her hair and skin just the way it was. Sometimes she would still look in the mirror and wish that she were prettier, but never whiter. It's not that she was ugly, she wasn't, boys had been interested in her; even if she was too busy studying to be interested in them. She supposed she was pretty, but what girl hasn't wanted to be just a little bit pretty at least once in her life? But she had never wished for whiteness, never. She loved being Gikuyu, she was proud of her heritage.

But now here she was, having probably the longest conversation of her life with a white person, and they were judging her because she wasn't white like them. Jaden felt like a deep crushing weight had just been dropped on her. She had grown up around those with dark skin like hers, and had avoided most of the problems associated with racism. This was her first experience with blatant racism. They were taking her captive for no other reason than that she was black. She felt numb with the weight of it.

_Why is this happening to me? _

Jaden pushed the mounting tears down her throat again. She refused to cry. Not now. She had never been one for silent tears that slipped unseen down her cheeks. If she let her tears come, she knew there would be no stopping them. The tears would take her body full force, making her shake with the force of them. No she could not cry.

Jaden felt herself being tugged forward by the rope attached to her bound hands. The man's horse as moving, and since her hands were attached to the rope strung to his saddle horn, she would just have to start moving too or be dragged along.

"Come on, we still have many hours until nightfall when we make camp," said Legolas coldly. Jaden sighed and started walking. This was going to be a very long day.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Jaden tossed and turned in her sleep that night, even though she was exhausted. They had walked nonstop for hours. Jaden was used to walking, she walked five miles to and from school every day, but she had struggled to keep pace with the tall war horses, and her captors had made no effort to slow down for her. She wondered if they would have let the horse drag her the whole way if she had gotten too tired. _Probably,_ she thought sourly, and turned over on the hard ground again.

She was finding it nearly impossible to sleep with her hands still bound in front of her, and trying to find a comfortable spot on the hard ground. The man whose horse she had been pulled behind all day, and whose name she finally found out was Filian had given her his cloak to sleep with. _How generous of him,_ she thought dryly. _But at least I am not starving and freezing to death in the wilderness,_ she reminded herself. Jaden was convinced that that was exactly what would have happened to her if she hadn't run into these crazy guys.

They hadn't past any signs of civilization all day. _And of course Mirkwood is infected with huge spiders so it's a good thing they came along. What! Huge spiders! I must be going insane like these guys. _She reminded herself firmly that she was NOT in Mirkwood forest so there were NO huge man eating spiders. _I really need to get out of here, or I am going to get touched in the head!_

The problem was Jaden didn't know where here was. She was so convinced earlier that she had died and gone on to the afterlife, but this wasn't like any afterlife she had ever heard of. She just wished she could go home. She didn't care if she spent the rest of her life in Nakuru, as long as she could get out of here.

She signed, turning over once again, and pushing her morbid thoughts to the back of her mind. She lay for a while longer staring at Talion's back, he had taken first watch.

_Why does he hate me so?_ She had no doubt Talion did hate her, and hated her for something she could not change, and wouldn't even if she could. Her skin. He had done nothing but give her dirty looks the whole day. She had felt his eyes boring into the back of her head. _What did he expect? Did he think I was going to make some grand escape attempt while tied to a horse?_

As if reading her thoughts Talion turned around and gave her a piercing glare. Jaden looked away, it was impossible to hold eye contact with his blue orbs, they were just unnatural._ This whole place was unnatural!_ She screamed inwardly. Talion broke into her thoughts.

"You should get some rest. We'll be traveling farther tomorrow, and with the way you lagged today you're going to need it." He sneered.

Jaden was tempted to stick her tongue out at him, but refrained. _I am 19 years old, even if he was going to act like a child doesn't mean I have to lower myself to his level. Yeah, just keeping thinking that Jaden. _She turned her back to him and attempted vainly to get some sleep, he was right, even if she would never tell him so, she was going to need it tomorrow.

Jaden awoke to someone shaking her shoulder roughly. Her eyes snapped open, and she sat bolt upright causing her forehead to collide with Falian's chin. He stumbled backwards with a curse. Jaden's hands came up to cradle her now throbbing forehead. "Damn." She mumbled, "Perfect way to start the day."

Falian walked to his saddlebags, grumbling as he went. He shot Jaden a look which clearly said he was not happy. Jaden just ignored him,_ it's not like they could hate me anymore._

Falian came back over to Jaden and handed her some bread and a water skin. She took them eagerly, and did her best not to stuff the whole piece of bread down her throat at once. She was extremely hungry, even after the bowl of stew she had been given the night before. She hadn't eaten very much the day before, on account of her nervousness for the flight, and with all the walking she had become famished.

She took her time though, she didn't want them to think she had no table manners, they already thought her some sort of barbarian evil women, and she didn't need to add to the list of her imperfections. The thought of being considered uncivilized galled Jaden.

The night before Talion had handed her a bowel of stew and asked her if she preferred eating it with her hands! He had obviously been trying to insult her and she had ignored his biting remark as best she could. But it had still hurt, mostly because it had struck so close to home. She wasn't unaccustomed to eating with her hands. Spoons and forks were not considered a necessity when eating back home Many of her classmates would dig into their rice with their bare hands, using them to shovel the food into their mouths. Of course when spoons were readily available they were preferred, no one really wanted to eat with their hands, but it didn't bother them to do so. She could have easily eaten the stew, watery though it was, without a spoon, but she knew how that would have looked to these men.

She absolutely hated the idea of them looking down on her. She was an intelligent educated woman, on her way to one of the most prestigious University's in the world! She had not only been at the top of her class, but had one of the top test scores in her country. She had needed it though. The competition for international students was intense, especially for one who could not afford to pay her own way. She had been totally reliant on Oxford for scholarships, and she had worked her ass off to get those scholarships.

Maybe she didn't have the same customs as these white men. Maybe she ate with her hands, bathed out of a bucket, sharpened her pencil with a razor blade, and washed her clothes by hand. Maybe she grew up playing with abandoned car tires for recess instead of swinging on monkey bars, and maybe she had never used a flush toilet in her life until she got to the airport yesterday. But she refused to be looked down upon. She had grown up in a different world, a poorer harder world, but she was just as good as them. She would show them before the end, that black didn't mean evil, didn't mean barbarian, and uncivilized.

Jaden signed inwardly at these thoughts. She would give almost anything to avoid this inevitable battle. But she promised herself she would show them she was NOT evil, but why did they have to force this upon her? Why did they hate her so?

She finished her bread, savoring the taste of the precious wheat grain, so much sweeter then maze flour, and took one more sip from the water skin. She was ready for another long day of walking now.

Two days later found Jaden and the small company of 'Mirkwood elves' as they apparently thought of themselves, trudging up the enormous 'Misty Mountains.' Jaden had never actually seen mountains in real life, but she found them, despite the circumstances, breath taking.

The path had become increasingly difficult, and just this afternoon the 'elves' had been forced to dismount and continue on foot, leading their horses up the steep rocky slopes. Jaden found a small amount of pleasure in seeing these high and mighty 'elves' forced to come down to her level, but to her annoyance they were still able to move more quickly than herself, and she still found it difficult to keep up.

Jaden flopped down on a patch of dry grass. Her feet were killing her, but she was lucky she had decided on wearing her sports over her open toes sandals for the plane trip. She didn't want to think about how much traipsing around the wilderness in sandals would have hurt.

She shivered. It was cold here, even with the cloak Filian had lent her. She had only been wearing a t-shirt and jeans on the plane; her pullover was still tucked away in her carry-on luggage, wherever that was now. _Probably burnt to a crisp when the plane went down, _she thought dejectedly.

Jaden pulled her thoughts quickly back to the present, _no point in thinking about that. _Whenever she thought about the plane crash her mind would race over the last few minutes of her past life, over and over again. Feeling the bite of metal as it pierced her flesh and the suffocating pain in her lunges as she struggled for air.

Jaden shivered again, and thrust her thoughts violently from the crash. She twisted her wrists, attempting to get some more breathing room for them between the bindings. The 'elves' had started taking off her bindings at night after the first day. Her wrists had begun to chaff badly, and they had mercifully taken some pity on her, but they were still very raw and tender after being bound all day.

'Legolas' noticed her discomfort and came over to untie her bindings for the night.

"Thanks" she mumbled, as she touched the reddened skin gently. He looked on for a moment, his face an impassive mask, before leaving her to nurse her wounds in peace.

_Prick! I bet he won't even offer some water to bathe them with. He's probably happy I am in pain, would serve a Southerner like me, right. _

Jaden continued to shoot sullen looks at the 'elves' as they commenced with their nightly routine of gathering firewood, cooking, and setting up for bed. She watched as Falian stirred another pot of stew for tonight's dinner.

After a thankfully filling dinner of stew AND bread, apparently the 'elves' were now confident their supplies would last until their destination, Jaden sat back and watched as 'Legolas' re-braided some of Talion's long golden braids that had wound loose.

Jaden found this activity strangely soothing in its familiarity. She couldn't count the times she had watched her friends and classmates braid each others' hair. Talion was the only one of the three who wore his hair in braids. 'Legolas' wore his long ebony mane loose except for two small braids on the side, and Falian wore his golden-brown locks in a high pony-tail secured with a leather strap. 'Legolas's' hair color had bothered Jaden since she first found out who he claimed to be. _You would think he would at least have changed his hair color if he was trying to fit into character. It didn't make sense why he would leave it black when everyone knows Legolas has blond hair, right?_

Jaden decided to finally come out and ask him straight up about it. So far neither she nor the 'elves' had put too much effort into making conversation. Mostly they just talked away in what Jaden supposed was elvish. _Talk about freaks! They actually learnt one of Middle Earth's languages!_

"So Legolas," she had started calling all of them by their 'Lord of the Rings' names the first day, since they wouldn't answer to anything else. "Why is your hair black? Not to be rude, but you're a wood elf right? (or at least you're crazy and think you're one!) And wood elves have light hair like Talion and Falian. So, why didn't you go full out with this whole Legolas deal and change your hair color? Christ! You learned a new language, the least you could have done was buy some dye."

'Legolas' gave her a weary look from behind Talion's head, his nimble fingers never pausing in their task. "I do not understand why you constantly insist we are not who we saw we are. I am indeed Legolas Greenleaf, as you shall see when we reach our destination." Here he gave Jaden a smug look.

Their 'destination' was a sore point for her, and he well knew it. Just about the only conversation she had had with her three captors had been about that destination. They had refused to tell her where they were going, something she found infuriating. They seemed to think it was 'need to know' information, which led Jaden to believe they were on their way to Rivendell for the council. But Jaden couldn't be sure, since she didn't even know what the year was, at least the year according to them, since she knew perfectly well it was 2009, but since they were in their Middle Earth mode, who knew what was going on in their heads?

"As for my hair color," continued Legolas, "I am surprised that you, a Southern mortal, would know so much about elves." Here he gave her another piercing look. _Oh lord, one more suspicious thing to hold against the black girl! _"You are right, wood elves have light hair like Talion and Falian who are wood elves, but I am not a wood elf by blood, only by choosing. My father, king Thranduil is a Sindar elf, but our people are wood elves, which is why I name myself among them. Sindar elves usually have dark hair, though some occasionally have golden hair like my father, I and my older brother Cafilias inherited the black hair of my father's people."

Jaden actually found Legolas's explanation of his hair color rather interesting. She was after all a Tolkien fan, and in this instance it didn't matter that the Tolkien information was coming from an arrogant insane 'elf', it was still intriguing. It was also the most normal conversation she had had with any of the three 'elves' so far.

However, this breakthrough was not to last long, as Talion shot her a rather biting remark on her own hair, which of course related to her blackness, and thus ended all further dialog between captive and captors for that evening.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

It took them three more days of traveling to finally reach their destination. Which Jaden found out was indeed Rivendell. They had entered into a forested area just after midday, and had traveled through it for a few hours before they were stop by more 'elves'.

There had been much talking in elvish amongst her captors and the new arrivals. Jaden found this new encounter with 'elves' disturbing. She now didn't know exactly how many more people were in on this crazy 'Lord of the Rings' dress up gig. She was more thoroughly confused than ever. She found herself slipping up more and more. She would catch herself thinking about the 'elves' as actual elves. She was noticing all the very elf like qualities they all had, and now here were even more 'elves' who looked very elvish, and she was presumably being taken to Rivendell itself now.

She had noticed the Mirkwood 'elves' had told the new 'elves' something about her when they first met, judging by all the hand jesters in her direction, but she was afraid it wasn't terribly positive information. Some of the new elves were looking at her with the same hate filled gazes Talion reserved for her.

Their party stopped to make camp just before sunset. There had been some argument between the two groups of 'elves.' It seemed like the Mirkood 'elves' wanted to press on to Rivendell that night, but the Rivendell 'elves' were inclined to stop. Jaden had noticed the looks the two groups had been sending each other. She remembered from the books, and her hazy remembrance from 'The Silmarillion' that wood elves didn't get along with their Rivendell kin. She recalled it had to do with some killing of elves, which went year back. The Rivendell elves, she recalled were Noldorin or 'high elves' as they liked to call themselves, and the wood elves were 'dark elves.' Jaden remembered thinking the Noldorin must have thought very highly of themselves to label themselves as 'high' and the wood elves as 'dark.'

The Rivendell 'elves' won the disagreement, and they stopped only a few short hours after the two groups joined.

Jaden watched the now familiar sight of the 'elves' setting up camp. She noticed how the wood 'elves' managed to avoid the Rivendell 'elves', and stayed on their side of the fire while the five new Rivendell 'elves' stayed on their side.

After a silent supper one of the Rivendell 'elves' turned to Jaden and asked her a question, in what she considered the politest voice she had had addressed to her since she arrived.

"So Southerner, tell us, what are you called, and where do you hail from."

Jaden was taken aback by the question, she had supposed these new 'elves' would have as little interest in her as their wood land kin, but she was wrong.

"My name's Jaden Wambui, but I can't really tell you where I am from. I was born in Nakuru, Kenya, but I doubt you would know where that is." _Or at least you are going to pretend now that you've never heard of Kenya, maybe I should try Africa and see if I get more luck. _

"No Jaden, I have never heard of this land Ken-ya before. Is it near Harad?"

"No. It's... complicated." Jaden still wasn't sure if she should go into the whole dying thing, but decided why bother, _it's not like they'll believe me anyway,_ judging from the looks the wood 'elves' and most of the Rivendell 'elves' were shooting her anyway.

The 'elf' questioning her frowned. She sighed, _what's the use, he's going to give me that look one way of the other. _

"Don't listen to this Southern harlot, she tells naught but lies," came Talion's cutting remark. The first elf gave Talion a questioning glance.

"I take it she serves the dark, judging by her bindings. Did she attack you?" Asked the same Rivendell 'elf.'

"I am not a servant of Sauron, and I am not a harlot!" Cried Jaden.

She couldn't hold her tongue; she wasn't going to listen to their lies again, especially not from that bastard Talion. However, the 'elves' just ignored her outburst, and switched to elvish, talking amongst themselves. Jaden let out a frustrated sigh, and flopped herself down for the night. She was so tired of their hate. She closed her eyes and tried to get some rest.

The next morning they reached Rivendell. As the party stepped into sight of the beautiful valley Jaden gasped. She stood stock still, her mouth hanging open and just stared, hardly breathing. Her mind was reeling, and she was trying desperately to make the blood flow properly to her brain, but she felt herself becoming light headed. _I better not faint. _She thought distractedly. _Oh God, this can't really be happening. It all looks so damn real. _As her mind worked frantically to try and make sense of the sight before her eyes, she felt the darkness overtake her. _Whatever, at least I won't have to think about the fact that I am officially screwed and in Middle-Earth._


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Jaden opened her eyes slowly, adjusting to the sudden brightness, and sat up. She was lying on a soft bed. She looked around her and gasped, _yep Rivendell_. The room was beautiful, nothing like she had expected. She thought she would find herself waking up in a dark cell, not a beautiful room. This didn't make any sense to her, the Rivendell elves hadn't been THAT friendly, they had only seemed to treat her a little better than their woodland kin._ Oh well, it's not like I am complaining. _

She hopped out of the large bed, but frowned in distasted. Someone had taken her clothes and put her in a long white night shirt. It reached to about mid thigh. She felt distinctly uncomfortable with this new development. She had never been naked in front of anyone since she was a little girl, and she wasn't too pleased about an unknown person seeing her body.

Jaden pushed these worrying thoughts aside, and reached for the handle of the door. It wouldn't budge. She pulled again, still no movement. She was locked in. _Well I guess I really am imprisoned. _She sighed and walked back over to flop onto the bed. _It was too good to last, they still didn't trust her. _Here she was in Middle Earth, and not one person she had met had yet to show her the benefit of the doubt. She was tired, so tired. She felt like she had been living in hell for months, not just days. True, she was treated badly physically. They had pushed her body to its limits with all the walking, up and down mountains, and her wrists were still raw from where the bindings had held them, but it was the way they had looked at and spoken to her that cut deeper. They had made her feel like dirt, completely isolated and alone. She was tired not only in body, but in spirit.

Jaden struggled desperately against the threatening tears. _She would not cry, not here! Someone could be listening._ As if they knew what she was thinking, she heard the bolt on her door being pushed aside, and a black haired body stepped in.

"Come." Her intruder said, and motioned her forward.

"Where are we going? Who are you? Where are my clothes? I am not going anywhere in this shirt!" She refused to be treated in this callused impersonal manner.

The black haired male looked her over with some surprised, as if he really hadn't noticed her at first. He walked quickly over to a wardrobe and withdrew a pair of leggings and threw them at her.

Jaden caught them and pulled them on before slipped into the slippers he handed her.

"Come." He said again. Jaden crossed her arms stubbornly over her chest. "No, you haven't answered my questions."

The male looked at her for another moment, his face a mask. Suddenly he strode over to her, took her arm and began pulling her toward the door.

"Let go of me!" She struggled to escape his grasp, to no avail; finally she gave up and tried to gain her footing as he hauled her down the hallway.

He stopped in front of a door, and motioned for her to enter. Jaden let out an exasperated sigh, and pushed open the door. She was greeted by a room over-flowing in books. The walls were lined with bookshelves, all except the far wall which opened onto a large balcony. To her right sat a desk every inch of it covered in scrolls, books, and parchment. Directly in front of her was a line of eight chairs, all but one occupied by what she now knew were living breathing elves, with one empty chair sitting in front of them. Jaden gulped, she didn't like the look of this.

"Come sit, "said the one being in the room besides herself, who wasn't an elf. He was an old man with gray robs, and piercing blue eyes. _Gandalf?_

She slowly approached the solitary chair and sat down nervously on the edge, trying desperately not to fidget while eight solemn beings studied her. There was Gandalf, and Legolas. She cringed, _why did he have to be here?_ The remaining six elves all had dark hair, and she couldn't make any definite guesses as to who they were.

Gandalf turned to Legolas first, "Legolas, perhaps you can tell us what you know of this child?"

"Jaden," she corrected quickly without thinking. _Perhaps it would be better not to interrupted._ But Gandalf just looked at her and gave her a hint of a smile, "Jaden" he corrected himself.

Legolas was looking as fine as ever in a silver tunic, he was also giving Jaden his usual impassive gaze which she could never fathom.

"My party found this Southerner," Legolas began, _great this is going to go splendidly_, Jaden thought sarcastically, "lurking about Mirkwood. She refused to answer our questions about her business, and showed herself to be rude and disrespectful toward myself and my companions. She refused to believe we were elves, and took offense to our every word. She failed to give us satisfactory evidence that she was anything but a servant of the darkness like all others of black skin. We were forced to bring her to Rivendell where I hoped she can be dealt with."

_He's making me sound awful! _Jaden thought she would bite her tongue off from her efforts to keep herself from making some truly rude and offensive comment to his mightiness's words. However, she was rewarded for her self control as Gandalf turned towards her.

"Jaden, we here would like to know your words on this matter. If you are indeed no servant of the dark, then tell us now what evidence you have of this, and how you came to be deep in Mirkwood forest a dangerous place in these dark days, and yet you had no companions, no weapons, and no supplies? You speak with a strange accent, and wore strange clothes none here had ever seen. Surely there is some magic behind your story, though whether it be good or ill is yet to be seen."

All present now waited on Jaden's words. She took a deep breath and sent a silent prayer up to heaven, wherever that might be now, and prepared for her tale.

"None of you will believe me; no one has believed a word I've said since I got here, but I have to try anyway. I know now this isn't some crazy dream, or hallucination. I know I am here, in Middle Earth, but I am getting ahead of myself let me start at the beginning."

"My name is Jaden Wambui. I was born in Nakuru, Kenya, Earth. Not Middle Earth, just Earth. There are no elves, dwarves, wizards, Valar, Dark Lords, or orcs on Earth. There are just men and women. This whole place, Middle Earth, is a story in my world. I am not sure if I am from your future, or just a completely other world. All I know is that one minute I am dead, and the next I am here." There were a few gasps when she said she had been dead. "I was on my way to an advanced place for learning. I was traveling by a flying ship we call a plane, when there was a problem. I think it must have been an explosion, because all the pressure and air got sucked out and we couldn't breathe. The last thing I remember before waking up in Mirkwood was a sharp piece of metal piercing my shoulder, but when I woke up there was no sign of an injury. I know I died. I felt the air being sucked out of my lunges, there is no way I could have lived through that. Our plane crashed, I died. Yet here I am. I thought for a while I had gone on to the afterlife, but I don't think so anymore. Middle Earth is not what I've always believed was the afterlife. I don't know how I got here, but here I am, and I guess that's all." She ended lamely.

The room was quiet and severa brows were furrowed in thought or confusion, Jaden didn't know. No one seemed inclined to break the heavy silence, and Jaden began to squirm nervously on her seat. Finally Gandalf spoke up, "While I find your explanation strange to say the least, I feel we must at least explore it as a possibility. How might you be able to prove what you claim?"

"Well," began Jaden slowly trying desperately to think of something, "As I said Middle Earth is just a story in my time, but I've met people here who are mentioned in the story, like you Gandalf and Legolas, which is why I didn't believe him when he claimed to be the famed prince of Mirkwood." She risked a glance at the elf, but still could not discern his thought. She continued, "There are other people, places, and events I know about. I believe it is the year 3019 of the Third Age?"

"You are correct," answered a dark haired Rivendell elf.

"Then going from the fact that elves from Mirkwood are here in Rivendell and so is Gandalf, now don't freak out," she added hastily, "but I think I am right in assuming that Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee, Peregrine Took, Merridock Bandybuck, and Aragorn son of Arathorn hair of Isildur arrived here in Rivendell, or will be arriving shortly with Frodo bearing the One Ring of Sauron the Dark Lord, and a wound from the king of the Nazgul the Lord of Angmar?"

Jaden expected the room to erupt into chaos and to suddenly find multiple weapons pointed at her neck, but none of these things happened. Instead the room fell into a dead silence, with eight pairs of piercing eyes focused intently upon her. Jaden found this reaction even more frightening then the alternative. She gulped nervously and was immensely grateful the silence didn't last long, even if the eyes of all in the room never swayed from her person. Gandalf spoke up,  
"You are correct in your assumption. Frodo and his companions arrived yesterday. The lord Elrond is at this moment tending him for he has received the very injury you speak of. Do you claim this knowledge from this story in your world?"

"I think she must Gandalf," interrupted the same dark haired Rivendell elf as before, "after all she has been under guard since she arrived yesterday, and had spent the last 6 days in the company of Legolas and his wood elves. Before which she was in Mirkwood forest, she could not have found out about the ring bearers injury during this time."

"But don't forget her people, lord Erestor," exclaimed another of the Rivendell elves, "she is a southerner, and they have always served the dark!"

Jaden couldn't believe her ears, that elf had just brought up the color of her skin for the last time as far as she was concerned. She was going to give them a piece of her mind, and if she ever heard another racist comment aimed at her again she was going to rip someone's tongue out. If she had happened to glance at Legolas the moment before she let into the unfortunate Rivendell elf, she would have seen the look of apprehension that graced his fine features as he glanced between the obviously infuriated human, and the oblivious Noldor.

Jaden growled at the elf, before snarling, "Didn't I just tell you I am not from your time! I don't know much about black people from this time, but I am sure they are not all evil! I am not going to take anymore of this shit, from ANYONE! No one is evil because of the color of their skin. If any race was close to evil because of their skin color, it would be yours! You're the ones who treated people of color as little more than animals for years. It was white people who tore my country apart. I've been judged by my skin color since I first set foot in this godforsaken place, and I am tired of it!" By the end of her speech Jaden was panting, and the room rang with another tense silent.

Erestor stood up and held out a hand towards her, "I apologize, Jaden, for the way you have been treated because of your black skin. You are right, it is wrong of us to judge you so. I am afraid these have become dark times, and all have become suspicious of strangers, even we elves have done so. There was a time when this was not so, but I am sure all here beg your forgiveness for our prejudice against you in this matter. It is wrong to judge another by their skin color, or ancestry, or anything they have no control over."

One of the Rivendell elves snorted at this, and another said in what Jaden considered a sarcastic tone, "I am sure it will be quite simple for everyone here to forget the past and just forgive and forget, don't you agree lord Erestor? I am sure you'd love that would you not?" Erestor ignored the elves comment, and Gandalf shot the elf a warning glance.

Jaden felt the none too subtle undertones threading through the room. She was still feeling the remnants of her anger and a boldness she did not usually posses, so much so that she said. "If it is true what you have said, and you are truly sorry for the way I have been treated, then I would be willing to accept the apology of a Mirkwood elf for his and his elves treatment of me." All eyes turned toward Legolas who actually squirmed in his chair under the scrutiny, to Jaden's delight. Legolas did not seem inclined to admit he was wrong however, and remained stubbornly silent. But finally he admitted through clenched teeth, "I might have been hasty in my appraisal of you."

That was all, no "I am sorry" Jaden sighed. "Well master elf you might benefit from the policies of a certain Ent whose motto in life is "don't be hasty." Gandalf looked at her in surprise, "I was not aware you were familiar with Treebeard. Just how much do you know of Middle Earth and the doings here?"

"Not a terrible lot," she lied, "There are several books written about Middle Earth. I have read five of them, but it was some time ago and many of the details are hazy in my mind. I feel I must be careful not to say too much. Some terrible things do happen, but most of them are necessary in the end, and what if by telling you future events you are tempted to change them? I will say however that three of the books collectively are called "The Lord of the Rings." They are about the war. I have also read "The Hobbit" which tells Bilbo Baggins story and his finding of the Ring, and I also read "The Simarillion" which was my the only one I read more than once. It's about the creating of Arda by Eru and the Valar, the fall of the Noldor and the war against Morgoth to take back the Silmarils, it also teles of the Second Age and goes over the rise and fall of Numenor, the creation of the Rings of power, and the Last Alliance."

The elves appeared interested in this account of their history and Jaden realized some, if not all, had probably lived through many of the events described. A Rivendell elf asked eagerly, "Do these tales speak of the glory or Nargothrond and Eregion?"

"There is a little about all of the great elf kingdoms of old, most of what is said about Nargothrond and Eregion is about their last days though. But according to the book they were both great realms." _He must have lived in those places,_ thought Jaden in wonder. She had always loved history in school, so "The Simarilion" had appealed to her. With the realization that Middle Earth was real, and she was there, her curiosity was sudden stirring. If she remembered correctly Elrond had an extensive library, she became almost giddy at the prospect of devouring it. _That is if they let me, what if they keep me locked up?_ Jaden thought with horror at the prospect. _Did they believe her? Did they still hold doubts?_

"So, what will happen now? Am I still a prisoner?" Gandalf took up the answer, "You are free to travel about Rivendell, Jaden; however we cannot allow you to leave with the knowledge you posses. I think it best if you are accompanied for a time. I do not want you to feel like a prisoner, but precautions must be taken."

"Right," answered Jaden, trying not to show her annoyance._ So she was going to be watched, and followed, what did she have to do to get them to trust her?_

"I think we can conclude our meeting for today, however, we have much to talk of in future, but for now you may go. Fabion, the elf who escorted you here, will accompany you." Jaden took the hint and let herself out, with a small sign of relief, it hadn't been that bad she reasoned. She cringed at the idea of repeating the experience at a later date, though.

Fabion was leaning against the wall as Jaden slide out the door. She made her way over to him, "So you're going to be my baby-sitter today, huh?" The elf raised an eyebrow at her.

"Baby-sitter? I do not understand your meaning. I do not sit on babies."

Jaden let out a real laugh, possibly the first since she arrived in Middle Earth. "No silly! A baby-sitter is someone who watches over a baby or some other person who can't be left alone, like me. I might try and run away if not closely watched." She said sarcastically, "You never know I might like the idea of starving in the wilderness better than putting up with racist self-righteous elves."

Fabion looked at her with a mingle of confusion and reproach. Jaden signed and decided to let it go, she had more interesting things on her mind like libraries, and lots of reading. "Elrond..." she began, before Fabion corrected her, "lord Elrond." "Alright, LORD Elrond, said I am free to go anywhere I want in Rivendell, and I was thinking about exploring your library. Could you show me the way?"

Fabion did not look pleased with the idea of spending his day cooped up in a library, but Jaden didn't care, _it's not like I am forcing him to stay_. The elf signed in resignation, and led the way.

_Rivendell was the most beautiful place on Middle Earth,_ Jaden decided after they had been walking for a good ten minutes. They were making slow progress, much to Fabion's displeasure. Jaden kept stopping and starring, she couldn't help it. The views were incredible, the walls were covered in extraordinary tapestries and murals, and it seemed they passed a statue that made the Greeks look like amateurs, ever five seconds.

They turned another bend and Jaden spotted another large balcony she intended using as another stopping and gaping point. Fabion let out another long suffering sigh, as her saw her veer off course yet again.

Jaden's preoccupation with the beauty of Rivendell was interrupted when she spotted what looked suspiciously like a human already occupying her destination. She was suddenly curiously nervous, she hadn't seen any humans since entering Middle Earth, but the idea of speaking to another human gave her the boost of courage she needed to go over and talk to the man.

She approached him from behind. He was dressed like the elves. He wore a finely made silver tunic over dark gray leggings. He was broader in the shoulders then elves, and he wore his dark hair short. As Jaden approached he turned to look back at her, Jaden was surprised he had heard her coming, but as she got her first look at him all other thoughts flew right out of her head.

_He might as well be an elf._ He had bright gray-blue eyes that caught and held hers. His face was clean shaven. Jaden could see the tell tale signs of his mortality though, in faint lines around his mouth and eyes. His eyes were not unkind as they looked on Jaden, but he gave her no smile. From the set of his mouth she guessed he did not do much smiling. She felt her nervousness rush back. _He's so very noble and lordly, his eyes have the same depth as the elves, as if he had discovered the secrets of the world, and held the knowledge of the ages, and like the elves it seemed that knowledge lay heavily upon him._ He radiated strength and wisdom, yet she also felt a sadness emanating from him.

Jaden didn't know how long she stood staring at the man, but finally came back to her senses when she heard Fabion ask her in a worried tone if she was feeling well.

"Um, yes, thank-you Fabion, I am quite well. I just...um... spaced out there for a moment." Jaden highly doubted he knew the term "spaced out" by the look on his face, but she didn't feel like elaborating. She looked at the human from the corner of her eye; he was watching her, which caused her stomach to tighten abruptly. _Oh God, what must he think of me? _She was suddenly painfully aware of the fact she hadn't bathed in over a week, her hair was in desperate need of re-braiding, and she was wearing a night shirt and a pair of leggings made for an elf's long legs, but on her were bunched up several inches around her ankles.

She cringed inwardly at these thoughts, _not to mention I probably reek! _She wondered desperately if she should introduce herself, but felt to embarrassed. _What would he want to meet me for? I am nobody special, and he's must be a king or something._ Thankfully she was spared further torment thoughts, when Fabion poked her with his elbow. She turned to look at him blankly, he signed "mortals" she heard him mutter under his breath, before he took over for Jaden's sudden lack in basic social skills.

"Estel, this is the southerner Jaden. She's a… guest" He paused before the word guest, and Jaden thought he probably wanted to say prisoner or something to that affect. "We are on our way to the library. That is if she will cease stopping every two steps to stare at everything." He gave Jaden another reproachful look. Jaden worked to keep the color from her cheeks. _Why did he have to tell HIM that, and why did he have to call me a southerner? _

_Shit! Estel! _

It suddenly clicked in Jaden's strangely sluggish brain. She probably wouldn't have picked up on it if it wasn't for her recent reading of the Fellowship again. _Estel, that's Aragon!_ Now she felt all the color drain from her face. _Aragorn! Why oh why did this man have to be him! _

Jaden had thought secretly what it would be like to meet the members of the fellowship since she had woken up that morning and realized she was really in Middle Earth, but Aragorn! He was her favorite character. He was wise, strong, brave, honorable, noble, a killer warrior, the list went on and on, and to top it all off he had the most beautiful eyes.

_What! Stop that at once Jaden, _she scolded herself. _He was betrothed to the most beautiful elleth on Middle Earth. Even if he wasn't he would never look twice at her. _She had always felt for Eowyn, she had been another of her favorite characters, and she suddenly realized why Eowyn had fallen for Aragorn so easily. _He had to be one of the noblest and greatest men ever to walk Arda. Enough of that, _Jaden thought, giving herself a mental shake. _That line of thought would lead her nowhere good, and merciful Jesus he was speaking to her!_

"It is no crime, Fabion, to enjoy the beauty of Rivendell. Sometimes even now, I find myself lost to words when contemplating its beauty. Is this your first visit to Rivendell?"

Jaden gulped, but thankfully when she opened her mouth sound came out, and in a relatively normal voice she replied. "Yes, I've never been here before, and I am not a southerner!" The last part just pounced out, she hadn't meant to get into that, not now, so soon after her tedious interview, and she didn't know how much she could say about her origins anyway.

Aragorn raised an eyebrow at her abrupt exclamation, and she could almost feel Fabion rolling his eyes at her. The elf and ranger seemed inclined to let her outburst go without comment, and Jaden felt it best not to get into a long explanation that would leave her emotionally drained, she was already on edge.

Suddenly Jaden felt Fabion tense. He was staring intently at something over her shoulder. Jaden looked around. An elleth with golden hair appeared to be flirting with a dark haired male. The female was laughing quite loudly at some presumably humorous comment of the male's; he didn't seem to be minding the attention one bit and was leaning towards her.

Jaden worked to suppress the smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. _I guess something's are the same whatever your species. _Fabion's face had taken on a decidedly sour expression, as he fixed the male with a death glare.

Aragorn noticed Fabion's distress as well. "Why don't you ask Tamar if she would like to take a walk in the gardens with you, my friend? I am sure my brother Elrohir has other things to see to, and maidens to attend to."

Fabion hesitates, undecided for a moment, before he signed. "I can't Estel, I must keep watch over this woman." He gestured towards Jaden.

"Don't worry I'll make sure she doesn't get away while you're gone." Fabion hesitated one more moment before another laugh from the elleth caused him to square his shoulders and start marching over to the couple. He called back a thank-you to Aragorn, and said he wouldn't be gone long.

"Take your time my friend, "answered Aragon as a hint of a smile crossed his features. Jaden and Aragorn watched as Fabion swept the lady away from the unsuspecting Elrohir, though he didn't looked to put out by the interruption. Jaden almost felt he expected it. Elrohir watched casually as Fabion took the elleth by the arm and guided her towards the gardens. He looked quite satisfied with his success, and the elleth looked strangely triumphant.

Aragorn chuckled softly behind Jaden. She turned back to look at him, she thought it strange to hear him laugh. He had seemed so grim and lordly only a minute ago, and yet here he was mixing himself up in the love games of Rivendell elves, and presumably enjoying it.

He looked down at her, "Well, now that you have been placed in my charge perhaps I might have a name from you? You may call me Strider."

"I am Jaden, nice to meet you." She stuck out her hand for him to shake; he took it and placed a kiss on its back. She was momentarily speechless before recovering herself and closing her open mouth. "Can I call you Estel? Or do you only let elves call you that?" She had never much cared for his Bree name, and while she would prefer to call him Aragorn, she would settle for Estel.

"You may if you like, though you are correct in your assumption that only elves name me so. Tell me Jaden what brings you to fair Imladris?"

Yikes! Now she had to tread carefully, she didn't know if she could tell him everything, or anything for that matter. Gandalf hadn't exactly forbidden her from speaking about her home, or her knowledge of Middle Earth with others, but it had defiantly been implied that she would keep such knowledge to herself; but this was Aragorn, so maybe an exception could be made. _What do I own them anyway? So what if they don't want me talking about where I am from, I don't have to listen to them._

She felt drawn to Aragorn. He was looking at her with genuine interest. She could not detect any of the normal vibes of distrust and suspicion which seemed to radiate off everyone else she'd met. She had a sudden overwhelming urge to let it all hang out. To tell somebody about her woes, she needed to vent, and confide in someone. No, what she really needed, what she wanted more than anything at this moment was a friend. Maybe Aragorn wouldn't understand everything about her, or what she was feeling, but he had had people judge him at first sight too, like the people of Bree. They had probably taken one look at him and decided he was a bad sort, and not to be trusted. But he had also spent time in the south hadn't he? Surly he had seen not all of those people were evil, that there were many good people too that had simply gotten caught up in something to big for them.

Jaden took a deep breath and decided she could do this. She hoped desperately he would believe her, but she was not going to lie to him. She hated lying to Gandalf and the elves, but she didn't want them pressing her for information. She was glad she wouldn't be forced to do it again. Lies always left a bad taste in her mouth.

"I am from Nakuru, Kenya, on Earth. You've not heard of it I am sure, I don't think it exists yet, um, probably doesn't for several thousand years. It's a long story, but I am in Rivendell because a certain block-headed Mirkwood prince, who I will refrain from naming, decided I looked pretty fishy with my dark skin and all, and took me captive and drug me all the way here from Mirkwood."

"You are saying you are from our world's future?" Asked a confused Aragorn, though he was doing a good job hiding it.

"Yes. I know it sounds fantastical, but I have no other explanation. The world is completely different in my time. I can't really even explain it to you, it would be terribly confusing and most likely take hours, suffice it to say there is no way in hell I am in the year 2009."

"And how did you come back to our time?" Either Aragorn was actually taking her bizarre claims seriously, or he was a really good actor because he looked dead serious when he asked that question.

"I died. I was killed in a plane crash. A plane is one of those things that would take a long time to explain, but it's kind of like a ship that travels through the sky, and takes people places really fast. So, you can see how someone could easily die if their ship fell from the sky, like mine did."

"I see." Jaden wasn't sure if he really did see, or was just saying that. _Should I go into my knowledge of Middle Earth, _Jaden was waging an internal battle with herself. _Oh F it, why not, he probably won't pull out a weapon on me, and it might help convince him I am telling the truth, and also I really want to see his face when I tell him I know exactly who he is._

"I know I've gone back in time, or else entered into an entirely different world, because in my world we have stories about your time. In fact there is a story with you in it." Jaden hide her grin at Aragorn's astonished look.

"Me? What do they say?" Now suddenly suspicious

"Oh, I can't tell you much, most of it is about your future. The most popular story is about the Ring, and you're going to play a part in its destruction, more then you've already played that is. But I am not going to say anymore."

Aragorn seemed skeptical at this revelation. "How do I know this is true? I presume lord Elrond and Gandalf are aware of this knowledge you possess."

Jaden sighed, "I don't know about Elrond, he's with Frodo now tending his wound, but I have just come from a meeting with Gandalf and a bunch of stuffy racist elf lords, well most of them were racists only Erestor, who's in the story's too by the way, didn't seem to bad, but you never know. I don't see why you have trouble believing that I know something about the future, when you seem to believe I come from the future! But I could try and prove it to you."

Oh here comes the fun part! "For instance I know that you are Aragorn son of Arathorn also called Estel or Strider along with other names, you are the heir of Isildur, and you're in love with Elrond's daughter Arwen, but you can't marry her yet because Elrond said you had to be king first."

Jaden was extremely disappointed in his reaction. It's not fare; he's so composed like the elves, why can't I get a normal shocked expression out of him? He looked mildly surprised at her revelation, but hid it quickly.

"These things about me are quite personal, and of a secret nature." Jaden was worried for a moment he would be angry with her, his tone of voice wasn't very promising, but then, "To me they prove that you spoke truly, I believe you Jaden of Nakuru, but tell me, why does Fabion have to guard you, if you have revealed this knowledge to Gandalf, and what does he fear?"

"Well you're going to have to ask him that yourself. I think he's still suspicious of me because I am black, and he's not the only one. Nobody seems to get it; people aren't evil because of their skin color! And black people from my world don't do evil things any more than white people do."

Aragorn was silent a moment, before he conceded, "While I agree with your belief that people are not evil because of their skin color many do not. You will, I fear, find that many will mistrust you before they even know you. Many are blinded by their fear of what they do not understand, and people with dark skin are one of those things. Even elves do not know much about the people of the south, since many of these people have chosen to serve the Dark Lord all other knowledge of them is not considered unnecessary. I have spent time in the south and in Gondor, and have seen both sides of this. The people of Gondor often see the men of the south as nothing more than evil servants of the Dark Lord, only a little better then orcs. Yet, I have lived in Harad and Umbar and know this not to be true. The men of the south are people too, only misguided ones. I hope, once the Dark Lord is vanished and the people of the south are freed from his oppression that they will one day turn to the light. What you say of southern people in your time is encouraging."

Jaden decided not to mention the entirely different form of racism her world struggled with, it would be best to leave it at a positive point since he would never know anyway. Jaden had felt her heart warm at his words, here was finally someone who understood. While it was discouraging to hear she would most likely always experience racism in Middle Earth, it did help to know that there were some people with sense. She was glad she had had a chance to talk to Aragorn; she decided he was indeed every bit as awesome of a guy in real life, as he was in the books. _Well_, she thought wryly,_ I guess the books were 'real life' here anyway._ She still found him a bit intimidating and awe inspiring, she wondered if she would have found him so if she had met Strider before she met Estel.

She gave him a smile, "You will probably never know how much your acceptance has meant to me. I have been treated in a degrading manner since I first arrived in Middle Earth, and have been judged before being known, as you said I would be."

Her smile slipped, and she felt herself tearing up. _No, I can't cry, not here, not in front of him, he will think I am a blubbering baby!_ Jaden worked to hold back the tears, taking deep breaths, and trying to direct her thoughts in another direction. Unfortunately, Aragorn was a very perceptive guy, but also a sensitive one, which surprised Jaden. He almost seemed above such things as comforting crying woman.

He stepped closer to her, and took her hand while whispering gentle words. This did absolutely nothing to calm her though, this further act of kindness was more then she could bare, and she felt the last aspects of her control slip away. She hated people seeing her cry, it made her feel weak.

She tried to pull away from Aragorn as her tears broke, but he would not release her hand, instead he drew her closer to him, and put his arm around her shoulder. Jaden felt even more uncomfortable with his close contact, and stood stiffly as he whispered words that she now recognized as elvish in her ear. Her deep breaths had become gasps for air, and she struggled to keep her cry's safely tucked inside.

"Just breath Jaden, let it out, there is nothing to fear." But she did fear, she feared what would happen if she truly let herself cry. She had not indulged in weeping, which is what she called full blown tears, since she was 13and didn't want to start now.

After a time she got herself under control, she had managed to turn her thoughts to other things, most prominently her discomfort in being half in Aragorn's arms. She became aware of how powerful he felt, his arms and chest were pure muscle, while he was built more like an elf then what she normally thought of as a man's built, it did not affect his strength. He was tall, Jaden's head only coming up to his shoulder, which only served to aggravate her more. She felt like a child in his arms and for some reason she couldn't explain she wanted to feel like a women in his presence. It was a strange feeling for a girl who had spent most of her life avoiding such situations, and burying herself in books.

As her tears subsided she found her eyes traveling up to his with a will of their own. She was fearful and curious of what she would find there. She found only kindness and understanding, to her relief. He gave her a gentle smile and she smiled back shyly, still embarrassed. Jaden discreetly withdrew from his embrace, and took a few steps back putting some distance between them.

This act made her more comfortable, but also confused her by a feeling of loss that accompanied her departure from his arms. She shook herself mentally, _stay focused now, don't think like that, God he's practically married to Arwen! _She cast her eyes down in fear he would see some of the turmoil and confusion she was now feeling. "Um, I am sorry about that. I don't usually lose control in front of people; I don't know what came over me."

"You have experienced a great deal in a short time, and have bore it with strength. I think few could have gone through what you have in these last few weeks and come out unchanged. You need not be ashamed of your feelings, no one should blame you, I do not." He said this with such warmth and kindness in his voice she chanced a glance up, and found his eyes reflecting his words. How odd that he could be both a lord of men, and a kind hearted one at the same time. How very real he is. It felt strange to stand here talking to Aragorn son of Arathorn, hero and future king, yet at the same time it felt completely right.

She saw his eyes shift behind her, and a knowing smile graced his features. Jaden turned to find Fabion and the elleth called Tamar gliding toward them. Fabion looked extremely content with the beautiful elleth on his arm, and she looked equally pleased as well.

"Thank you my friend for watching over Jaden for me." Fabion addressed Aragorn. Jaden was a little startled at his use of her name,_ I wonder what put him in such a good mood._

"It was my pleasure, but I will leave you now." Aragorn turned to Jaden and gave her another warm smile "It was a pleasure to meet you Jaden; I hope to see you again my friend." Jaden was a momentary startled by his use of the word friend, she would have never presumed to call him friend based on one conversation, but she was glad he had called her so.

"As it was you, I hope we shall meet again too, Estel." She said the last with a shy smile, a little uncomfortable in his presence coming back with the arrival of the two elves.

Then to Jaden's surprise Aragorn king of men winked at her. "I have kept another waiting long enough, so I bid you all good day."

It took Jaden a moment to register his words and the knowing look he gave her, but after her shock subsided she realized with a jolt he must be talking about Arwen. A serious of confusing and powerful emotions swept through her. A thrill that he would share this with her. _He must really consider me a friend._ Her heart soared at the thought, but it dropped anew as a strange feeling she couldn't quite place swept over her. She felt she was losing something as he strode passed them, and strangest and most frightening of all she suddenly wished he would not go but stay and talk to her, and not Arwen. These intense emotions startled and frightened her, so much so that it took her a moment to realize Fabion was speaking to her.

"Do you wish to go on to the library now?"

Jaden turned to look at him, surprised as she came out of her thoughts, that she didn't detect the previous annoyance in his voice at the prospect of an afternoon spent in a library. But then her eyes traveled to the elleth again, it appeared she was going nowhere, and looked quite content to hang on Fabion's arm all day. Despite her own inter conflict, Jaden found a smile tugging at her lips,_ I guess an afternoon in the library wouldn't seem so bad now if he had a beautiful elleth to keep him company._ But Jaden was not up to it, she felt a strong need to be alone and sort out her troubling thoughts.

"No thank you, Fabion, I am feeling a bit tired, it's been a long day, I think I would like to go back to my room." Fabion didn't seem the least bit affected by her change of destinations, and started leading the way. Jaden followed without the same spring in her step the two elves possessed. Her mind was confused, _where were these strange thoughts coming from? _But most of all she was disturbed by her inability to banish a certain pair of clear blue-gray eyes from her mind.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Jaden had just stepped out of her last meeting with the elven council, at least that's what Gandalf had told her. She sighed in relief. She had spent the last four days in and out of meetings designed with one purpose in mind, it get information out of her. Either about Middle Earth's future or about her home.

She had told them little about the future of Middle Earth, giving only vague answers on the war, and the actors in it. Some of the Rivendell elves still distrusted her, and she would add a certain Mirkwood elf to that party as well, though Legolas hadn't been present at any of the meetings after her first interrogation. But judging from the few times she had spotted him around Rivendell and the cold shoulder he had given her, she would defiantly say he wasn't her biggest fan.

The only thing that made the daily interrogation sections bearable were Gandalf and Erestor. Erestor seemed to believe and trust her, and agreed with her belief that less was better in regards to her information on Middle Earth though he seemed almost as curious as Gandalf about her world.

Gandalf, while he too claimed to believe her, did not agree with her decision to keep the future of Middle Earth to herself. He made his position clear; he wanted Jaden to tell all she knew, and let them decide what to do with that knowledge. She knew he only had Middle Earth's best interest at heart, but she also felt the peoples of Middle Earth could defeat Sauron without her knowledge; they had done an amazing job in the books. They had the power within themselves, but she also knew people would die, and beautiful things and places would wither in the coming war; she was afraid they would try to prevent that happening and in so doing tip the fine balance their world now hung in.

She had hoped to find and ally in Elrond. He was supposed to be wise, and while she knew Gandalf was as well, he was so intent on doing what he thought was right, he couldn't hear her warnings. But she had only seen lord Elrond at the second meeting of the council. He had been lordly and had kind eyes, but she could also see the exhaustion weighing him down. He had barely left Frodo's bedside since he was brought in, and the healing wasn't going well. Elrond hadn't attended any of the preceding meetings after that, and Jaden had not seen him around Rivendell, but she supposed he must be quite busy with an upcoming council and a patient just now on the mend.

She had felt the tension in the last homely house since she had first woken up. It had only broken at dinner the night before.

She had been eating quietly, ignored by the elves and dwarves around her, as usual, when one of Elrond's sons had entered the dining hall. He bent down to tell Gandalf something, and Jaden had detected the slow smile spread across the wizards face, lighting up his bright blue eyes. Gandalf had stood and raised his glass.

"Let us make a toast, for the hobbit Frodo Baggins is out of danger, he shall recover."

Jaden could almost feel the relief flowing out of those present. Obviously not all were aware of who Frodo was, there were some confused looks passed between elves. Most of the dwarves recognized the name Baggins though, and began talking amongst themselves. But the majority of the elves present seemed to be aware of Frodo's presence and current placement in the halls of healing. Though Jaden highly doubted many of these elves were aware of the nature of Frodo's quest.

Now the interrogations were over, to Jaden's immense relief, Gandalf had finally seen the light, and come around to her point of view, at least that's what she thought. Either way there would be no more tedious meetings for which she was extremely grateful.

Her guard had also been disposed of. She'd been trailed by Fabion, and other random elves wherever she went, and she had found the situation grating on her nerves. She had always enjoyed her alone time, but now she could only find that time cooped up in her beautiful, but boring room.

She wanted to go exploring, wanted to walk around Rivendell with her mouth hanging open at its wonders. She wanted to seek out the members of the fellowship and other characters from the books and see what they were really like, but whenever she left her room she felt constrained by the constant looming presence of her elven guard. She would withdraw into herself, the joy of the sights around her diminished, and she would find herself lounging to escape into her room.

It was not only the elven guard who made her feel the need to hide away, but the other inhabitants of Rivendell as well. It seemed Aragorn had indeed been right; many elves judged her on first sight. She could see the looks they gave her, and though she couldn't understand elvish, it wasn't too hard to guess the subject of their conversation when they turned to look at her whenever she was near.

She found herself often wishing for her only friend -Aragorn. Whenever she ventured out of her room she would find her eyes searching for him, hoping she would spot him just around the corner. However, it was never to be. _Rivendell's a big place, and I am sure he has more important things to do then spend his hours with a silly human girl he shared one fifteen minute conversation with. _no matter how often she told herself this, it didn't stop her hoping she would run into him. It was one of the only reasons she ventured out of her room by her own design.

Jaden felt like a coward for hiding away, and she berated herself often for it in the safety of her own room. But while she might talk tough to elves that insulted her to her face, and judged her by her skin color, it was much harder to hold her head high and walk into a room full of people she knew were all judging her by her skin tone. Maybe if she had found even one other friend in Rivendell besides Aragorn she could stand it, but the idea of wandering the corridors of Rivendell alone held no appeal.

But now she was free! Free to go wherever she pleased without the constant feel of elven eyes on her. She almost felt like skipping for joy at the thought.

As she entered the hall for the noon meal, she didn't even notice the now familiar looks of distrust sent her way by its other inhabitants. Her mind was off on its own, high in the clouds, thinking of all the things she would do with her new found freedom. She had yet to explore the library, she wanted to walk in the gardens, not to mention a few people she wanted to seek out and at least speak to before they set off on a certain quest.

Jaden was so lost in her own world she didn't notice the two dwarves deep in conversation until she collided with them head on. They managed to stay standing, as Jaden's less sturdy form was thrown to the ground from the impact.

She reached out a hand instinctively as she fell sideways and managed to grasp hold of some cloth, but the cloth didn't save her, and she landed hard on her outstretched left hand. She felt a stab of pain shoot up her arm as her free hand collided roughly with the hard stone floor. She managed to bite back the cry of pain that sprung to her throat, but just barely.

She felt the cloth she had clutched yanked fiercely from her, and looked up into the angry eyes of a tall silver haired elf. He looked at her as if her touch had somehow soiled his fine blue robes, and Jaden felt herself wither under his cold gray eyes. But her attention was drawn abruptly back to the pair of angry dwarves she had run into, though it could be said they ran into her as well. However, this fact seemed lost on the dwarves as they began yelling at her angrily. Jaden couldn't focus on what they were saying, her left wrist was throbbing, and she cradled it to her breast protectively.

The elf whose clothing she had caught hold of was still looking down at her in disgust, and she saw the faces of his companions turned to her with the same expressions. The angry dwarves were still hurling accusations at her. She wasn't listening to what they were saying; all she wanted was to get out of there.

In her mind it seemed the whole room full of elves and dwarves with a few hobbits mixed in, were looking at her like the tall silver haired elf in front of her. Like she was so much dirt on their fine robes. They seemed to taunt her, tearing her down, throwing accusations and insults.

Jaden scrambled to her feet clumsily with only the use of one hand, and practically ran out of the hall. Once she had rounded the corner she let herself break into a full blown run, and quickly lost herself in unfamiliar corridors.

She came to a halt in an abandoned corridor, breathing hard. She sank to her knees next to a bench and leaned heavily on it while her right hand encircled her left wrist.

Jaden couldn't keep back the tears. She felt them trickle down her cheeks, slowly at first, but steadily gathering momentum until she could not hold back the sobs rocking her small frame. She was crying from the pain her wrist, but also from the ache in her heart. She felt despair and crippling loneliness engulf her. She was utterly wretched, and she hated herself for this overwhelming self pity she was displaying.

_Why did it have to hurt so much? Who cared what a bunch of people she hadn't even known a month ago thought about her? _

She tried to tell herself she was being pathetic, weak. That she should get up right now and walk back into that dining hall with her head held high, but she knew she couldn't do it, and she despised herself for her failure.

_I am stronger than this. What would father say if he saw me now, groveling in the dirt because a bunch a stuck up white skinned elves thought I wasn't worth shit? He'd not been weak like this when the Mungiki had come to our quiet neighborhood seeking payment. _

She had been only 14 then, and had watched from behind the bed sheet that served as a curtain for their house window. Her father had stood tall in the middle of the street, facing off a group of five Mungiki gang members. He stood between them, and the neighbor they were trying to intimidate for money.

Their neighbor Kamau, had a wife and five children he struggled to support as a street vender. He couldn't afford to hand over the money the Mungiki demanded. Her father had tried to reason with the men, telling them Kamau was a faithful Gukuyu holding on to the old ways, but had no money to contribute. Her father's reasoning fell on deft ears. Jaden remembered her father used to say the Mungiki understood nothing but violence, it seemed he was right.

As her father attempted to reason with the men, one of them pulled out his machete and so quickly Jaden could not even scream out a warning to her father, the men were on him, holding him down as the machete descended on his led cutting it off just below the knee taking their payment in blood.

Jaden shuttered at the memory, and tried to show her mind how childish she was being._ Look at me sobbing because they don't like me, because I have no friends! Foolishness! _

But all her attempts to brush away her feelings of hopelessness, despair, and loneliness got her nowhere. All she could think of was the possibly that she was suck in Middle Earth for the rest of her life, and she would have to endure the looks and taunts for years to come, she didn't think she could do it, not alone.

Jaden was startled out of her thoughts when she felt a hand rest gently on her shoulder. She quickly swallowed her tears, ashamed at being caught indulging in them. She turned her head to see who was touching her, and her dark eyes met equally dark ones. She could not hide the surprise she felt at finding herself looking into the pair of kind black eyes belonging to the only elf who had truly believed her at interrogation sessions.

Erestor gave her a small smile. She had never actually talked to him outside their meetings, and couldn't help wondering why he was there.

"Are you alright? I saw you fall. Let me see your wrist."

Jaden felt heat creep into her cheeks. _He had been there, witnessed my humiliation, did that mean he had followed me? But why? _

Obediently she held out her left hand for his inspection. He gently took her dark hand into his pale one. His slender fingers brushed over her wrist, and she bit down her hiss of pain. _No need for him to see more weakness. _

"I believe it is only sprained, though I am no healer. I leave that department to my friend Elrond."

Jaden looked hesitantly up into his eyes. She felt uncomfortable in his presence. _I seem to be uncomfortable in everyone's presence now, but my own. _

"Yes," she answered softly "I think you are right."

Erestor searched her face for what Jaden did not know.

She slid her hand out of Erestor's grasp and struggled to rise. Without asking for permission he drew her up by grasping her upper arms.

"Let's get you to the houses of healing." He dropped his hold, and turned to lead the way.

The houses of healing were not far, and they reached them in less than five minutes.

Erestor stopped suddenly at the tall mahogany doors, turning to look back at Jaden. She had not been expecting his appraisal, and knew she failed to hide the look of pain on her face under his sudden gaze.

He held out a hand to her and said, "Come Jaden, the healers have ointments that will take the pain away, all will be well soon."

Jaden hesitated. She still didn't understand why he was there with her. _What could have prompted him to follow me?_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Jaden felt a silly grin sweep over her face as she finally stepped into Elrond's famed library the day after her conversation with Aragorn. She was sure she had never seen such a beautiful sight. It wasn't just a stuffy room full of books; no these were elves after all. It was a gorgeous room full of books.

The ceiling was two stories high, coming up to a stunning domed roof, the first Jaden had seen in Middle Earth. The room was split half way up by a wrap around open balcony. Exquisitely carved spiral staircases reached to the upper level. The walls of the second story were covered in books. The lower level was lined with tall rows of books, but it escaped being over stuffy by the multiple glass windows lining the right hand wall. She glimpsed a large sitting area far at the end of the large room situated comfortably in front of a balcony overlooking Rivendell's beautiful gardens. She spotted multiple secluded reading nooks scattered about the extraordinary room.

_Now where to begin. _

Jaden had had no clear plan beyond finding the room when setting off to find the illustrious room. It had taken her over an hour to finally track it down, since she wasn't incline to ask random elves for directions. However, she thought it was defiantly worth the wait.

Jaden strolled leisurely down the center aisle toward the largest sitting area, before she turned randomly down a smaller aisle. She plucked a book from one of the shelves and started flipping through it.

Jaden soon discovered, though, that the text was in what she presumed to be the elegant elvish script. She replaced the book, and picked out another, disappointed to find the same unfamiliar writing in it as well. She searched the library relentlessly for what seemed like hours, looking for a readable book. She was beginning to get frustrated. She hadn't really given much thought to the fact that she could speak the common tongue without any problems; she hadn't thought she wouldn't be able to read it though.

Jaden sighed and made her way over to one of the smaller reading nooks. This one consisted of a window equipped with a cozy looking window seat. She sat herself down on the cushioned softness, and leaded back on the sateen pillows. She turned her head to observe the beauty that was Rivendell laid out before her.

The library was located on the third floor of the last homely house, which gave it one of the most spectacular views of the hidden valley. So much beauty, it was almost overwhelming.

She rested her head against the glass pane, closing her eyes for a moment, trying to push back the disappointment she felt at finally finding this beautiful library filled with knowledge, and yet being unable to read any of it.

Jaden was startled out of the light doze she had fallen into, by a gentle touch on her shoulder. Her head snapped up, and her eyes came to focus on a old kindly face looking at her with undisclosed curiosity.

"Now what do we have here? It's not often we see such strange sights in Rivendell. You must have an interesting tale to tell, a dark skinned human like yourself in a valley of elves. What is your name my dear?" The odd creature was examining her with its large brown eyes, and Jaden felt a bit on display.

"Um, I am Jaden, and you must be a hobbit am I right?" She refrained from guessing Bilbo Baggins, no need to encourage all the questions hobbits were known for.

"Oh, a bright one!" exclaimed Bilbo, "You, Jaden, have just shown yourself to be of the utmost caliber when it comes to brains. I can't tell you how many times I have had to explain that I am a hobbit, not a halfling. Why, do you know I was speaking to one of the Gondorian men who have just come up from the south, and they didn't even know what a halfling was!"

"You don't say," said Jaden, playing along with Bilbo's shock. "That's terrible; they don't know what they're missing in a world without hobbits."

"Quite right my dear, quite right. Now where are my manners! Bilbo Baggins at your service." Bilbo gave her a little bow.

"Jaden Wambui at yours," Jaden got up to return the bow.

"So what brings you to this marvelous library?"

Jaden sighed, "I was hoping to do a little reading, but I haven't been able to find any books in a language I understand!"

"Oh, that's nothing to worry about. I keep telling Elrond he needs to expand his collection of non-elvish books. Now come along, it's right through here."

Bilbo took Jaden's hand and began weaving his way expertly through the many book shelves until he came to a stop facing one of the last rows in the large hall of books.

"Here we are. I am afraid there's only this one shelf of books written in the common tongue."

Jaden looked the shelf over, there couldn't have been more than fifty books altogether, to her disappointment. She took down one of the books and flipped it open; she let out a little sigh of relief, English. She was never gladder to have been the top English student in her class, of course it would have been too good if she had found herself holding a book in Kiswahili, but she was equally good at English, so she was content.

"I just wish there were more! One shelf is nothing compared to the hundreds in here, Bilbo!"

"Oh a real scholar I see, and here I thought you came in for just a spot of light reading. Well not to fear, us scholars have to stick together. I'd be happy to teach you a bit of elvish. Besides if you're going to be staying in Rivendell for a time, then you'll be wanting to know what all these fine elves are on about."

_Me learn elvish? _Jaden found the thought of being able to speak the beautiful language appealing. She already knew three languages, and thought she could master it without too much difficulty, and the thought of finally understanding what the elves were saying when they thought she couldn't understand, did have its appeal.

But then something twisted in the pit of her stomach. It suddenly seemed so permanent; learning a new language. As if by learning elvish she would be accepting the fact that she was stuck here in Middle Earth forever. Somewhere deep down inside of Jaden, she still held out the small hope of going home. Of course it was ridiculous, since her body on earth was dead, but she couldn't let the hope go. She suddenly didn't think the idea of learning elvish was quite as appealing. She didn't want to live out the rest of her days in Rivendell, and somehow it seemed she would be accepting this as her fate if she learned the language of the elves.

"Thank you for your offer Bilbo, but maybe some other time."

"No worries, now what were you interested in reading about?"

"Honestly I didn't really have anything in mind, do you have any suggestions?"

A twinkle came into the old hobbits eye, "As it so happens I am writing a book about my adventures, you will have to read it when I am through." She nodded her head in agreement, "I had just come down to do a bit of research on Mirkwood, wonderful place you know, have you been there?"

Without waiting for a reply he chattered on, "I was doing some research on king Thanduil. He's quite a fascinating fellow you know. Not what he appeared at first glance, but that's the way with wood elves. Can you believe they took a few of my traveling companions, dwarves you understand, captive and held them prisoner? Very suspicious lot, wood elves, but their home is not so safe as Rivendell, quite dangerous."

Jaden decided she was going to pretend she knew nothing about Bilbo's adventures. She found him pleasant company. He had a warm friendly atmosphere about him that she found comforting.

"Will you tell me about your adventures with the dwarves Bilbo?"

That was all it took before Jaden found herself drawn into a enchanting story about dwarves, wizards, elves, and dragon's. She found she had forgotten much of it, and it was so much more exiting to hear it straight from the teller.

Jaden spent the next few days hiding away in the library with Bilbo. He had drafted her into his service, and she was helping the old hobbit hunt down books for his research, and also fetch a spot of tea when needed. She liked helping him. He was never demanding, and always appreciated her.

She was stretched out on her stomach on the floor, surrounded by parchment, and books. To her relief Bilbo was writing his book in the common tongue, so she was able to help him by going over his piles of notes.

"Now where is it?" The old hobbit mumbled to himself as he shifted through a large pile. "Have you seen my bit about the Mirkwood dungeons, my girl?" He called over to Jaden, who was shifting through piles as well.

"I haven't found anything about them yet, sorry Bilbo."

"Oh, well. Now if I could only get you to learn elvish this would all go much faster. There's a wonderful book in the elvish section all about Thranduil's halls."

Bilbo let out a long suffering sigh. Ever since Jaden had started helping him on his work he had become more insistent about her need to learn the elvish tongue.

"I am sure it won't take you long, you're very bright you know."

"I just don't feel like learning Bilbo. Besides I would rather spend my time helping you, then learning a new language." She tried to appease him.

"Well you'd be a lot more help if you'd learn the tongue most of these books are written in!"

Bilbo snapped, to Jaden's surprise, the little hobbit never got angry. Bilbo must have seen her startled look because he came over and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I did not mean to get angry with you. I am just worried that I won't be able to finish my book in time. I am afraid I have had a lot on my mind lately, with Frodo..."

He didn't have to finish his thought. Frodo had still not woken up since his run in with the Nazgul, and while Jaden knew he would be fine, and Elrond had assured the old hobbit of the same, she could see he took some of the blame for what happened to his heir upon his own shoulders.

"Trust me Bilbo; he's going to be fine." She held the hobbits brown eyes in her dark blue ones, and placed her own hand on his shoulder. "And if it would really make you happy, I will try to learn elvish. I want to help you."

Jaden truly did not wish to learn the language, she felt as if she was giving up on ever getting back home by doing so, but she had come to care a great deal about Bilbo in the few short days they had been library companions, and she was willing to do this for him.

He gave her a small smile, "Don't worry my friend, you won't regret it. Just think of all the books you shall have at your own disposal. Now when do we begin?"

From then on Bilbo would spend a good two hours teaching Jaden elvish in the mornings, with the rest of the day spent in research and eating. Jaden didn't get out of the library much, but that suited her wish to keep away from Aragorn very well. She was sorry she never saw anything of Erestor, they had seemed to hit it off at the houses of healing, but she supposed he must be pretty busy, since she never glimpsed any sight of him, not even at dinner in the hall.

Jaden had noticed Bilbo had a tendency to get distracted by minor pieces of interest for his book, which is why she figured he was still working at it all these years after his adventure was over. Right now he had become quite taken with Mirkwood elves, and had been for the last few months. He had done quite an extensive job researching everything he could about the royal family. Jaden had asked him why he didn't just ask Legolas, since he was in the neighborhood, and not waste his time with all the research. However, Bilbo was quite adamant that that would not be a fruitful activity, as he had explained to her the other day.

"Elves my dear girl, do not make a habit of speaking over much of the past. They can be quite secretive and mysterious, you know."

Jaden had found this excuse unconvincing, and as Bilbo spent another fruitless afternoon in research, she brought up the issue again.

"But why can't you just ask Legolas Bilbo, it's not like you're trying to find out the dark secrets of his past or something," Jaden added with a little laugh, "you're only doing research for a book!"

Bilbo didn't answer at first, and Jaden gave him a quizzical look. "Well my interest in this topic might have gone past that of a writer..." He admitted rather vaguely. Jaden's curiosity was peaked, now. _What could Bilbo be researching about the royal family of Mirkwood?_

"Are you going to tell me or what? I am dying of curiosity."

"Alright, alright, hold onto your breaches." He leaned in closer now, so no one in the empty library could over hear them. "I first became interested in the royal line of Mirkwood after some research I'd done on Gil-galad, the last high king of the Nolder. Orodreth, that's King Thranduil's father, died tragically in the last alliance. One thing lead to the next, and I've been researching their line every since. Very ancient you know goes all the way back to before the Noldor came out of the west."

Jaden found all this history fascinating, but she couldn't see where it was leading, "So, what does all this have to do with Legolas?"

"Oh, I was getting to that. I have been attempting to trace the ancestry of his mother. She's a Sindar elf, like his father, but I am having trouble researching her family ties."

Jaden nodded, she remembered Legolas mentioning his mother was a Sindar, but she still didn't see why asking him about his mothers parentage would be such a bad thing.

"But why don't you just ask him Bilbo? Why all this secrecy, and running around?"

"Oh, my! I forgot, you don't know."

"Know what!" She was getting tired of this secrecy game.

"Queen Basheal was killed, about five hundred years ago, by traders from Umbar."

"Umbar, as in SOUTH of Gondor?"

"Yes, yes of course."

_As in southerners. So Legolas's mother had been killed by humans with dark skin, like me. _

For some reason this fact made Jaden feel better. It didn't change the fact that Legolas still disliked her for the wrong reasons. He most certainly disliked her because of her dark skin, but somehow this didn't bother Jaden as much, now that she knew there was some reason behind it.

She had never had anything against Legolas in the books, he'd never been her favorite character, but she had always admired the way he'd been able to create a friendship with Gimli despite all the bad blood between their peoples. This new revelation, put a new face on Legolas's hostility towards her, one that she was more willing to accept, and forgive. They would probably never be friends, but at least she knew she didn't hate him anymore.

Jaden's thoughts were interrupted by a high pitched shout.

"Bilbo! Bilbo are you in here?"

A small body came dashing around the corner and nearly collided with one of the stuffed chairs piled high with books. It was most defiantly another hobbit with curly blond hair, and big hazel eyes. It slid to a stop in front of a worried looking Bilbo.

"What is it Pippin? Has something happened to Frodo? Is he alright? Out with it!"

The hobbit Pippin worked desperately to catch his breath; he'd obviously been running a long ways,

"He's...awake...Frodo...he's woken up!"

Bilbo let out a cry of delight, and hurried out of the room as fast as his old hobbit legs could take him, not giving a thought to anything else. Pippin turned and quickly followed him back out of the library.

Jaden suddenly found herself alone, still surrounded by books, and parchments. She was happy Frodo had finally woke up, to set Bilbo's mind at ease, but she also felt the unexpected and unwelcome feeling of loneliness sweep back over her. She realized she wouldn't be spending much time with Bilbo in the upcoming weeks. She berated herself for being selfish. Frodo was about to undertake the hardest task imaginable, and here she was wishing she didn't have to give up her friend's company.

Jaden sighed, and got to her feet. She wasn't going to go down the pity lane again. She would stay hopeful, everything would work out, it had so far after all. _I just have to keep avoiding Aragorn until they leave, that's all. _

But that was several months away, if she remembered correctly, that's a long time to successfully avoid someone, and deep down she knew she desperately wanted to see him, to talk to him. She didn't know how long she could hold out.

She started to slowly put the little corner of researchers' mayhem in order. When she was done she casually strolled out of the library. She still had about an hour until the dinner bell, and she was undecided what to do with her suddenly unoccupied time.

She rounded a corner and came face to face with the person she was desperately trying to avoid. Estel, though it would be more accurate to say Strider this time.

Aragorn was clothed in some dirty travel worn clothes, and even from ten feet away she could smell the sweat and dirt on him. His hair was a bit greasy, and he had a small beard growing in. But he gave her a dazzling smile despite his less than stellar appearance, and Jaden found, to her further dismay, that not even all this dirt and smell could distract from his beautiful eyes, or regal bearing.

_He still looks as good as ever, _she thought with a sigh.

"Jaden! I didn't expect to see you. I just got back from a scouting trip, though I am sure you can see that, or smell it, I am in need of a bath!" He gave her another grin and added a wink.

"Oh, I didn't know you'd been gone, I am sorry."

"Don't be, I left rather suddenly, and it was a small trip, only five days."

"Right."

A small silence fell between them, with Jaden warring with herself again. Her head told her to give him some excuse and get out now, but her heart told her to think of something charming and witty to say.

"Come walk with me a bit, and tell me how you have been." He asked. Jaden opened her mouth, her head confident that it had won the silent battle.

"I'd love to," popped out to Jaden's dismay.

They talked of small things, falling into a light conversation far too easily for Jaden's comfort. He teasing her, and her sharing in his laughter. _He has no idea does he? No idea what his smile does to me? His voice, his laugh, his eyes._

Luckily Jaden was interrupted in her flow of thoughts when Aragorn suddenly yelled out.

"Brothers!"

Jaden's attention was brought to the hallway ahead of them where the two twin sons of Elrond walked, accompanied by Legolas. Jaden was still undecided how she felt about the Mirkwood elf. _Should she be nice to him? Or just pretend nothing had changed? Maybe I won't have to say anything, _she thought hopefully.

But Aragorn was striding purposefully over to the three elves, and they were coming their way with equal determination. When the two parties met, Aragorn looked to be about to embrace one of the brothers, but then thought better of it.

"You stink."

Commented one of the twins with a laugh, which earned one from Aragorn, and the other twin. It seemed to be an inside joke, because they were all laughing quite hard for something Jaden didn't find THAT funny. Her eyes moved across to Legolas, of their own will. He was looking equally confused by the amount of merriment being expressed by the trio, but as if he felt her eyes on him his impeccable crystal blue ones came to rest on hers. His stare had turned as icy and emotionless as usual, and Jaden found herself looking away. She hated the way he made her feel.

Finally the trio calmed down, and the introductions began, to Jaden's displeasure.

"You remember Legolas Greenleaf don't you brother?" Asked one of the twins to Aragorn.

"Yes, though it's been sometime." Jaden caught the words to a traditional elvish greeting that she recognized from her studies with Bilbo, and the man and elf bowed respectfully towards each other.

"And this is Jaden from Nakuru," said Aragorn turning towards her.

She wished very much to be invisible just then. She was sure she was about to receive the normal cold distrustful stares from these two elves. There was a moment's pause while the two twins looked her over. She couldn't tell what they were thinking, but then suddenly one of them grinned at her.

"Any friend of our brothers is a friend of ours, isn't that right Elladan?"

"Very true, brother," then Elrohir, Jaden deducted, took her hand and placed a kiss upon it, much to her surprise. Aragorn was grinning back at his brothers, obviously pleased with their reaction to her.

"Jaden these are my brothers, Elrohir, and Elladan."

Aragorn made the introductions. Elrohir had released her hand, but was still looking her over, which made Jaden a little uncomfortable, though she couldn't detect any hostel vibes from him.

The brothers were almost identical. Both had long black manes which they wore pulled back into high pony tails, their eyes were both gray, but Elrohir's were a few shades lighter than his brothers stormy grays, and Elladan's jaw was stronger, while Elrohir was of a slightly leaner built. Jaden was glad they were not completely identical; she liked knowing who she was talking to.

Elladan turned to Legolas now, who had been watching the exchange in silence.

"You know Greenleaf of course, he had the pleasure of escorting you to our fair Imladris, am I right?"

Jaden knew Elladan was quite aware of the circumstances of that escort, from the twinkle she could see in his eyes as he reintroduced them. She turned her attention back to the stoney eyed wood elf. He inclined his head towards her, ever so slightly. Which was all the greeting he seemed able to give. Jaden hesitated for a split second before offering her own greeting.

"Yes we have met before. I hope I find you well my lord?"

She had decided not to ignore what she had learnt about the wood elf this afternoon. She was going to be polite to him, and show him that she could in fact be civil in his presence, and perhaps with time, he could do the same. She hated the way he looked at her, and if all she accomplished was a lesser degree of ice in his stare, then it was worth the effort.

She caught a momentary glimmer of surprise in Legolas's steely eyes, before they narrowed in suspicion, at her polite greeting. He didn't seem inclined to answer, but they were all spared an awkward silence by the ringing of the dinner bell.

"Perfect timing!" Exclaimed Elrohir, who didn't seem the least bit affected by the stare down taking place in front of him. "Come let's go get some dinner." And with that he swept off towards the dinnng hall, the rest of the group at his heels.

Jaden followed last, keeping her distance from the silent Mirkwood prince as the three brothers started up a light conversation. She did catch the wood elf casting her a few glances as they made their way towards the hall, but she pretended not to notice. She didn't really want to see the look of suspicion in his eyes, anyway.

Aragorn broke away from their company as they passed the turn off to his rooms. He was intent on getting a bath in before he sat down to dinner. He bade Jaden and the elves good bye, and Jaden felt the now familiar squeeze of her heart as she watched his retreating back.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The next day found Jaden in the library as usual. She hadn't seen Bilbo since his flight from the library the day before, but she took that as a good thing. He must be spending a lot of time with Frodo. Jaden was currently curled up in a love seat in front of a roaring fire. Her dark brown dress tucked in around her feet, to keep the warmth in. The days were getting decidedly cooler. She was thoroughly engrossed in a child's elvish book. She had decided to continue her elvish studies. She had started learning it from Bilbo, but now she did see how useful it would be, she was already frustrated with the lack of readable material.

She was too engrossed in her studies to hear the cleared throat behind her, so she jumped and let out a surprised cry when she felt someone tug on one of her tight curls. Her head whipped around to bring a grinning Erestor into view.

"What's wrong with you? Stop laughing it's not funny!" She was feeling a little annoyed with him for startling her like that, but apparently he found her aggressive reaction amusing, because he only laughed louder.

"Oh, you're impossible!"

Jaden's brain was quickly working to think of a way to get back at the laughing elf, but as of yet was coming up short, to her further annoyance. Erestor was now wearing a smug look, which Jaden didn't think looked flattering on his usual perfect elven features.

"It's not my fault you can't hear. I did call your name, twice." Jaden looked at him suspiciously, not sure if she believed that, but her heart rate had slowed. She relaxed and gave him a genuine smile.

"Alright, I forgive you then. So what brings you to this part of the woods?" He looked a little confused by her expression, but seemed to grasp the meaning of her question.

"I was just looking up table placement instructions for the upcoming feast. It wouldn't do to offend any of our guests. Seating arrangements are of the utmost priority, and I wanted to make sure I do not make mistakes when assigning them." He said with a completely straight face.

He was looking at her as if she too must understand the gravity of seating arrangements. Jaden wasn't sure if he was joking or not. _Seating arrangements? He sounds like a 19th century house wife! _

"I should also look up a book on proper roast cutting. Do you know dwarves cut their roasts differently then elves?" Again it was said in utter seriousness, and Jaden had no idea how to respond.

Suddenly Erestor burst into laughter, and shook his head at her, "I am only jesting! I care nothing for roasts or table arrangements!" Jaden let out a sigh of relief, but still felt a sliver of doubt,_ he had been so convincing!_

"So, what are you really doing then?"

"I am looking up a book on Silvan elves for Bilbo, he has the strangest interests sometimes..."

Erestor trailed off at the look on Jaden's face. She tried to hide the hurt she was feeling at finding Bilbo had looked elsewhere for help with his research. Jaden would have thought, after the last few days together, he would have wanted her help and not Erestor's.

"What's wrong Jaden?" She shook her head, trying to shake off his concern, she felt silly for being upset, but she couldn't help it.

"Tell me."

"It's nothing really; I am just being over sensitive." She bit her lip, Erestor waited patiently for her to go on. "It's just I thought well...I just wonder why Bilbo didn't ask me for help finding the book, he knows I like to help him with his research."

Erestor gave her a reassuring smile, "Don't worry, Bilbo could not have forgotten you so easily. No, he was talking about his new research assistant just this morning at breakfast, but he knows you don't know elvish and the book he needed is written in elvish, and since I had some time off, I volunteered to help him."

Jaden felt a little silly now, but she couldn't deny it felt good to know he hadn't forgotten her. She was, however, uncomfortable thinking he had spoken about their work to others. "He talked about me, to other people?" She asked nervously.

"Nothing but praise, of course," that didn't help Jaden's unease, she tried to stay as invisible as possible in her new residence. "He said you were learning elvish, and are quite a natural."

"He said that?" She couldn't help the swell of pride at her teachers praise.

"Yes, he did. I see you have taken it upon yourself to study on your own. That is the mark of a true scholar." Erestor said, noticing her neglected elvish book.

"I am trying. It's not the most difficult language I've studies, so that helps." She said trying to deflect the complement.

"Oh, how many languages do you know?" Erestor seemed genuinely curious.

"Three, of course only one is of any use here."

"You never know. What are the names of the others; perhaps the men of the south speak them."

"I doubt it, but my native tongue is Gikuyu, I also speak Kiswahili."

"I am afraid neither of those sound familiar."

"I am not surprised. According to my world we're speaking a language called English right now, not Common."

Erestor looked surprised at this information, but then smiled. "Perhaps, now that Bilbo will be occupied with Frodo for a time, I could help you in your elvish studies?"

Jaden was surprised at his offer. "Oh, but won't you be terribly busy?"

"I am sure I won't be able to spend time with you every day, but you can study well enough alone. I could help you with your questions, and pronunciation. It wouldn't be more than a couple hours a week I think. I would be happy to help."

Jaden was a little unsure of the offer. She was comfortable learning from Bilbo, and she was sharply aware of Erestor's status as an elf lord. _Why would he want to spend time teaching me elvish?_ Erestor seemed to sense some of her hesitancy, because he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and like before at the houses of healing, his touch flooded her with a feeling of comfort and peace.

She gave him a small smile. "I would be honored."

"None of that now," he reached up and tugged her hair playfully again, and Jaden pouted in response, which made him laugh as he walked away.

Jaden awoke late the next morning. She was usually an early riser, but she had tossed and turned until the early hours. Her thoughts had preyed upon her in the dark. She couldn't help worrying over a certain ranger's fate in the upcoming war. She had successfully kept the upcoming quest, and the danger soon to be facing Aragorn, off her mind. But now Frodo was awake the council would commence, and things would start to happen. She didn't like thinking of Aragorn fighting Urukai at Helms Deep, or walking the paths of the dead. The thoughts of something happening to him had robbed her of sleep.

She knew she was being silly. _He will be fine,_ she kept telling herself, but it was so different reading about the dangerous a fictional character walked through, and knowing what someone you cared about would face in their future.

Jaden threw the covers off, disgusted with herself for letting her imagination run wild. She started thinking about what she would do today, to set her mind on a more positive track. These thoughts only lead to the realization that Bilbo would not be down in the library awaiting her, but up in Frodo's rooms since he was awake.

_Frodo awake. The council. Aragorn. Orcs, Balrogs... Stop! _She put her foot down on these thoughts, worrying about the future would accomplish nothing! _I'll go down to the library and resume my elvish studies, yes, that would be a profitable use of an afternoon. Maybe Erestor's there, he'd be a good distraction from my thoughts, and maybe I'll run into Aragorn on the way down. We could go for a walk or..._

No! Not this again! I can't run into Aragorn and I most defiantly can't go on a walk with him. I must keep my distance. 

She had pulled on a robe over her night shirt, and was gathering up her bathing things as her mind strayed down these dangerous paths._ I am going for a bath, that will help me clear my head. _

Jaden had gotten in the habit of taking at least one bath a day, since she had first discovered the large communal bathing rooms. She had never had a full body bath before, and had found the sensation of submerging her whole body in steaming hot water incredibly addictive.

She slipped out of her room, and headed straight for the female bathing chambers. She was relieved to find it unoccupied. She hadn't yet become comfortable with public nudity, even though the elleths didn't seem to notice anything strange about it.

The first time she had come to bathe, there had been three other elleths already enjoying a soak, and she had thought to slip out unnoticed and wait until a later time, when she could bathe unobserved. However, one of the elleths spotted her, and called for her to join them. Jaden had been surprised at the invitation, since most of the other inhabitants of Rivendell rarely spoke with her, so she had reluctantly accepted. She soon discovered it wasn't out of any friendship that the elleth had requested her to join them, but curiosity.

She had felt all three pairs of eyes trained on her as she slowly undressed. She wasn't accustomed to being naked in front of others, even females, and she had done her best to cover herself with a towel for as long as possible. She had noticed the elleths' smiles, and supposed they found her behavior peculiar, since they obviously had no qualms about exposing themselves. They were making no attempt to slide lower in the water.

She could see their perfect breasts, the creamy whiteness of their skin so strange to her unaccustomed eyes. She had tried not to stare as one of the elleth rose up out of the water to seat herself on the bathing pool's side. Jaden had felt her whole face heat up at the sight, and had quickly looked away.

She had felt their eyes upon her as she washed herself. She didn't know what they were staring at. They were magnificent specimens of female beauty; she couldn't see what about her interested them. She was just an average girl in her opinion.

However, one of the elleths' finally answered the questions raging about in her mind. "We've never seen a human woman so intimately before, especially one of dark skin. You are the first southerner I've ever seen."

The elleth had said this with her big brown eyes still trained on Jaden's body. Her eyes followed the line of Jaden's slender dark shoulders down to her small brown breasts, the water hiding the rest from view. Jaden had felt the heat creep up her face, and had unconsciously crossed her arms over her bare chest, causing the elleth to arch a slender brow at her.

"Are you ashamed of your body?"

"No, I just...I am not used to it being examined so... thoroughly is all."

That was the last time she had bathed in front of the others, from then on she had politely declined invitations to stay, and had waited until she could be alone.

Jaden, sank down gratefully into the soothing water. The bathing chamber always smelt of clean herbs, it never failed to calm her nerves. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the side, reveling in the feel of the water as it caressed her limbs. Eventually she had to start on her hair though. It had been a nightmare since first upbraided it. The shampoo's the elves used on their fine hair had been disastrous on her own. She had tried using an ordinary bar soap, but that had not worked either.

_What I really need is some grease, _she thought with longing. Her hair was dry and brittle. She hadn't even tried combing it since she could find nothing but useless hair brushes, and with no grease it would have seriously damaged her hair. _What I need it a pick and some good old grease, or oil, that would work too, anything to put some moisture in it. Then I am going to braid it myself, even if I am a terrible braider, and will make it all crooked. _

When she was done with her bath, she returned to her room to pick out her clothing for the day. She was feeling the need for something familiar, and threw on her old jeans and t-shirt. They had been cleaned and returned to her, though this was the first she'd worn them since arriving in Rivendell. They were hopelessly travel stained, but at least they didn't smell. She pulled on her sports for good measure, and headed out the door, determined to do something with her hair, if it was the last thing she did.

Jaden sighed; she had no idea which way the kitchens were. She had been living in Rivendell for two weeks now, but managed to get herself hopelessly lost in only ten minutes looking for the elusive room.

_That's it, less time with my nose in a book, and more time getting to know the hallways of Rivendell!_

Twenty minutes later she broke down, and asked a random elf for directions. She knew she must look a sight in her 21st century stained up clothing, and frizzled hair sticking up all over her head. She hadn't bothered pulling it back today, and it was a wild mess tumbling down her back, but she didn't care. Thankfully the unknown elf gave her the directions she needed, and not five minutes later she found herself entering the desired room.

It was massive, which was to be expected since it was responsible for feeding the whole of the last homely house, but before Jaden had a chance to track down a pot of grease, a commotion caught her ear.

"Out, OUT! And don't let me catch you two stealing from the pantries again or Master Bilbo will hear of this!"

The threat was directed at two short persons who's heads were hanging, almost touching their chest, as they were ushered out of the kitchens by a harassed looking ellon waving a cooking spoon at the two little creatures backs. Jaden recognized one of the two hobbits as Pippin. Grease momentarily forgotten, she set her course on the two dejected looking hobbits.

"Hey wait up!"

She called as she hurried up to them. At the sound of her voice, they halted and looked back at her. Pippin's hazel eyes held no recognition as they traveled over the strange girl hailing them, and he gave his dark eyed companion a questioning glance. But before they had time to think of escape, Jaden was upon them.

"I am sorry, you probably don't remember me, but I am a friend of Bilbo's."

She stuck out her hand to the two hobbits, in her haste forgetting the practice of hand shaking was not yet the custom in Middle-Earth. The brown haired hobbit she supposed was Merry placed a quick kiss on the back of her offered hand. She hastily pulled it back before Pippin could do the same, and hurried on.

"I couldn't help but see you back in the kitchens, and I just wanted to see how Bilbo was doing, and Frodo." She knew they were fine, but she couldn't help asking, and wondering if she would get a chance to see her friend today.

Pippin relaxed visibly, "I remember you now. You're Bilbo's library friend aren't you?"

Before giving her a change to reply, he carried on. "Bilbo's fine, but I don't think he'll be down in the library today, he's staying up with Frodo, but you'll probably see them both at the feast tonight."

"The feast?"

"Yes, didn't you know? Lord Elrond's going to be throwing a big feast for Frodo, celebrating his waking up and all. There's going to be singing and tale telling, and lots and lots of food, as much as you can eat!" He said with a big grin. Merry was grinning at the happy thought as well.

"Well nice to meet you, but we got to get going, told Sam we'd steal him some sweat buns." Merry pulled out a few crushed honeyed buns from his pockets with a sly grin, "Poor Sam, he's too scared of getting caught to get 'em himself."

"What he doesn't understand is that's what makes it so exciting, the getting caught part. Why these elves never hurt a fly. They're all talk you know, no bite." Added Pippin sagely, seeming to forget the telling off he'd obviously just taken seriously a few minutes ago, by one of those harmless elves.

With that the duo turned to take their leave, but Jaden called out before they could scamper off, "Nice to meet you too, and can you give Bilbo my greetings?"

"Course, um what's your name again?" Called back Merry.

"Jaden, my name's Jaden."

"Right!" And with that the two thieving hobbits dashed around the corner, and out of sight.

Jaden watched them go, without any real hope of Bilbo getting her message, before she turned back to the kitchens and her quest.

Ten minutes later, a small pot of grease in her hand, she was off again, this time in search of a good sturdy comb. She wasn't sure who to ask for this one, but decided to keep walking until she ran into a friendly looking elleth who might be able to help her out. It was only a few more corners before Jaden was confronted by two familiar ellon, and no elleth.

The twin sons of Elrond did not take any notice of Jaden as she timidly approached them, but when she quietly cleared her throat at Elrohir's elbow they finally looked down.

"What might we do for you? It's Jaden is it not?"

"Yes, um...I was hoping to locate a sturdy comb." She decided to come straight to the point. But once it was out she wished she could take it back, had she really just asked these two elf lords help in finding a comb? _Gods, but they must have a thousand important things to do, and no time to help me with my hair problems! _

"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean, I mean, I just wanted to braid my hair and... um never mind." She quickly turned too hurried away.

"There is no need to be embarrassed. I mean no offense Jaden, but your hair does look in need of a sturdy comb." Elrohir had stopped her with a hand on her elbow, and his other came up to tentatively touch her messy curls, a smile tugging at his lips. Jaden felt her cheeks bloom.

"No offense taken, you are completely right. But I am sure you are both busy, and I should probably..."

But Elladan cut her off, "Not particularly, and hunting for a good comb has the potential to be a great adventure, don't you agree brother?" He asked with a teasing smile.

"You are quite right, so where do we start, any good ideas?"

"I was thinking of ransacking a few ellon's bedrooms until a suitable devise could be found." He turned back to Jaden, "You are actually quite right to ask an ellon's help in your endeavor, as it is ellon and not elleth who make use of combs. Elleth are strange creatures, and require soft haired brushes for their glorious locks, where we ellon's are practical beings and like nothing better than a good fine toothed comb."

Jaden couldn't help the smile spreading across her face at the twins' antics, and quickly followed them as they started off on their grand comb hunting adventure.

"Here we are," said Elrohir in a secretive whisper.

"Whose room is this brother?"

"Why no other then our good friend Greenleaf's. I noticed a fine bone comb he possessed last night."

"What were you doing in Legolas's room last night?" Asked Elladan suspiciously.

Elrohir gave him a guilty look, "Now brother, you were being entertained by a charming elleth, and I thought not to distract you with an offer of some merrymaking in our friend's chambers."

Elladan gave him an angry glare, "Entertained by a charming elleth! You mean that snobbish Gray Heaven one? Why she's more of a..."

"Brother, calm yourself, we are in the presence of a female." Elrohir cautioned. Jaden rolled her eyes at them, but refrained from telling them she highly doubted anything Elladan had to say about said lady would be something she found shocking.

"What did this merrymaking consist of?" Asked Elladan wearily.

"Oh nothing much, just a bottle of king Thranduil's finest red wine, is all."

Elladan moaned, "I'll make you pay for that brother, you no doubt drank the whole bottle?" He asked, a hopeful look entering his eyes, praying there was a little left. However, his hopes were quickly dashed by a shake of Elrohir's dark head.

"Now, enough moping, we've a quest to complete." Elrohir cracked open Legolas's bedroom door, and peaked in.

Jaden, however, wasn't feeling much like completely their "quest" with this new turn of events. She had been happy for the twins help at first, but the idea of stealing Legolas's hair comb for her ratty mess, did not hold much appeal. She dreaded the thought of him finding out, especially since she intended on putting grease in the hair that same comb would be de-knotting. But there was little she could do now, as both twins slipped into the presumably empty bedchamber to make the steal.

Jaden had every intention of waiting outside, but to her dismay, a pale hand shot back around the door frame and dragged her bodily into the prince's bedchamber.

"Holy shit!"

She let out, when her eyes came to rest on the beauty of the chamber before her. If she thought her room was stunning, she hadn't seen anything. There was a massive four poster bed, equipped with hangings set in the middle of a lavishly decorated room.

The twins raised identical eye brows at her exclamation. "What? Don't you think this room is a little...?" The exact words escaped her.

"He's our fathers guest, and the son of King Thranduil, he gets the best." Elladan said simply, seeming to find nothing strange about the lavishness of the room.

_But then he's grown up around all this beauty, and his room probably looks about the same. I grew up in a two room home, even scaling down to a one room after father lost his leg. Of course all this is too lavish for me. My bedroom consisted of a sheet pulled between my bed and the rest of the room containing our kitchen, storage room, and my father's own sleeping cot. _

Jaden sighed, feeling a wave of home sickness wash over her. She had been so ready to get out. She'd been on her way to Oxford, her dream, yet now what she wouldn't give for one more night curled up on her familiar lumpy bed, listening to her father's drunken snores. She hated that he drowned his pain away in a bottle, but he was still her father and she loved him, and he her. He had never struck her, sometimes her would yell or curse at her, but she knew it wasn't her he was really yelling at. She couldn't ever forget the man he used to be, before that night the Mungiki came. She had never known her mother, but he had loved her enough for the both of them, and he was all she had in the world. She wished now that she was back in Nakuru with the only person who loved her, and not in this impossibly beautiful, and empty valley full of elves.

She was pulled back to the present by one of the twins' voices. "It was here just last night; I wonder what he did with it?"

_This is taking too long. _She desperately wanted to leave, and wished they had never invaded the cold elf's private chambers. _What would he say if he found her here, in his room?_

"What are you doing in my room Elrohir?"

Jaden closed her eyes at the sound of his voice, before slowly turning to face the speaker. Her dark blue eyes came to rest on his ice blue ones. He was looking directly at her. She didn't know what to say, _what could she say? We came in here to steal your comb so I could braid my black human hair? _

"What is SHE doing in here?"

The twins were looking completely at ease, to Jaden's envy. _Of course they are friends with him! They don't have to suffer through his contempt, and I was going to try so hard to get him to see me differently. Sneaking around and stealing is really going to help that goal._

"Legolas, so glad you could join us!" Exclaimed Elrohir in apparent delight, "I would like your help actually. We were just looking for your hair comb, you wouldn't happen to remember what you did with it would you?"

"What do you want with my comb, Elrohir?" Legolas hadn't taken his steely gaze from her.

Elrohir suddenly got a thoughtful look in his gray eyes. "You're a wood elf." He stated quite obviously. Legolas's gaze left Jaden briefly to flicker over to Elrohir with a raised brow.

"Elrohir," he said cautiously, detecting the thoughtful look in his friend's eyes.

"Well, our friend Jaden here's in need of some help." Jaden let out a groan. Cringing inwardly, as Legolas's now narrowed gaze fell back on her.

"She is, as you can see, having some trouble with her hair. I am afraid elleth hair brushes do not work quite the same wonders on her hair as they do on theirs. She came to Elladan, and myself in need of a good hair comb, and we could not think of a better one then the one you yourself posses, so we came here with the express purpose of borrowing said hair comb."

Elrohir explained in a light tone, oblivious to the panic rising in Jaden, as she watched the cold blue eyes narrow to slits. Unfortunately Elrohir was not yet finished.

"I've just thought of a brilliant idea though. Jaden's hair is in need of a good brushing and braiding, and you are a wood elf, everyone knows wood elves are the best braiders in Arda. You can braid Jaden's hair for her. Think of it as an adventure Greenleaf, I am sure you've never braided such hair as her's before."

Elrohir had a decidedly mischievous look in his eyes as he suggested this to a now visibly repulsed Legolas, and a white faced Jaden. He winked at Elladan, before grabbing him and heading towards the door. "What do you say? I think you two got off to a bad start. This is the perfect way to get to know each other better. We'll be back in an hour."

"Absolutely not!" Exploded Legolas. He marched over to Jaden, grabbing her roughly by the arm, and pulling her towards the door. "You will leave my room at once, and if I ever find you sneaking about it again..." He left the threat unfinished as he shoved Jaden unceremoniously out of his bed chamber.

Elrohir and Elladan followed suit, both looking unruffled as the door slammed in their faces. Jaden however, was feeling retched. "Well, that went well." Said Elrohir cheerily, completely oblivious to the tears threatening her cheeks.

"Did you manage to snag the comb brother?" Asked Elladan in an equally cheery voice.

"Of course, I spotted it just as he entered." Cooed a triumphant Elrohir, waving his trophy in the air, before offering it to Jaden. "Here you go. Don't worry he'll come around he can be a bit..." but he wasn't able to finish his sentence for Jaden turned and ran from the two grinning elves.

Jaden was near tears, and didn't think she would be able to hold them back any longer. What was worse, she was crying over another stupid thing again; Legolas yelling at her. She should be used to it, used to his cold looks. But she had wanted his acceptance so badly. The more she had thought about it, the more she had wanted to be friends, they had much in common, and he had been able to accept Gimli even after a difficult beginning. But now, he would never speak to her again, all hopes of friendship were ruined, and while she told herself there wasn't really any hope to begin with, it didn't stop her from feeling sorry for herself.

Legolas's cold treatment of her wasn't what had set her off crying, it was her sleepless night, the constant worrying, the feelings of home sickness, the absence of Bilbo. All the day's events combined had sent her into a downward spiral that saw her flying heedlessly down corridors with no clear destination in sight, while trying desperately to ward of the threatening tears.

_And to top it all off I dropped my pot of grease in his bedroom!_ She almost laughed at this thought though. She wondered what Legolas's reaction to finding a pot of grease on his beautiful bedroom floor would be? _I hope it broke! _She thought angrily, before getting some control over her raging emotions.

Jaden came to a sudden stop, taking deep breaths and attempting to calm her fractured emotions. Fortunately, she wasn't in danger of someone finding her broken down in tears as Erestor had the other day. Her breathing evened out, and she felt the urge to find release in tears subside. She took another deep breath, before looking around her.

She found she recognized her surroundings. She was only a short distance from the library, she sighed in relief. The idea of taking shelter there appealed to her greatly. She quickly began making her way towards her refuge. Once there she plopped herself down in her favorite nook, and tried unsuccessfully to concentrate on the elvish book she snagged on her way over.

Jaden didn't know how long she stared absently out the window, paying no heed to her book, when she felt a gentle touch on her cheek. She turned her head to find Bilbo watching her, concern in his eyes.

"What is wrong Jaden? You are crying?" Jaden reached up a hand to her cheek and to her surprise found it wet.

"Oh, I didn't realize. I was just thinking, and..." She trailed off.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Home."

It was true, her thoughts had been on a childhood memory, one that had always made her smile before, and she was confused as to why she was now crying now.

Bilbo gave her an understanding smile. "You are a long way from home my friend, longer I think then you have said."

Jaden gave the old hobbit a guilty look. She hadn't told him about her world. She knew she could trust him, but it had been easier not talking about it.

"It is alright, my girl, I understand. Now how about some good news to cheer you up?" Jaden nodded.

"Frodo's doing splendidly, and master Elrond's decided to throw a feast tonight! That will be a treat. There will be singing, dancing, and merrymaking. It will be a splendid time. Master Elrond has agreed to give you a seat at his table."

Jaden felt her stomach twist. _A splendid idea? More like a nightmare! _The idea of sitting by all the important people did not sound very appealing. She would much rather go unnoticed.

"Oh, Bilbo I don't think so. I wouldn't know what to say. I don't belong up with all those lordly elves, and dwarves. Thank you for the thought though, but really I am not feeling much up to a feast anyway. I think I'll just stay in my room tonight."

"Nonsense! You can't hide away forever. Besides you wouldn't be around strangers. There will be many people you know. You will have a grand time, singing and dancing all night! Why, a pretty little thing like yourself will be in high demand. There are a few men up from Gondor you know, and some of the Dunedain are in Rivendell, they'll be in want of a beautiful lady." He said with a twinkle in his eye.

"Bilbo," Jaden said tiredly, "they will not be in want of a 'Southerner.' The only attention I'll get will be cold looks, and frankly I am not feeling up to it." She added in a sad voice.

"What has gotten into you today? This isn't the high spirited girl I know. Where is your sense of adventure? Your curiosity? Tell me what has happened?"

"Nothing Bilbo, I am just..." She was defiantly not feeling herself, but she didn't want to take up any of his time with her patheticness.

As if he read her thoughts Bilbo hopped up on the chair next to her, as if saying he had nothing better to do. Jaden soon found herself telling the hobbit everything from a bad hair day, her homesickness, to how much she wished Legolas and herself could be friends.

Through the whole of it the old hobbit listened silently, when she was through he said, "Well, I know that's not all that's troubling you, but I am glad you have told me this much."

Jaden looked away; she hadn't told him about Aragorn, she couldn't. It was too embarrassing. _She was a nobody, what was she doing setting her sights on the king of men? _It was a silly foolishness that she couldn't seem to stop herself, but one she had no intention on sharing with anyone. _I will conquer this, I will._

"You are feeling better though, are you not? I am over a hundred years old my dear, and if there is one thing I've learned in life, it's that it helps to talk about the things troubling us. I wouldn't worry over much about Legolas though, I have a feeling he'll come around, especially if the twin sons' of Elrond are meddling." He said with a sly smile.

"But Bilbo they've only made things worse!"

"Perhaps for now, but they did not mean to, and will be more careful, and thoughtful from now on, I am sure of it. They did not mean to hurt you by their actions, their hearts were in the right place, and their actions will be next time, I'll wager. They are strange elves, all elves can be a bit queer at times, but these two are hastier then is normal for an elf. It's their human blood I've always said. Now don't fret over it anymore."

Jaden could only nod mutely.

"What's this nonsense about grease in your hair though, that does not sound healthy!" Jaden couldn't help laughing at the face Bilbo made to accompany the thought.

A new voice interrupted them, "That is a strange thought Bilbo, whatever gave you such an idea Jaden?"

She turned to see Erestor striding towards them. He was casually dressed in gray leggings and a dark green tunic, instead of his usual robes. Jaden thought the relaxed look suited his spirit.

"It's quite normal really." She hastened to convince them, "Black people's hair reflects light more than white peoples, which dry's it out. So we need to add grease or oil to our hair in order to keep it from becoming brittle and breaking." She explained. Her two listeners still looked confused at the idea, though.

"Well, I am sure you know best in this matter," conceded Bilbo. "I am sure it won't be any trouble for the kitchens to provide another pot of grease, and as far as a good comb goes, well I have a decent one myself you can barrow, until we find one of your own. I am afraid I cannot help you with braiding your hair though, as we hobbits do not practice such hair styles."

"Oh, it's alright Bilbo, I can do it myself. I just happen to be the worst braider I know, at least on my own hair; I can braid others just fine, but my own comes out horribly crooked!" She said with a chuckle, feeling her sprits roused after her talk with Bilbo.

"I can braid your hair if you would like Jaden. I am certainly not the most accomplished braider in Arda either, but I do not think it will be crooked." Erestor offered with a smile. Jaden didn't know what to say. Again she couldn't understand why he was offering her his services. _Elvish was one thing, but braiding hair, Erestor? That just didn't make sense._

Bilbo was giving Elrond's adviser a strange look, but finally Jaden managed, "Oh, you don't have to do that Erestor, I am sure you're busy; I can find someone else..."

Erestor interrupted her, "It would be no bother, and no, I am not terribly busy, besides it will not take long."

That seemed to settle it, as Jaden could think of no other excuses before Bilbo piped up. "Well then Erestor, I will leave it to you to convince Jaden to attend the feast tonight. Master Elrond has said she could sit at his table, but she is being difficult, perhaps you can convince her otherwise."

Erestor lifted a brow at Jaden, "You do not wish to feast with us tonight?"

"Um, well I..."

Jaden didn't know what to say, and was feeling decidedly less grateful to Bilbo for bringing this up in front of Erestor, she somehow felt it would be much harder saying no to him. Bilbo flashed her a smile and she sent a glare his way. He promptly slid off his seat and headed for the exit, mumbling something about Frodo as he left.

Jaden was relieved Erestor let the matter of the feast go, in favor of accomplishing the task of braiding. As they walked towards the kitchen in search of more grease, Jaden tried desperately to think of a good reason for not attending the feast, but nothing sounded convincing. After they had fetched the needed pot of grease, Erestor suggested they use his own comb; apparently he had a spare one in his office.

When they arrived at Erestor's office she recognized it at once as the room she had spent her first interrogation session in. The room was still as messy as before; littered with books and scrolls. Erestor spent some time digging around on his desk before finally recovering the comb in one of the desk draws. He then quickly cleared off a spare chair, before moving it out onto the balcony.

"Better lighting." He said to Jaden's questioning look. He gestured to the chair, as Jaden hesitated. She was suddenly flooded with a wave of ill-ease in his presence. It bothered her because she usually didn't suffer from this unwanted emotion around him. She put it down as nervousness for the feast, which she had already resigned herself to attending, although unwillingly.

Erestor finally broke the silence. "So how exactly do you apply this grease?" Jaden hazard a glace over her shoulder, and burst into laughter.

"What?"

"Your face," they both laughed. The tension eased away, and by the time the laughter subsided the last crackles of discomfort floated away.

"Here let me do it." She began working the grease into her hair as he watched. "You don't have to think of a way to convince me, I'll go." She said in a resigned voice.

"Jaden, Bilbo does not want you to go if you truly do not wish it."

"I know, it's just, I don't belong there."

"Where?"

"The high table, he says lord Elrond requested I join them, but he doesn't understand. He has no idea, none of you do. He thinks I am intimidated by all the lordly people, and I am. I have no idea what to say, or do. People in my world don't practice a whole lot of edict. I am sure I'll say or do something stupid, and that's not even getting into how I know most of those people are going to feel about eating with me. You should see the way they look at me, I am just not really feeling up to it today, and I just know it will be worse if I try to sit where I don't belong."

Jaden had finished greasing her hair now, and Erestor began to gently comb out the tangles, "I think Bilbo and others understand better then you think, Jaden. He is not a lord, and yet he is able to sit and converse with them, and I'll be there. I hope I have never made you feel as if you do not belong in my presence." His hands stilled in her hair, awaiting her reply.

"Of course you haven't Erestor, and I know what you're trying to say about Bilbo, but even that's different." She sighed before continuing, "Sometimes, living here in this beautiful house, I forget who I really am, but then something happens and I remember. Like today in Legolas's bedroom, and don't ask me what I was doing there, I blame Elrohir and Elladan. There I was standing in one of the most beautiful rooms I have ever seen, and wondering what someone like me is doing there."

"Erestor, his bed was the size of my father's entire house! One of his finely woven sheets could have sustained my father and my needs for months. Bilbo can't really understand what it's like to wonder where your next meal will come from. Wondering if you're going to go to bed hungry because your father spent the last of the money on drink. When I sit down to eat dinner in the hall every night, I have to remind myself not to fill my stomach to bursting because the food will be there tomorrow..."

Her voice broke. Erestor had abandoned all pretense of combing her hair, and was now kneeling next to her. Gently he took one of her trembling hands in him steady ones. She felt herself dangerously close to tears for the second time that day, and struggled with the waves of emotion crashing into her.

_I've been so emotional since coming here. Why did I just tell him all that? That was no one's business but my own, now he's either going to pity me, or wonder what he's doing talking to someone like me. _

"Jaden look at me."

Erestor gently raised her chin, and her eyes reluctantly met his, but all she saw in them was understanding, and acceptance. Erestor had never judged her, and didn't seem about to start now. She felt relief sweep through her._ He knew. He knew she didn't belong in a place like Rivendell, and he didn't care._

A shy smile broke over her face, and Erestor returned it. His dark eyes searched her face a moment longer before releasing her. "Well we had better finish your hair before next week. Elrond has honored you with his invitation Jaden, and you need not feel out a place. You are our guest just as much as the elves from the Gray Heavens, or the dwarves from the Lonely Mountain."

Jaden groaned, "Are you still really going to make me go?"

Erestor smiled at her wickedly, "Absolutely."

It didn't take Erestor long to finish, and Jaden saw why, as he magically produced a mirror for her consideration. He had given her partial braids. Her hair was pulled back, away from her face in many little curving braids that ended only a few inches into her scalp, leaving the rest of her now tamed tight curls to hang loose to her shoulders. Jaden found the new style unexpectedly becoming.

"I've never worn my hair like this before Erestor, I love it. Thank you so much… for everything." On an impulse she threw her arms around him, pulling him into an embrace. It was a moment before she felt his answering arms slinked around her and clasp her tight against him.

Jaden let go first and gave him another shy smile. _I suppose I am a bit old for hugs. _She pulled back, looking up into his eyes, hoping she hadn't offended or embarrassed him. She couldn't read the expression in the dark eyes, but it didn't look angry so she flashed him a brilliant smile. Erestor returned the smile and brushed the tips of his fingers through her loose hair, before suggesting she hurry or she would be late.

Jaden entered her room, her thoughts turning ahead nervously towards the evenings feast. No matter what Bilbo and Erestor said, she was still feeling decidedly nervous about the whole affair, though a good deal better after her talk with Erestor. However, her thoughts were abruptly interrupted when she found herself face to face with an unknown elleth in her room.

"Um, can I help you?"

"Hum." The elleth was looking her over. She had glorious yellow hair, and calculating brown eyes. "Our mutual friend Bilbo Baggins has asked me to help you prepare for the feast tonight. I see what he meant."

She added as her eyes swept over Jaden's less then spotless attire. The elleth walked over to the bed and picked up a deep blue gown, the likes of which Jaden had never seen in her limited wardrobe.

_It's far to fancy. _Jaden decided immediately. _I will only make a fool out of myself if I wear it. _

Granted it was nothing compared to the dresses Arwen wore, but it was still far from the simple cotton and wool dresses she was now used to. Jaden couldn't place the fabric, but it was incredibly soft, and light. It was a dark blue that matched her eyes. Its sleeves were broken half way down the upper arm, by intricate silver embroidery. They would fall mid forearm, in a cascade of silk.

Jaden took a step back from the dress the elleth was holding out to her. "I can't wear that. It's beautiful."

"That is why you must wear it. It is a feast tonight; you must look your best." The elleth added kindly.

Jaden squinted at the garment intently. She could see no signs of actual gold or gems anywhere on the garment, and that was a good thing. She could never wear any dress studded in jewels. It was still so too beautiful though, she wished she could wear one of her simple brown wool dresses.

As If sensing her thoughts the elleth said, "Bilbo had this made for you specifically, he thought the color would suit you, and you see it is not so very elaborate."

"But how could that be? He only asked me to the feast this afternoon. How could someone make a dress in that amount of time?"

"Oh no, he requested it two days ago. Usually I will not accept such a hasty order, but since it was Bilbo, I made an exception, and its' a good thing I did." She said looking over Jaden's ratty appearance once more.

"You made it? For me?"

"Yes."

"Very well, and thank you for making this for me, it is exquisite." Jaden surrendered to the prospect of wearing the beautiful thing, and feeling even more uncomfortable if that were possible.

She allowed the elleth to help her into the dress; she had to admit it was a very flattering color. It brought out her eyes. But when the elleth tried to set a necklace upon her throat, she put her foot down, that would have just been too much.

Jaden swallowed nervously as she neared the dining hall. The sound of music and a multitude of voices reached her; she nearly fled back to the safety of her room. But she had told Erestor and Bilbo she would go, so she determined to make at least a brief appearance. She squared her shoulders, and took the last few steps towards the entrance.

The dining hall was already packed with elves, dwarves, men, and hobbits. She quickly scurried towards a shadowy corner, attempting to be invisible as she scanned the room for Bilbo. She couldn't pick him out of the crowd, and was getting nervous. She was still searching for him, when people started to sit for the meal. She thought to make a silent escape back out the door, since she couldn't spot the old hobbit, but as she turned to go she was confronted by two smiling faces.

"Hello again," said a grinning Merry.

"Oh, hi." she was delighted they had remembered her, but she would still have preferred to make a break for it.

"Bilbo said we should keep an eye out for you," stated Pippin. _Figures, the old hobbit would set these two on her tail._

"You aren't leaving are you; we haven't even started eating yet!" Exclaimed a scandalized Merry.

"What no! I was just, um..." She was cut off by and excited Pippin. "They've started serving the food, come on!"

He grabbed her hand and began pulling her vigorously towards the high table. The hobbits were talking so loudly and excitedly about all the delicacies awaiting them, that they had caught a number of the table's occupants' attention. Jaden felt her face burn, as she felt their eyes. The hobbits made straight for two chairs situated side by side, obviously meant for them. As they reached them Pippin released Jaden's hand, and he and Merry plopped themselves down on the cushioned seats waiting expectantly for the feast to commence.

Jaden stood awkwardly for a moment, inwardly cursing the two hobbits, who had put her in this predicament. She wanted nothing more than to be safe in her room, away from the preying eyes. She felt painfully out of place in the beautiful gown, surrounded by rich lords.

Just when she was thinking it wouldn't be a terrible idea to simply flee the room, a hand on her shoulder startled her out of her escaping thoughts. _He always seems to be there when I need help._

Erestor was looking exceptionally fine in a dark red tunic with elegant embroidery, and black leggings. His hair was pulled back in a silver crusted clasp, sharpening his bone white cheekbones. The flickering candle light cast his full lashes in dark moth wings across his sculpted features. He looked more the elf lord than ever, and Jaden had a hard time understanding what this magnificent creature had been doing braiding her hair only an hour ago.

"Jaden, come sit."

He motioned to an empty seat in the mist of the dwarven company. She felt her stomach tighten as she scanned the faces, and found non familiar. But Erestor lead her over to the seat, and she sat down obediently. She was somewhat relieved when she watched him take his own seat across from her, only one seat to the right, towards the head of the table.

The feast began. The food was astounding, as she knew it would be, but Jaden didn't have much appetite. She picked at her food, as she listened to the dwarves talk animatedly in their own tongue. She picked up on the conversation Erestor was having with the dwarf to his right. The dwarf looked younger than many of the others, but seemed at ease talking to the elf. Jaden found this strange, but she had noticed that Erestor seemed to get on with all the dwarves fairly well, which surprised her.

As she listened she realized the conversation had turned towards the glories of Moria, before its fall. It seemed to be a popular topic for the dwarves, and others soon joined in. To Jaden's amazement, Erestor appeared to be as versed in the glories of Moria as the dwarves, if not more so, and the dwarves addressed him with respect, no hostility evident in their tone.

An older dwarf, whom she was sitting next to, turned to her for the first time, clearing up her confusion "That's lord Erestor there. You know him well? I saw him speaking to you." Asked the dwarf curiously.

"Um, not very well, he's an elf after all." The dwarf let out a bark of laughter at that, which caused some of the others to turn their attention towards them.

"Malin, at your service," the old dwarf stood from his seat giving her a little bow. She didn't know quite what to make of this turn of events, but decided to make the most of it.

"Jaden, at yours," she replied.

"You've a witty tongue about you girl and a clear sight when it comes to elves I think. But this one here," he gestured to Erestor who was still deep in conversation with a younger dwarf Jaden latter learned was none other than Gimli, "is a rare one. He's one of the old elves of Eregion, but unlike some others, he didn't turn his back on us after its fall."

She nodded in understanding, though it seemed the dwarf didn't really expect her to understand the full meaning of his words; she was after all only a human. Jaden however, remembered reading about the friendship that had once flourished between the elves of Eregion and dwarven Moria in the Second Age, and understood what the dwarf had meant.

Malin turned back to the discussion still running on the wonders of Moria. Jaden listen to the talk around her. Much of what was discussed on stone cutting, and armory was beyond her, but she enjoyed hearing the dwarves speak of their lost home with reverence. She watched Erestor as he conversed with them, and realized what she'd said to the dwarf about hardly knowing him, was true. She thought of him as a friend, a true one, but she could hardly claim to know the elf well. She now knew he was at least two Ages old, though likely more.

_One can't get to know someone that ancient in a week. _

She spent a good deal of the rest of the meal listening, in silence, though occasionally Malin would make side comments to her. She found he had a sense of humor. She enjoyed the little extra tidbits he would supply for her benefit. Eventually the meal ended, and much to her surprise Malin offered her his arm, as escort to the Hall of Fire, where the merrymaking would commence. She took the offered arm uncertainly and she couldn't help throwing a questioning glace Erestor's way, but he didn't seemed to have noticed anything, and Jaden decided there was no harm intended.

"I am glad you are no tall elf maiden, lady Jaden." Malin said with a smile. Jaden was a startled by his use of the term lady, _but then he must think I am someone important since I was seated at the high table, _she realized.

_Malin has every right to be glad, _She thought, as she watched the tall form of Arwen sweep pass on her father's arm. Jaden was 5'6, which in normal company was quite acceptable, but next to a six foot elf maiden, she was rather short. The dwarf Malin stood at a little less than 5 ft she guessed.

They entered a large room with roaring fires, giving off a welcoming feel. Malin steered her towards one of the fire places, and some empty chairs. She now found herself entirely in the company of dwarves, all elves, including Erestor, having found other seating. While she did not mind the dwarves company, she would have preferred her friend Bilbo, or Erestor, even the hobbits Merry or Pippin were looking good.

The dwarves had fallen back into their native dwarvish, and Jaden found her mind wandering in boredom. They were also drinking heavily of the red wines. Jaden hated the smell of alcohol, as it came with too many memories she'd rather forget of her father. The dwarves around her were becoming decidedly drunk, and the younger ones were getting a bit rowdy, making Jaden uncomfortable.

Suddenly her ears picked up on a familiar voice._ Bilbo!_ She looked around the room for him, and finally spotted him by another fire, a younger hobbit with blond hair and blue eyes, in deep conversation with him. _That must be Frodo. He looks well for his near death experience. _

She spied Aragorn watching them silently, a glimmer of amusement in his stern face. He was back in his travel worn clothing, but Jaden caught a glimmer of mail under his green cloak, and he wore a gem upon his brow. _That's rather an odd outfit,_ she thought distractedly.

Jaden was about to get up and greet them, but then Aragorn and Bilbo rose heading for the privacy of a solitary corner. She sighed, and looked for someone else she could escape to, being tired of the dwarves company, as they were now too engrossed in their spirits for her tastes. She couldn't spot Erestor, and Merry and Pippin were obviously both enjoying the celebrations as much as the dwarves. She noted Legolas and his wood elf companions in their own corner not far away, but would prefer drunken dwarves to their frosty company. She sighed again, not seeing any possible escape route.

Just as she was beginning to contemplate returning to her room, an ellon with leaf brown hair and green eyes got up and started to sing. He had the loveliest voice Jaden had ever heard, and she was soon lost in the music. The singing went on and on to her delight, and she soon lost track of the time. Bilbo got up to sing, and she enjoyed that immensely, remembering the song from the books. But before Jaden could rise to compliment him on his fine performance, he and Frodo took their leave of the hall. She quickly lost herself in the music again, as calls for "Lindir" brought the first green eyed singer back to perform.

Jaden was jolted out of her blissful enthrallment to the music, when a very drunk Malin knocked into her, causing her to fall off her chair. The dwarf was quick to apologize for his clumsiness, and she was just relieved she hadn't injured herself again. She was helped up, by more willing dwarven hands then necessary. A younger dwarf whose name she didn't know, become very insistent that she come sit by him. She obliged, though unwillingly. She hadn't realized how late it was, and the dwarves were no longer able to stand without leaning on each other, their speech was also terribly slurred. She decided it was high time she excused herself.

"Thank you all for a pleasant evening, but I am rather tired, I think I'll go to bed now, if you will excuse me." She made to get up, but a hand on her arm forced her to stay seated. It was the young dwarf whom she was sitting next too.

"Don't go yet. We're in need of some fair company; you wouldn't leave before you tried some of this wonderful wine surly?" The other dwarves offered some hear hears, to this suggestion.

"I am sorry, but I don't drink."

"Don't drink!" Exclaimed the dwarf loudly, "impossible. Here get the lady a drink." He called to another dwarf, who hurried to produce a clean goblet, and fill it with the red liquid.

"Thank you for your offer, but I am afraid I really do not enjoy drinking." Jaden tried to rise again, but the dwarf, who was stronger than her, pushed her back down with a hand on her shoulder.

"Wait, you haven't tried the wine. You won't be able to say no once you have."

A wine goblet was thrust into her reluctant hand, while the young red haired dwarf still held her down with his hand pressed into her shoulder. She was feeling decidedly anxious now. She couldn't abide the taste of alcohol, and wasn't about to drink the foul smelling brew being thrust at her. She also didn't like how pushy the dwarves were being. She began to scan the room again for any familiar faces.

The inhabitants of the room had thinned considerably in the time she had spent listing to the elven music, and she couldn't spot any of her few acquaintance in the crowd. The only familiar face was Legolas, who happened to be looking over at the scene the dwarves were making in their attempt to get her to try the Rivendell brew. His face was as expressionless as usual, and Jaden would rather drink the foul mixture then ask for his assistance.

"I really must insist that you let me alone. I do not like alcohol, and can't abide the taste, please let me up." She said in a deceptively calm voice.

"You're just being stubborn! It's delicious try it!" Called one of the other dwarves. Jaden was losing her patients with them now, and was beginning to get angry. _What right had they to force the stuff on her? _She didn't like the way she was being detained against her will.

"I will not like it." She snapped, "I have told you I hate drinking, and that is an end to it. I cannot abide the smell, it is revolting to me. Now get your hands off of me please, I would like to go to bed."

One of the dwarves said something in their own tongue, and the others began laughing. Jaden had the distinct feeling it had been a crude joke by the way some of their eyes ran over her.

"If you really dislike drink so much, then of course we will not force you, there's no need to get upset it was all in fun." Said the red haired dwarf whose hand now slid off her shoulder, "But what's the hurry, little flower, stay a while longer. Don't leave in anger."

Jaden felt his rough hand pat her upper leg, which might have passed as a comforting gesture, only the hand somehow managed to remain on her leg after the pat was over. Disgust welled up inside her with the feel of the rough hand through her thin dress, and she struggled not to let it show as she moved her leg away from the hairy hand as discreetly as possible.

"I am sorry, but I am terribly tired, and I must bid you good-night." With that she rose from her chair, and made a hasty escape from the room.

She breathed a sigh of relief as she slipped around the bend. She paused a few corridors down and leaned her head against the wall briefly; her eyes drifting shut. A shiver passed through her as she recalled the intention in the red haired dwarf's eyes. _He had been drunk. _She tried to reason with herself, _but even so he should not have been looking at me in that manner. _

She was startled out of her thoughts by the touch of a calloused hand upon her cheek. Her eyes flew open to focus on the bleary ones of the same red haired dwarf who had just been harassing her.

"So soft," he slurred as his hand slide down her throat. Jaden tried to break away, but his other hand shot out, grasping her waist tightly. "Where are you going pretty little dark skin?"

"To my room, I am tired, please let me go." She tried to keep her fear and horror out of her voice.

"I am not going to hurt you, just want to have a little fun. Or do you find me repulsive because I am a dwarf?" His voice had gone dangerously low.

"No, not because you are a dwarf..." but anything else she was going to say was cut off.

"Good." The dwarf stated before pressing his hairy face into hers, with a hard kiss. Jaden opened her mouth to scream, but he took advantage, and shoved his coarse tongue down her throat.

Jaden was at a loss for what to do. She had never kissed anyone before, and had never found herself in a position where she had to defend herself in this manner. The young red headed dwarf was taller than Malin, and stockier and stronger then her. She pushed at his bulk uselessly with her hands, and tried in vain to injure him with a kick.

She brought her knee up in an attempt to catch him in the groin, but only injured herself as her knee banged against metal. The dwarf was nearly head to foot in armor, and apparently that armor included protection in his genitals.

Jaden could taste the alcohol on his breath, and nearly gagged at the intensity of the vile smell. Her horrors only increased however; as she felt the rough hand stoking her neck slither down to grasp one of her small breasts. Her mind worked frantically as she flailed at his armored chest uselessly, only endeavoring to draw her own blood as her hands cut against his uneven chain mail.

One of her hands came up to pull his hair, in another attempt at escape. But this seemed to have no effect on the dwarf, and his only response was to slip his groping hand inside her bodice to continue his unwanted attentions. Jaden felt tears prickle her eyes, as she fought desperately to free herself from him.

Suddenly he was flying off her, and a tall slender body had positioned itself before her attacker. A short fight ensued, with her rescuer quickly gaining the upper hand, and throwing the dwarf to the ground. Jaden caught a glimpse of dark hair through her tear clouded eyes, as the dwarf was quickly bound.

Then a pair of crystal blue eyes fixed on hers and she let out a sharp gasp. "Legolas? But..." _Legolas had saved her, but he hated her, didn't he?_

He gave her a short nod before turning back to his captive and demanding, "What is your name dwarf?"

The dwarf only growled at the elf for reply. "Speak quickly or I will rip out your useless tongue."

Jaden cringed at the threat. _This is all my fault, what if Legolas does something rash and all chance of friendship with Gimli is ruined. I have to do something._

"Wait, Legolas."

She hurried to kneel by the glaring dwarf. She hated the sight of him, and unconsciously her hand came up to cover her right breast, where his fingers had greedily roamed.

"You have done a vile thing this night, and no amount of wine can excuse you. I have lived with a drunkard half my life, and I know one always has a choice in ones actions, no matter the amount consumed. If you had not been stopped, what would you have done? Would you have stopped yourself? I would have the name of my attacker, dwarf, and an apology for the base violation you inflicted on me."

The dwarf didn't look her in the eye, and Jaden hoped it meant he was remorseful. "My name is Kili from the Iron Mountains, and I am sorry for touching you."

Jaden waited for him to go on, but he didn't seem inclined to offer anymore apology in the presence of the glaring wood elf. "Well Kili, what do you suppose we do about this offense?"

There was a long pause in which the dwarf seemed to consider her question, before he finally replied, "Malin is my uncle. You should inform him of my actions, and I assure you he will take the necessary steps for my punishment. You have my word."

He met her eyes finally, and she knew he truly did regret his actions towards her. While she wasn't feeling particularly friendly towards the dwarves at that moment, she found herself trusting that Malin would do the right thing, and either way it was better than the elves getting involved.

"Very well, I shall tell him tomorrow." She reached down and untied the dwarf, who had gone back to glaring at Legolas. Legolas let out a growl when he saw her releasing the dwarf, but did not try and stop her.

"You might want to look more kindly on the person who has saved not only me, but yourself tonight Kili."She said, seeing the way he eyed the wood elf. "If Prince Legolas had not come when he did, you may very well be facing a punishment far worse." She snapped at the dwarf. _How can they stand this constant hate between their races, I already find it draining. _

The dwarf had the sense to lower his hate filled gaze, as the last of his bonds were loosed, and he made his escape.

When the dwarf was out of sight Legolas turned on Jaden, "What do you mean by releasing him? Was I mistaken in what I saw? Did you enjoy his hands on your body?" Legolas asked without bothering to hide his contempt.

"Of course I didn't!" She hissed back, "But if you haven't noticed we are about to enter the darkest days of your life, and the free people's of Middle-Earth can't afford to become enemies. That is exactly what the Dark Lord would wish. Use your head Legolas! War is coming, and we are all going to have to stand together, or we will fall separately. This is no time for petty differences, and old grudges. It was ME he wronged not YOU. It was MY mouth he stuck his foul tongue in, and MY breast he groped, and if I am willing to over look it, to avoid useless bickering and infighting, then I sure all hell expect you to!"

She spun on her heal and started to stalk off, before turning back again, "Thank-you, by the way, I am not sure why you did, but thank-you, and please remember Kili was only one dwarf, don't judge the others by his actions." With that, she turned again, without awaiting his reply, and made her way back to her room.

When she entered the safety of her room she torn off the beautiful blue dress, and walked naked over to the floor length mirror. She stood staring at her reflection for some time, before her hand came up to cover her abused breast. A single tear tracked down her cheek. She wiped it away hastily, and pulled on her night shirt, before crawling into her bed, and preparing for another sleepless night


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Jaden woke up in a sweat, breathing hard. She lay struggling to still her racing heart for several moments after the nightmare. Her constant tossing and turning had eventually ceased, and she had fallen asleep, only to fall into dark dreams.

She had been running away from a short figure she couldn't at first make out, but it had steadily gotten closer, and suddenly she had known it for the dwarf Kili. His hands outstretched towards her, and his drunken face leering. He was taunting her as he came. Then suddenly she had been free falling, the air being sucked out of her lungs, like when she had died. Instead her right breast had begun to throb painfully, and when she looked down at her naked body she had seen to her horror, her breast was shrinking, withering up, and becoming old and dead before her eyes.

Jaden shook her head violently in an attempt to get the distorted vision out of mind. Her hand came up to grasp her still whole breast, and she couldn't escape the small sigh of relief she let out. Her dream had shaken her to her bones. She hadn't thought she would be so affected by the dwarf's assault. It had been terrifying, and disgusting, but this dream was disturbing on a vaster plain. The thought of her body physically responding to his attack in such a way was enough for Jaden to throw off her covers, and flee the now sweat soaked bed.

She decided she needed to get the incident out of her mind as quickly as possible. She hurriedly pulled on a plain rich yellow cotton dress, and dashed out her door. It was still early morning, the sun not yet fully risen. She raced out of her room with every intention of finding Malin and getting the encounter over with as quickly as possible, but she soon realized today would not be the day for that. Jaden had nearly forgotten after last night, but if she remembered correctly, the morning after the feast had been the council. _Today would be the council,_ and with that thought came a tirade of other disturbing ones about Aragorn, the quest, and the fate of Middle Earth.  
Her mind was still not in a healthy place as it was mercilessly bombarded with all these new worries, and she found herself suddenly running heedlessly down the empty corridors, in an attempt to escape her own mind.

When she came back to herself, she was leaning heavily against a tree, in the middle of Rivendell's woods, or at least that's where she thought she was, she realized she had gone much farther than ever before from the safety of the last homely house. _I am so tired, I'll just rest a moment before heading back. _

Jaden sank down next to the convenient Aspen she had been leaning against, her back now braced against its fine white bark. She sat there in awareness for some time, successfully keeping her troubled thoughts pushed back from her growing exhaustion. Two nights of scant sleep was finally catching up with her, and she found herself irresistibly slipping into the land of oblivion.

Unfortunately for Jaden, her sleeping mind opened again to dark thoughts, and she awoke with a start, escaping the path of her previous nightmare. She realized quickly from the sudden appearance of a face with two piercing eyes mere inches from her own, that she had awaken to someone calling her name. She was stunned to find the person now peering at her closely with what, on any others face, she would have taken as a look of concern, but of course the Mirkwood prince did not look at her with such an expression.

When Legolas realized he had succeeded in rousing the human, he immediately took a few hasty steps back, and his face took on the usual impassive look Jaden had come to hate.

Jaden realized she had dozed off while resting against the tree. She was still sitting with her back slumped against it, but she realized her hand was openly gripping her right breast. She removed it as if burned, and quickly looked away from the elf. She hoped he hadn't noticed her hand protectively over her abuse chest. However, she had no such luck, and to her astonishment, the wood elf boldly broke into her thoughts, "You were thinking of the dwarf?"

Jaden looked up in surprise when she heard no hostility or mocking in his voice, but didn't answer immediately. She sat looking into his perfect emotionless face for several moments before glancing away again, and said in a barely audible whisper.

"Yes." There was silence between them for some moments before Jaden let out a long suffering sigh, and turned back to the silent wood elf.

"You're different in the story you know." She closed her eyes, and leaned back against the tree, not wishing to see his immovable face anymore, but she did hear a note of unsuccessfully suppressed curiosity in Legolas's next words.

"What do you mean?"

She thought about her reply for a moment, before saying, "In the story you seem happier, more carefree. You're still a deadly warrior, and you don't go around chasing butterflies, but your spirit…it's younger in a way –freer. I admired your character. You did, or do something most other elves in Middle-Earth could not; it's not a feat in battle or something like that. It's more complicated, and to me more admirable, it's what you are later known for. Some will call you one of the greatest archers in Middle-Earth, but most will remember you for something else. But, I am afraid I can't tell you. Besides you are so different here, so cold and …."

She trailed off, not wanting to insult Legolas anymore then she already had. She wanted to tell him he would be best known for being a dwarf friend, but he would never believe her anyway, and what did it matter? This Legolas wasn't anything like Tolkien's who sang, and had a fiery curiosity.

She hadn't yet opened her eyes after her little speech, and it was so quiet she thought perhaps Legolas had left, so she risked a peak. She opened her eyes slowly, and looked around for the elf prince. He was still there, turned away from her, gazing off into the woods. He stood completely still, and straight, and Jaden was suddenly worried for him.

She stood up quickly and went over to him, but she dared not touch him. "Legolas, are you alright?"

There was no reply so she tried again, "Legolas, I am sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you with my words; they were thoughtless. I don't really know you anyway; maybe you're different with other people."

"I failed."

She was struck dumb by the bitterness in his voice. His back was still to her, but she could hear the self- reproach clearly. "Mithrandir and my father entrusted me with the creature Gollum, and I failed them. Who knows what evil will yet come of my foolishness."

Jaden was still unable to find words to comfort the elf; she hadn't really expected him to respond to her words. If anything she would have thought him angry, but instead he was confiding in her, though maybe he just wasn't being picky about his confident.

As Jaden struggled to reply, the silence grew, and the elf prince continued. "Your words of my great skill with a bow are laughable. I am no better than any other of my kin, much less skilled then many. It has always been my brother who would earn such praise. But alas, my wisdom is lacking, for I allowed my pity to rule my better judgment. We who tended the creature Gollum could not abide the thought of his imprisonment, and let him roam the tree tops and feel the cool breeze. Why is it your story spoke of me, when you know nothing of others far more skilled and wiser?"

Finally the wood elf turned to fix her with a piercing tortured gaze; she took a hasty step back. She had never seen so much emotion in the young elves features, and now found it unnerving, but she quickly recovered. He was seeking answers from her, and she was more than willing to help the tormented elf if she could.

"I have held, up to this moment that I should not speak of the things to come, in any detail, but I think now I must, for I would not see you suffer any more then you already have with pointless regret. Do not blame yourself for what happened with Gollum, for in the end his escape was vital to the destruction of the Ring. Not least because it brought you, Legolas, to Rivendell, and the council. This very morning a council was held at which the Rings fate was decided, as you know, for you were there. A fellowship of nine walkers will be formed to help Frodo in his quest to destroy the one Ring, and you will be one of the nine, the only elf in Arda chosen to represent your people."

She could see his startled, and then skeptical look, "You doubt my words. Perhaps you wonder why the wise would chose you when there are great elf lords like Glorfindel to choose from? I do not know the answer to that, but whatever the reason it is the right one. In the task to come it will not be strength of arms that determines the fate of the fellowship, but strength of heart. You have compassion in you, though I have not seen it," she said ruefully, "It is because you would have compassion and empathy towards such a creature as Gollum, different as he is from you, which will make you the best elf for the task ahead."

Jaden fell silent, there was still more to say, for she could see a lingering doubt in his eyes, but she decided he would have to be the one who finally overcame that doubt. She waited in silence for a long time, finally deciding it would be wise to leave the elf to his thoughts, and she turned to go.

She had walked only a little ways, though, when she felt the breeze left from a person moving swiftly as it passed her. She looked up, to see Legolas now running ahead of her. She frowned, wondering if she had disturbed him again, and she picked up her skirts to try and follow him. It was of course hopeless for her to try and catch a wood elf, or any elf for that matter, and she soon stopped, and let out a frustrated sigh, which swiftly turned into a small cry of surprise as something landed in the path before her.

Legolas had just jumped down from the tree branches, and was now standing before her in the path, head tilted up to the blue sky. She was a little startled by his abrupt appearance, yet as she gazed at him she was relieved to see he did not look distressed. _He actually looks more peaceful then I have ever seen him._

Suddenly he turned to her and gave her a brilliant smile, which looked strange to her on the usually stern wood elf's features. "The very breath of this land is peace, can you not feel it? The trees whisper of their content. I feel as if I have been asleep this past month. Has the land of lord Elrond always held such wonders?"

Jaden was thoroughly confused at this new and unexpected turn of conversation, and didn't know how to reply, but luckily the now humming wood elf seemed to need no reply. "I have only traveled to fair Imladris once before, and it was alas, only but a brief stay. Do you see this tree here?"

The elf pointed out the tree he had just emerged from, "I have never seen its kind before. I must come back soon to listen to its voice."

He clarified, seeing Jaden's still bewildered expression, "Every tree sings with its own voice. I know the voices of the trees of my land, but this tree has a new voice, one I am anxious to learn."

She nodded in understanding though of course she only understood the concept, she had no idea what trees actually sounded like.

"I think though, that you my Adan friend would have no wish to spend hours listening to it." Legolas was looking at her again; she could tell he was searching for an answer to his words, though she knew the answer had nothing to do with trees.

She readily gave him the one he hoped for, "I am afraid you are right, _mellon._" She saw his surprise and pleasure at her use of elvish. _Perhaps I should not be so easy to forgive the wrongs he and his companions did me, but I find myself unable to refuse him. If he would have my friendship, then he can have it willingly._

Suddenly Legolas grew serious again, "I shall think over your words today, but they have given my heart hope, and a peace I have not know since Gollum's escape. I am truly thankful to you, Jaden, though I know I do not deserve your friendship, as yet. You honor me with its gift."

Jaden was surprised by the drastic change in the wood elf. Only minutes ago, she had thought him cold, and arrogant, among other things. Yet here the same wood elf was telling her he would be honored for her friendship, it was an astonishing transformation, one that still had her head reeling, but in a pleasant way.

"Come walk with me, _mellon._"

Jaden willingly accepted the offer. They walked in a comfortable silence for some time, only punctuated now and then by Legolas's exclamations over some part of Rivendell's beauty, as if he saw it all for the first time. She smiled to herself thinking back to the Legolas she had told him about just minutes before.

_Well I think it's quite likely this new Legolas will be entertaining the fellowship with songs, and chasing after the sun! _

Her thoughts her interrupted by the sounds of clashing metal. "Ah, we have wandered close to the practice fields!" Exclaimed Legolas seeing her questioning glance.

"It has been sometime since I last practiced with a bow." He gave her a calculating glance, "Would it bore you to accompany me to the archery range?"

"Of course not! I'd love to see your skill, though I am sure I will not be able to tell if you are average for an elf or not." She said with a smile. Legolas grinned back before letting out a little laugh, which startled her. _I've never heard him laugh. It is a good strong laugh._ Legolas gave her an expectant look, and she began following him as he weaved his way towards the archery range.

Jaden began to lag behind the elf though, as her attention was again caught by the sparring elves around her. She looked on for a moment. Fighting and violence had never held much appeal to her, especially after the visit from the Mungiki, and the riots. She had seen enough of it to last a lifetime. But the scene before her was different from any she usually associated with fighting. As she watched the elves spare, it looked more like they were engaged in a beautiful dance then a fight with sharp weapons.

As she studied their bodies, she realized one of the elves sparring to her far left was none other than Erestor. Her mouth drop open when she made this connection. She saw nothing of the teasing gentle adviser before her. His face was a mask of concentration, and purpose. His movements were fluid, and powerful. He handled his sword as if it were an extension on his body. His dark hair was pulled back into a high pony-tail that extenuated his sharp cheek bones. His black eyes glinted with an emotion Jaden could not place. His lean body was moving almost too swiftly for her human eyes to follow.

Jaden was surprised to find her body trembling at the sight. He was so deadly, and fierce, that she felt a small coil of fear creep up her throat. This new Erestor was terrifying, in the absence of the old, who had always seemed so comforting, and reachable. This Erestor was an elf lord experienced in battle, who would show his enemies no mercy, who knew no fear. He was a honed weapon.

Jaden found her mind struggling to match the new Erestor with the kind mischievous one she thought she knew. But just as at the feast last night she realized she didn't really know Erestor at all. _He's thousands of years old. Who knows what he's seen or done? How could I possibly think I knew him after only a few short conversations?_

Erestor and his sparring partner were finished now. Jaden felt the need to escape before they noticed her, she turned to go, and started looking around for Legolas, but before she had taken two steps Erestor spotted her.

"Jaden, what brings you to the practice fields and this early?"

Jaden worked to school her features into a natural expression before turning back to look at him. Erestor had bowed respectfully to his sparring partner, and was heading over to her. She refused to give into the desire to place a few more feet between them.

"I was walking nearby with Legolas, and he wanted to come practice his archery, I just came along to watch." Erestor was looking at her with undisguised surprise.

"Legolas? I was under the impression you did not get along with the young Mirkwood prince?"

"I didn't, but we've had a bit of a break through. I think we're friends now." Jaden wasn't completely sure where she stood with the elf, but she thought she could claim his friendship after today, and this thought caused a small smile to play on her lips, which Erestor noticed.

"Come sit." He motioned to a nearby bench, "Tell me how this came about. I have not spoken to you since the feast. Did you enjoy yourself?"

Jaden was not eager to talk about last night, but Erestor had taken her arm and was guiding her over to the bench. "Um, yes."

She cringed inwardly at the noticeable strain in her voice that had risen a few octaves higher than normal. She wasn't comfortable talking about it, and she was making it obvious. He raised an eyebrow and she shifted in her new seat, wishing desperately for a distraction. He was still looking at her expectantly, and Jaden again thought of the deadly warrior he had appeared mere moments before.

"I didn't know you could fight so well."

It was a rather obvious attempt at changing the subject, but after another hard look he seemed to accept she didn't want to talk about last night, so he let the topic drop.

"Most male Noldor can handle a weapon to some degree. It is our fate to fight, here in Arda marred." A distant look entered his eyes then, and she knew he was far away, lost in memory. Though of what she couldn't tell. It only lasted a moment though, before he came back to himself, "Yes, I am well acquainted with a sword." Now he gave her a wry smile, "did you think I have spent all my days in stuffy council meetings?"

Jaden shrugged noncommittally. She supposed that was exactly what she had thought.

"Come now, even lord Elrond has wielded a sword in battle and he is one of the greatest lore masters of our people. He was High-king Gil-galad's herald and fought with him before the gates of Mordor itself in the last alliance."

"I know."

He looked at her thoughtfully. "Sometimes I forget how much you know of our history, I see your mortality and assume… but forgive me."

There was a pause in which she nodded mutely; she was holding her tongue against the questions she longed to ask him. She wanted to know which battles he'd had fought in. Had he been there too, in Mordor? Was he a Second Age elf, or a First? But she kept her questions to herself remembering Bilbo's words about elves and their pasts. However, one of her burning questions was answered to her surprise.

"I was there too, in Mordor." His eyes turned inward again.

"I didn't know that. There are a lot of gaps in my knowledge. Hopefully, when I've mastered elvish, I'll be able to fill them in with books from lord Elrond's library, but for now most of what I know is about the important events and people. Not that you're not important, I didn't mean, I am sorry..." she added hastily realizing how that must have sound, but Erestor cut her apology off.

"I understand your meaning." He gave her an amused smile, "besides I would not like to think I had no secrets from you." He said with a smile that was tinged more with sadness then mischief.

Jaden's attention was suddenly drawn towards a sparing pair towards her right as the sounds of cheers and a hearty laugh caught her ear. She couldn't help but gasp at the sight.

He was the most magnificent creature she had ever beheld. His mane of golden locks was tied high on his head like the other warriors. His blue eyes were the exact shade of perfection. He had removed both his outer and under tunic, and stood in the morning light shirtless. His body was flawless. His lean muscles rippled under her stunned gaze.

The golden warrior bowed to his defeated opponent. He accepted the other elves praise without comment, as if it were expected. Jaden watched as his gaze turned towards several elleth who seemed to have come to the practice fields expressly to see the magnificent specimen of male beauty. The elven warrior sauntered towards them, and Jaden had to choke back a laugh at their excited faces. The elf maids were in for a disappointment however, as the warrior's destination was a nearby bench on which he had discarded his clothing. He began to shrug his undershirt on, without favoring the poor elf maids with even a smile. Jaden frowned, _he seems a bit arrogant, _she couldn't help thinking as an obviously younger warrior hurried over to the golden one, holding out a water flask.

"I see you've noticed our lord Glorfindel." Commented Erestor in an emotionless voice, but Jaden barely heard him, she was still watching the warrior as he failed to thank the helpful boy when he had drunk his full.

When Jaden didn't respond, and hadn't taken her eyes off the elf lord, Erestor sighed, "Jaden." He cautioned and put out a hand to pull her from her most likely dangerous thoughts.

Erestor had seen many elf maids loss their hearts to the uninterested elf lord in one glance. He could only imagine what the golden one's appearance must be doing to the poor mortal, and wished fervently that she had never been privy to a glimpse of him.

Jaden, however, was oblivious to Erestor's growing concern, her face was still turned away from him, and he could not see the growing frown marring her features as she watched the one that had caught so many admiring glances. She couldn't help noticing his physical perfection, but she also had not failed to see his arrogant, unfeeling manner as he dealt with the elves fluttering around him anxious to meet his every need.

"No offense Erestor, but your friend seems to have acquired a big head. Unfortunate really, but he is a Balrog slayer, if I remember correctly, so I guess arrogance can only be expected in his case, but he could do a better job of toning it down. Even if he does think he's better than everyone else, he doesn't have to advertise the fact."

Jaden had never been one to abide arrogance; she had always had a hard time forgiving it in others. She tried to overlook it as best she could, but she found it revolting. She turned to Erestor now, and couldn't help but notice the smile he was struggling with.

"A big head?" He asked with a sparkle in his dark eyes.

"Sorry, it's a modern expression; it means he thinks a lot of himself."

"Ah, I see I interpreted its meaning correctly."

Jaden looked down; feeling like she had said too much, _I shouldn't of said that about Glorfindel. He's probably one of Erestor's close friends, I should have held my tongue._

"Do not worry, I shall not tell him of your words. We are not close friends, as you supposed. I respect lord Glorfindel, as his station and deeds require, but we are not close, and often do not see eye to eye. I am afraid I often find him rash, but alas I should not have voiced such thoughts, please forget my hasty words."

Jaden searched his face, she had never known Erestor to speak without thinking first, but she saw a twinkle in his eye.

"Hah!" She exclaimed in triumphant, he had most certainly known exactly what he was saying, but had covered it up with his usual diplomatic manner. She carefully wiped the grin off her face. "Of course, it will be as if you had never spoken." Erestor lent her a satisfied smile.

Jaden's attention was again distracted from Erestor by the arrival of Aragorn. She heard his voice call out a greeting to the golden lord, and her head instantly snapped in its direction. She thought Erestor might have said something, but she couldn't hear him, her thoughts were now wholly on the scene unraveling before her.

Aragorn had reached the golden lord, and as Glorfindel processed to once again remove his upper clothing, she noticed Aragorn was swiftly removing his as well. She couldn't repress the breathless gasp that passed her now slightly parted lips as Aragorn came free of his upper clothing. While Glorfindel was perfection in every sense, it was Aragorn who her eyes were trained on unwaveringly.

His naked torso was more muscular then the elves and her eyes picked up a few white scares here and there. But instead of marring the man's beauty, they only added to it. Her fingers twitched, and she felt a strange desire to run her hands along the thin white scare she saw traveling across his lower back. The two seasoned warriors drew their blades, and the dance of swords began again.

Jaden didn't know how much time passed, for her it held no meaning. Her eyes never strayed from the twisting bodies before her. She hadn't seen many men even in this state of half dress, and she felt heat creep up into her face as she watched their bodies, entranced. Aragorn was grace itself. His face was a mask of concentration, and his eyes held an intensity she had not seen there before. Like Erestor, she found him a little frightening, when displayed in all his deadly glory, but somehow this danger only served to excite her.

Jaden felt a strange heat an ache for she knew not what, building deep inside her. She felt overwhelmed with the almost physical need to feel his strong arms around her, to touch him, to have him touch her. It was terrifying in its intensity; never before had she felt these desires so powerfully.

All too soon, the fight was over. Glorfindel disarmed Aragorn, but to Jaden even in defeat he still looked magnificent. She came back to herself suddenly, and realized she had leaned far forward on the bench, her hands pressed firmly down upon it, her lips parted. She turned to glance at Erestor, hoping desperately he had no noticed her strange behavior. However, if she had been able to see herself then she would have know how hopeless this wish was. Her brown cheeks were visibly flushed, her eyes were bright, her lips open, and her breathing had become erratic. Her chest rising and falling swiftly in her efforts to regain her control.

Jaden knew Erestor had noticed something with only a glance at him. He didn't say anything, but he had a look she couldn't read playing across his features, but before she had a chance to interpret the look, Aragorn was suddenly before her.

"Jaden," her head snapped forward again, and she sprang to her feet. Aragorn was standing before her. Shirtless, with sweat clinging to his brow, his hair ruffled, cheeks flushed, and eyes bright. He was gracing her with a bright smile, one hand resting on his sword pommel.

Jaden's breath hitched again as she looked him over, and she swallowed quickly as she felt a twisting heat explode in her lower stomach. New heat flushed her cheeks, and she looked away quickly when it finally hit her what this intense feeling was. Desire. She couldn't recall ever feeling it for a man before. It was frightening, embarrassing, and terribly exciting all at the same time.

"Is something wrong Jaden, are you feeling well? You look flushed." Jaden knew she had to get away from Aragorn as fast as possible, before she said or did something she would regret.

"I am fine. You fought very well Aragorn, but of course you would..." She knew she was babbling, and to her further dismay Aragorn rested a hand on her shoulder and drew her closer to him. Her breathing suddenly sped up again, as his other hand came up to press against her flushed cheek.

"You are warm, are you sure you're alright?"

He was so very close. Jaden could feel his breath on her cheek, his beautiful eyes looking at her with concern, and caring. Her body leant forward into his touch of its own accord, before she suddenly came back to herself and stepped quickly back out of his embrace.

"I am well Aragorn, truly. I need to get going though. I told Legolas I would watch his archery."

"Legolas asked you to watch him shoot?" Asked Aragorn with a sly grin, "That's interesting."

Jaden was confused by his comment, her mind still sluggish with his close proximity. But it did not take her long to interpret his look, "Oh, no! Stop that Aragorn, we're just friends!" She wasn't sure how Aragorn could think Legolas could possibly be interested in her, that was absurd, and even though she knew Aragorn would never look at her with anything but friendship, she hated the idea of him thinking she would have feelings for someone else.

Aragorn laughed at her obvious distress, "I was only teasing my friend, I know Legolas isn't offering anything but friendship, you're only a mortal and..." He stopped suddenly realizing what he'd said. "Jaden..."

But she cut him off, "Its fine Aragorn, it doesn't matter. I'd better get going." With that she turned and walked away quickly, not ever remembering to say good bye to the elf lord who still stood next to her and had witnessed the whole event.

Jaden hurried back towards the house, not even bothering to make it look like she was going to meet Legolas. She just wanted to get back to her room as quickly as possible. She knew Aragorn hadn't meant anything by his words, but they still disturbed her. She knew Legolas and she had only connected as friends, but his comment about her mortality had stung. She didn't fully understand why though. She had been in the company of immortal elves for more than three weeks, and her mortality hadn't bothered her in the least. But the way he'd said it, it sounded like she wasn't good enough because she was mortal. She thought many of the elves must already think so, but to have Aragorn, another mortal betrothed to an immortal say it, caused a twisting in her gut. _What does it matter? It's not as if l want to live forever. _

Jaden hadn't really let her thoughts drift too far into her future, but she suddenly realized she had many years left to live. _I can't spend them here in Rivendell, besides Elrond leaves only three years after the war, what will I do? _She forced herself to push such worrying thoughts out of her head, but with their absence, Aragorn's words came back again. _He doesn't really think that. He's a mortal too. But he's not one of the lesser men, as they call them. I've no blood of Westerness in me. He has elvish blood, the blood of kings; he has at least a little right to seek an elf for a mate. This is a stupid train of thoughts! I am not even interested in loving an elf, or being an elf, so what does it matter? I am in love with a mortal! _  
Jaden stopped dead in her tracks. She hadn't allowed herself to admit she was in love with Aragorn before that moment. _I've never been in love before, how can I be sure? _She didn't have an answer to that question, and really didn't want to think about being in love with the future husband of Arwen, so she pushed it aside again.

However, this thought had taken her to a memory of Aragorn shirtless, flushed, and breathing heavily, and she nearly screamed as she broke into a run, dashing towards the safety of her room. Trying to outrun the coursing desire that had suddenly built up again in her chest, at the memory.

She darted into her room, closing the door firmly behind her, and flung herself onto her bed. Her chest was heaving, and she hadn't managed to banish Aragon from her mind for long. She was flooded with him, and she was extremely grateful for the privacy of her own room, as a moan of longing escaped her lips. She closed her eyes against the remembrance of his hand on her hot cheek. Coarse from his sword calluses, but gentle and soft at the same time. His eyes looking at her with such warmth and caring, his smell so mescaline, and intoxicating enhanced by his excursion on the practice field.

Jaden let out a strangled cry and flopped onto her stomach, burying her head in the covers. A sob of wanting pushed up her throat, but was muffled by the covers. She could still feel the heat in her lower regions, and a wiggling desire threaded through her flushed, trembling frame. Shaking fingers trailed down her chest, dipping into navel, feeling the fabric of her dress bunching about them on the southward journey. Her pulse pounded in her ears as her mind flirted with the image of Aragorn's sweat slicked chest. Her nostrils flared with the remembered smell, her own desire now mingling with it, twilling together into something mysterious and intoxicating. Her hands slide shyly lower, tentatively caressing that secret place; yet not bold enough to peel back the fabric of her dress and delve into the true mystery.

She was so lost in her own mounting desires that she failed to hear the soft knock on her door, or the second louder one. She let out a little cry, her hand jerking back as a voice reached her from doorway. Her head shot up to find Erestor standing uncertainly in her doorway. She was still spread out on her back, her face flushed, and eyes very bright, and chest heaving as she wonderer just what he had all seen. Her skirt had crawled dangerously high in her twisting and turnings, her legs exposed to well above her knees; she sent a silent pray of thanks up that she had not been bolder in her exploration.

A mix of emotions flashed in his eyes briefly, before he schooled his features. "Forgive me Jaden, I did not wish to invade your privacy, I was only concerned about you. Are you quite well?"

Jaden didn't reply for a moment, but sat up quickly on the bed, to pull her dress down, as she collected her thoughts. "Thank you Erestor, I am fine." She knew she was far from fine, and her voice, ever to her ears didn't sound the least convincing.

"May I speak with you?"

"Of course." Erestor paused in her doorway another moment, seeming to deliberate if he should enter.

"You can come in if you want, you don't have to talk from the hall." Her invitation didn't seem to help his decision in the least however, and he still hesitated. A slight frown graced his features. She wondered again how much he had witnessed before making his presence known.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't believe I should, come into your room, that is. Perhaps we might talk in the library?"

Jaden frowned in thought, "That's a good ten minute walk from here. You can come in, I don't mind. I won't tell anyone if you wish." She added, seeing his nervous look. His cheeks flushed a faint pink as his eyes darted back down the hall. She thought this indecision had more to it then the impropriety he might be practicing in being alone in her bedroom with her. But, after taking his bottom lip between his teeth for another wavering moment, he stepped into the room, sealing the door behind him.

Jaden patted the space next to her on the bed, for him to sit. Erestor hesitated again, and she arched a brow at him. He sighed suddenly and offered her a nervous smile before settling himself unceremoniously down next to her on the bed.

"Good, I thought you were going to start objecting to sitting next to me. We're only friends are we not?" She hadn't expected an answer to her question, so she didn't even notice Erestor's silence; he just gave her a small smile. They sat for a few minutes in silence, as she waited for Erestor to get to his point.

"Jaden, I do not wish to pry, for it is a delicate matter."

He paused for a moment, looking her over. She gave him a small nod of understanding and he continued. "I could not fail to notice the exchange you shared with the Dunedain Aragorn. I would not wish to suppose something that is not there, but I feel as your friend I must speak of him with you. Have you ever met the lady Arwen, lord Elrond's daughter?"

Jaden sighed, she had a feeling there conversation was going to turn in this direction. She had no real wish to speak of her feeling for Aragorn with anyone, especially not another male. This whole conversation seemed unnatural. _Am I really about to have a boy talk with an elf lord?_ But she knew he was only trying to save her from unlooked for pain, which made her realize what an incredibly good friend she had found. _He is obviously uncomfortable with this line of discussion, but he's willing to put his own needed second to help me. He really is a true friend, _she thought for not the first time.

"Erestor, my friend," here she took his hand in hers, in an uncharacteristic gesture. It was usually the other inhabitants of Middle-Earth that were more open to physical contact. They were typically the ones who touched her, so Erestor looked down at her in surprise when she took his hand. "You don't have to say anything else, I already know."

"You do?" He asked in confusion, "But..."

She sighed, "I do. Aragorn is in love with Arwen, they are practically betrothed. I know more about it then even they themselves. I know when this is all over, when Frodo has succeeded with his quest, when the Ring is destroyed. Aragorn will be crowned king of Gondor and Arnor. Arwen will come to him, and they will be wed and live happily until the end of his days, having beautiful children together. Yes, I know." Her voice held no emotion as she spoke these words, and she wondered at it.

"Do you love him?"

"Honestly, I don't know, I am trying to avoid thinking about it. It will only cause pain. I am well aware of their futures, as long as everything goes as in the stories, and I am happy for them, strange as it sounds. Their story is a very beautiful romance, the kind you read about only in legends and fairy tales. I am not foolish enough to want to come between them, even if I could, which I can't. She is Arwen Undomiel, the Evenstar of her people. She walks in the likeness of Luthian Tinuviel fairest of all Iluvatar's children. He is Aragorn son of Arathorn heir of Isildur, Elessar, Elfstone. He will be the greatest king of men since Elendil. I am Jaden Wambui of Nakuru of the Gikuyu people. My heart may be a fool, and seek to love something I could never attain or be worthy of, but luckily my head has more sense."

She said this last with a wry smile, though she was struggling to hold back the press of tears. To say all this out loud was nearly the end of her.

Erestor, being the perceptive elf that he was, drew her to him, and encircled her trembling body in his arms. "I wish I could take this pain from you. But do not think so little of yourself to say you do not deserve a man like Aragorn. There are few to equal him now walking Arda, and he is the greatest among them. But there are many who will ask how even such a man deserves the Evenstar, yet he has her love. He knew her for what she was, but he did not tell himself he was not good enough. I am not advising you to seek out the affections of Aragorn, you are wise when you realize they are already given, and can never be taken back, but you are not unworthy of anyone's love."

By the time he had finished speaking Jaden was clinging to him, as she wept helplessly. His arms were strong around her, and he rubbed her back slowly, as he spoke to her softly in elvish. Finally her sobs turned into hiccups, which made them both laugh, and she was able to pull away from him with a shy smile.

"I feel I have cried more since coming to Middle-Earth then all my 19 years combined." She said with a little smile, which Erestor shared, but he said in a surprised voice, "19, I thought you were older than that."

"No."

"But you are older than your years. You have seen much both here and I think in your old world." A shadow passed across Jaden's features as her mind drifted back to Kenya her home. "Not as much as some, but more than others," was her only reply.

"I am sorry for your grief." He began again, before Jaden cut him off.

"Don't Erestor; all will be well, in time. I hope. I think I love him," she admitted with a sad sigh, and Erestor took her hand with a gentle squeeze of comfort.

"But... it's hard to explain. Aragorn will meet a human woman in Rohan, Eowyn. She will love him, for a time, yet it will only be a shadow and a thought she loves, at least that's how it's explained. That's not to say she didn't really love him, but I think it's more the idea of him that she loved. Arwen loves Aragorn enough to forsake her own family, never to see them again after they sail. I might love Aragorn, but not in the same way as either Eowyn or Arwen, as I said it's hard to explain. But I think, with time I might be able to look at him and not hurt..." Her voice broke and she trailed off.

They sat in silence for some time, before Erestor roused himself. "Would you like to be alone now?"

Jaden couldn't think of anything she wanted less, she knew her thoughts would turn in unwanted directions the minute he had left her. "Oh, are you busy? Must you go?"

Erestor hesitated a moment, deciding, "It can wait, I will stay with you if you wish."

"Yes, I would like that."

"Very well, but let us go somewhere more appropriate then your bedroom." He said with a grin. Jaden nodded, "I think you would enjoy the library. We still have not had our first elvish lesson yet, have we?"

"No we have not." Jaden was quick to rise and follow the elf out the door. She noticed he checked the hallway thoroughly before exiting her room with her, and she couldn't repress a smile, and teasing him a bit more. Erestor took her teasing with good humor as usual, and she knew she was going to have a pleasant rest of her afternoon in the elven lords company.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The day after the famed council of Elrond found a blissful Jaden once again helping an old hobbit with his research. Frodo was off exploring Rivendell with the other hobbits, leaving Bilbo with some free time, much to Jaden's delight. She had missed the old hobbit dearly. However, their peaceful morning was interrupted when, to Jaden's surprise, Gandalf discovered them.

Jaden had not seen much of Gandalf since their last interrogation session, and she was still wary of the wizard. Her caution turned out to be well served, for only a few minutes into a polite conversation, the wizard was requesting Jaden's presence at a meeting. Jaden narrowed her eyes in suspicion, wondering what they could want this time. However, she had no choice but to accompany Gandalf back to what turned out to be Elrond's study.

Jaden bit her lip nervously as Gandalf pushed open the large wooden door. Jaden was no stranger to the study, having spent a few of her later interrogation sessions in it. However, the familiarity offered her no comfort. She was relieved to see the elves awaiting her seated around a table, and not lined up in chairs in the former intimidation manner. She recognized all of the elf lords' faces, with only one new face, Glorfindel's. _Elrond is also here, bringing the total of elves to 9 with one wizard against one human, _she thought wryly.  
She was relieved to see Erestor's familiar face in the crowed. He gave her a reassuring smile when their eyes met, which she managed to return with a somewhat shaky one of her own.

"Welcome child, sit." Elrond greeted her with a gesture towards one of the empty chairs. Jaden gritted her teeth silently at being referred to as a child, even though compared to the first age elf lord she was one.  
The others took a silent moment to measure her up, and she did likewise, not liking the odds one bit.  
"You are, no doubt, wondering why you have been summoned to this meeting?" Elrond asked.

"Yes." Jaden said simply.

"You have knowledge of the fate of Middle Earth," Elrond began, "While you have spoken little of your knowledge, it would I think, interest you to know that a secret council was held here yesterday, at which..." but Jaden cut into the elf lord's speech.

She had told them very little about her knowledge, keeping everything very vague, much to Gandalf's frustration. Saying only they would be successful, the ring would be destroyed, though not without loss and war. However, since her conversations of the previous day she was feeling a little more open to sharing some limited knowledge. She felt she had helped Legolas at least a little, and as long as she didn't let her mouth run, she wanted to give them what hope and advice she could. She was feeling a great deal friendlier towards the inhabitants of Middle Earth.

"I know all about the council, Lord Elrond. Forgive me for the interruption, but there's no point in you wasting breath over something I already know about." She gave him a slightly apologetic look, which he accepted with a slight incline of the head, though she couldn't help hearing the soft murmurs of displeasure her disrespect had caused from some of the others present.

"As I said, I know Frodo has the task of destroying the one ring in the fires of Mount Doom. I also know that a fellowship of nine will be created to help him accomplish this task. I know the identities of those nine, and the roles they will each play in its destruction. I know the exact path the ring will take to Mount Doom. I know almost everything, hell I can tell you some of the exact words they used along the way."

"Is your knowledge so extensive, child? I had not thought..." Gandalf's face was marred with a frown as he spoke these words. He seemed to be thinking fast. "Will you not share this knowledge with us?"

Jaden sighed, she had thought they had gotten through this. "No, as I have told you before, it is too dangerous to know ones future, which is exactly why I have never attempted to leave the valley. I wish no evil to any of you, and it would be disastrous if this knowledge got into the wrong hands. I would like to say I would not tell under torture, but who can honestly say that? I am not arrogant enough to claim I could hold up, I think there are few who could..."

Here an elf lord named Imcairion interrupted her, "You, a mere mortal could not hope to withstand the Dark Lords onslaughts, but we here are stronger then you, and wiser."  
Jaden's eyes flashed as she replied, "Hurin was a mere mortal too, and did he not defy Morgoth? I never claimed to be wise, but at least I am not as prejudiced and petty as you are!"

She tried to keep her voice calm, but there was a decided edge to it. She was again grateful for knowing some of Middle Earth's history. She had found her knowledge of the past nearly as important as that of the future.  
Imcairion had shot up out of his chair with her words, but Glorfindel, who was seated to his right, placed a steadying hand on his shoulder, though it didn't stop Imcairion from lashing out at Jaden.

"How dare you speak of our history, as if you were there, mortal?" He spit the last word out as if it were a curse.  
Jaden was spared having to make a reply when Erestor suddenly came to her defense, "And where were you Imcairion? Do not forget yourself in your anger. You took your first breath long after Beleriand had sunk under the sea," he paused for a deep breath before continuing in a weary voice, "but come, we are all friends here, let us not quarrel, we have come here for decisions and to take council, not pick at old wounds."

Another elf lord came to Imcairion's defense, unable to let things lie, he said something in elvish, too fast for Jaden to catch the words. The only one she could determine was a name, Fëanor. But this only served to confuse Jaden further. _What does Fëanor, kin-slayer and greatest of the elves have to do with Erestor? _She couldn't even begin to fathom what Fëanor's name was doing in this conversation, but it had obviously hit a sore spot with Erestor. His face had gone deathly pale, but he's shoulders were straight and his chin up, not willing to give the other elf victory.

"That is enough lord Luinfuin. Lord Erestor is a trusted member of this council, and I will not hear words against him. I have already warned you where words such as those will lead."

Jaden had never thought Elrond could get angry. He always seemed mellow, and kind, though always with a touch of sadness and weariness about him. But as Elrond spoke these hard words to the assembled elves his eyes held suppressed anger, which she found herself silently shrinking from. "The human Jaden, is also a guest at this council, and as such will receive your respect."

The assembled elves seemed genuinely chastised, even the ones who had not participated in the argument bowed their heads to their lord. It was a strange sight, seeing these proud and ancient beings give homage to their leader, and Jaden wondered at it. _Some of these elves have to be older then Elrond, like Glorfindel, he's a Balrog killer, and re-born, yet he too bowed his head in respect for the younger elf. Elrond's their lord, and they respect him. I doubt he has many occasions to remind them of it, though, _she thought ruefully, before her glance landed on the still pale Erestor. He too was bowing his head to his lord, in respect.

Jaden felt guilt fill her. If she hadn't snapped at Imcairion Erestor wouldn't have been attacked. As the elves pulled out of the gesture of respect for their lord, Jaden hoped to catch Erestor eye, but he wouldn't look at her. _Is he mad at me? Her chest tightened at the thought of losing his friendship. Oh why couldn't I just shut up? _She wailed inwardly.

"We came here to speak of the future of Middle Earth, not the past, so let us continue," said Elrond bringing the meeting back on track.

"Jaden, you have declared your wish not to speak of your knowledge, and while it goes against others better judgment, we will let the matter lie. However, you have spoken, just now, of the very thing we seek your council on, the Fellowship of nine. Gandalf and I have thought long on the presence of certain members in the group, and taken council with others. It has been decided that along with the ring bearer, and his servant Sam, Gandalf will undertake this venture, it will be his greatest task, Aragorn will also go, it is his time. Boromir of Gondor will give aid to the fellowship as he travels south to his home. Those five members have been decided on. The question of who shall go, to represent the Eldar race, is a difficult one, and one we here have pondered. Yet this morning Legolas Greenleaf came to us, offering his services for the quest. I was surprised, for the wood elves do not often get involved in great matters, yet when I questioned his motives he said you Jaden had spoken with him about his role in the upcoming fellowship. I am surprised, since you have not favored us with your knowledge, but he was eager to undertake this venture, and I told him I would take council with you on the matter. Does the story speak of his being one of the nine?"

All eyes were now turned to Jaden in question; she had never spoken so openly about her knowledge with the council as today. "Yes, Legolas will be the sole elven member of the fellowship. He will be its eyes and ears. I am pleased to hear he was eager to take up this task, for when I last spoke with him he doubted my words saying he was not the best choice. It is true that any elf could be the fellowships eyes and ears, and perhaps he is not the greatest warrior, but I am glad to see my other argument won him over. You will see, in the end there is no other better suited for the task."

"I see you will give us no further words on this matter, but it is enough, another of the company has been selected."

"But nine? You are sure it was nine?" Questioned one of the elves doubtfully.

"Well you are still missing a dwarf. You'll want every race right?" Hinted Jaden.

"We are indeed considering the question of the dwarven member, but it is the last two members of the fellowship that are the real reason you are here." Elrond said.  
Gandalf explained, "We are undecided upon them. I would council for the last two young hobbits to go, but others would not."

Jaden considered her options. _Should I tell them? Would it mess anything up? They could probably just figure it out in the end, but why cause them needless stress then they already have? _Jaden decided to give into their request this one time.

"I cannot see how this knowledge of the last two members could change anything, so I will tell you. Yes, Gandalf you are correct in your choice. Merry and Pippin will be the last members. I know they can be a bit foolish and empty headed at times, as will be seen even clearer later in time, but their presence is vital to the fellowship, and war at large. I will say no more, only that if you do not wish Rohan and Gondor to fall into darkness, you'd best be sending two very brave little hobbits with the fellowship."

This got several curious looks, and murmurs out of the elves and wizard assembled. Jaden hadn't been able to help herself with the Rohan and Gondor part, and was now hiding a smile.

"We will consider your words carefully, and we thank you for your assistance. Now, it is clear even more so then before, that it is vital you not stray from Imladris. No land is safe in these dark times, but Imladris is well protected. Your knowledge of the future goes deeper than any of us thought. So, for the safety of Middle Earth you must remain here until all is complete."

"I understand lord Elrond, and I am grateful for your hospitality, even if I didn't want it at first." Elrond gave her a nod accepting her thanks, and Jaden saw her clue to let herself out.

Several days passed quickly filled with afternoons spent comfortably in the library helping Bilbo with his research and studying the elvish language. Jaden was finding the language more difficult then she had expected, but she was still making good progress, and could always pick out a few words of passing elves conversations. She had also effectively managed to avoid Aragorn since the practice field. She didn't want to risk anything by being around him, not after she'd admitted she loved him, and couldn't stop thinking about him many a night. _He's not blind, he's going to notice sometime or other, but there's no way I am going to be as obvious as Eowyn! _Eowyn TOLD him she loved him, in not so many words.

Jaden was missing a certain elf lords company though; she hadn't seen Erestor since their meeting almost a week before. Jaden sighed as she placed a book back on the library shelf.

She hadn't realized how attached she'd gotten to the elf. He was a consent source of comfort, and had a way of cheering her up no matter what heavy thoughts weighed on her. She could only conclude that the elf was mad at her. It seemed unreasonable that Erestor would blame her for another elf's cruel words, but she couldn't think of any other explanation. He had been avoiding her, she was sure. She had played with the idea of seeking him out, she knew where his study was, but the one time she had actually ventured over to it, she'd lost her nerve at the door. The nagging thought of how little she actually knew about the elf had taken that precise moment to reemerge, and she hadn't been able to shake it since._ He's thousands of years old! What if he was just being nice to me, what if he's not really interested in my friendship? _She pushed these negative thoughts away as quickly as possible. _He couldn't have been pretending friendship it was too real! He was one of the best friends she'd ever had; he just needed some time that was all. But why, what had she done? _Jaden didn't have an answer to any of these questions.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the hobbit sharing the library with her.

"Jaden my girl, would you be a dear and fetch an old hobbit a spot of tea, and some cake? I think we could afford to take a small break."

Jaden gave Bilbo a warm smile, she loved having him back, the library just hadn't been the same without his company, "Of course Bilbo."

"Jaden!" She nearly dropped the carefully arranged tray of sweets in her surprise. She whirled around to confront the culprit, but her words died on her tongue. She was too glad to see the wood elf to give him a scolding.  
"Legolas, what are you doing in the kitchens?" He gave her a sly grin, "I've been conscripted." Jaden cocked an eyebrow at the elf in confusion. "The two young hobbits Merry and Pippin have requested I help them pinch some food." Jaden found herself laughing at the idea of the elf prince sneaking around steeling food for the two greedy hobbits.

"They didn't! Have they no shame?" Jaden cried between laughs.

"I am afraid my future traveling companions will do whatever it takes to get their hands on a few Rivendell delicacies. But I do not mind. Now that Talion and Filion have returned home, with a message for my father, I find I have a lot of time on my hands. They are strange creatures, and I enjoy their company."

"Well I am glad they are not taking complete advantage of your kindness. What about the twin son's of Elrond though? Aren't they friends of yours?"

"Ah yes. I have known the sons' of Elrond long years. They travel often, and I first met them when I was still an elfling in Mirkwood. But they are out scouting again. All must be prepared for our departure, and I am looking for their coming any day now. But here I find you snitching food as well my young friend, you're as bad as the hobbits!"  
"I am not snitching!" Jaden cried defensively, "I am getting Bilbo a snack, and he's allowed all the food he wants."

"Forgive my assumption." He bowed extravagantly to Jaden, and she giggled.

"You are forgiven my lord, no offense taken." He gave her a brilliant smile.

"What are you doing this afternoon?" He asked.

"Well.... Bilbo is planning on spending some time with Frodo, so I suppose I'll just practice my elvish. Why?"  
"Come ridding with me! I found a magnificent spot only a short ride away that even mortal eyes can appreciate." He said teasingly.

Jaden pretended a pout, in mock offense.

"Alas! My hasty words will be my undoing!" Legolas cried, though he was doing a poor job holding back his smile. "What must I do to win back your good favor?"

Jaden thought about it for a minute, and then said, still teasing, "You must teach me to ride, for I've never sat on a horse in my life."

Legolas looked truly astonished at this revelation, and even a little doubtful, "You jest?"

"No, people in my world don't really use horses much. We have machines to travel in."

Legolas couldn't hide his look of displeasure at the idea of riding in machines instead of free on the backs of creatures.

"It's extremely efficient! With a proper road I could travel from here to Mirkwood in less than two days!" Jaden said, feeling the need to defend modern travel.  
Legolas looked skeptical at this revelation, but then his curiosity took over, "How is this possible? Will you tell me of them?"

"On one condition."

"What?"

"I get to learn to ride. I am sure you're to busy, but if you could help me convince someone to teach me I'd be so thankful."

"Of course, and I am not so very busy as I've just finished telling you. I will be delighted to teach you my friend."

Jaden was surprised at her boldness in the request; she usually avoided asking anyone for anything, preferring to do things herself. Learning how to ride though, was something she couldn't teach herself, but she was just as surprised that Legolas would want to teach her himself. She considered him a friend, but teaching someone to ride had to be a large time commitment. She wasn't going to say no to his offer though; she'd prefer learning from a friend.

"I am in your debt my friend."

"Don't be ridiculous, you have your end of the bargain to hold up. In fact..." He got a calculation look on his fair features, "I feel more information is required for my services. What other wonders and tales from your world might interest a wood elf enough to spend his afternoons with a human?"

"You are a curious elf, aren't you? Well I can think of hundreds of things right now that might interest you master elf."

"Then I believe we have a deal."

"Deal," Jaden stuck out her hand, and Legolas giving her a quizzical look took it, preparing to place a kiss upon it, but Jaden was to quick for him and instead began giving his hand a hearty shake.

"It's called a hand shake. When you strike a deal, or meet someone, people shake hands."

"Ahh! So my lessons begin," cried a delighted Legolas. Jaden had to wonder again at the transformation of the elf. _I wonder how old he is? He acts quite a bit younger than other elves, I don't think he really gets out much._

"Wait a moment while I find the hobbits, I shall meet you in the library."

With that the elf was off in search of the hobbits to deposit his stolen good. Jaden hurried back to the library with her own tray of snacks. They had barley finished the snack before Legolas arrived. Bilbo was, to Jaden's surprise, exited to see she had become friends with the elf.

"Legolas what are you about stealing my research assistant? Oh well I forgive you, I am counting on her to wiggle a few details on Mirkwood out of you. I am still working on my book you know. Teaching her to ride, eh? Well she's a quick one, so you won't have much trouble. Now, what are you two doing still standing here? Off to the stables with you!"

Jaden could only laugh at the old hobbits antics, and she and Legolas exited the library.

"It is good to see he's doing well. I have not had much chance to talk with him before today," explained Legolas. "I met him after the battle of five armies, years ago, I am sure he's told you of his adventures?"

"Yes, I knew of them before I came, from the story in my world, but I had the pleasure of hearing them again from him." She smiled, thinking of her friend, and then she turned back to Legolas, "Were you there, at the battle? I don't really know much about your past, before you came to Rivendell, it's not mentioned in the story's."

"Yes, I fought with my brother and father. It was my first real battle. I'd helped patrol the borders, of course, but I only faced skirmishes, nothing of the same magnitude of the battle of five armies."

Legolas's tone had become serious and distant, and Jaden was reminded of his age. _He may seem young and carefree compared to other elves, but he's still an ancient being in the measure of men. How can elves be merry and teasing one moment, and mysterious and serious the next? They are such complex beings. _Her thoughts turned to Erestor again. _That is one complex elf! _But she missed his company all the same.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by Legolas, "Will you tell me more of these traveling machines?"

The walk to the stables was full of explanations on Jaden's part as she struggled to explain everything from cars to the grad derby to fulfill Legolas's boundless curiosity.

Jaden had never been to the Rivendell stables, or any stables for that matter. She'd never actually seen a horse in real life before coming to Middle Earth, just pictures in books, and on TV. Legolas led her right over to his own beautiful cream colored horse he had ridden from Mirkwood.

"This is Mailen." He said patting the horses head affectionately.

"Um, nice to meet you, again," Jaden felt ridiculous talking to an animal, but if he was an elven house, then he could probably understand her.

"Hold out your hand. Let him smell you." Legolas instructed.

Cautiously Jaden held up her hand for Mailen to investigate. Jaden couldn't help the small cry she let out as the stallion tried to bite her. Legolas however was laughing.

"He's just playing." But he spoke some soft elven words to Mailen, "He'll behave, don't look so worried."  
Jaden still felt doubtful as she looked the horse over. _As long as I don't have to ride him. Legolas, as if reading her thoughts said. "I think it wise to start with a gentler soul, though. Come."_

Jaden followed him along the stalls until he came to one housing a brownish-red horse. Jaden was relieved to find this horse was a good deal smaller then Mailen.

"This one looks promising. She's trained with humans."  
"How can you tell?" Jaden asked.

"Practice," the elf answered with a glint in his bright blue eyes. "Also there's the human saddle hanging on her gate."

Jaden mock pouted, "As if I can tell the difference between human and elf saddles."

"All in good time my friend. Now, this one will respond to the common speech better than an elvish horse, if it's used to riding humans."

"I could learn the elvish commands." Jaden said stubbornly.

"Yes, you will, but not today. Today we shall focus on you keeping your seat."

Legolas immediately began Jaden's instruction, starting with how to saddle a horse. Jaden watched intently, remembering some of his movements from the days she spent traveling with the elves. Though watching the elves saddle and care for their horses had not been her top priority at the time.

Legolas broke off his continuous stream of explanation, when he asked Jaden in a soft voice, "Do your thoughts still turn to the dwarf?"

Jaden was startled by the turn of conversation, and hesitated longer then she should have with her answer. Legolas had stilled his hands, with her hesitation, and was looking at her intently awaiting her reply.  
"Sometime." It was a truthful answer. Jaden had awaked to nightmares of the dwarf more than once since the incident, and every time she past a dwarf in the corridors she couldn't stop her body from moving as far away as possible. However, overall she thought she was doing a good job keeping her memories of the attack buried deep within her.

"What of his punishment? Have you spoken with the other dwarf, his uncle?" Legolas pressed.

Jaden wished he would just drop the subject. She had in fact, not gone to tell Malin about his nephews actions the night of the feast. The thought of reliving them, and others knowing of her humiliation had kept her from it. She had reasoned the dwarf had learned his lesson, and it was better left in the past. Legolas, however, would probably not understand this reasoning.

"Um, no. I thought, that is... I just don't want to talk about it anymore, let's just forget it ever happened. Please." She begged, not meeting his unwavering gaze.  
"How can you wish that? Do you not want justice? He would have forced himself upon you, if I had not stopped him. Do you understand what that would have meant?" He persisted.

"Of course I do, I am not an ignorant child!" Jaden snapped. Her eyes fixing the elf with a glare, but her anger disappeared when she saw only concern in his blue ones. "I am sorry Legolas, I shouldn't have yelled. I just wish you would let it alone. I cannot see what good will come of telling others of it. It would only be humiliating, for others to know, and then I'd have to think about it and.... You haven't told anyone have you?" She asked worriedly.

"I would never betray your trust in such a manner mellon." He said, sounding a little hurt at her accusations.

"I am sorry. Please, let us not speak of it again." She asked.

"If you wish," he said after a moment's thought.

They finished saddling her horse in silence, and Legolas led her out to a large fenced in field when they were ready, Jaden following behind.

"Her name's Dimcair."

"How did you..." Jaden didn't finish the thought, as the elf favored her with another amused smile. She sighed, but was glad he was back in a playful mood, and talks of dwarfs were forgotten.

Legolas helped her mount, and with his help it was not difficult. Jaden was immediately aware of her dress, though, the minute she was settled atop the horse. Her dark green skirts were ridding up her legs in a manner that was scandalous in Middle Earth terms. She couldn't detect any awareness of the fact that her skirts were past her knees, on the elf's face. She hoped it didn't bother him. Nobody would have thought anything of her skirt length in her time, but she didn't know how her showing so much leg would affect the elf, if at all. Yeah, right. As if he'd be interested in brown human legs, female or no.

She was suddenly reminded of Aragorn's teasing of the other day. He'd implied Legolas had meant something by asking her to watch him shoot, but then of course he'd said she was only a mortal. For some reason that comment still stung. She knew Legolas wasn't interested in her that way, and if Aragorn had been there when he had asked for her to accompany him to the archery fields, he'd not have thought of teasing her. God's Legolas is beautiful, but not only is he way out of my league, but I've already fallen in love with Aragorn.

She looked again at the wood elf, trying to see him from a different perspective. He was stunning. His light blue eyes contrasting exquisitely with his dark hair, held back by his two braids. His pointed ears revealed, helping to accentuate his delicate angular features. He was beautiful, yet still held a strong masculinity about him.

Jaden saw all this, but she couldn't detect any of the strong feelings she felt for Aragorn, as she examined the elf. He was her friend, but not someone she could see herself loving in that manner. Though friends with benefits.... stop that at once! As if an elf would ever even consider such a thing, and neither would you. She scolded her wayward mind. She'd never been with a man, had shared her first kiss with a dwarf, such thoughts were quite foreign to her. She'd just never really had time for boys back home. She'd had dreams, goals for her life, and boys would have just gotten in the way. Jaden shook away these thoughts, to focus on the present.

"....all right. I think that's everything. Do you have any questions Jaden?" Oh shit! I've just missed the entire first lesson, stupid thoughts!

Jaden found herself shaking her head no to his question. She'd die of mortification if the elf knew she'd been spending her time considering if he'd make a good potential lover, and not listening to him.

Legolas was taking a few steps back, waiting for her to begin, but what was she supposed to do first? She thought back on the TV shows she'd seen with horses in them, and her brief travels with the elves. The elves were no help at all, only using elvish to command their mounts, though most of the time not even seeming to need speech at all! The TV was more promising though. She took a deep breath, and said what all the American cowboys she'd seen say in the olden days movies.

"Yah!" She dug her heels into poor Dimcair's sides, harder then she had intended. Jaden let out a little squeal as her mount broke into a run. She heard Legolas shouting at her and the horse, but what he was saying was lost on Jaden, as she clung desperately to the reigns as she flew away.

Eventually her braver side broke through her haze of panic, as the shock of the gallop wore off. She realized Dimcair was not running madly, but staying inside the enclosed area, and probably wasn't going as fast as she could. She took a deep, last breath, and slowly raised her clinging hands from the saddle's pommel, and pulled back on the reigns ordering the horse to stop in Elvish as she did so.

Dimcair slowed to a walk, before coming to a complete stand still. Just as Jaden's heart rate began to slow, she felt hands dragging her from the saddle, and a familiar though strained voice chastising her.  
"What were you thinking? I told you NEVER to kick a horse! What possessed you to do something so reckless? Are you injured? Valar, you could have been killed!" His hands were running up and down her arms searching for injuries. Jaden was feeling guilty for causing the elf so much distress. She bit her lip.

"I am sorry. I wasn't listening very well. I didn't mean to frighten you."

Legolas's hands stopped there searching, and gripped her shoulders, his bright eyes searching hers. He seemed satisfied with what he saw, because he sighed deeply, and the stressed look left his face. To Jaden's surprise he pulled her into a hug, and held her close for several moments, and whispered in a still shaking voice,  
"Don't ever do that again mellon. Promise me." He demanded.

"I promise; I am sorry."

He sighed against her hair, "No, I am sorry if I frightened you, my friend. I have grown fond of your company and do not wish to lose you. But I over reacted."  
"It's all right....."

But whatever she was going to add was cut off when they were interrupted suddenly.

"What's this? Legolas we thought you didn't get along with Jaden."

Jaden broke their friendly embrace with all hastiness, Jaden's face turning slightly red in embarrassment. Legolas seemed not at all effected by the teasing, but then he probably wasn't thinking about potential lovers only a few minutes before.

The teasers were of course the twin son's of Elrond, who had implicit timing in their arrival, and were sauntering over to the human and elf. To Jaden's horror, however, there was a third to the twin's party -none other than a grinning Aragorn. Jaden closed her eyes briefly, trying to collect her wits. Why him? Anyone but him. Even though she knew Legolas hadn't meant anything by the embrace, she didn't want to hear their teasing, especially not his. She hated the idea of him thinking her with another, even if it was only in jest.

"I remember the same brother," said Elrohir his light gray eyes laughing, "Yet now we find you too looking 'friendly' indeed." The twin finished with a smirk. To Jaden's horror Aragorn winked at her, as he saw her face heating up.

"You would know all about more than friendly relationships Elrohir. I can think of a few dozen pinning elleth in Mirkwood, still anticipating your next arrival." Legolas teased right back, to Jaden's surprise. The twins jesting about a relationship between the two of them didn't seeming to faze him in the least. But then I am a mortal, the possibility probably hadn't even occurred to him.

Elrohir had the decently to look guilty, though Elladan seemed to think the conversation had improved, by the huge grin plastered to his face.

"That is not my fault." Elrohir said defensively, "I did nothing to encourage them."

"I think Alaesia would say differently," countered Legolas. Jaden saw the immediate change in the twin. His shoulders slumped a little, and he didn't make eye contact with the wood elf. "I over indulged in the wine. I never met anything by it; let us talk of something else."

Aragorn's eyes narrowed, "What is Legolas talking about brother?"

Elrohir didn't meet his foster brothers' eyes either, and it was left to Legolas, who had lost most of his teasing tone, to continue the tale.

"Several years back, on Elrohir's and Elladan's last visit to Mirkwood a young, rather silly elleth named Aleasia got it into her head that she was in love with Elrohir...."

"I had never ever spoken to her!" Elrohir cried desperately.  
"....one night the twins and I were enjoying a bit too much good wine, and Elrohir wandered out to the garden, something about clear stars. Aleasia, as it happened, was also out that night..."

"She was probably stalking me..." Elrohir cut in.  
"Like I was saying, the elleth happened upon the thoroughly inebriated Elrohir, and things went from there. I am not trying to defend the silly elleth. I am quite sure she intended to seduce Elrohir if she could..."  
"And then make him marry her no doubt." Elladan said with disgust.

"No doubt, either way, if Elladan had not found them together, and just in time Valar be praised, you might have a miserable bounded brother on your hands, with one of the most unpleasant elleth for a sister in law," concluded Legolas.

"It wasn't that bad! I mean, she was that bad, but we had only kissed and she'd touched..."

"Elrohir! There's a lady here," chastised Aragorn.  
Jaden was surprised at how stuffy Aragorn was being about women, or females. But then she supposed they all were since they were making a big deal about Elrohir kissing and maybe a little more, an elleth. Middle Earth is so different then home. She found the conversation enlightening, when she thought about Legolas's strong reaction to the dwarf. Kissing and touching seemed to be signs of a very serious relationship, or only things to be done with one's life-long mate.

The others were looking at her guiltily now for their past conversation. Jaden rolled her eyes at them. They were as bad as Erestor! No, don't think about him that just made her sad. She still missed him. She wondered absently what he would have said to her present conversation. But she forced her thoughts back to the present.

The idea of Elrohir kissing a girl and getting a little touchy, as something scandalous, was of course ridiculous. Just because she was an inexperienced virgin, didn't mean she was ignorant. She knew Kenya was more conservative then western nation, when it came to sex, but she'd had friends that didn't have a problem with kiss and tell, and she'd sat in fount of one of the nastiest boys she'd ever met all four years of secondary school (high school). He never seemed to pull his head out of the gutter.

However, Jaden refrained from informing the elves and ranger of exactly how educated, if not experienced she was.

Jaden was relieved to see her and Legolas's pretend relationship was not longer being commented about. She felt bad for Elrohir that his misadventures had to become public knowledge, but she was thankful for the diversion.  
"We had best get back, are you two coming?" Asked Aragorn, looking at Jaden expectantly.

He looked like he wanted her company; they hadn't spoken for several days after all. Jaden bit her lip, it was terribly tempting to accept the offer, but she knew she couldn't, not this time. She had to stop before she did something utterly humiliating. She didn't have a chance to refuse however, as Elrohir said.

"Why don't Jaden and Aragorn start back, we'll catch up." Jaden felt panic rise up in her chest. She had no desire to be alone with the ranger. Well that wasn't true, she couldn't think of anything she'd like better, which was the problem. But she didn't see how she could escape the situation without making a scene, or drawing suspicion. So she followed the ranger mutely as he made his way back through the stables.

As they were passing along the side of the immense stables, Aragorn pulled Jaden to a stop with one hand on her shoulder. He was giving her a searching look, which made her nervous.

"Jaden, I want to apologize for my thoughtless words the other day. It was not my intention to hurt you. I had no right to say what I did. I most of all should know what it means to care for an elf. I am sorry, and forgive my brothers for their teasing words just now, they meant nothing by them. I do not know what is in Legolas's heart. I assumed wrongly that he could not form an attachment to a mortal, which was calloused of me."  
"There's no need to apologies, I've already forgiven you. But don't worry; Legolas and I are just friends. I am sure, whether you will admit it or not, your words were true. Even if I did develop feelings for him, which I will not, I am still just a mortal." She spoke the last words barely above a whisperer, and looked away from him. She didn't catch the frown that her words caused across his features.

Aragorn's other hand came up to caress her cheek, in what he thought was a friendly comforting gesture. "Do not say such words. I am glad to hear your heart has not turned towards him, for I know such a relationship is hard, I would wish you happiness with another human first. Our mortality does not make us less than the elves, just different. We hold different fates, and walk different paths in life and death. I love Arwen with all my being, but still I would wish her a mortal, or I an elf, a thousand times over. Love between mortal and immortal is hard, and bittersweet, I would not wish it on another."  
Jaden's eyes met his blue gray ones. He had pulled her close to him, his hand still gently caressing her cheek, and his other hand slide around to her back.

Don't Aragorn. I cannot bear your touch. Her eyes fluttered shut, and she leaned into his caress again. Her mind screamed for her to break away from him.

Her eyes snapped open again, her mind determined to make her body obey its demands, but her eyes were caught by his beautiful ones looking at her with such warmth, and tenderness, her breath caught. He whispered something in elvish to her, her mind was not functioning well enough to translate it though. Her eyes locked on his moving lips, so kissable. He body leaned rebelliously closer to his, her senses becoming overwhelmed with him.

"Jaden?" His concerned words broke through the haze of her mind, and she pulled away quickly, stumbling in her haste. He caught her easily in his arms, but she pulled away desperately.

"I am sorry Aragorn. I need some air.... um excuse me, I am..." she babbled as she quickly put some distance between them.

She dared not look back at him, afraid to see if he realized what had nearly happened. Afraid that she had revealed herself to him. She'd nearly kissed him, would have kissed him. She turned her back to him, and used all her remaining strength to walk away from him calmly, and not flee like a scarred animal.

NO! That did not just happen! He must see now, there was no more hiding it. There faces had been inches apart. Her hands came up to cover her flaming cheeks. God why? She'd just made a fool out of herself, and she'd been doing so good at avoiding him.

She took no notice of where she was going, struggling to get her raging emotions under control. She finally just sank down on the cool grass, her head falling forward into her hands. She didn't know how long she sat like that, but eventually she was pulled out of her thoughts by the sound of her name being called.

She recognized Aragorn's voice. He had not yet discovered her, for which she was grateful. She got up, and started making her way hastily back to the house, hoping to slip by him.

Her mind turned back to her problems, as she began her walk back to the house. Aragorn, what to do about him? Nothing, there's really nothing I can do. I've given him my heart without even realizing it and it will stay with him, at least for a while. She hoped it wouldn't be too long. She wanted to find peace, and relief from the constant ache, more than anything. And now he knows, he has to have realized I'd almost kissed him. Does he know I love him?

Jaden was so deep in her thoughts she didn't noticed the ranger striding towards her. She'd almost reached the house, when he was upon her.

"Jaden," she was startled out of her thoughts, and looked up quickly, her face paling significantly, as she came face to face with the one who held her heart. She searched his face, for she knew not what, just some indication of change, of understanding.

They stood looking at each other for long moments, he was searching her face as well, but he didn't seem to like what he saw because his face had turned into a frown.  
"Jaden, I am not sure of what....before when I was comforting you...." He's not sure! Think Jaden, think of some excuse. Make him think it was something else, anything else.

"I am sorry Aragorn, I just got really dizzy all of a sudden, and then I was reminded of something disturbing that happened to me, and I got well, um scarred, and I am sorry I didn't mean to worry you." God that sounds awful! Jaden thought hopelessly. Jaden saw the doubt on his face, but he asked.

"What did you remember? Would you like to talk about it? I am sorry if I did something to remind you of it."  
Something disturbing, something disturbing....what to say! Suddenly she found herself blurting out, to her horror, "One of the dwarfs tried to force himself upon me, when he was drunk, but its all right because Legolas came along and helped me." NO! Why did I just say that, can I take it back? Oh, this was almost worse than Aragorn thinking she'd tried to kiss him, almost.  
Aragorn was looking at her in shock, "What? A dwarf tried to....rape you? When was this? Why didn't you say anything sooner? Have you told lord Elrond? Are you alright? Who was it?" His voice was full of concern, and he moved closer to her instinctively, but when he saw her stiffen, he stopped himself. "Oh, Jaden, I am so sorry. If I'd know my holding you would bring up these evil memories...forgive me."

Jaden felt bad for lying to him. Thoughts of Kili were the farthest things from her mind when she'd been in Aragorn's arms, but she knew it was for the best. There was no need for him to be burdened with the truth. To her relief, she had found her story had worked as well, Aragorn had attributed her strange behavior of before to her memories. Now, to just get him to forget about Kili.

"No Aragorn, you mustn't tell anyone, promise me. I don't want to talk about it. It was days ago, at the feast, and he was drunk. It's been dealt with, and I don't want any elves involved, there's enough bad blood between them. I am not hurt, all will be well. Promise me, please, you will not say a word." She pleaded with him.  
She saw him work his jaw silently for some long moments, his eyes holding righteous anger at the one who would hurt a friend. Jaden was touched by the depth of his emotion, and how much he cared for her, but she was still determined to get a promise of silence from him. When he still had not given it

Jaden prompted, "Aragorn, please!" Her gaze was so desperate, and he saw what distress this was causing her, so while he would have liked to rip out the dwarf's throat, or any other who would try and force himself on a woman, he agreed to her wish.

"Alright Jaden, you have my word."

Jaden's face broke into a relieved smile. She was tempted to throw her arms around him, and hug him for all he was worth, but was sure that would not be wise. She vowed never to be so close to him again. She couldn't risk it. She'd become too involved now, her heart was lost to him, and it seemed her body as well.

So, she had to make due with a smile, trying to hide the pain of knowing she would never be in his arms again, never be allowed to feel his hand on her cheek, or be able to lose herself in him again. She bit her lip as these painful thoughts took over, and knew she couldn't keep the look of sorrow from her eyes. Aragorn frowned at her new sadness, but did not try and comfort her with a touch, thinking it would disturb her.

"Come; let us go into the house. Would you like me to seek out Bilbo? Perhaps a quiet dinner with a hobbit would lighten your heart." Jaden liked the idea very much, but then remembered he'd probably be with Frodo, and she didn't want to intrude.

"It's alright Aragorn; I think Bilbo's spending the evening with Frodo."

"He would welcome your company regardless. He thinks very highly of you, you know."

Jaden allowed a small smile to play upon her lips at his comment. "Well if you think he would not mind...."

"Of course he wont mind. I believe they are hiding away in Bilbo's rooms, let us go seek them out."

Jaden gave the ranger a genuine smile, as they set off for the hobbits chambers.

Aragorn was right; the hobbits were delighted with their company. Sam was there as well, and Jaden was happy to get to know the younger two hobbits better. Aragorn did not stay long, though, and Jaden couldn't help the faltering in her smile, and dimming of her eyes when he had excused himself from the room. She hid her loss well though, and was able to spend a delightful evening with the three hobbits.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

It had been over a month since Jaden had last spoken to Erestor. She had caught glimpses of him here and there, but had never tried to approach him, hoping he would take the initiative, but he never had. Jaden bit her lip, as she tended to do when her thoughts traveled in his direction. It didn't make sense to her why his absence would bother her so, after only knowing him for two weeks. _He obviously doesn't want to have anything to do with me, so why do I still think about him? _

She'd gotten closer to Legolas over the last few weeks. They had had riding lessons almost every afternoon for three weeks, until he thought she could hold her own. Now he would take her on rides around the valley, though not every day. The twins had returned three nights ago from yet another scouting mission, and Jaden hadn't seen much of Legolas since. Elladan and Elrohir never seemed to stay long, but this one had been their last before the fellowship departed in less than three weeks. _Everything will be different then. _She was glad she'd still have Bilbo's company through the long months; she could only imagine how stressful and long they were bound to be.

Aragorn had been easy to avoid. She scarcely saw him, and when she did he was in Arwen's company. Jaden was saddened to see he'd taken to walking around with a grim expression. She supposed he was weighed down by the future. His destiny had plagued him throughout the books, she remembered. He was set on his course, but that didn't make the weight any less. She wished she could give him some words of comfort, but she had said all she could, it was for him to do alone now.

Nothing, it seemed, could dampen Legolas's spirit. He almost seemed to be looking forward to the quest as a grand adventure. He had many bright smiles to offer, and she would catch him singing to himself. The fellowship needed his strength of spirit though. She didn't know many of the fellowship well, but from what she could see they were in need of a little encouragement.

The only ones, other than Legolas who seemed unaffected by the swiftly approaching departure date were Merry and Pippin. They seemed obliviousness to the approaching dangers. Frodo had lost whatever innocence he might once have possessed, and seemed constantly aware of what lay ahead, never seeming to forget his task for even a brief moment of merriness. Bilbo was spending almost all his time with him, and Jaden was happy for this. She didn't like to think of Frodo locking himself away in his rooms, with only Sam for company.

She had made excellent progress in her elvish, since Bilbo had little need of her help with his book. She could now stutter out several complete and comprehensive sentences in a row, as well as pick up the thread of most elven conversations around her, as long as they didn't speak to quickly. Legolas had gotten into the annoying habit of speaking to her mostly in elvish. This, while it helped her learn quicker, was still frustrating when she couldn't grasp what he was saying. He was always patient though, and willing to translate if she couldn't get it after a few tries.

Jaden ran a grease covered hand through her messy curls. She was sitting alone in one of her favorite garden spots, an elvish book spread out on her lap, as she multitasked. She was working on elvish names for natures again, as she worked grease into her hair. Erestor's braiding job had long since come out, much to her displeasure. She found her thoughts wandering to him again, as they always did when she performed this task. She'd been leaving her hair upbraided recently, just keeping it tamed with a little grease. She wouldn't have been able to do this at home this time of year. _It's the rainy season, my hair would have been a frizz ball. I wonder what dad's doing. Does he miss me? Has he learned of my death? _

She shook her head to rid herself of the painful thoughts. She focused on her open book again.  
"OK, again. Tree mti _alda, _cloud wingu _faun,_ sun jua _anor,_ moon mwezi _ithil,_ stars nyota_ elen,_ grass nyasi _salch,_ flower ua _lote_...." She'd learned long ago that she learned a language best by hearing it spoken aloud. She missed the sound of her native languages, and had taken to repeating the word first in Kiswahili, then elvish. It made her feel less guilty for learning the new language. _I never want to forget who I am or where I am from. _

Her studies were abruptly interrupted by a drawling voice, "You're pronunciation is dreadful human. You should spend less time trying to force your rough tongue around the fair elven words, and more time being useful. Mortals have ever been quick to take from elves, yet slow to return the favor."

Jaden whirled around at the intrusion. _I might have guessed Luinfuin._ The elf lord was leaning causally against a nearby tree, his dark brown eyes watching her as if she were his prey. The look he was giving her made a shiver pass down her spin. _How can a person loath me, without ever knowing me?_ But she put on her best emotionless mask, and turned her back again to the elf, hoping without any real conviction, that he would let her be. However, she had no such luck, as he pushed himself effortlessly off the tree, and made his way noiselessly towards her.

"You think very highly of yourself human. Learning our history, now even our language, do you think it will get us to accept you? You will never belong here. Mortals and immortals were never meant to live together, we learned that long ago."

"Elrond has asked me to stay and you..." Jaden began haughtily, but he cut her off.

"Lord Elrond, you will address him as such, insufferable dark skin. How he tolerates your presence here is inconceivable."

"Well he does have some human in him too." Jaden countered, "And you don't seem to mind the other mortals staying in Rivendell."

The elf just glared at her, not favoring her with a reply. "Or maybe you just come to harass me because I have no connections, no people to bring my offenses to? What? Aren't you brave enough to tell a dwarf he should grovel at your immortal feet?"

She could tell he was enraged now, in two long strides he was upon her. From the look in his eyes, she thought he would strike her, but he didn't touch her. Only glared at her, but his eyes were enough. Jaden found herself shrinking from their fell light. He was utterly terrifying in his rage, not even the absence of a weapon could negate his threatening presence.

"You come here, to our home, lecture us on our past, and keep the future willfully from us, and in your insignificant mind! You would play with fire, and care not at all if it burnt the whole world, for you have nothing to lose. You would lecture me on my bravery? I was a lord of Nargothrond, before the folly of a mortal brought its ruin. I fought side by side, with the lords and kings of the past against horrors you could not begin to comprehend. Who are you, and what have you done? You are nothing, and no one. You have lived a sheltered life, knowing nothing of the dangers and terror our world holds. You are weak, and selfish, seeking to keep the knowledge that could save our world, from us. You disgust me."

Jaden could not formulate a reply. She didn't know what to say. He had spoken her own dark thoughts back to her._ I am no one._ Her mind was still struggling to digest, and come up with an adequate reply, when their conversation was interrupted by a familiar voice.  
"Lord Luinfuin you have no cause to speak to Jaden in that manner. Your grudges against the Adin do not hold to her. She has nothing to do with your loss, and our lord Elrond wishes her to keep her knowledge of our futures to herself. Even if you and others do not agree with him, you would be wise to respect his wishes."

"Lord Erestor." Jaden's heart skipped a beat at hearing Erestor come to her defense. _Maybe he isn't hopelessly mad at me._ "How convenient you are in defending your mortal friends. How is it you come to their defense quicker than you came to your own kin's'?"

Erestor's face had lost all color, and he didn't seem about to defeat himself. _No! I can't let him be attacked again, not for me. Look at him, whatever Luinfuin is hinting at, it's hurting him, I have to stop it. _A sudden rage filled her, giving her strength as she turned to face the now smirking elf lord. _A sheltered life, huh? I know nothing of the world's dangers and terror? I may not of killed anyone, or fought in great battles, but when was the last time he died and found himself torn from everything and everyone he loved?. _

Before she had a chance to educate the elf lord about how terribly mistaken he was, Erestor regained his composure, and said something to Luinfuin in elvish. His voice was icy, and it sent a shiver of dread down Jaden's spin. She knew it was elvish, because her ears were attuned now to the sound, but she couldn't understand any of the words. There was power and grace in the language, more so then she had ever heard before.

It dawned on her why she couldn't pick up even a single word. _Erestor must have spoken in the high tongue! In Quenyaii, instead of the normal Sindarin._ She had never heard the high tongue before, and she found she liked Sindarin better. It was more comfortable. The high tongue was wrapped in power, the idea of speaking in it frightened her, and she was glade Erestor didn't speak long. Whatever he said, though, affected Luinfuin for he looked away, and Jaden saw a slight coloring of red stand out on his prominent cheek bones. He couldn't hold Erestor's eyes, and had to look away. Jaden would have given a lot to know what Erestor's words were, to cause such a reaction in the proud elf, but doubted she would ever find out. Suddenly Luinfuin spun around, and began walking hastily away.

Jaden didn't know what to make of his abrupt departure. Her eyes slide slowly over to the remaining elf. Erestor was already looking at her, and their gazes locked, but Jaden was disappointed to find no emotion in them. He had hidden whatever he was feeling deep inside himself. She wished to tear it out of him, wanted to demand he tell her why he had been ignoring her, but she didn't feel she had the right.

They continued to search each other's faces for a long moment before he gave her a mute not, turned and started walking away.

"Erestor!" She didn't want to see him go, not like this, without even a word. He hesitated a moment, half turning back to her.

She pushed aside her doubtful thoughts, it would be better for him to tell her straight out he was angry with her, or no longer desired her friendship, then to have this silent unknown. "I am sorry. I should have kept my mouth shut at the meeting, its' my fault the others hurt you. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. Can't you forgive me, it was a mistake, I am sorry." She ended in a small hopeless voice. He hadn't turned around, and was still looking away from her.

She gave up hope; she didn't know what else to say. She let out a sad sigh her shoulders slumping. Erestor was suddenly striding back towards her. His eyes were intense, though she still couldn't make out the emotions swirling just beneath their dark surfaces. He stopped in front of her, and reached up a hand, as if he would touch her, but then dropped it to fall lifeless at his side.  
"Jaden, I am not angry with you. How could I be, you have done nothing wrong. I am sorry my silence has caused you pain, I did not wish that, and truly I had not thought you would miss my company so."

"Not miss you!" Jaden cried, happiness surging through her with his words. _He was not angry at her! _Her mind did not take the time to ask why it was he had avoided her, if it had not been in anger, she was simply to relieved to think she'd not lost his friendship. Without warning she flung her arms around him, relief overwhelming her. Her arms wrapped around his neck, even though she had to stand on tippy-toe due to his much taller frame. Her head nestled against his neck, and she whispered in his ear.

"How could you think I would not miss you? You understand me so well; you are probably the truest friend I have ever had. Not one day has passed without me thinking of you." She confided.

Jaden probably wouldn't have been so open with Erestor, if she hadn't been overwhelmed with relief. However, her mind did slowly register the fact that he was not hugging her back. She was about to pull away, embarrassed by her overenthusiastic display, when she felt his arms finally encircle her. She smiled happily into his neck, and let out a little laugh at her own childishness.

"What were you laughing about?" He questioned her.

"Oh nothing, just thinking I am not really acting my age right now. You probably aren't to thrilled about having to hold me like I am five. Sorry." She made to pull away again, but to her surprise his arms suddenly tightened around her.

"No!" He said suddenly, and then added retuning to a whisper, "I don't mind Jaden."

She felt a jolt of happiness swept through her again, overwhelmed she wondered absently, but not for the first time, why his friendship meant so very much to her. But as usual she couldn't come up with an answer, and just sighed contentedly. Her expelled breath unintentionally caressed his sensitive neck. She felt him stiffen immediately, though she was unaware of the cause.  
"What's wrong?" She asked innocently, pulling back to land more securely on her feet, and look up at his face in question. He disentangled himself from her quickly, and took a step back.

"I must get going; I told lord Elrond I would deliver a message for him." With those hasty words, he was quickly putting more distance between them.

"Wait! Can you not wait a moment? What have I done now? You are upset with me." She could tell it was the truth, though what she had done or said to upset him, escaped her. He'd been fine only a moment before.

Her call caused him to pause a second time. "You have done nothing wrong, I am sorry but I cannot stay, not now." Seeing her crestfallen face at his words he added against his better judgment, "But I shall have sometime this afternoon."

She brightened immediately. He wanted to be friends still; he was offering to spend time with her, but what if it was only in pity, what if he didn't really want her company?

"Only if you really want to Erestor," she said searching his face. He hesitated for only a moment, before saying in a voice that stilled all other doubts by the strength of its conviction, "I can think of nothing I'd enjoy more."

Jaden gave him a relieved smile that she was happy to see returned. It seemed a sudden peace, or resignation flowed over the elf, and Jaden saw a swift change come over him with the smile. He suddenly looked relaxed, and peaceful, as if he had stopped fighting some inner battle. His smile was bright, genuine, and it warmed her heart.  
"Until later then," with that he turned, and strode quickly away.

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

Nargothrond- A hidden elven city in the first age. It was destroyed by Morgoth (first dark lord, Sauron's master). Turin, a human, convinced the elves to build a bridge and march out to open war with Morgoth, which ends up being their doom because the bridge made it easier for Morgoth's armies to attack the city.

Quenya- The elven language developed in Valinor/ Undying lands. Sindarin was developed later and is the most common elven language to be spoken in Middle Earth.


	12. Chapter 12

Note:

Fëanor: "For Fëanor was made the mightiest in all parts of body and mind: in valour, in endurance, in beauty, in understanding, in skill, in strength and subtlety alike: of all the Children of Ilúvatar, and a bright flame was in him." – The Silmarillion

He became king of the Noldor (though disputed) after his father was killed by Morgoth. His greatest achievement was the crafting of the Silmarils, three gems that held the light of the two trees. He had seven sons, and after Morgoth killed his father and stole the Silmarils he and all his sons swore a terrible oath of vengeance against Morgoth vowing to fight anyone and everyone—whether Elf, Man, Maia, or Vala—who withheld the Silmarils, and invoking Eru as a witness. He lead the Noldor in the first kinslaying, and a great many of the them out a Valinor, in search of revenge. He was killed shortly after arriving in Middle Earth by a Balrog of Morgoth.

Maedhros, Maglor, Curufin, Celegorm, Caranthir, Amrod, Amros: Son's of Fëanor.

Doriath: Land of the Sindar (elves who never made it to Valinor, but started the journey). It was the home of Galadrial, Celeborn, Legolas's grandfather, and in my story Legolas's father as well, though that is technically an unknown. Its last king was Dior, son of Luthian. The son's of Fëanor demanded the Silmaril from Dior, he refused to give it to them and the Fëanorian's attacked to reclaim the lost jewel. However, Elwing fled to the mouths of Sirion with it.

Sirion: Refuge for elves and men who had lost their homes in the battle against Morgoth. Large majority Sindar from Doriath, but also Noldor from Goldolin, and Nargothrond, as well as a few men. Sight of the third kinslaying when Elwing did not head the warnings of the Fëanorian's to give up the Silmaril.

Elwing and Earendil: Elrond and Elros's parents. Earendil was a mariner and left his family sometime before the third kinslaying to seek out his parents, and find a way to Valinor. Elwing inherited a Silmaril from her father Dior who was killed in the sack of Doriath.

* * *

Chapter 12

Erestor's POV

How long had he struggled against this unyielding desire? He had lost count of the days; it seemed everyone was an eternity. He had told himself, that day in the Houses of Healing, when she had made him laugh so easily, that he would conquer this. But now as he walked away from her, after promising an afternoons company, he knew he could no longer fight what was within him.

He had never understood Arwen's choice. How could she love a mortal? So brief was their time. He had walked Arda more mortal lives then he could count, yet now everyday without her seemed an agony. He wonder, if he had stomped himself then, in the Houses of Healing when their eyes had met with such intensity, could he have sparred himself the grief? But in his heart, he knew he would not have been able to resist her, even if he had tried in the beginning. _It had been her laugh, her smile, the way she made him laugh and smile, that had drawn him too her. How long had it been since he had laughed so? Was it before Mordor? Before Gil-galad fell into shadow? No it was before, when Celebrimbor had been cut down by Sauron after the forging of the rings. No before even that. Before Sirion? Perhaps it was before Sirion, though he wonder if even that reached far enough back. _

There were few enough now who could bring out a smile in the serious lord. Elrond could, when he was in the mood, though it seemed long years since his friend had indulged in the pastime of laughter. He had not known what came over him there in the houses of healing, so many long days ago when he had brought a hurt mortal in for healing not only of broken limb, but wounded spirit. Yet it had been he who had felt the tendril of peace that had jolted threw his soul at her touch. He had tried to ignore it, but as time went on it became impossible to ignore. He longed for her company, to feel her touch, which never failed to sooth his troubled spirit. He had wondered long on it. _How could she, a seemingly insignificant mortal possess the ability to bring him the peace even Elrond in his great skill had not? _The question had plagued him to no end.

He remembered his father's words when he'd asked him, so many long years ago, how he'd know his mother was the one. He'd been young, so his father's mysterious words made little sense to him.

"We are the Eldar, my son. Our hearts know its mate. I knew your mother was my destiny before we had uttered five words to each other. So, it often is with our kind. Our _fea_ (Spirit) sees what our eyes and minds cannot. Trust yourself, when the time comes, your heart will lead you."

He had never spoken with his father of the matter again. His father had ridden off soon after with their lords' host, to Doriath. He had not returned.

Erestor's step faltered ever so slightly with memory's long buried. He hated the way Luinfuin's words had hurt, but not even two ages of the world could diminish the guilt and regret he still felt over Sirion. It did not help that many here, in fair Imladris would like nothing better than to make sure he never forgot that fateful day. Though Erestor was quite sure he would find even less welcome in any other elven realm. He had learned to prize the friends he did have, and keep them close to his heart. Elrond was the chief among them, but there were a few others, and even those like lord Grolfindel who even though neither would call the other friend, still held a silent respect for the other. It was all he could hope for, though, it was their fate, the kinslayers. Never would he be free of it, or so he had thought -until she had come.

First Age year 534- Third kin-slaying, Sirion, Belariand

_He could smell the sea, long before he heard it, and when his lords host topped the last ridge he could not stop his small gasp of awe. He had never beheld such a wondrous sight in all his 70 years, it stretched before him in a glimmering mass of raging water. Storms were approaching the yet peaceful harbor, as if Ulmo knew what they intended and was trying to warn the Sindar of their impending doom. But he knew that could not be. Even he, son of a lesser lord in lords' Celegorm and Curufin's court, who now served the lord Maglor, second son of Fëanor, as a mere foot soldier, knew they had been warned. Just as Dior in Doriath had been warred before Erestor's father along with the rest of the Fëanorian army attacked seeking the lost jewel._

His father. His hand tightened around the pommel of his sword, his father's sword. It had been brought back, along with his father's body after Doriath. A familiar feeling arose in him, as he gazed down upon the white city that now lay before their host. It was hate. How he hated the Sindar, they had been responsible for his father's death, and that of his first lords, Celegorm and Curufin. Those cowards that had fled the destruction of their lands had gone to the sea haven Sirion. He knew he was not the only one to harbor such strong feelings in his heart; many of the elves around him had lost loved ones in Doriath. Now they would have their revenge.

But still, lord Maedhros had warned Elwing, begging her to relinquish the jewel to its rightful owners. They had received no reply to their requests. They had no choice, the oath drove the sons' of Fëanor on, just as surely as it forced their hand, so did it force the hands of those who served them. He had sworn his loyalty to the twin sons' of Fëanor, after his own lords death, and to that oath he too would hold. They were his lords, and held his fealty. But even if his own oath of service had not driven him to the sea to reclaim what was his lords, he would of come anyway.

He had never set eyes on the Silmarils, being not yet a thought in his father's mind when he had followed King Fëanor out of Valinor, but was one of the sons' of Fëanors' people. He'd been nurtured form his earliest days on the hate, and revenge that fueled his people. The tales of the Silmaril's beauty had put him to sleep as a child, and now his own hate and all consuming need for revenge, drove what had been sown in him since his birth.

It fueled him as their hosts crashed into the awaiting Sindar, not nearly as defenseless as they had seemed. They had prepared an ambush, but their might of arms could not compare to the house of Fëanor. Fëanors' sons drove them on, desperate for the end, desperate to achieve but one part of their own oath, desperate for a small semblance of peace.

The Sindars' ranks were swelled with that of the Noldor who had fled Goldolin's falls. Their spirits were not in the fight though, and many had already fled, choosing another exile over a bitter fight for the cursed jewels, but Elwing would never give it up. Only death would separate her from the blessed light of the trees which lay imprisoned in the jewels. Erestor never saw her in the end, but others did, and spoke of her own madness that had over taken her. Surely she must have fallen into madness to forsake her own sons Elrond and Elros for the jewel. Not even Fëanor, in his own madness had done such a thing.

Erestor looked down at his now blood soaked sword. It was dyed in red, elven blood, his kins-blood. He had killed the fowl creatures of Morgoth before, but the taint of red blood had never fallen upon his hands. He had never had need to kill the second born, men. His sword had entered the Sindar bodies, without protest. The Sindars' own sword skills being no match for his superior ones. He was a Noldor, an exile; he had been trained to wield a weapon almost as soon as he could carry one.

They were upon the city now, some of their forces had already reached it, and he could see the black plums. It was burning. His nostrils flared as the distinct smell of burning flesh met his nose, and he had to force down the memories of when he'd last smelt it. The day his mother died.

No, he could not think of that now, could not think of anything but the sword in his hand, and his own hate.

They had entered the city now, but all was chaos. Screams of the dying, kin-slayer and Sindar lay dying side by side. He looked around wildly, searching for his next attacker. Before him stood a Sindar, he could not of been older then Erestor when his own father had been killed. The young elfling stood in front of another, mortally wounded male. The sword in the youth's hands shook violently as he raised it at Erestor's approach. His arms not yet strong enough to hold the heavy weapon without trembling. Erestor could see the tracks of tears on his soft cheeks, yet there was no weakness in the elflings eyes. He met his attacker squarely, no fear in his flashing blue eyes, only determination.

So young, Erestor found himself hesitating. He battled within himself his hate, and need for revenge vied for dominance over his naturally gentle and better self. His blood was already stained with that of his kin, what did the boy's age matter? He would stand in their way, he must be killed. _But Erestor found he could not force his feet to take the remaining steps, and engage the lad in the dance of death, for he held no doubt, that it would be the boy's death._

It was so different raising his hand against another elf, when that other held the same look of hate in his own eyes, when they met in fair battle, equal to equal. There would be nothing remotely equal about this fight. The boys head could not have reached his shoulders, his body still held the lean form of a young elfling.

Erestor knew he could not bring himself to kill this young one, though his hate cried out for him to kill the blue eyed silver haired Sindar, he could not.

As he stood gazing at the elf, knowing in his heart he could not kill this one, a sword flashed brightly in the dimming light. The boy let out a startled cry as another attacker came at him from his left. It was over in seconds. The elflings silver hair now lying spread out on the dirt, mingling with the blood of the one he sought to protect. His wide blue eyes frightened as his hands reached down to the gaping sword wound in his chest. His attacker was gone, stepping away to his next victim without even awaiting the last breath of this one.

Erestor rushed forward, crawling through the blood and dirt to the young elf's side. He looked down upon the youth, feeling a desperate need to save him, come over him. His hands flew to the boys wound, seeking to apply pressure there. But the youth was too far gone, his blue eyes already beginning to glaze over in death.

Erestor did not know what came over him in those few moments as the young Sindar lay dying in his arms. Maybe it was the grief of losing one so young, or the realization that the boys fea would soon be passing to Mandos's halls, where his own father, mother, and many others he'd cared for already awaited. Perhaps it was the knowledge that they were made of the same flesh, their spirits finding the same housing in death. They were the same. He had grown up being taught how different the Sindar and Silvian were. They could not compare to the might of the Noldor, they were rustic, and uncouth. Yet as he sat holding the dying body desperately in his arms, he could only think of their similarities, and the term kinslayer twisted into something all too real, and horrifying.

He sat with the youth as his fea fled to Mandos leaving behind just the shell of a body. He had found himself unable to move. The battle raged all about him, kin killing kin, but he raised no blade, nor moved at all.

He sat and watched as his own people slaughtered the women and children left defenseless after their armies had fallen. He did nothing to stop it. He heard latter that some of their own had turned against them, losing their will to fight after seeing the fall of the twin sons' of Fëanor. Some had taken their own lives; others had turned upon those they had lived with all their lives, their minds rebelling against the thoughts of more death and blood. But he had done nothing, lost in his own mind, and when the battle had ended, when all was over, he roused himself from his stupor. He crawled back to Maedhros and Maglor, the last sons' of Fëanor, and what remained of his people. For where else could a kin-slayer go? His hands were stained in blood, his people's blood, and he had done nothing to stop the slaughter.

The much diminished ranks of the Fëanorians' gathered after the kinslaying, all their hopes for peace and relief had been crushed with the loss of the Silmaril. Erestor joined them, as did many others who had despaired and thrown down their weapons during the battle. They were accepted back into the ranks of the Fëanorians' host, for kinslayers had nothing left but each other, and they would stick together until the bitter end. As Erestor joined them his haunted dark eyes fell upon two elflings, no older than 20 years. One of the elflings gray eyes met his own. The child's were full of fear, loss, and betrayal.

"Those are the twin sons of Elwing," confided an elf near him, noticing the direction of his eyes. "They are called Elrond and Elros. Lord Maglor had pity on them. Their mother, Elwing, chose the jewel over them."

Erestor looked back at the two elflings. So young, the elfling's eyes met his again. Erestor found himself offering the abandoned youth a small smile, hoping it was a reassuring one. The young one blinked his huge clear gray eyes at him several times, before giving Erestor a shaking smile in return. 

Erestor spotted his goal, almost as soon as he entered the sparsely populated dining hall. It was the noon day meal, so the dining hall would not fill with as many elves as during the evening one. Jaden was seated as usual among the indiscriminate tables. He had noticed her attempts to fade into the shadows whenever she was in large groups. But it was difficult for the only dark skinned face to melt seamlessly into the pale masses.  
Erestor glanced up at the high table, his customary seat was awaiting him, he took a deep breath, and turned away to plunge into the sea of elves, dwarves and humans. He was surprised at how nervous he felt. _It's not like I am going to face a horde of orcs. _He had avoided Jaden's company in large groups, not wanting to draw attention to their relationship. He was always polite, but held back. He had a tendency to smile and laugh a good deal when in her company, and he didn't want sticky questions.

Erestor didn't care about all that now. He had given up trying to fight his feelings for Jaden. He didn't want to live without her presence. He would no longer shun her, and her friendship. He was lost to his need for her. He missed the warmth that would seep through him in her presence. The calmness and total acceptance he felt when looking into her deep blue eyes. He missed the way she could make him laugh and tease as he had not done in centuries. He felt young again, when he was with her. The weight of the past, and future did not trouble him when they were together. She was mortal, but he was going to cease every last moment he could with her, before the end.

He was thankful for Aragorn though. Erestor had no wish for her to become romantically attached to him. He may freely admit to himself that he loved her, but he had no intention of telling her that. She had already given her heart, so was at no risk of loving him. They could be friends, the best of friends, and that is all. She needed one of her own kind, a mortal. To love an elf, and one cursed with the blood of his kin staining his hands, would only cause her pain. He wished her every happiness. _After the war, if we win as she predicts, then she should leave Imladris, go to live with men. In time she will forget Aragorn, and find another. She deserves love, and a family._ He would never be anymore then a friend, he told himself.

Erestor approached the oblivious human from behind, a sly grin on his lips. He could already feel her soothing presence washing over him, his spirit revolting back to his more youthful days. He relished the feeling of playfulness that surrounded him now, as he approached. Decorum be damned. He was determined to laugh and smile just as much as he wished this afternoon, let the other elves think what they wished.

He lent over her silently, and breathed into her unsuspecting ear, "Guess who?"

She let out a satisfying high pitched squeak as she spun around to face him. He was grinning from ear to ear, and was so pleased with his ability to surprise her that he didn't foresee retaliation. Jaden punched him in the shoulder, hard enough to make him gasp in surprise. She laughed at his reaction. Her laugh was every bit as beautiful as he remembered, and he felt a thrill of happiness to hear it.

"You deserved that, you big oaf! Scaring me half to death." She chided him. He rubbed his shoulder in mock pain, as he put on a convincing pout. She would have none of it though, and just laughed again.

"Your face!"

This got them both laughing, and he playfully tugged on one of her loose curls. He loved her hair, how different it was. It held none of the silkiness of elven hair, but it didn't matter to him. He thought he could play with it for hours if given the chance.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a discreet cough, from an elf nearby. He stopped laughing, as he looked around. He supposed they had made a little scene, since all the elves around them were not bothering to hide their surprise, or curiosity. However, he also noted more than one disapproving look.

He was determined not to let the attention affect him though, and before Jaden could say anything he slide into the seat next to her at the lower table. She raised an eyebrow at him, but didn't protest for which he was grateful. Erestor made sure to keep his eyes from the high table as he fell easily back into a playful banter with Jaden. He didn't want to see if his strange seating choice had been noticed.

He laughed more over that meal, and then he probably had during any other since Sirion. His sides were aching with the unaccustomed activity by the time they had finished. His heart felt weightless. He would almost say he was flirting with Jaden, but quickly put such an idea out of his head. He hadn't flirted with a maiden in centuries, and he'd already decided not to pursue her in such a manner.

Erestor could feel eyes boring into him from the minute he'd sat down. He was quite sure there were would be many questions when next he was cornered by Elrond, and others.

They spent the afternoon in each other's company, successfully avoiding other Rivendell inhabitants, and having a merry time. Erestor couldn't remember the last time he'd enjoyed an afternoon so much. But they had also avoided the questions he knew she was anxious to have answered. Why he had avoided her.

It was evening now, and they had just watched a beautiful sun set together, when he felt the subtle shifting of her mood. He braced himself inwardly for a bombard of questions. However, she surprised him with only one.

"Why?"

He didn't have to ask what she meant. He sighed softly, and turned his eyes up to the now star covered sky. They were seated together on the grass in a beautiful meadow they had found in their wanderings that day. His eyes came to rest on the object of his search, Earendil the elves most beloved star. It held the light of the Silmaril that Elrond's father bore to Valinor when he sought the forgiveness of the Valar.

"What do you know of Fëanor and the Silmarils?" He asked suddenly, surprising her with the turn of conversation.  
She searched his face for a long moment, her brow furrowed.

"Look there." He pointed to the brightest star in the night sky, "Earendil, it holds the light of the lost jewels." He explained.

"It is beautiful." She said simply. She gazed at it a moment before answering his first question. "I know a great deal about the Silmaril's and the war and kinslayings fought over them. The tale of Fëanor and his seven sons is the saddest and greatest tale, in my opinion, told of the elder days, or of those to come." She waited for Erestor to elaborate.

He reflected again on how much he loved her. He loved the reverence and respect he heard in her voice, every time she spoke of the elder days. Few mortals could claim knowledge of the war of the jewels, and even fewer, even among the elves, would speak of his former lords in a voice touched with no bitterness. A deep sadness welled up in Erestor, though, at the thought of losing her friendship. If he told her of his evil deeds, he would lose her friendship for eternity. There were few enough among the elves who would call him friend; he could not expect it from her after tonight.

"My father," He began, ignoring the painful lump in his throat. Speaking of the past had never been easy, but knowing the consequences of doing so, were nigh on unbearable. "My father followed king Fëanor out of Valinor. He had served the house of Fëanor all his life, and followed it even into exile and death. His hands are stained by the first kinslaying, and in Doriath after, where he fell attempting to reclaim the lost Silmaril. I loved him dearly, and his death, following so closely on my mothers, was terrible to bare. I was raised in the courts of Celegorm and Curufin, Fëanors' sons. I grew up surrounded by murderers, who were ruthless in their pursuit of vengeance and the reclaiming of the lost jewels. I will not try to justify what came after, for there is no forgiveness for my actions. I will only say that I knew no other existence. I had been fed hate, and drank revenge. So, when my father was killed by the Sindar elves, it only followed that my hate would turn to them, as I had been taught."

"I marched with the host of the Fëanorians' on Sirion, where Elwing held the Silmaril, not giving into the pleases of Maedhros and Maglor to give it up, and prevent another kinslaying. I went for revenge, and because it was my duty to my lord, and I killed. The blood of my kin is on my hands, and they will never be cleaned."  
"I could say it was only in battle I killed. It was only other males full grown and armed, and that I found I could not raise my hand against the elves of the city, when their army's had been vanquished. But it will not change the fact that I enjoyed it when my sword tasted Sindar blood. I relished, for a short time, in their deaths, thinking it could somehow revenge my father. I think we had all gone mad, in those days, but no words I can say will diminish the fact that I am a murderer."  
Silence engulfed them. She spoke no words, and his heart knew it was the end of their friendship. She was not even looking at him, but still gazing up at Earendil. Finally she broke the silence.

"I don't understand.... you killed...but Elrond...I can't..." Erestor wanted to reach out and pull her trembling form into his arms, but he held back. She would not want his hands befouling her now.

"Elrond is an enigma. I cannot fathom why he would forgive one who slaughtered his own kin, who attacked his home, but he has. He is my greatest friend, the brother I was never blessed with. I think at times, his love for me blinds him to my sins."

"He's is also wise, and he's not the only one whose forgiven you and calls you friend. Something must have happened. There must be some mistake..." she tried again, desperate to understand.

He sighed, and looked down into her searching eyes. He could see the intensity of the need in them. She demanded an explanation; she did not want to believe what he was.  
"Yes, there are others, but they are few. I would give anything, everything, to change what I did, but I cannot, it is done. The Valar have forgiven the kinslayers, I may sail to Valinor when the time comes, but I cannot forgive myself."

"Tell me. That day in Sirion, tell me about it." He stared down at her in shock. He would never dream of burdening her with such knowledge, and couldn't understand why she would ask for it. "I want to understand, Erestor." She reached out and took his hand, hesitantly in her own.

"No!" He cried, and pulled away from her. He saw the pain and confusion in her eyes. He hated hurting her, hated himself for doing it, but she had to understand what he was. "You should not touch me, I am dirty. Their blood, it lingers on my skin, I cannot.... cannot get it off." Erestor had covered his face with his hands, trying desperately to block out the memories of that day.  
"Tell me, I want to help you, I am your friend Erestor, and I will always be your friend." She pleaded with him.  
Erestor couldn't understand her. It reminded him of Elrond, the day they had met. Why would they want to be his friend? How could they accept him?

First Age year 534- Fëanorian camp on the banks of the Sirion, Belariand

_He sat hunched by the camp fire. His arms wound around his head, his knees drawn up in an attempted to shield himself from the events of the day. His mind tormented him with their faces over and over again he watched his sword pierce through their white flesh. Felt their warm blood spray him, soaking him. He saw the young Sindar, his silver hair drenched in blood, his wide frightened eyes as he lay in Erestor's arms, breathing his last.  
Erestor let out a small moan of despair. He couldn't take these tormenting thoughts any longer. He had nothing left; only death awaited him. But he was frightened of what would he would find in Mandos's Halls. Would the souls of those he'd killed be there, waiting to torrent him?_

His thoughts were interrupted by the press of a small hand on his hunched shoulder. Erestor looked up in surprise. No one had approached him since the battle; they were all lost in their own dark thoughts.  
To his surprise he found himself looking into the gray eyes of Elwings' son. He couldn't tell them apart, they were nearly identical.

"Hello." The child greeted him. Erestor couldn't imagine what the boy wanted.

"What do you want?" He snapped out, more forcefully then he had intended. The child flinched at his sharp tone, which made Erestor even angrier, though all the anger was directed inward.

"I wanted to know why you haven't washed. There is a stream just over there were lord Maglor took me and my brother Elros to bathe."

Erestor hadn't expected this line of questioning, and looked down at himself in surprise. He was still coated in the blood of those he had killed. The red staining his clothing, and hands, even splattered on his pale face. I must look like the monster I am. It was better that way. This way he couldn't hide what he'd done from others.

"I can't wash. It will never come off." He replied in a voice devoid of emotion. He was examining his bloodied hands again.

"Yes it will. Elros shot a rabbit once, and got blood on his hands, but the river washed it off." Elrond said innocently.

"It's not rabbit blood, its elven." Erestor lashed out, wanting to wipe the innocent expression off the child's face, wanting him to leave him alone to his dark thoughts.  
"The others have washed," Elrond began again after a pause. "It came off them."

"No it did not. It is still there, staining their souls; they are just trying to hide what they have done."  
This got no reply from the young elfling, and Erestor hoped he would finally be left in peace. However, Elrond was not quite done.

"I hate them." The intensity of the boy's voice caused Erestor to look up again, startled. Erestor would not have believed it was the same innocent wide eyed youth who had uttered those words, if he hadn't seen the look the boy now held in his eyes. "She never loved us, only the Silmaril. Mother would spend hours looking at it, touching it. She never came out to play, or sing us songs before bed, and father never came back. He left us; I can't remember what he looks like."

Erestor didn't know what to say to the elfling. He hadn't expected the outburst. He was spared a reply though, when the other son of Elwing wandered over to them.

"Elrond, there you are. I was listening to lord Maedhros talking. They are going to hold us hostage until mother brings back the Silmaril. If she gives it to the Fëanorians' then they'll let us go."

"She'll never come back. She loves it better than us." Elrond said bitterly. His brother's face held the same knowledge.

"I don't want to go back." Said Elros passionately, "I'd rather stay here."

"You'd rather stay with murderers, who destroyed your home, and killed your kin?" Asked Erestor in disbelief.  
The twin brothers looked at each other for a long moment. Elros just shrugged and Elrond said, "Lord Maglor said he will look out for us. He sang to us. Our parents never sang to us."

Erestor was too shocked to say anything. How could these two innocent boys choose kinslayers over their own family?

"Will you be our friend?" Asked Elrond suddenly.

Erestor stared at the pair mutely before he found himself nodding yes, though what possessed him to do such a thing escaped him. He felt an intense need to protect the twins. They were in a camp full of evil doers, himself included, and we was afraid for them. Elrond graced him with a bright smile, which he hesitantly returned. 

"Erestor?" Jaden boldly took his hand in her own, bringing him back to the present. He didn't pull away again. He didn't want to lose the contact. He knew he should distance himself from her; it was why he had avoided her in the beginning. He hadn't wanted to burden her with his past, but he was overwhelmed with selfishness. Her touch brought him comfort, he could detect no accusations or hate in her eyes, as they looked up into his. He couldn't bring himself to pull away.  
"I tried to spare you. I didn't want to burden you with this, but I am a selfish being. I couldn't stay away Jaden."

A small smile tugged her lips, "I am glad to hear it."

"No Jaden, you don't understand! I am a murderer. I killed my own kind, slaughtered them. Their blood is on my soul, I am tarnished. It would have been better if you had never met me. You are young and innocent and know nothing of death. Stop pretending everything is all right. It will never be the same, and if you had any sense you would be running away from the monster I am, and not clinging to my hand!"

He was on his feet now. His chest heaving as he finished his angry words. He couldn't bear to look at her. Her eyes were clouded over with confusion and hurt, but he knew it was for the best. He had to drive her away. He didn't know what he'd been thinking getting near her again. He'd been selfish; letting the peace she gave him, cloud his judgment.

Her hurt swiftly turned to anger though, as she got to her feet as well to face him. Her eyes flashed, he thought she never looked more beautiful then at this moment. Unveiled in the moonlight her eyes almost black in her wrath. Her breathing was already rapid, and her nostrils flared. He couldn't tear his eyes off her, even if he wanted to, and he did want to. He wanted to shut her out of his heart and mind forever. It would have been better for them both to have never met.

"Why are you saying these things to me? I am your friend and I only wanted to help you, to understand you. Forgiveness is not something that can be withheld from anyone, though it is not my forgiveness you need. How can you tell me I am a child and innocent? You know more about my past life than any other! There are many things I could not bear to speak of, yet, but you know I am no child. I have seen death, I've lived it. I know what it is to watch one you love suffer. I've never fought in battles, or faced orcs, but I have seen enough of violence and death to last me a life time. I though you knew me!"

Her last words were a sob, as angry tears forced their way down her cheeks. Erestor felt like his heart was being torn from him. He had made her cry; he had hurt her with his angry words. He stood hesitant for a moment, considering offering her comfort. He would tell her anything, do anything, say anything to wipe the tears away, but he couldn't. He had to remain silent, it was for the best. Now she would leave him to his own torment, it was as it should be. If he tried to console her she might forgive him, and he couldn't let that happen.

She turned away, still trying to control the tears running down her cheeks, and started stumbling back towards the house away from him. Erestor watched her go for a moment. Everything within him screaming at him to go to her, to take his hurtful words back, but he couldn't move. Only when the sounds of her retreat had become faint, was he able to move. He started after her, at a quick pace. _The woods could still be dangerous, _he told himself, he must see her safely back to the house. He kept a discrete distance from her, watching silently as she mastered her angry sobs. _So strong, she's right, she's not a child._

His observations were suddenly interrupted when another elf called out to Jaden. Erestor stopped abruptly, watching silently as the wood elf approached her. Erestor had had few dealings with the Mirkwood prince. Thranduil had no love for the Noldor after his childhood home in Doriath had been destroyed by the Fëanorians', and he had made sure his son knew of their crimes. The only Noldor Erestor had seen the young Legoles befriend were Elrond's twin sons, but they did have the redeeming quality of having Sindar blood, and their grandfather Celeborn being Thranduil's cousin.

Legolas had reached Jaden now. She had flung herself, without any hesitation into the wood elf's arms. Erestor couldn't help the clenching of his jaw when he saw how well the two got on. He was surprised at his reaction though. He had never had a problem with her affections for Aragorn; he wondered why a simple embrace would cause him distress. _It's because he's an elf, and an unattached one, his mind whispered the truth to him. Aragorn was no threat because he had already given his heart, but Legolas.... He could take her away, back to Mirkwood. _The idea of another elf seriously caring for Jaden in a romantic way had never occurred to Erestor. He had always thought her mortality would protect her from their advances. Erestor thought he could give her up to another mortal, one of her kind. _But to lose her to another elf.... It would be my own fault, and it still wouldn't change the fact that I am a murderer. _

Legolas had spotted him, Erestor had made no attempt to hide himself, and the wood elf's keen senses had found him even in the moonless shadows under the trees.

"Who's there?" Legolas called.

Erestor stepped cautiously closer to the pair, reveling himself in a beam of moonlight.

"High councilor!" Exclaimed a surprised Legolas. Jaden had pulled herself out of his embrace, and turned to face Erestor as well. Legolas's surprise quickly turned into suspicion, "What do you want, Noldor?"

"You will excuse me; I was just ensuring Jaden made it to the house safely." Without another word, Erestor strode off, not wanting to see them together another minute.

His arms ached to take her from the wood elf, and hold her himself. His heart longing for the comfort and peace her presence always gave him. But his mind held him back. He could not touch her, nor would she wish him too. She had been confused, and hadn't yet grasped the full extent of his revelation, before. But given a day to sleep on it would change that. She would want nothing to do with him, a murderer.  
Erestor held his head high, as he walked back to the house. He would survive this, he always did. But he had kept his heart locked away far too long. He needed the comfort of a friend, a brother. Erestor set his pace towards Elrond's study. He knew his brother in heart would still be up working, late into the night.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Jaden threw her tangled bed covers from her, and sprang out of her bed. She had been tossing and turning all night, and couldn't take another minute of it. Her thoughts gnawed at her relentlessly. It was more than a week since her argument with Erestor, and she had spent it in an almost constant state of frustration. _She couldn't understand him! Why wouldn't he let her help him? He was being over dramatic about the entire situation, and then he had to go and call her a child! _

Jaden marched over to her window, and threw open the shutters, letting the cold night breeze caress her flushed skin. She sighed, and her eyes came to rest on the brightest star in the night sky, Earendil. She had been shocked to learn of Erestor's past. The thought of him killing another being was both unsettling, and hard to believe. Whoever he had been in his youth, he was a far cry from that now. She just wished she could have made him see this.

He spoke of himself as a murderer, a monster. _Perhaps it's my 20th century sensibilities, but I don't see killing another, even one of your own kind, in battle as murder. _She could understand hate, the call for revenge. She had felt it herself, though to a lesser degree. She hated violence, after watching it as a child, but there was a time she would have given a good deal to make the men who had robbed her father of his joy in life, pay dearly.

But Erestor didn't seem to be able to see this. He talked of being stained, and dirty, being a monster. _Did he really think of himself as such? _Jaden had seen monsters in her life, not orcs or balrogs, but men. Men who had been so corrupted with evil, that they had lost all semblance of humanity. Killing another was a terrible horrific act, but killing in war was forgivable, at least to Jaden. _Why do the kinslayings affect the elves so? Men kill men all the time, and it is never called a kinslaying. _

She wished she could get the elf lord out of her head, but it was useless. She couldn't count the times her mind had wandered back to him, seeing him under the stars, the moonlight glinting off his dark hair giving it a bluish sheen. His eyes had held a fire she had rarely seen in elves. She remembered reading about the bright eyes of the elves, but she had had few chances to see it firsthand. She was drawn to his light. His eyes had been haunted as he spoke of the past, and she had been overwhelmed with the need to touch him, to offer him some comfort. He had seemed so vulnerable when his hands had come up to shield his face from some unknown enemy. _But then he had pushed her away again! Erestor had to be the most confusing elf she had ever met! _

She wished he would tell her of his troubles. _Didn't he trust her? Weren't they friends? _Yet, she too had been holding back, reluctant to speak about the pain in her own past. She supposed it wasn't fair to expect him to confide in her, when she hadn't fully done the same.

Jaden hadn't been able to help the stirring of hurt pride when he had pushed her roughly away, telling her she was to young and innocent to understand his pain. She wished she had stayed, wished she had given him the time he needed to explain. But she hadn't, and now she was too proud to seek him out. She didn't want to lose his friendship, not after so briefly attaining it again, but she didn't think she could take being pushed away again, not yet. _I just need a little time. A relationship with Erestor seems bound to be a roller coaster, and I am too spent to get back on just yet. _

She stayed staring absently out her window as the stars light faded giving way to dawn. When she couldn't taken her restless thoughts a moment longer, she threw on her favorite dress, an extremely comfortable but unflattering light gray, and headed outside, intent on watching her first full Middle Earth sun rise.

Jaden settled herself down on a solitary bench, strategically picked to give her a clear view of the eastern sky. She was soon lost in her new discovery. It seemed even the sunrises in Middle Earth were more beautiful. She watched in awe, as the sun climbed over the Misty Mountains. Jaden was admiring the teasing sun beams which were breaking through the mountain crags, when she became aware of a presence beside her.

She looked around, and nearly fell off her seat when she was confronted with the sight of Aragorn, now sharing her perch. She hadn't even heard him approach, and wondered how long he had been seated next to her.

Aragorn had heard her surprised gasp, and rewarded her inattention with a small smile. But it quickly slipped from his face, and was replaced by a stern brooding look. Jaden had been about to chastise him for approaching another human with his elf like ways, but when she saw the seriousness of his features, she changed her mind.

"What troubles you?" She didn't think he was in the mood for small talk.

"The fellowship leaves in 6 days." He didn't need to elaborate. Jaden bit her lip, guiltily. She had lost track of the time. Her worries over Erestor, had driven other worries from her already over tasked brain, for which she was a little relieved. She supposed it was better worrying about her disagreement with him, then agonizing over the quests future. With Aragorn's quite reminder, though, all her past anxieties flooded her mind. Her head tried to remind her everything would be fine, but her heart couldn't stop its useless freighting.

"You are worried." It wasn't a question; anyone could see the ranger was weighted down by the future.

"My path is unclear."

"What is unclear about it?" Jaden knew the answer to this question before she asked, but she thought it would do him good to talk about it.

"I have spent my life preparing for this day, the day I will step out of the shadows, but now my path is hidden from me. My heart bids me go with Boromir to Minas Tirith, but Frodo bares the ring, and his quest is urgent." He fell silent, his brow becoming even more furrowed if possible.

Jaden sighed, wishing she could give him some good advice, but she was not wise, and couldn't reveal more of his future then she already had, and so she remained silent, cautiously laying a hand on his for support. She made sure, not to get to close though, even in his distress, she still remembered her last meeting with him, and the near disaster which ensued.

"This decision is not yet upon me, but a closer one also weighs on me. The Fellowships path is not yet decided, after we leave Rivendell. I would have us head straight for Caradhras, but Gandalf will try other ways. The future is known to you, and I have never before asked for your advice in this matter, but I am asking now. Much time and evil could be avoided if we set out on the right path. Will you advise me, which way would you go?"

Jadan's heart tightened as she looked into his beautiful searching eyes. Never before had she been so tempted to give into a request for information, but never was it more important that she did not speak. She knew everything would be undone if she did, yet she ached to take some of the burden off his shoulders.

She finally had to look away, not able to remain silent while looking into his eyes. Her words sounded worthless, when she was finally able to speak. "Please Aragorn, I beg you. Do not ask this of me! You are right; this decision will change the fate of the fellowship, which is why I cannot speak of it. I wish I could, but if I do, it could mean your failure, and death. Forgive me, and remember please, when all seems dark and hopeless, that there is always hope. Do not despair, or regret the choices you will make."

She was looking pleadingly up at him when she had finished, knowing that he would probably hate her for a time, for keeping her knowledge from him. She had never been gladder she would not be joining the fellowship, since it meant she would not have to see Aragorn's face after Gandalf fell.  
Aragorn was clearly disappointed by her answer, but he did not press it,

"I know you must feel the weight of the future sorely, and I am sorry for it. I will not ask you again, and I could never blame you for what will come to pass."

_You say that now, but there will come a time when you will blame me. _Jaden felt certain of it. However, she pushed her own depressing thoughts aside when she saw his features fall back into their brooding state. She worried her lip silently, thinking of some way to distract him from the future. Suddenly she thought of her silent torment earlier in the morning, not really taking the time to think about how un-encouraging her new line of questioning was, she asked.

"Aragorn, do you feel like a murderer when you kill in battle?" She could have bitten her tongue out, after the hasty words were out. _Well that's defiantly going to brighten his mood, _she thought sarcastically. Aragorn, however, just looked surprised at the sudden change of topic, but answered quickly.

"No, when one kills in battle it is not murder, even if the enemy's skill can't hope to reach your own. That does not make it easy to kill, when the other is a human and not a creature of the enemy, but it is not murder. Sometimes the faces of the dead haunt my dreams, but I believe that is true for all those who have taken another life, but I did what I had to, there is no guilt in it. What prompted these thoughts?" He asked, seeming genuinely curious.

"I was thinking about the elven kinslayings. Why do the elves feel so strongly about them? Humans kill other humans all the time, why does the killing of other elves thousands of years ago, still affect them so much?"

"I am no elf, Jaden, and cannot possibly explain it like they can, but I will try. Elves are connected to Arda, their fates are bound up with it. Elves have a connection with the world that we will never understand. I cannot fully comprehend it myself, but they say elves can feel each other's spirits. Elves are very connected to the spirit world, especially those who have seen the light of the two trees. When elves die those around them, or close to their hearts, feel it, physically. When an elf kills another elf they feel the death, the pain and sorrow they have inflicted upon their victim. No elf can come away from killing another unscathed."

"That sounds terrible." She couldn't imagine what Erestor must have felt when he killed. _To not only see the light go out of your victims eyes, but to feel the snuffing out of their soul. _She shivered at the thought.

"It is terrible, which is why the kinslayings can never be forgotten. The passing of time has little effect on elves. I am sure all those who lived through a kinslaying can remember it as if it were yesterday, though the last one was thousands of years ago. It was not only the killers who felt the loss of life, but those left behind as well. I doubt it will ever be forgotten."

"But forgiven?"

"The Valar have already forgiven the kinslayers. But why does this topic interest you? It is rare that the concerns of the elves are those of humans. I admit that the tales of the first age were never my strong point. I have always preferred hearing of my own ancestors."

Jaden shrugged noncommittally before saying vaguely. "I just stumbled upon something in the library that got me thinking."

"Hum," was Aragorn's only reply.

"So, you are leaving soon." Jaden changed the subject quickly. "I shall miss you."

He gave her a genuine smile, "and I you. If we win you shall come to Minis Tirith will you not?"

Jaden smiled at the request, she was flattered he would invite her. "I would love to come visit you! I am sure the white city is as beautiful as they say."

"Yes, a visit would be nice, but I was thinking you might consider staying. Rivendell is a beautiful place, Jaden, but it is no place for a mortal."

Her brow furrowed. She had known the time would come to leave Rivendell eventually, but she felt loathed to speak of it. She had come to see it as her home in Middle Earth, the thought of leaving it permanently unsettled her. _But after the war Legolas and Aragorn will be in Gondor, perhaps he was right, Rivendell was no place for a mortal. _Then she thought of Bilbo, she didn't want to say good bye to the old hobbit until he sailed. Erestor. Her throat constricted at the thought of him sailing with Elrond in a mere three years, she would miss him terribly.

Aragorn seemed to sense her thoughts had strayed down dark paths, and quickly amended, "Nothing is certain. There is no need to start making plans yet, I just wanted you to know you are always welcome."

Jaden gave him a grateful smile, she didn't want to have to decide anything yet, there were still many months before that day.

"Estel!" Aragorn and Jaden looked up in surprise to find Elrohir striding towards them.

"Brother, what can I do for you?"

"Mithrandir's looking for you, again." Aragorn sighed, Jaden could visibly see the weight settling back on his shoulders, but he gave her a small smile.

"I must go, but I hope to have a moment to talk with you again before we depart."

"I hope so too. But if not..." She hesitated, not knowing what words to say to convey half of what she was feeling at the thought of him leaving.

Suddenly Aragorn was embracing her in friendship; she stiffened momentarily, her mind telling her not to get too comfortable. But then she relaxed, and took comfort from the embrace. She was please to find her body did not have any uncomfortable reaction to his touch. But her heart still tightened painfully at the thought of him leaving. _The next time I speak to him he might very well be the king of the reunited kingdom, and married! _

"Aragorn...." Her voice broke, as he ended the embrace, and she struggled with finding the right words. "I will miss you." Those four words could not come close to communicating all she felt, but he didn't need more. She saw her own turmoil reflected in his eyes, though to a lesser extent. She would never be to him, what he was too her.

"Stay safe Jaden." She gave a little laugh. He was telling HER to stay safe, and it was he who would be engaging orcs, wargs, trolls and all manner of evil creatures in battle.

"Right back at you," she amended at his confused look, "You too."

He turned and followed Elrohir quickly back out of the garden. That was the last real conversation she had with him. She didn't see him again until the whole of Rivendell was gathered in the great hall to bid the fellowship farewell six days later. She managed only a few brief words with him, surrounded by the throng of other well wishers. He had been heavily under the shadow of his own indecision, and she would later prefer to remember the farewell they had taken in the gardens of Rivendell, then the strained smile ha had cast her the day of the departure.

_Her farewell with Legolas had been a different matter entirely, and quite...interesting and ...educational,_ she mused.

Morning of the Fellowships departure,

_Legolas had found her hiding in the stables, taking comfort from the horses. Her thoughts had been swirling around the last few days, giving her little peace. She had slept little, constantly hounded by nightmares, and worries._

She had been petting Dimcair, her faithfully friend these last few weeks, and whispering sweet nothings in elvish. She loved practicing her elvish on the mute beast, he never failed to let her mispronunciations pass.

Legolas had surprised her by whispering in her own inattentive ear. "You will make your lover quite jealous someday, the way you speak to that horse."

She had let out a little squeak of surprise, and twirled to face the grinning wood elf, favoring him with a disproving look. "You know I hate it when you creep up on me like that!"

"Come now, don't look at me like that, Jaden, I am leaving today, and I should get a little fun." She rolled her eyes at him, but his words served their purpose, and the frown fell from her face.

"That's more like it. Now tell me, how much will you miss me?" He asked teasingly.

She pouted, "As if you have to ask!"

He didn't seem satisfied with this though, and pressed, "Tell me!"

"Only if you tell me how much you will miss me!" She replied stubbornly, playing alone with his teasing mood.

His face took on an unreadable expression as he studied the still pouting human before him. Jaden became suddenly nervous under his calculating gaze, but she didn't have long to await the results. Legolas suddenly pressed her against him, and took her lips in a searching kiss.

Jaden was momentary stunned, and didn't know how to react, so she just stood still, under his ministrations She had to admit it was quite pleasant, and after a little while, she tentatively returned the kiss. She didn't understand her reasons for doing so, other than curiosity, she had never kissed anyone, aside from a dwarf, and she found her curious side overriding her better judgment.

Legolas took advantage of her responsiveness, and teased his tongue through her lips, to her further surprise. Her mouth opened willingly and she gasped in surprise before her own tongue eagerly responded. She found it didn't take a genius to figure out how to kiss, it was quite natural, and her body responded well. It wasn't, however, what she imagined kissing Aragorn would be like. It caused pleasant sensations to steal across her body, but she didn't burn for his touch, it didn't feel right to her.

Legolas pulled back eventually, and looked down at her. Her lips brushed red from their activities. He sighed. "Can't say I am disappointed," he said, almost to himself.

"About what? And what was that for anyway?" Asked Jaden breathless, after she had recovered from her shock.

"Hum, just testing. You didn't mind did you?"

"Testing what?" She asked in confusion, not favoring him with her evaluation.

"Oh, well I figured I'd see if there was any merit to Elladan and Elrohir's constant teasing. They are quite adamant we would work well together."

"Oh." Was all she could think to say. "But I thought they were just teasing, nothing serious."

"Their teasing often has hidden meanings, but yes, in this I think they were just teasing, but it did get me thinking."

"And" she barely managed the courage to ask. She wasn't sure how she would react if Legolas found he wanted there to be something to all the teasing. She had discovered quite defiantly, from his 'testing' that she would only ever be his friend. She didn't know what to do if he thought differently.

"My dear Jaden, I am happy to have proven them wrong. We are good friends, but luckily, for both of us; I think we'll leave it at that." Something in the way he said this so flippantly, struck a nerve in Jaden. What would have happened if she had truly cared for Legolas? He was taking this all too lightly, in her opinion.

"What if I thought differently? Hum?" She asked her voice rising in anger. "What if I had fallen in love with you or something, you could very well be breaking my heart right now! Yet it doesn't seem like you would give a damn, as long as YOU weren't attracted to a mortal!"

Legolas's own brow furrowed at her accusations, and he put a hand on her shoulder to steady her, put she brushed it away angrily. "Do you honestly think I would do such a thing? If I thought for one moment you had deeper feelings then friendship I would never have acted so, but I am not blind, and I haven't spent the last two months in your company daily, to not see where your affections lie. You care for Aragorn; it is obvious to me when I see you together. No, don't get upset, you hide it well. He cannot see what is right in front of him, but I know you better than almost any other here, it is not so hard for me to see. And your mortality has nothing to do with it! I am not afraid of loving a mortal; if I were do you think I would have even ventured down this path? But I know, for now, your affections are safe from me. I just wanted to know for certain that I had no feelings for you other then friendship before I set out. Besides," he added in a teasing tone, after he had succeed in calming Jaden with his words, "you wouldn't send a brave warrior off on a deadly quest without at least one farewell kiss from a fair maiden, would you?"

Jaden scowled at him again, and swatted at his arm, but she couldn't stay mad at the cheeky elf in front of her, and quickly found a smile tugging her own lips.

"So, how was it?" He asked, still teasing, but there was an ounce of true curiosity in the question, and Jaden could almost swear he looked a little nervous for the answer.

"Well I am sure you don't need me boosting your pride! Why don't you go kiss some elleth if you're that curious about your kissing skills?"

Legolas most defiantly looked nervous now, to Jaden's astonishment. He couldn't possibly really want to know what she thought, could he?

"I don't think many elleth would be half as agreeable about this as you are Jaden. I have to be so terribly careful around them. You remember about that elleth in Mirkwood, and Elrohir?"

Jaden nodded in the affirmative.

"So, you can see how I haven't been able to um...practice a lot?" He was blushing! Jaden couldn't believe Legolas was actually blushing, but there was no mistaking the pink that now tinged his delicate cheekbones and the tips of his pointy ears. She decided to spare him the teasing remarks that sprang to her tongue.

"It was very pleasant Legolas, not that I've had much to compare it too, but I can say with definite confidence you're better then a dwarf."

He scowled at her comparison, which made her laugh, but then she added seriously, "I imagine I would enjoy kissing Aragorn a lot better, but that's only because of how I feel about him, but for someone I am only attracted to as a friend you did manage to leave me breathless. Well maybe saying I am only attracted to you as a friend isn't completely true. I mean you're beautiful, and...." she finally snapped her babbling mouth shut. It was her turn to blush now, as he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Beautiful?"

"Oh don't be ridiculous Legolas, of course you're beautiful you're an elf!" She cried, her embarrassment quickly turning into anger at his strange modesty. She realized he was laughing at her silently, his eyes brimming over in amusement.

"Why you... oh you're evil!" She exclaimed.

"Don't be angry, I couldn't help a little teasing!"

"Well?"

"Well what?" He asked in confusion.

"Well, how was it for you? You made me tell, so it's only fair you do the same."

"Not bad." He shrugged noncommittally.

"Hump."

He grinned at her pouting. "Would it help if I amended that to the best kiss of my life?"

She raised an eyebrow at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue.

"I am afraid I don't have much experience to go off of either." He admitted to her surprises. "I have kissed a few elleth, but never so… intimately, and they were all well" he searched for the right word, "skittish. I liked your eager response." He was grinning evilly, but she couldn't help giggling at his teasing, and soon he had joined her, laughing merrily. It was one of her favorite moments with the elf prince, and she would hold it close to her heart in the long months to come filled with worry for her friend. 

Legolas had given her a playful wink as the party set off. It made her blush furiously, and to her despair Elrohir had caught it, and would surly never let her hear the end of it.

She stood watching until the last member of the fellowship, Bormoir, whom she had never spoken even two words too, faded from sight. She turned to find Bilbo with now tear streaked cheeks, as he watched Frodo and the others depart. She caught his eye, and the sturdy little hobbit gave her a watery smile, which she returned. She threw her arm around him, and led him back into the last homely house. The hobbit was already chattering on about all the work he'd get done before Frodo returned. Jaden knew he was only putting up a front, but played along with him. They both knew many painfully long months awaited them until they saw their friends again.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

The next few weeks seemed like the longest of Jaden's life. Bilbo locked himself away in his rooms, brooding over the fellowship. Jaden could feel the subdued atmosphere that lay over Rivendell like a thick blanket. The halls were devoid of laughter, the meal times quiet. The nights were no longer filled with songs and tales in the Hall of Fire. It seemed all available warriors were in a constant state of return and departure, so many scouting trips were there. Jaden didn't catch a glimpse of the twins; she doubted they had been in Rivendell since the fellowship departed.

It took Jaden over a week after the Fellowship left to successfully drag Bilbo out of his room, and distract him by work on his book. Once he started back in on his work, he threw himself into it with a passion she had never seen in the little hobbit. He seemed determined to spend all his spare time in writing and research. However Jaden couldn't help but notice his noticeable slowing and it saddened her. The hobbit couldn't fight his age forever; soon he would no longer be able to spend his afternoons in serious writing. Jaden committed herself to helping him finish his book, she was quite sure without her help he wouldn't have the energy to do so.

It was on one of Bilbo's slower days, that the lord of Imladris sought her out. Bilbo and Jaden were having a quiet pick-nick in the gardens, the old hobbit entertaining her with a silly tale of Frodo's antics as a child, when the lord approached. Bilbo spotted lord Elrond first.

"Master Elrond, what brings you into your fine gardens at this time of day? Are you thinking to steal away our fine fare? Well I shan't blame you if you do, your cooks makes fine Pumpkin bread." He offered the lord a slice of the praised bread, which Elrond politely declined.

"It's good to see you in such fine spirits my old friend." Bilbo gave him a little bow, and then Elrond turned to Jaden, much to her surprise. "Jaden, might I have a word with you?" Though it was worded as a request, Jaden couldn't imagine saying no to the lord of Rivendell. She had barely spent 15 minutes in his presence since arriving in his fair valley.

"Of course my lord Elrond," she quickly rose, and after Bilbo gave her an encouraging wink, followed the elf lord back to his study.

Elrond took no time in getting to his point, after Jaden had settled down in a chair. She was further surprised to find they were alone in his office, and wondered what could possibly warrant her receiving a private audience with Elrond, but she quickly discovered.

"I had a dream" he paused, making sure he had her total attention, "a dream. There was fire, and darkness, whips, and screams. Then I saw Gandalf, alone, standing in a ring of fire, darkness behind him and before him, but neither the darkness nor the fire touched him. He was robed in light, and his face was noble and fair, more so then I have ever seen him." He paused for a moment, before going on. "I have had this same dream for the last four nights. I have had dreams pertaining to the future before, but I can only hope this is not the case, for untouched though he seemed by the fire, it was but a scrap of time. Tell me, does my dream mean anything to you? The Fellowship are long out of our reach, I cannot see how your knowledge could affect anything now, but to solve this mystery for me."

Now that she looked at the elf lord, she saw the definite signs of sleep deprivation. There were dark circles under his eyes, he looked weary, his eyes even more tired than usual. She agreed, her knowledge could not affect the fellowship, even if Elrond tried to use it, which she doubted he would.

"Yes it means something to mean. A Balrog, Gandalf will face a Balrog of Morgoth when Saruman closes Caradhras to them by ice and snow, and they take the paths of Moria."

Elrond looked even more care worn now, with his gloomy thoughts. "Ah! Gandalf, Moria! That you would choose that way." He shook his head in despair.

"He will fall, die" Elrond had lost all pretense of composure, and his head fell into his hands with a moan. Jaden was taken aback by his open distress. She had never seen him so open with his emotions, and to see his so now, disturbed her, and made her hurry on with her knowledge. "Wait, do not despair yet master Elrond. It was meant for Gandalf to go this way; it was the only way..."

"What hope has the fellowship without their leader?" Elrond questioned sharply.

"Much hope when their leader is returned to them as Gandalf the white."

His head came up, and his surprised searching eyes locked with hers. "It's true, my lord, Gandalf will defeat the Balrog, but die in the attempt, and like lord Glorfindel, and the Valar will send him back. He will be more powerful than even Saruman, though he will need his strength in the end."

"Strange events these are, and yet, I am heartened to hear them. I confess feeling a great foreboding of evil pressing down on me, since first having the dream. Your have comforted me Jaden, I thank you."

"It was nothing." She hesitated before asking her next question. "Lord Elrond do you think I made the right choice by keeping my knowledge to myself? I wonder how you could trust me so far in this. I have known kindness since coming to your valley, but mostly mistrust, and dislike. I wonder how you could trust me, a dark skinned mortal, with the knowledge of Middle Earths future."

"I was very young when I first learned the curse of judging others, and the blessings and peace that came with forgiveness. I am afraid it is not an easy thing to learn. I have seen the greatest of elves and men struggle with these two, yet the reward is the sweeter for it."

_First Age- Wilds of Beleriand_

Elrond watched a lone tear trail down his foster father's cheek. He had never seen Maglor cry, not in all the long years of his raising. Elrond was no longer the young elfing that had been captured by the fell sons' of Fëanor thirty years before. He was close to his majority, but the thought brought him no joy now. He would have loved sharing that day surrounded by those who loved him, his foster father Maglor, his brother Elros, and dearest friend Erestor. But it was not to be, all happiness, it seemed, would ever be stolen from him. He felt his soul would rip in two at this parting. He knew why Maglor cried, silently, his head still held up, proud even in his grief. This would be a parting until the ends of the world.

Elrond, even at this tender age, knew some things instinctively. Sometimes he dreamt, sometimes the knowledge would just be there, as now. Maglor knew it too, they would not meet again. The sons' of Fëanor thought it was for the best, they would never be free of the Oath. Word had come of an army of elves and Valar out of the west. Elrond and Elros were being sent to the High King Gil-galad. Their father had come with the host out of the west; they would be reunited with their kin.

Elrond did not care if he would be safer with the host of the west, he only knew that he was being torn from everything he had come to love, well not everything. Elros would be there, and Erestor would accompany them. Fëanors' sons were sending a large escort of warriors with the twins, but all but a hand full would return to the last two sons' of Fëanor. The Oath had rested all these years, an ever present burden on the two weary souls, but the sons' of Fëanor had not pursued it. Now, without the constant steady love of their foster sons, it would find them quickly, Elrond knew without a doubt.

His eyes shifted to Maedhros, Fëanor's eldest. He shed no tears. His proud copper head held high, as he watched the two elflings, ride away. Elrond and Elros had learned quickly to keep a healthy distance from the elder brother. Maedhros was not a second father to them, or even a friend. He had never laid a hand on them, either in comfort or to hurt, and never would. His dark eyes were haunted by memories, unreachable to all save Maglor. Elrond was in awe of him, and he knew Elros was as well, though he was less likely to admit it. Elros liked to pretend nothing frightened him, but no one could hold that dark gaze for long, save Maglor. He was like one of the stories told of the great elves in the past, Fingolfin, Fingon, Finrod, Ecthelion, and just like the glorious dead, he was untouchable, unreachable, living legend.

Erestor's hand brushed his own, and Elrond clasped it in a desperate grip. Erestor loved his lords as well. Maglor and Maedhros, for all the evil they had wrought, were much beloved by their people. Elrond's eyes sought out his brothers, a slight frown crossing his brow. Elros was dry eyed, while Elrond bore his own tear streaked cheeks with no shame. Elrond had always known he had been closer to their foster father. He had not failed to hear the note of excitement and anticipation in Elros's voice when he spoke of joining the High King, and seeing their father again. Elrond's own heart had not echoed these feelings, but Elros had always loved glory and the thoughts of war and battle. Elrond did not blame his brother for wishing to see their father again, for all the love Maglor had given them, there was always that something, that desire to be loved by the two who made them. But such desires could not overshadow the biting pain he now felt as he turned back, one last time for a glimpse of the two solitary figures, still glorious and noble, their heads proud, and backs straight. Elrond felt his heart break anew at their beauty, their courage in the face of their doom.

First Age- Isle of Balar, Gil-galad and Cirdan's realm

Elrond felt a nervousness take him, as he approached the tall throne. Gil-galad looked like a star. His golden mane fell loose about his shoulders, reflecting the light of the torches a thousand fold. His clear gray eyes held the twin's as they approached him. For a moment, Elrond was reminded of Maglor's eyes, but the similarities ended with color. Where Maglor's were wise, filled with love and pain under the weight of many hard years, Gil-galad's showed his haughty pride, nothing like the calm noble pride of the last two Fëanorian's who ever held themselves with quite dignity in the face of their doom. Gil-galad had a restlessness about him, which reminded Elrond of his brother. They were warriors, Elros and Gil-galad, they craved open spaces and deeds of valor. The High King was yet young in the years of the Eldar, and it showed in a restless, unsettled spirit. Here was one who would ride bravely into battle, yet rashly. Elrond couldn't help but frown as he felt the familiar foreboding cease him. Yes, the high king would find his death in battle, he did not doubt, but as quickly as it came, the shadow of the future was gone.

The High-King rose to greet the two young lords. "Welcome, sons' of Eärendil . It is a relief to see you back among your people, unharmed. Many here despaired ever seeing you again after the kinslayers kidnapped you. I am pleased to see they were not unduly cruel, you both look healthy enough."

The High-King, obviously wasn't aware of the true treatment the young twins had received. They had been shown every cutesy, treated as princes, positively spoiled by their foster father. Elrond tried to overlook the stab at those he loved; Maglor had warned them the sons' of Fëanor would not be looked kindly upon. Maglor had advised them to embrace their new lives, and forget the Fëanorian's, for their own good, but Elrond found such a request unimaginable, even though he knew his foster father had only spoken out of the love in his heart.

It was Erestor who filled the pregnant silence that had ensued after the High Kings welcome. Elrond had seen the nervous shifting of Elros to his right; he himself had not dared to speak, lest he say something less the courteous to their new king. He was once more grateful for Erestor's constant steady presence, as he answered the High-King in a voice, devoid of emotion.

"I assure you, Hig- King, the sons of Eärendil were treated as their stations required. They experienced no cruelty while in the care of Fëanorian's."

The High Kings gaze turned haughty as it regarded the elf to Elrond's left. Erestor was dressed as a simple warrior, the sons' of Fëanor and their people, had been wandering in the wilds for many years, and Erestor's garb showed it.

"And who are you to speak for the Fëanorians'?"

Elrond felt his heart tighten. He knew Erestor would never deny who he was, or what part he had played in the sack of Sirion, his guilt had not been assayed in all the long years Elrond had known him, but never before had Elrond so wanted him to lie, to say anything, but what he knew would come out of his friend's mouth.

"I am Erestor son of lord Horthien of lord Celegorms' people, High-King. I was charged with the guarding of the lords Elros and Elrond by my lords Maedhros and Maglor."

Elrond heard the murmurs pass though the elves in the surrounding court, as Gil-galad's eyes flashed at Erestor. "You claim the kinslayers as your lords? Did I and the Valar not make this matter clear to you? The kinslayers and their people were not to enter the city. How dare you presume to come before me? I am Hig- King of the Noldor, and you have disobeyed my orders!"

Erestor bowed his head, in deference to the haughty king, and made no move to defend his actions. Elrond couldn't bear to see his friend shamed in front of anyone. Erestor was many things, but this show of humility was unlike him. Erestor held none of the false pride Elrond had seen in many of the Fëanorians' men, and as a child in Sirion. But it wasn't like Erestor to let any but his lords order him in such away, it galled the young elf. Erestor had ever been their quite, steady companion, seeking nothing but acceptance, and their friendship. Sometimes it hurt Elrond to see how little the older elf thought of himself, it seemed he would never move on from the past.

Elros had asked him once why he dwelt so on that day in Sirion, when it seemed all the other kinslayers had forgotten years ago. Erestor had said the others were simply better at hiding what they felt. He had no wish to hide. He had said it was more than the lives he had taken. It was the years and years leading up to kinslayings that ate at him, as much as the deed itself. He didn't know how to live properly. Didn't know how to survive and breathe for something other than hate and revenge.

Elrond quickly spoke up in defense of his old friend, ignoring the warning hand Erestor placed on his arm to stay his words.

"Lord Erestor is here on my request. He has been my brothers and mine protector ever since we came to live with the lords Maglor and Maedhros, who charged him with our protection. He has scarily left our side in thirty years, and I would not wish him to leave now. I am proud to call him friend, and request he be allowed to stay, to attend my brother and I...my king."

Elrond was breathing heavily, his nostrils flared as his own gray eyes met those of the High-Kings, unwaveringly. There was a tense moment in which it seemed all held their breath before the High King gave a sudden laugh, and ruffled Elrond's hair, as if he were still a child and not a youth close to his majority.

"You have the spirit of a Finwëion, no doubt young lord." But his smile quickly vanished again, as he looked back at Erestor, "He is loyal to the Fëanorian's, and a kinslayer, but since the son of Eärendil ask it, I will accept his presence in my city, as long as he makes no trouble, and swears fealty to me accepting me as his king." He said to Elrond, talking of Erestor as if he were a misbehaving child and not a Noldian lord standing before him.

"Thank you my king," Intervened Elros, seeing the dangerous light still in his brothers eyes. Elrond was not known to be quick to anger, so Elros was not only startled, but a little frightened for his brother and the passion he had just displayed. "You are most generous."

"Yes, I am." Replied the High-King, arrogantly, and Elrond ground his teeth silently. "Come, a servant will show you to your rooms."

Elrond would have never thought, after that first strained meeting, that the rash, haughty king would one day become a dear friend not only of himself, but also of Erestor. It took many years, and it was not an easy path for Gil-galad or Erestor, who suffered under the High Kings hatred, and many others for the kinslayings. But Erestor would not abandoned Elrond, especially after Elros had chosen the gift of men, and Elrond had pledged his service to the High King as well. It was time, in the end, that was needed to temper the young king. He first had to lose some of his own arrogant pride, and judgmental nature, before he could look past Erestor's past and see the elf beneath. 

"I could have judged you by the history of Southerners and Easterlings in Middle Earth. Over and over they have chosen to serve the darkness. So it seems on the surface, but no people are completely without good. I have had few dealings with the men not of Westerness, but I have listen to the tales of my foster son of his travels, and I grew up with the memories of my foster father of Bór and his people who stood side by side with their pale skinned brothers against the Dark Lord Morgoth. In truth the stories of the Haradrim, Umbar, Rhûn, should tell of people deceived by the darkness. Trapped in service to the dark, from which there was little escape. But also people of great heart and courage, some of whom stood against the evil of the Dark Lords, dared to love and life in the face of their bondage."

"I am the foster son of a kinslayer, whom I loved far more then my own father and mother, both of whom have received due praise and honor for their deeds. There are few enough songs and tale of the courage of Maedhros, the wisdom of Maglor, rather the songs of their evil deeds have lasted through the ages. I do not suppose they ever expected to be forgiven, but I can still dream." He gave Jaden a small smile. "Erestor was more of a brother to me, in the end, and then Elros ever was. We were too different, Elros and I. I grieved for his death, but not as I would have, had we been brothers of the heart. I loved him, of course, but he scorned that which I loved. It was not easy for Erestor. He stayed with Elros and I after we rejoined our father, and the High King, but none could ever envy his life. Never, would they let him forget, so much hate and only one to throw it upon. Elros was not weak in body, he was a mighty warrior, as he always dreamed of being, but his mind was easily swayed. He turned his back on our foster father, Erestor, all that reminded him of the accursed Fëanorians', and me to an extent. I would not, could not, forget them, and could not understand how he could join in the others taunting and scorning Erestor throwing insults at Maglor, the elf who raised him."

Elrond fell silent for a long time. Jaden didn't know what could have inspired him to speak so openly to her about his past, but she found she only respected him all the more, the longer he spoke. She felt ashamed, when she thought of her reaction to Erestor's confession. She had been proud and hasty, where she should have realized what his confession of his past cost him. He had opened up to her, and from what she understood about Erestor from Elrond, that wasn't a very common thing. Worse, she had let her own pride keep her from him for weeks! _What must he think of her, or worse what must he think she thought of him? _Jaden felt her stomach flip, at the thought of her friend believing her judgmental, or un-understanding of him. She had a sudden desire to run out of the study and not stop until she found him.

Elrond's knowing gray eyes, rested on her, their eyes met, and she had the uncanny feeling he knew exactly what she was thinking. "You might find him in the stables."

Jaden stared at him for a moment, _Elrond the wise indeed, _before thanking him, and hurrying to find the elusive elf lord.

The stables were deserted, Jaden's quick search reveled no elf lord. She realized she had never actually seen Erestor in the stables, in all the days she had gone riding with Legolas. She spotted an old friend in her search. Legolas had been unable to take his horse Mailen on the quest. She now approached the great stallion confidently. She had gotten to know him on her rides with Legolas, and wasn't afraid he would try to bite her fingers off, as he had at their first introduction.

"Hello there Mailen," she greeted the horse with a pat on his glossy nose. The proud stallion tossed its creamy mane in greeting. "I bet you're missing your elf prince, huh? I know I am." She ended in a quiet voice.

She did miss him. She had been rather lost without the elf's almost constant company. She'd never had a friend like him before, it didn't seem like she could have ever tired of his company. Jaden sighed; she would just have to be patient for a few more months. She didn't know when she would next see Legolas or Aragorn; her memories of the ending of the books were still hazy. She knew Elrond went down to see Arwen get married to Aragorn, after the war, but she couldn't put it in a time frame. _Was it in the spring, or the summer? _She hoped it was sooner than later.

Jaden, lost in her thoughts, didn't hear the elf's approach, though she would have been pressed to do so even without an absent mind.

"Jaden, I didn't expect to find you here?"

Jaden spun around in surprise, she knew that voice. "Erestor," she was momentarily speechless at his appearance to think of anything else to say. He was wearing a simple tunic and leggings, his sword hung prominently at his side, and he held a pack in his hand. His hair was pulled back in the long training pony-tail, which extenuated his high cheekbones.

"Where are you going?"

"Orc activity has picked up since the fellowships departure. We are spread thin, every warrior is needed, and I am going on patrol now."

"Oh," she couldn't think of anything to say. _He was leaving? _Going to fight orcs, she didn't like that idea. She was sure he could take care of himself, but what if something happened? Even the strongest warrior can make mistakes. _Why am I thinking like this? He's thousands of years old! He's fought in the last Alliance and who knows who many other battles, I am just being paranoid._

Her worry, however, proved to be the last motivation to get over her hurt pride. "Erestor I am sorry, for the other day. I was angered by your words, and ran away when I should have stayed and listened. I am sure it was very hard for you to speak as you did. I just thought... I don't know, well I guess I did prove myself a child as you said, by my actions."

"No, Jaden, it is I who need your forgiveness. I was shocked by your reaction. I thought you should hate me, run from me, but you didn't. I was confused, and mistaken. I thought it would be better for you if you stayed away from me. I am a..."

"No! Don't you dare say you are a murderer, or monster! You are NOT. You made a mistake, which you have had to live with for thousands of years. I think you have suffered enough. I have never seen battle, or killed anyone, but that doesn't mean I don't know the difference between an evil man, and one who made a mistake. I have never told anyone of this, not even Legolas." She was silent for a moment, collecting her thoughts, and didn't see the frown her mention of the wood elf caused the elf lord.

"I was 14 when they first came. They called themselves the Mungiki, it doesn't matter who they were, or what they wanted. They were men of violence ruled by greed. They came for our neighbor, to collect money. My father was a respected man in our town, I loved, love him very much. I do not know what he hopped to accomplish by standing up to those men. He tried to reason with them, but they delighted in evil, they laughed at him. He got in their way...I was watching from our window. I had nightmares of it of many years after. They cut off his leg, right there in the street. They cut it off; I can still hear his screams."

Her eyes had been far away, but now they came back to Erestor, and focused him with frightening intensity. "Those men were evil, they did not make one or two mistakes, and they did not repent. They laughed, and delighted in my father's pain. THEY were murderers and monsters that was neither the first nor the last evil they did in my country. They were known for taking the heads of those who opposed them, for brutal blood rituals, the Mungiki are responsible for hundreds of deaths, that is evil Erestor!"

"I killed those elves, and enjoyed it! I killed them in hate for revenge, do not try and dismiss my crime, it is unforgivable!"

"It is already forgiven! You said the Valar forgave you, opened Valionr to you. If they are as wise and good as people say, then why do you keep tormenting yourself with this?"

"It's not that simple!" Erestor was pacing the stable floor agitatedly. His voice had risen and now rang off the stable walls. Jaden was momentarily taken aback by his aggression. He didn't seem to be listening to anything she was saying.

"It is that simple, if you would just..."

"What do you know of it? NOTHING!" The last word was half yelled half snarled, and Jaden took an involuntary step back from the disturbed elf.

Erestor let out a heavy breath, and passed a hand over his eyes, "I am sorry Jaden, I had no right to get angry. It's just....you don't understand. It's been so long, I just can't let it go like that, and it's a part of me now. I..." Erestor trailed off, lost for words.

_How could he explain what it was like to live with the weight of the dead for thousands of years? How could he tell her he had been MADE to remember? Never given a moments peace for years on end, constantly tormented. At first he had been the one forcing himself to remember, it was a way of punishing himself, but later he couldn't have forgotten even if he had tried. There was always some elf ready to throw his sins in his face, and he had told himself he deserved it. Now, she wanted him to forgive himself? Impossible, he was a kinslayer, a murderer, how often had he told himself that? Such things were not easily forgotten by him or anyone. He was twisted, twisted from years of hate, revenge, and even longer years of guilt and self-hate._

Ah, but he wanted to forget, how he wanted her to see him as anything but kinslayer. To hold her just one more time. Why was she looking at him like that? Was it pity in her eyes, he hated pity, would not accept it!

"I don't want your pity." He hadn't meant to snap, but he saw her flinch at his sharp tone.

"I don't pity you." Her answer was barely more than a whisper. "I just wish you would trust me. Why can't you understand? I don't care if you killed elves hundreds of years ago! Maybe I am cold hearted or cruel for thinking that, but it's true. When I look at you, I don't see a murderer."

"What do you see?" His voice was quiet, all the defensive bite stripped away. He stood before her, utterly still, no longer pacing the bare floor. He didn't meet her eyes, but she could hear the vulnerability there, and her breath caught in her throat.

"You. Just you, Erestor," a chocking sound burst from him. His hand flew to his throat, as if to stop it. Another sobs wrenched from his very soul. Jaden stood motionless, she didn't know what to say, do. The elf lord fell to his knees, another hand coming to stifle the racking sobs being strangled from his mouth.

She surged forward, catching him to her slight form, as he swayed dangerously under the weight of the past. Jaden was frightened, _had she said something wrong?_ Her heart wrenched at the sounds coming from him, it couldn't really be called crying, there were no tears, it was worse. His soul screamed for release, but his will held back.

His arms had grasped her immediately, when she had caught him. He was trembling against her, but strangely it didn't make him seem fragile. His arms were too strong, his bearing too proud, even in grief. Pity, he had said he wouldn't have it, and she honestly felt no pity of him, even in his distress. It was so much deeper, and more painful. She knew her own cheeks were stained wet, she wished he could find some release even in a simple act like crying. She knew this was only the beginning, he hadn't forgiven, but could she really expect anything SHE said to help him?

Her thoughts drifted, she didn't know how long they held each other. She wishing she could do more, he holding on like his life depended on it. Jaden remembered, with stunning clarity, her mother. Her arms held a sobbing Jaden fresh from a nightmare, whispering words of comfort in her small ear. Jaden had few enough memories of her Muzungu (white) mother; this one took her completely by surprise. She couldn't hear her mother's words, but she remembered the kiss she had received after. Her mother had kissed her gently on the neck, something Jaden had found terribly comforting in its intimacy.

His hair was already swept back, in the high pony tail, her face tucked into his shoulder. Without giving it another moments thought, Jaden lifted her warm lips and gently pressed them to the exposed pearly column. He stiffened immediately, and Jaden was suddenly drawn completely out of her comforting thoughts, to the realization that she was kissing an elf lords neck, and she was not a five year old child anymore.

She pulled back quickly, her cheeks heating up. _What must he think of me now? I just kissed his neck! Ngai (God) I am such an idiot. _She couldn't meet his eyes; he was no doubt horrified by her actions. She hadn't meant it to be anything but comforting, but she realized now it was terribly forward of her, especially in Middle Earth culture.

"Jaden?" Her whispered name caused her to finally look at him. She couldn't read him, _elves were so damn good at hiding their emotions if they chose! _

"I am sorry I didn't mean..." she blurted out hurriedly before abruptly stopping again, floundering for words. She wished he would look somewhere else; his eyes were burning her with an intense searching look.

She made to apology again, but the words were abruptly cut off by his firm lips. He pressed his lips to the side of her mouth, it was brief, a feathery kiss, but utterly confusing. _Why had he kissed the corner of her mouth? That didn't make sense, was he trying to comfort her worries? _But now he had only served to confuse her more. A full mouth kiss she could understand, not expect, the idea of kissing Erestor had never crossed her mind before, and she barely played with the idea of him kissing her now, before discarding it again as ridiculous. Her mind didn't question why such a thing was ridiculous, she had kissed Legolas after all, but her mind did not take her down that path. In fact it had little time to question his motives and the meaning behind his half kiss before they were abruptly interrupted.

Erestor and Jaden were still kneeling before each other on the floor, his arms still loosely encircling her. Even without the unobserved kisses the twins naturally mischievous minds were ready to play on the scene.

"Oh, Jaden what's this? Spending a little quality time with another elf in the stables are we? What will poor Legolas say?" Elrohir asked of the air in general. His tone was teasing, and Jaden immediately pulled away from Erestor, her cheeks flaming as she came to her feet.

"I don't know what you're talking about Elrohir, and you shouldn't spread rumors." _Legolas wouldn't have told them would he? Surely he had more class then that!_

"Oh don't you? I do recall hearing an interesting tale from Legolas. He seems to be under the impression you both shared a very_ passionate _kiss here not too long ago."

_Oh, she was going to tear the wood elf apart the next time she saw him! _"I...we...it wasn't like that! Oh, I can't believe he told YOU!" She finished hotly. The twins were laughing outright now, and she couldn't meet any of the elves eyes.

"So you admit to _passionately_ kissing the prince of Mirkwood?" Elladan crowed.

"No! I mean, well maybe, but you wouldn't understand." She couldn't deny that they had kissed, but at this point she was going to make sure he never heard the last of it. She was infuriated, and terribly embarrassed.

Elrohir laughed again, as she glared murderously at her. He just winked. She supposed they knew Legolas and her had decided on only being friends, she doubted even they would tease her if she and Legolas had felt something for one another, but she hated the idea of them throwing it in her face like this, and in front of Erestor! _Oh, God's what must he think of her now? _She was mortified.

Jaden practically ran out of the stable, not carrying for any lost pride in her attempt to escape the taunting twins. She didn't give Erestor a backwards glace, she couldn't meet his eyes. Instead she ran away like the embarrassed little girl she was, all the while berating herself for not sticking up to the twins teasing. _She knew deep down they hadn't meant any harm, but why did they always have to tease her about Legolas? First in front of Aragorn, and now Erestor! _

_God's Erestor! _She stopped her retreat abruptly, and spun around, back to the stables. She hadn't wished him a safe journey, didn't know how long he'd be gone, or anything. She felt like the worst sort of friend.

By the time she reached the stables again she found it still occupied by sons of Elrond. No sign of Erestor. The twins were unsaddling their mounts, having just returned from their own scouting mission when they stumbled upon Jaden and Erestor.

"Where's Erestor?" She picked up the courage to address Elrohir, praying he wouldn't continue his past teasing.

"He just left with Fabion and Galoroy. He was going on patrol didn't you know?" Luckily he chose not to tease her, perhaps seeing her distress look.

"Oh, no! I didn't get to say good bye." _Stupid, childish, running away like that, _she berated herself.

Elladan came over, "Don't worry; he'll be back safe and sound in a few weeks. He's actually a suburb warrior you know."

"I know." But her voice was hallow.

The twins shared a glace, "Look," began Elladan, "We are sorry about earlier. Sometimes we can't help our self." They gave her identical cheeky smiles. "Don't worry Legolas hasn't told the whole valley, just us."

Jaden groaned at the thought of the whole of Rivendell knowing she'd shared a passionate kiss with the elf prince.

"It wasn't his fault for telling us either. We cornered him before he left. We had become concerned with the amount of time he'd been spending with you. Do not take this the wrong way, we like you Jaden, but with Arwen.... He's are dearest friend. We only wanted to see him happy."

Jaden nodded her head mutely, feeling most of her anger towards Legolas drift away, only to be replaced by more worry. She wished she'd been able to say good bye to Erestor, not that she doubted for his safety, but he had seemed so open and vulnerable just then, she couldn't help but worry over him. _It feels like I spend half my time in a constant state of anxiety and worry. I am surprised I get any sleep at all. _

She thanked the twins, and made her way back to her rooms. She supposed she'd just have to live with the fact that she had several weeks of purposeless worry ahead of her.

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

Ngai- God in Gukuyu, use similar to damn


	15. Chapter 15

Erestor's POV

Chapter 15

Erestor squatted next to the orc tracks. The winter winds wiped mercilessly around him, but his elvish cloak kept them out. The fresh blanket of pure white was marred by the filthy tracks of the orcs. They had been tracking the orc band for the last two days. The fresh snow made their tracks laughably easy to follow, though Galoroy was one of Imladris's best trackers, so they weren't in need of the assistance.

"Only a few hours ahead now, lord Erestor," confided Galoroy.

"About a dozen?"

"Less," conceded the tracker.

Fabion was testing his bow string, he was an excellent archer, and they would have no trouble dispatching the filth back to the void. Then they could return home, and all that awaited there. Erestor forced himself not to follow that train of thoughts. They had been scouting for the last three weeks, and he had been constantly distracted by thoughts of her, but he wouldn't let it distract him in battle, he was a better warrior then that!

He didn't blame the twins for their teasing; they had made a habit of hiding behind it these last few centuries. They had always been mischievous elves, but it has been long since they were elflings. However, their childishness had only gotten worse, just as their orc raids. He supposed it had something to do with the upcoming loss of their sister. They knew, and Elrond knew, Arwen would choose the gift of men. Some hurts just couldn't be healed. Their teasing natures were just as much a form of defense as their constant absences on orc hunting missions. Erestor had seen more of the twins these last few months since the fellowship had arrived, then he had in the last century.

They had never learned to confront their demons, so they hide behind falsely cheer demeanors, or just ran away all together to hunt orcs. Erestor couldn't blame them though, he couldn't say he was any better with confronting the past, and he knew they felt a great need for revenge over their mothers torment by the orcs. Even if their motives were less than pure, their deeds had been admirable. Erestor knew Elrond was proud of them; they were mighty warriors, who never turned their backs on mortals like many elves had.

Erestor smiled inwardly. He suspected their tendency to be around mortals more than their own kind, had helped lead to their overly youthful behavior.

He did wish though, that Jaden had not taken it so hard. _No, he wished she had just denied the whole thing, even if it was true! That would have been false though,_ he had to concede, _it was really better to know. _He hated the idea of her with another elf. He had come to respect young Legolas, so it made the intense feelings of dislike he now felt, all the worse. He really had no one to blame but himself, he had continuously pushed her away, the wood elf had always been there for her, it was only natural she would chose to be with him. The thought of another elf being interested in her, was still shocking, though. _Legolas, bound to a mortal? _But he couldn't deny what his own ears had heard. Such acts were considered close to betrothal because of their intimacy.

The Silvian elves generally had more freedom in this manner then the Noldor, or at least they had in the past. It was long since Erestor took noticed of how far was acceptable before talks of marriage began. Such concerns had never interested him in his youth. Erestor was far from innocent, and threw no blame on Jaden or Legolas for engaging in such acts before their official betrothal, but that didn't mean he wanted to think about it.

Erestor had reached his majority in the service of Fëanors' sons Celegorm and Curufin. The peoples of Celegorm and Curufin were notorious for their promiscuous ways. Erestor had been far from a blushing innocent even before his father's death, and had done his first exploring of an elleth's body while attending this most lenient of courts.

Such things were not talked of now. He knew many of the Noldor preferred to think all the rumors they had heard of these particular kinslayers people's practices were exaggerated, or even completely non-existent. But Erestor knew better. Curufin and Celegolrm's court had been home to ever vice possible. Ambitions, greed, pride, arrogance, were just the ice tip, and there was a generous dose of lust mixed in between. He had learned that premarital relations were one of many things he had engaged in in his youth that were considered unsavory. He had quickly learned to adapt his public views and private acts to match those of the remaining Noldor.

The Silvian elves, while more discreet in their practices of such lusts, had once been known to indulge from time to time. He couldn't help a small smile tugging his lips, the memories of a certain Nodorian princess and her pre-marital activities with her own Sindarin elf lord, had not been forgotten by some, but he doubted the regal Lady of Light admitted to having had such carnal appetites in the past.

The smile faded quickly as his thoughts returned to gloomy ones. He hadn't been able to shake his melancholy. Ever since the realization that Jaden had chosen Legolas, his spirit seemed permanently fixed under a dark cloud. Even his companions had noticed his more than usual silences, and frowns. It wasn't like him to brood, and whatever he felt for Jaden he didn't like the thought of being distracted in battle because of it. He was primarily a warrior now, with two ellon under his command; this was no time for regrets. But no matter how he tried to reason with himself in this matter, his thoughts always returned to her.

His thoughts were pulled to the present by Galoroy's call. "Just over the ridge my lord, I count ten. Looks like they're bedding down for the day."

Erestor frowned, as his gaze swung to the horizon. There was still no hint of the sun. The orcs could have easily traveled several more hours this night. They were close to the mountains; it didn't make sense for this delay. They should be eagerly pushing to make the foothills by day break. Erestor pushed his unease away. Whatever had gotten into the orcs wouldn't change the fact this would be their last night on Middle Earth. Galoroy had said there were less than a dozen. Erestor could take that many out himself, if pressed, and with two other excellent warriors the battle would be over in minutes.

The three elves silently took their positions. Fabion up a tree, bow trained, the tracker circling to the right, to pick off the unsuspecting guard, while Erestor dove head on into the may-lay of still sleeping orcs.

The archer picked off four in the first few seconds of the battle, if it could even be called that. Galoroy brought down the guard with a skilled knife blade across the throat, before heading back to help Erestor finish off what was left. It was over so quickly most of the orcs were still sound asleep when they drew their last breaths.

Erestor wiped off his sword, surveying his two comrades. No wounds, it had been a clean victory. He was just sheathing his sword when all three elven heads snapped up at a piercing cry the likes of which Erestor had not heard in centuries. But it took him no time to place the haunting signal. The calls of the Úlairi were not something one could ever forget.

"Nazgul!" He called out in warning to his two comrades, and they all readied their weapons a second time. There was no time to reach the surrounding trees. They were caught in the open clearing, easily spotted even in the darkness. Erestor cursed silently his own stupidity. _Why had he not headed the warnings in his heart? _Something had not felt right, and he had blindly entered this battle, putting his two comrades at risk. To make it worse there were still a few hours of darkness giving the Nazgul the advantage.

Seconds after the chilling cry was heard Erestor felt the wraith. His brow furrowed. There was no mistaking the feel of the Úlairi, he knew it was close, but he couldn't see it. His hand on his sword tightened. Suddenly another answering cry was heard. _Two, there were two of them! One Erestor could handle, but two? _He looked to his companions. Fabion's face was pale, and a sheen of perspiration could be seen on Galoroy's brow.

"Hold, my friends. We shall..." But he didn't have a chance to finish his brave words before the sounds of an approaching company of orcs could be heard.

"To the trees!" Cried Erestor. Fabion and Galoroy didn't hesitate a moment, and were soon sprinting off for the tree cover. Erestor ran behind them. He knew they stood a far better chance against orcs with the trees for protection. He saw Fabion race up the first tree, quickly dissolving into its foliage. He would have the advantage of the trees height and shelter when firing his deadly bow. Galoroy and Erestor waited, swords drawn.

They did not have long to wait. The orcs came crashing through the trees, quickly surrounding the three trapped elves. _Valar, there must be at least fifty! _Erestor would not give into despair. He was already charging the advancing filth, Galoroy right behind him, Fabion's arrows already finding marks in the orc tide.

Erestor had not forgotten the wraiths, but where were they? He was more than happy to have them wait until the elves could dispatch the orcs to the void. Fifty was a considerable amount, but he was confident they could handle it. The disappearance of the wraiths, however, worried him. He was no Glorfindel, and had not his advantage. Glorfindel had seen the two trees in Valanor, before the rising of the sun and moon, his power over the wraiths was great for they could not hide from him in their shadow world. Erestor however, skilled warrior though he may be, had no such advantage. If the wraiths were here to kill, then they were in trouble, his skill with weapon far surpassed theirs, but they had other powers. Their rings gave them a great advantage. They were masters of terror and despair. It had been many years since he last faced Sauron's greatest servants, since they came to destroy the northern kingdom of men, but he hadn't forgotten the disaster they brought with them.

_I am in no condition to face wraiths head on. My mind is in turmoil, and darkness as it is. _But Erestor was determined this would not be his end, not against wraiths, not like this.

He didn't have long to worry over the whereabouts of the wraiths though. The battle was in full swing when the two wraiths made a reappearance. Galoroy and Erestor were fighting back to back, dead orcs lying all around them. Fabion had used the last of his arrows, and was just dropping down to join them on the ground when another of the haunting cries was heard., only this time much closer, and with it came a sweeping blanket of despair and terror.

Fabion dropped his newly drawn sword and covered his ears against the sound hoping to block out the darkness invading his soul, Galoroy did not fare much better. His face paled, and as he hesitated for a bare minute in his defense an orc blade cut him deeply in his left thigh. Erestor saw all this in a matter of seconds, as he swung his own sword around to behead the offending orc. This would not due. Galoroy and Fabion could not fight with this overwhelming presence of terror and darkness hovering over them. Erestor made a hasty decision.

"Fabion, come stand by Galoroy. Steady now my friends do not give into them." Fabion, was quick to answer his captain's call, and picked up his dropped sword to stand next to the injured Galoroy, as the call of the Nazgul faded.

"Keep fighting, don't give up!" Erestor called to the two elves as he dashed off into the trees, fighting orcs as he went. It did not take him long to locate the source of the menace they had felt.

The two wraiths stood alone. They went unclothed, the only thing that alerted Erestor to their presence was two naked blades held aloft in the air, and two golden crowns seemingly floating of their own will in the air. Erestor raised his bloodied sword, and pointed it at the accursed beings.

"Come, fight me orc span." And with that he charged them. The sound of blade ringing against blade was dulled by the still loud sounds of the other battle the two elves still fought against the hoard of orcs. Erestor took heart from the noises as evidence his two friends yet lived.

Erestor fought like one possessed. He knew he had to end this as quickly as possible. He had to drive the wraiths away, and the longer he fought with them, the greater his chances of failure. He couldn't stop, couldn't think, couldn't listen to the whispers in his head.

While outwardly he held off their blades, only receiving a few minor cuts, the real battle was raging in his head. The Nazgul weren't holding back. All their darkness was threatening to overwhelm him. His dark thoughts of earlier attacked him with a vengeance. Images rose in his mind. He saw Jaden in the arms of another, laughing merrily. He watched as the other bent to kiss her, holding her tight. He saw red, the blood of the young elf he had watched die all those years ago in Sirion. The faces of the ones he had himself killed rose up to strangle him. Words assaulted him. He was back in Gil-galads court. Elves were taunting him, cursing him and all the kinslayers. Murderer, monster.

He faltered, his mind struggling to push back the images, and underneath them all ran a current of despair so deep and all consuming he thought he might drown in its depths. _No, not like this._ Came the much weakened thought. He struggled, but it seemed useless. _What was the point? What did he have to live for,_ asked the voices. _Were those his thoughts? Why not end it all, it will be swift, all the pain will be over. _The seductive voices called.

His sword faltered. He felt a cutting blade slide across his ribs, but the pain that sprang into his body seemed leagues away from the pain in his heart. He was drowning now, _what was the point of fighting anymore? The voices were right; yes he wanted the pain to end. He'd struggled so long; he was so very very tired. _hazy darkness crept closer. _No, not like this,_ came a last desperate thought.

One of the wraiths was leaning over him. _How had he gotten on the ground? No, not like this! _He thought again. His grip on the sword tightened again, his eyes focused. He pulled his drooping sword up, and plunged it into the crouching figure. It screamed. Dead though it was, it could still feel the bite of an elven blade. Erestor felt it diminish. It would crawl back to Mordor, survive to fight another day, but he couldn't help that.

Just as his mind began to clear again he felt a cold so intense it paralyzed him. The remaining wraith had rapped its icy fingers around his throat, and was squeezing the life from him. Erestor struggled, the darkness clawing at him again, the closeness of the wraith threatening to undo him. _No, not like this! _Called the voice again, but weaker, so much weaker. And then the wraith was leaning towards him, the crowned head mere inches from his own. Erestor's last thought before the darkness swallowed him was, _so this is the Black Breath._

Erestor didn't see the wraith raise its sword to finish him off; his mind was already locked in darkness. Nor did he register the shinning being, or hear the Gondolin war cry that erupted from the charging elf lord. He didn't feel strong arms lift him, or hear the worried voices of Fabion and Galoroy asking about him some time later. He was deep in the throes of dark despair. His mind walking down the paths laid down for it by the wraiths. He saw only his fears, his regrets, and his mistakes. His mind was lost in the past he seemed destined to never escape, and a future he feared.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Jaden awoke to insistent knocking on her bedroom door. She groaned and turned over on the soft feather mattress. _What time was it?_ She blinked sleepily, her eyes taking in sunlight. _Past dawn at least. _The knock came again, and Jaden rolled out of bed reluctantly.

"I am coming, I am coming!" She called.

Her bare feet padded silently across the stone floor to the door, which she yanked open with more violence then strictly necessary.

"What?" She moaned out, blinking at the intruder through sleep hazed eyes. She found Elrohir to be the offending elf who had woken her, and glared at him. Preparing herself for several unnecessary comments. She was surprised when after giving her a quick sweep over with his usually laughing gray eyes, he fixed his now serious ones on her own.

"Get dressed and quickly," all teasing remarks forgotten.

"Why? Has something happened?" A much more alert Jaden inquired.

"I will explain on our way to the Houses of Healing. Now make haste."

Jaden, her eyes huge and fearful, quickly shut her door, and garbed the closest dress in sight. A rich brown one, only a few shades darker then her skin, which she had discarded on the floor the night before. She grabbed her soft boots, and hopped around trying to pull them on, while attempting to open the door at the same time.

Despite himself, Jaden heard the repressed chuckle Elrohir couldn't quite hide at the sight of her. "You are the fastest dressing female I have ever met! That had to have been a record, less than three minutes. I am impressed, Arwen will be hearing of it I assure you!"

His face suddenly became serious again, as Jaden straightened, and he beckoned her to follow as he took long hastily strides down the corridors. Jaden had to jog to keep up, as she started firing her questions off.

"So? What's happened? Is it Erestor?" She couldn't keep the dread out of her voice. Despite her valiant efforts to convince herself that he would be fine, she hadn't been able to get the bad feeling out of her chest that something terrible was going to befall him. Her fears her confirmed by Elrohir's straightforward response.

"Yes. He and the other two members of his patrol were wounded in a battle with orcs," He gave her a side long look before continuing, "and Wraiths." Jaden gasped. "The other two are already fast on their way to healing. They only received minor wounds, Erestor however was not so lucky. I won't lie to you Jaden, it's serious. He's been in the Houses of Healing for the last three days and..."

"What!?" Exclaimed Jaden, "Erestor's been here for three days and no one told me!"

"Well, you shouldn't have had to worry. His physical wounds should have healed by now. But Erestor took a turn for the worst during the early hours of the dawn, and my father seems to think your presence could be of benefit." Elrohir gave her a curious inquisitive glance, begging for an explanation. Jaden was too consumed with worry to notice, though.

They reached the healing rooms in record time, and Elrohir pulled up to the partially ajar door, Jaden close behind. Her further questions were stilled by the sound of agitated voices floating into the hallway from the open door.

"...Elrond, you are not thinking clearly. The mortal girl's presence will only agitate what is already a delicate situation! He will pull through without her, and bringing her here is only going to make things more difficult in the future. Lord Erestor has been with you for many years, I know he is one of your most trusted friends, and if he should fade as a result...."

Jaden drew in a sharp breath, and cast frightened anxious eyes towards Elrohir. She saw a small frown marring his perfect features. Her blood rushed hot in her veins, _Erestor fading? No, there must be some mistake. _She was so caught up in her own thoughts she nearly missed Elrond's reply.

"Glorfindel, I have heard your arguments on this, and I understand your concern, though it is better spent on Erestor, not me. Do you think I did not try and persuade him from following this path? He is more than a friend to me, he's as good as a brother, and I will not lose him too. He swore to me..."

"Swore to you! Elrond if it is as serious as you say, then nothing he can say will change how this ends. To love a mortal is death."

"No! Not this time. I cannot, will not....I cannot bear to lose him too..." Elrond voice broke off, his voice choked with too many emotions. "He swore to me!" He continued fiercely. "I have given him my word not to interfere, and neither shall you. I tried to stop Arwen, it was of no use. But Erestor does not have to make her choice; death is not the only end. He WILL follow me to Valinor when it is finished."

There was a long pause, and Jaden strained her ears for Glorfindel's reply. She had never heard the quite, controlled lord of Rivendell so emotional, and it terrified her.

Finally Glorfindel said in a defeated sounding voice, "I hope for your sake my friend that he can hold to that oath, but I fear for both of you. And Elrond, you know, better then I or Erestor, what living without one's love is like, and to take what hope of reunion away..... That is no kind of life Elrond; I fear he will find no peace either side of the sea."

Elrond did not reply, though Jaden held her breath for it. Her eyes slid back to Elrohir, who was gazing steadily at her. She looked away quickly. She felt sick.

Jaden was no simpleton. She had understood the implications of the elves conversation. Erestor was in love, and with a mortal woman. _In love with her! Or so Elrond believed. _Jaden didn't want to believe him, couldn't believe him. If she had learned one thing from her time in Rivendell, it was that elven emotions were not to be trifled with.

The thought of being the death of someone was suffocating, she felt as if her lungs were being crushed under the weight of it. She couldn't accept it. _How could she when she didn't love him in return? She was in love with Aragorn. Aragorn. She had barely thought of him in days, week's maybe. That seemed a strange sort of love....._

She pushed such thoughts away, she couldn't think, couldn't wrap her mind around the elf's words. It was too much; she couldn't believe it, not yet anyway. And now there was no time. Elrohir was pushing the door open. She needed a moment to think, but there was no time.

"Jaden, thank you for coming," Elrond rose to greet her. Her mind felt blank, numb. Elrohir japed her discreetly with his elbow.

"Um... yes..." She mumbled out. Glorfindel was scrutinizing her with piercing eyes; she resisted the temptation to squirm.

Her eyes drifted passed Elrond, who was looking at her as if she might be suffering from some illness, which wasn't far from the truth. Her eyes landed on the nearest bed. Erestor. She took in his too pale face, sweaty brow, and closed eyes. She had never seen an elf looking so unwell. _Fading... _

She rushed to his side, kneeling down beside him, not bothering to wait for permission; she grasped his limp cold hand in her own dark one. "What happened? Is he going to be all right? Why didn't you tell me he was injured...."

"Peace." Elrond broke into her torrent of words. "You must calm yourself. Erestor was gravely wounded, more so then I at first thought, for it is a wound of the spirit more so then the body."

Elrond walked over to sit gently on the narrow bed, looking down on Jaden's distressed face. "Erestor fell under the shadow of the Ring Wraiths, the Nazgûl. His mind is held in a darkness it cannot break."

"But why?" Cried Jaden, "He is such a skilled warrior and so strong, he's an elf! I didn't think you were affected by the Wraiths!"

Elrond sighed, and closed his eyes for a moment. Jaden was jolted out of her own turmoil by the look of exhaustion she now saw he wore. _So weary. World weary. He lives for the day he can abandon these shores. Is it so much to ask that his brother in heart go with him? _

Glorfindel seemed to perceive his lord's weariness, and interrupted Jaden's musings. "Erestor was not born in the blessed realm, he never saw the light of the trees, and thus his spirit is more firmly held in the land of the living. Even so, he is an elf, as you say, and should not be so affected by the Nazgûl. I feel his spirit must have been heavily burdened even before his encounter with the Wraiths. He is also a fine warrior and his spirit is indeed strong, one of the strongest I have seen. He has endured much, perhaps he was more worn down then any realized, or maybe something specific was tearing at his soul."

Here the golden lord shot Elrond a glance, but did not elaborate on that something. "We cannot know. Whatever it is, he has closed himself off. He is refusing the healing Lord Elrond needs to administer. It seems we can only wait, and give him what comfort we may, until he is ready to heal fully."

_Something tearing at his soul.... _Jaden repressed a shiver. _To love a mortal is death.... _She closed her eyes as the words echoed through her head. _It was her fault Erestor was lying here, looking like death itself. Her mind screamed its denial. He did not love her, he couldn't! But Elrond had said it; Glorfindel believed it, Erestor had sworn an oath because of it. Erestor believed himself in love with her, and what did she know of love? Nothing! Infatuation that she understood. Aragorn was an infatuation, she was not in love, had never been in love with him. It seemed so painfully clear now._

_Could Erestor possibly be mistaken though? Maybe he only thought he loved her? She couldn't bear the thought of the alternative, for she didn't love him back, not in that way. A friend yes, the greatest friend she ever had, ever imagined having, but soul love.... Erestor loved her the way Arwen loved Aragorn. The eternal, beyond death kind of love. _

Jaden felt her mind reeling from the possibility, and she shied back. She couldn't imagine such a powerful love. She could imagine dieing for love. She loved Erestor and others enough to give her life for them. But to die _because _of love. Or rather unfulfilled love, that was incomprehensible. She had thought she was in pain, watching Arwen and Aragorn together, but that was nothing, nothing compared to actually dying from it!

Elrond broke into her thoughts again. "Jaden, I was hoping to enlist you help. Erestor shouldn't be alone until he wakes up, which could be a few hours from now, or a few weeks. I would like you to consider spending some time sitting with him. Even a few hours every day would help out. We are very busy, and I am sure he would appreciate the company of a... friend. And make sure you try talking or reading too him, maybe you could hold his hand too, I believe he can feel our presence. I think he would like to know you are here."

Jaden didn't question the elf lord's request. Maybe she would have wondered at it before, but not now. Elrond believed Erestor in love with her, or course he thought her presence would help him. It was the real reason she was here. Not because they thought she should know of his condition, but because they thought she could be of some use.

Jaden didn't have the energy to worry anymore, though; her mind had slipped back into a dazed state. Refusing to comprehend what was happening.

Jaden nodded her assent to Elrond, and mumbled some reply in the affirmative. But she made no move to get up. She just sat there holding the pale hand of the elf who believed himself in love with her. Who might very well die from that love, if she could not find it in her heart to love him in return?

Jaden spent the next two weeks almost constantly at Erestor's bedside. She only left to catch a few hours sleep, or when she felt the occasional urge for nourishment. She had taken Elrond up on his suggestion of reading to Erestor. She kept a full glass of water on the bedside table with a stack of constantly changing books next to it.

She had become quite good at elvish, now, and was able to venture into the elvish sections of the great library, for her reading material. She had read aloud books ranging from silly love poems to dissections of the political structure of Lindon during the Second Age. When she became too tired to read any longer, she would tell Erestor story's from her world, or occasionally sing a few half forgotten pop songs.

Jaden had found if she spent all her times in such pursuits, it left her none to contemplate the confusing turmoil the revelation of Erestor's love had left her in. So, instead of dwelling on her own problems, she would distract herself with this. Sometimes she would hold Erestor's cold hand in her own, but only when they were alone. She didn't want any questions directed her way. She had no idea how she would answer them.

That day had found her in a strangely subdued mood. Her thoughts turning to her life back in Kenya, more than usual. She had been 'dead' for months now, and while she still missed parts of her old life, the ache was less now. She supposed it helped that she had been leaving them already. She had already said her goodbyes, not planning to return home from University for several years. Plane tickets were a luxury she could ill afford.

Today however, found her brooding over her past life. She had just finished telling Erestor the melancholy story of _Romeo and Juliet._ What had made her think of that one, she didn't know. She hadn't read the play for some years. But she supposed she was getting low on ideas. She'd never been much of a story teller.

She was now raising her rather mediocre voice in an equally melancholy love song; she had heard one too many times on the radio. She surprised herself with remembering most of the lyrics, it had been so long. She was just going through the choirs again, when her gaze drifted over the still figure beside her.

She had memorized his features long ago, spending hours studying them as her mouth ran on and on. Erestor's bright black eyes had remained steadfastly closed. He had shown no signs of improvement from the day she had first found him lying near death in the halls.

However, as her eyes traveled over the familiar features her voice abruptly broke off, as she found herself staring into Erestor's fully open eyes. Dark eyes regarded her solemnly for some moments before he finally broke the heavy silence.

"I assume, by my waking in the healing houses, that I was injured in some way?"

Jaden was shaken out of her stunned silence by his words. "Yes, you were injured." She hesitated to tell him any details, but when he continued to regard her with intense inquiry, she continued. "You were in a battle with Wraiths.... you took an injury to your spirit or something like that. I think Lord Elrond should explain. Anyway, Lord Glorfindel found you in time, and brought you here where you've been recovering for a little over two weeks."

This last part startled Erestor, "What? Two weeks, and I have only just now woken? That must have been quite an injury. I will have to speak with Lord Elrond." Jaden was about to suggest she go fetch him, when Erestor continued, "And you are watching over me?"

"Yes."

"Hum. Well Lord Elrond must have his reasons."

Jaden didn't know what that meant, but it didn't sound complimentary. Not that she could blame him, she reasoned, she had absolutely no skills as a healer. Still it hurt a little after all the countless hours spent at his side helping nurse him. _Was that all the thanks she would receive? _

Jaden had to admit she was a completely thrown off by this cold reception. She hadn't imagined that he would be so aloof in his reception on her, when he finally woke. She supposed she had been secretly preparing herself against an elf who was supposedly in love with her, though what that would all entail she wasn't sure. It didn't however have much to do with the cool elf lord lying before her pointing out, none to subtitling, that she was a less than ideal choice of healer.

Perhaps Erestor picked up something from her face, or maybe he just realized how rude he had been, but he suddenly offered Jaden a smile, though not a full one, and said, "I am sorry Jaden. Forgive me; I am just a bit disoriented. I should thank you for spending your time in these sick chambers with a cranky old elf! Please accept my apology for my earlier reception. And will you not tell me more of this song you sang, it had strange words indeed!"

Jaden could still feel a sense of distance between them, and while Erestor's apology was polite, it was far too formal. It felt strange sitting with him now. Where before she had been able to spend hours in his company in this very room, now she wanted nothing more than to flee his presence.

She repressed such notions of running away, she had been doing far too much of that since coming to Middle Earth! She wasn't going to run from Erestor, not even if he truly was in love with her._ It was time she started acting like an adult, not a hormone driven scared little child! Easy to say now! _She scolded herself, but in reality she was little more than a child at 19. _What did she know of life and love? Well she was certainly learning._

Jaden mentally squared she shoulders, and met the detached elf's gaze with her own. "You are forgiven of course. As far as the song goes.... well it's a rather pointless popular song from my time. I am not sure what possessed me to sing it, or sing at all for that matter!"

Erestor's lip twitch at her poor attempt at humor. Jaden held her breath, _a little emotion in there after all? _

"What of the strange words? What are cars and ...what was it.... a 45?"

"Oh, well..." Jaden had no idea how she was going to explain modern weaponry to Erestor, so she settled on the car first. "A car is a mode of transport in my time. It runs without horses, it has an engine that powers it..." She took in the crease marring his features, and let out a little laugh. "Oh, that was a terrible explanation, I am sorry. I think I gave a worse one to Legolas though when I tried to explain cars to him!"

Jaden couldn't miss the slight darkening of his features at the mention of the wood elf, and silently cursed her own stupidity. She was vividly reminded of their last time together. The twins joking with her about her passionate kiss with Legolas. In light of her new knowledge, she suddenly saw the whole scene in a different and disturbing light.

Erestor had just kissed her, side of the mouth or no, it had been a very intimate moment of soul bearing. If Erestor really was in love with her, then what will he have felt hearing the twins teasing, and her failure to deny?

Jaden closed her eyes briefly, wishing she could just make the whole thing go away. Elven hearts were not to be played with, even if that wasn't her intent, she could see how much that must have hurt him.

Jaden hurried to explain herself. She couldn't bear the thought of Erestor thinking falsely of her, even if the truth didn't help the fact that she felt no romantic inclination towards the dark elf. "Erestor, about Legolas..."

"There is no need to explain your relationship with me Jaden. In fact I'd prefer if you'd just leave it." He hadn't met her eyes.

"No, I have to say this. You have the wrong impression of my relationship with Legolas. I won't lie and say I did not kiss him, I did," She watched him look away again, and plunged on, "But we have no interest in each other as anything but friends. I guess you could say we were experimenting, but we are, and only ever will be, friends." She ended firmly.

Erestor had turned back to her, a guarded expression on his face. It pained her to feel the barrier between them, but she supposed it would always be there now. There would always be the shadow of his heart between them.

"I see..." He said slowly, and then paused before taking a steady breath. "Jaden..." He licked his lips in a nervously gesture, and seemed about to continue when the door opened noiselessly, stilling his words.

Elrond entered the room in his usual efficient manner. He immediately took in the very much awake form of Erestor propped up on the pillows.

"Erestor!"

The elf lord's composure slipped for a moment as he rushed over to his heart brother's side. He seemed century's younger, and Jaden knew she had never seen such a genuine or wide smile grace his face. His gray eyes took on new life as they studied Erestor's slightly flushed appearance.

There was definite color in Erestor's cheeks, Jaden noted. His features did not look so pinched and pale as earlier, his eyes also held a spark of life. Jaden didn't want to think about the hopes he might even now be entertaining, which brought that sudden new light to them. _It was for the best, _she reasoned. _It was better to have hope. _She had given him that hope. She could no longer deny the truth in her heart; it was staring right at her. Erestor was truly in love with her.

She watched Elrond question Erestor with newly trained eyes. She saw the way Erestor's eyes slid to her every so often. The look in his eyes. Jaden didn't understand it. _What was he doing looking at her like that! What was wrong with her? Why wasn't she madly in love with the elf seated in front of her?_

Jaden pushed out of her troubling thoughts. That path leads nowhere, she knew from experience. She couldn't change what was, couldn't force her heart to love someone. But neither could she give up hope for either of them. She had given Erestor hope by telling him she had no interest in Legolas, what good would come of that, she didn't know. Now she must hold out hope for herself, that she might be able to feel the same measure of love for the incredible elf in front of her.

But now was not the time for self doubt, she had plenty of solitary hours alone in her room in which to contemplate what in Arda Erestor saw in a skinny black girl little more than a child.

Elrond had been speaking quietly with Erestor, assessing his condition, but now he turned back to her. "Jaden, I have not had a chance to thank you for your help in caring for Erestor." The elf lord turned back to Erestor, "She has barely left your side in two weeks. I was forced to drag her from these rooms on several occasions, just to force her to eat and take rest." Jaden felt unwanted heat scorch her cheeks, and she couldn't meet the questing gaze Erestor sent her way. _Way to go Elrond! Very subtle._

"However, I would like to examine Erestor further, and ask a few questions of him, for which we require privacy. If you will excuse us." _Ah, the not so subtle hint. _

Jaden left the room quickly, after Elrond extracted a promise of further care from her. She supposed Erestor and her time in the healing houses, was far from over. Now though, she would be dealing with a fully awake elf, who she now knew to be in love with her. This was going to be interesting.

Jaden closed the door quietly, and leaned heavily against it. The last thing she wanted was to hurt Erestor, but she didn't see how she could avoid that outcome. What would she say if he spoke of his heart to her? _What can I say? Sorry Erestor I am not in love with you, I guess you'll just have to suffer for eternity! Wasn't it true that elves loved only once? Maybe that was a myth... Or was that just wishful thinking? _She desperately needed to talk with someone, sort out these confusing emotions swirling around.

Jaden pushed away from the door taking a direct path for the gardens. She needed to think; a little bit of good clean Rivendell air might do the trick.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Jaden spent the next few days in and out of the Houses of Healing. But where once she had spent her time reading and telling silly stories to Erestor, now there were strained silences and voiceless reading. She often found Erestor hard at work on some pressing matter of state. Elrond had seemed to agree with Erestor, that too much time in thought would not be good for his health. Jaden would sit by his side, silently reading, or more accurately staring at the same paragraph for hours as her thoughts turned down twisted paths.

She would have preferred being alone with her thoughts, but she had agreed to keep Erestor company whenever she could, and with no other real tasks around the valley, she had a lot of time to spare. She would almost rather endure their strained conversations, then the company of her own thoughts. Sometimes they would fall into their old banter, teasing and laughing each other, but more often than not their reply's were laced with the secret between them.

Jaden lay tossing and turning in bed. Elrond had said Erestor could be released for the healing houses tomorrow. That in itself was a relief, if a guilty one. She wished none of this had every happened. _Why couldn't they go back to the way things had been? _It was never perfect, but at least they had been able to talk. The real weight on her mind, though, was Erestor's invitation to go riding with him tomorrow. She had tried making some excuse about him not being well enough, but he had brushed it aside, and Jaden knew his physical wounds had long since healed. So, in the end she had agreed. They would go riding. Together. Alone.

She moaned into her pillow. _What if he tried to talk? She wasn't ready for that kind of confrontation; she didn't know what to say, or even what she felt entirely. She didn't want to hurt him, but she didn't want to lie either!_

She threw the bed sheets from her, and scrambled out of the restless bed with a growl. She yanked on a thick creamy bed robe, over her knee length bed shirt, and pulled on her boots. Her hair was a tangles mess, having not taken the time to braid it in weeks. It was the dead of a chilly winter night, and she needed to walk, _now_.

Jaden made her way restlessly through the corridors, not really caring where she ending up, just needed to escape. But it was not the room that was suffocating her, it was her own mind, and there was no running from herself.

She was brought abruptly out of her thoughts when she heard a startled voice hail her. "Jaden!"

Her thoughts back in the present, she looked around herself quickly. She found she had stumbled upon the kitchens, much to her surprise, and the voice belonged to one of the twins. It was too dark to discern which. There was a low candle flame set upon the large wooden work table, filling the room. She found the scene strangely comforting. There was a hot fire still blazing low in one of the wood stoves, and the air smelt of fresh bread and cooked onions.

Jaden felt herself relaxing, and approached the mysterious twin. He had a half empty bottle of wine and a plate full of nothing but crumbs, before him on the table. As she drew closer she could see his features more clearly in the flickering flame. She could tell it was Elrohir, but there was a strange feyness about him from the touch of the naked flame upon his high cheekbones and glowing eyes.

She hesitated for a moment, suddenly uncomfortable in his presence. She was acutely aware of his inhumanity. She had become so accustomed to seeing elves day in and day out that their dissimilarities to humans had ceased to strike her. Now, however, faced with this creature of the night, she was painfully aware of her own smallness, and to her mind, insignificance.

But the moment passed as quickly as it had appeared, when Elrohir stretched out a long graceful hand beckoning her to join him.

"What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night, Jaden, you should be abed."

"I could say the same for you." She countered. He gave her a small smile, but she immediately recognized it as forced, and detected a heavy air hanging about him.

"No, for I am elf kind and we do not need the same amount of sleep as mortals." He rose then, and retrieved two wine glasses. "I am in the company of a lady now; I can't be seen drinking from the bottle." He teased her lightly, though his teasing smile did not reach his eyes.

"You don't have to pretend for me, Elrohir." Jaden said quietly. His smile slipped a little.

"What are you talking about?"

She sighed heavily, "I may not be an elf, but that doesn't mean I am blind. I can see something is bothering you."

He made no attempt to hide the frown that replaced his forced smiles, though he didn't reply. Jaden suddenly remembered she hadn't seen him since that fateful day in the Houses of Healing, and she became uncomfortable in his knowledge. She liked the twins well enough, but she was not close to them, and didn't like the thought of him knowing about her dilemma, yet at the same time she was revealed to be in the presence of someone who not only knew Erestor's feelings for her, but knew she was aware of them too.

Elrohir poured them both a glass of the rich red wine, and pushed one towards her. She accepted it, and took a gulp, nearly choking on the strength of it. She was not fond of drinking, usually avoiding it at all costs as her incident with the dwarf proved, but she desperately needed a drink tonight. Anything to numb her frantic brain. She was not used to drink though; the little wine she had consumed in Middle Earth had been heavily watered down.

Elrohir cracked a smile as she gasped for air. "Its strong stuff, should have warned you. Sorry." She could detect a slit slur of words. _Potent indeed. _

A silence settled about them. Jaden taking timid sips from her glass, as Elrohir stared broodingly at the wine bottle. Elrohir startled her out of her thoughts suddenly.

"I wish we'd been here more, me and Elladan. I feel I barely know her, and now she'll be lost too us, so soon."

Jaden was confused by is words, not understanding where his thoughts had taken him. "Who Elrohir? Who's leaving?"

"Not leaving, dying. She's going to die, just like Aragorn, and I feel I know him better then my own sister!"

_Ah, Arwen._

"We were just so busy hunting orcs, pursuing our own pleasures, and then mother.... Well there always seemed to be time later, and Arwen was always seemed to be in Lothlórien when we were here. It seemed we were never in the same place long. But now there is no time, and I don't know her anymore. I don't even know what to say when we are together. Her Choice is a barrier between us, and I cannot breach it."

Jaden was silent after his confession. She had no words of comfort, it was all painfully true.

"And now Erestor too! Why must everyone die?"

Jaden shifted uncomfortably on the chair, not happy her own troubles were being brought up. She felt terrible about the whole situation. "Elrohir, I want you to know I never meant for it to happen. If Erestor can somehow escape Arwen's fate, then I'll be more than happy for it...I don't want anyone to die, especially not him." She finished softly.

Elrohir was pulled out of his own thoughts by her words, and let out a long sigh. "It's not your fault, Jaden, and I don't blame you, I just wish it didn't seem like everyone was leaving us. I wish...I just don't want anything to change."

"I know." On impulse she leaned over, and took his clenched fist in her own. The troubled elf rewarded her by curling his fingers around hers. They fell into silence again, but a comfortable one.

"Must it end in death, Elrohir?" Jaden finally asked. She had been wracking her brain for an answer to this question. She couldn't believe Erestor had to pay with his life for loving her. "Your Father seems to believe there is an alternative."

"Jaden, my father did something very wrong. He used his friendship, and his position as Erestor's lord, to extract an oath from him, one no elf should have to swear."

"But, if it saves his life..."

"Not even Erestor's love and devotion for my father could prevent him fading if he made a soul bond with you."

"What do you mean?" Asked Jaden fearfully.

"When elves choose their mates, we bind our souls together, until the breaking of Arda and beyond. From what I understand of mortal marriages it is more a union of the body, and a lifelong commitment, not a bonding of two spirits into one. Almost every elf who has lost a loved one to death has faded from the grief, we cannot live without our other half. Erestor could bind his soul to yours, even though you are mortal, though you would not be able to bind with him in return. If he were to do so, and then lose you to the gift of men, he would almost certainly be pulled into the grieving sickness."

"Wait," Jaden suddenly remembered a conversation she'd had with Bilbo months ago. "But there have been elves who survived their parterres death before. What about Legolas's mother? Wasn't she killed by Southern men many years ago?"

"Yes, but Thranduil was not bound to her. It was a political marriage; they are not common among elves, but not unheard of. Without the binding of souls an elf can usually survive the loss of their mate." Elrohir explained.

"So, what is it your father was asking of Erestor, exactly?"

Elrohir let out a sigh, "As far as I understand it, my father must have extracted a promise from Erestor that he would not bind his soul with yours."

"Like a human marriage then," concluded Jaden.

"Exactly. But such a thing is unnatural for our kind, to not bond with our loves. But, whether Erestor binds in soul with you or not, your death will still be devastating to him."

"And if we never... never marry, never join in any way?" Asked Jaden, hoping against hope for some solution to the inevitable.

"He has given you his heart, Jaden, you cannot give it back."

It was Jaden's turn to sigh, her shoulders slumping in defeat, all her careful walls of self denial crumbling at Elrohir's words. She felt his hand warm against hers, as he squeezed it gently. "I am sorry Jaden. It is an impossible situation, but denying your heart will not save him."

_He believes I am in love with him. _She realized,_ if only it were that simple. _She accepted the comfort he offered, while withholding the truth from him. _No need to add to his burdens. I must face this alone, it seemed._

She became aware of a slight tingling in her held hand. Slowly a feeling of warmth, and comfort flowed over her, and a lazy contented smile spread over her tired face.

"Sleep Jaden, and find peace in dreams." Elrohir's soft voice whispered in her ear. She felt her heavy eye lids close as he scooped her now slumping body into his strong arms.

Jaden blinked her sleep hazed eyes, and rolled over with a grown. The sun was already high in the sky, and someone was knocking hesitantly on her door. When another more insistent knock sounded, she crawled reluctantly out of bed. She hadn't had this sound of a nights rest since Erestor was injured, she realized with a start. She hadn't awoken once since closing her eyes in the kitchen last night. She wondered if Elrohir had pulled some kind of elvish magic on her, but she supposed it didn't really matter. She should really thank him for the much needed rest.

The knock came again, and she stumbled towards the door, pulling the night robe she was still wearing from her last night's excursion, more firmly tied.

She opened her door to find an anxious looking Erestor on the other side. _Oh, no, I forgot about our ride!_

Erestor's pale face was marred with a concerned frown, as his eyes swept over she tousled appearance. He was dressed in a soft burgundy tunic, dark gray leggings tucked into black riding boots, with a thick wool cloak to ward off the winter wind. A sword was also strapped conspicuously around a slender waist, and she wondered just how far they were planning on ridding today. She couldn't help noticing he looked exceptionally fine, especially for a casual ride around the valley.

"Erestor! I am so sorry, have you been waiting long?"

"Perhaps, but I am just happy to see you are well. I am sorry for waking you, you must have been exhausted."

"A bit. Come on in, I'll be ready in a minute." She held the door open for him. She was surprised when he didn't hesitate, only taking a precursory glace around the empty corridor before slipping in.

Jaden hesitated before grabbing a clean dress, silently cursing her own forgetfulness. She had meant to ask around for a pair of leggings for today's ride. She had frequently borrowed a tunic and leggings from Legolas during their riding lesson, and now regretted not asking for some pairs of her own.

She hated being a burden. She already felt more than useless, she ate, slept, and boarded in Rivendell without pulling her fair share, as she saw it. When she had first arrived in Rivendell she'd asked Bilbo about finding some employment, but he had brushed her off, citing her lack of knowledge in elvish, and her usefulness to him, as excuses. But she hardly ever went to the library to help her old friend in his work, and elvish was no longer a problem. She silently promised herself she would make herself more useful in future.

For now, she hurried behind the changing screen, and pulled on a deep blue dress of durable soft wool, the best she could do for a morning ride.

They made their way to the stables in a silence that was not altogether comfortable. All Jaden's nerves seemed to have come back with a vengeance, and she was terrified Erestor would try to talk about his feelings. She realized she was even less sure of her reaction today; the she had been last night.

When they reached the stables Jaden saw two horse's already saddled and waiting. Erestor swung himself up onto the back of the taller midnight black one, and Jaden mounted a chestnut with as much grace as she could muster, while trying not to flash too much leg. She noticed his eyes slid over the necked flesh, but was relieved when he looked away quickly without comment.

"Ready?" He asked when she had settled herself.

Jaden felt her heart lighten as she became accustomed to the feel of the horse beneath her. She had always enjoyed her rides with Legolas. She realized she had been craving the freedom of a ride for some time, without realizing it. She needed to get away from the last homely house, beautiful as it was, she had spent far too many months crapped inside it.

Suddenly she found herself laughing at the prospect of running wild through the forest, all her previous fears forgotten, and she turned to Erestor grinning broadly.

"Race you!" Without waiting for a reply she sped her horse out of the courtyard, and down the broad path. She had succeeded in surprising the elf lord, but she soon made out the sound of his horse's hoof beats on the hard cold ground. She knew it wouldn't take him long to overtake her.

She laughed again as she felt the chill air whip her cloak out behind her, and steal her breath. Vilya protected Rivendell from the worst of winter's chill, and the valley had only received a light layer of snow in the coldest months. Now, the spring approached, and Jaden could detect small signs of new life.

As she expected, Erestor over took her in little time, but instead of passing her by, he urged his mount to ride abreast hers. She spared him a glance, and their eyes met over the racing steads. His dark eyes sparked in merriment, and a grin matching her own, playing on his lips.

They rode together for long minutes, Jaden exhilarating in the freedom it allowed, but eventually Erestor pulled his horse ahead, and cut her own off. She pulled reluctantly up, and sat working to regain her breath. Erestor pointed to a side path cutting off deeper into the woods.

"Come, I want to show you something." She broke out in another smile as they wheeled their mounts down the narrow path. Jaden was forced to fall behind Erestor, and she couldn't help chafing a little under the now leisurely pace he set.

"Where are we going?" She called to him.

He turned effortlessly in the saddle and offered her a cheeky smile, "It's a surprise."

She stuck out her bottom lip in an excellent imitation of a pout, which drew a delighted laugh from the elf.

They rode on, falling into a friendly banter, which for once wasn't over shadowed by Jaden's new knowledge. Jaden was just considering asking an annoying 'are we there yet' question, when the path broke through the tree cover into the open. Jaden could hear the roar of the river below the steep downward slopes to their right. Erestor dismounted, with Jaden following suit.

"We leave the horses here." He instructed, and took off towards the cliffs, Jaden trailing behind.

Jaden leaned carefully over the edge, trying to discern the path Erestor claimed wound down the almost sheer rock face. All she could see were the roaring rapids below. She shivered.

"Really Erestor, is this surprise worth dying for?" She teased, though her unsteady voice betrayed her.

Erestor had already started down on the 'path,' but hearing her uncertain question he turned quickly back to her, and held out a hand. "I would never do anything to hurt you, trust me."

Jaden stared into his bright eyes, asking her so calmly to follow him down a more than dangerous path, and without hesitation she walked over and placed her own hand in his.

As Jaden stepped carefully down the near invisible path, Erestor kept a tight grip on her hand. Mere feet down the treacherous path, however, and it suddenly tucked into the cliff face, offering an easy elf made trek, craved into the slope. Jaden offered Erestor a sheepish smile in light of this discovery, but he merely gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, without letting go.

Soon they had scaled the steep slope, and followed the path along the rocky river bank. Before long they broke out of the gorge, and Jaden let out a gasp of awe. They had walked right into a small secluded river valley. Instead of finding the trees and grass still clinging to winters frost, there was a blanket of newly green grass on the ground, and fresh buds covered the trees.

Jaden turned questioning eyes towards Erestor, "How is this possible."

He grinned at her, "Vilya." He said simply, "Come on." He tugged at her hand, and she followed him in wide eyed wonder.

Jaden explored the small secluded valley with a child like glee. It did not take Erestor long to show her all its hidden delights, as it took less than five minute to transverse its length. They settled down under a tree bursting with white blossoms, giving off a heavenly sent. Jaden closed her eyes, and drew in a long breath, relishing the smells, sights, and sounds around her.

"This place is simply wonderful, Erestor, thank you for sharing it with me." She fixed her eyes on the elf sprawled next to her. He gave her a lazy smile, and stretched out his long legs, leaning back into the tree's cool trunk.

"This place is meant to be shared." He said simply. "It's my pleasure to share it with you."

"Do you think we could come back again?" She asked hopefully.

His smile turned into a grin, "I'd like that."

They fell into a comfortable silence, each enjoying the moment. Jaden had long since forgotten her reservations. It felt so natural to be here sitting next to this elf- so right. She let out a little sigh, and rested her back on the tree trunk, next to Erestor.

Erestor's hesitant voice broke the silence, "Jaden..."

"Hum?"

He sat up suddenly and startled Jaden by taking her hand in his and placing a gentle kiss on her open palm. She felt a shiver run down her spin at the intimate gesture. All her previous comfort fled, leaving only a tight knot in her stomach, and a dread of his next words.

But instead of speaking, Erestor's eyes caught and held hers. She found, despite a desire to look away from the soul searching look, she couldn't. Before she knew what was happening Erestor had lent forward and captured her stunned lips in a searing kiss. There was no hesitancy in it. It was exceedingly gentle and passionate at once. She had never imagined such a kiss, and it sent her heart racing.

She found her mouth opening to him. He was the sweetest honey. The kiss she had shared with Legoals paled in comparison to this. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her towards him, her body molding effortlessly to his.

She didn't stop to think about her motives, she didn't think at all. All she knew was how right and wonderful the kiss felt. She had thought about what kissing Erestor would be like, ever since finding out about his love, but she had always found the idea strange. She could not fault his looks. He was after all an elf, and inhumanly beautiful, but her mind had always rebelled at the idea of kissing her friend. Now though, she couldn't remember what she had found so unnatural about the idea.

She felt him push her back into the soft grass, and she offered no resistance. She could only sigh in unimaginable pleasure as she felt his weight settle atop her, and his mouth move down to explore her exposed throat. She knew she was making all manner of strange noises as his lips and hands roamed over her, but she was beyond caring. Her own hands we still placed tentatively around his back. She could feel his lean muscles rippling under her shy touches, and it exited her.

His hands moved to pull up her skirt, ever so slowly, his fingers trailing over sensitive naked skin. His mouth paused in its relentless teasing of her ear, as he pulled back to whispers heatedly. "Ah, Jaden! I love you so much. I will love you for all eternity."

She froze. Her heart suddenly constricting as reality crashed back into her. What was she doing? How selfish could she get? She owed him an explanation, he deserved the truth. She had to tell him she was not reacting to his touch out of love, as he surely believed. She had to stop NOW!

Then his hand reached to caress her gently, but skillfully, in her most intimidate of areas, and all thoughts of right and wrong fled her pleasure hazed brain.

"Oh, Erestor, yes!" A part of her mind was screaming at her to stop, to make him stop. Saying it wasn't fair to him, but the rest of it ruthlessly smothered such thoughts in the mindless bliss his touch caused her.

When he entered her, crying out his love and pleasure to her, all thoughts but pleasure were utterly silenced. She knew nothing but the touch of his hands on her naked body, the feel of him moving in her. She had never imagined such bliss could exist. They collapsed against each other when they finally reached the height of their passion together.

She awoke some time later. His arms surrounded her, pulling her close to his bare chest. She lay utterly still for several long moments as the reality of what they had just done flooded her.

"Jaden?" She couldn't help the forced stiffening of her body as he became aware of her awakening.

She raised her eyes to his, wishing she could prevent the moment of their meeting. Of course he could read her unease easily and he sat up quickly, "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

She had to close her eyes against the love and guilt she saw clearly shining out of his.

"No, no I am not hurt." She said in a soft voice.

"What is it then, my love?"

She felt cold sweep through her at the use of the endearment. _My Love. Oh Erestor I am so sorry! I am so sorry I am such a selfish thoughtless human!_

"Jaden?" He was biting his lip in worry and to Jaden's further dismay she found the sight incredibly arousing. Her eyes slid over his still naked form, and she felt a deep blush touch her cheeks. She looked away again, almost guilt at seeing him thus.

"Do you.... I thought.... I thought you desired this? Ah! Forgive me Jaden. I was too hasty. I should never have...."

"Please Erestor, stop worrying. It is not you that needs beg forgiveness, but me. I... I haven't been honest with you. I should have said.... Erestor I don't love you. Not in the way you love me."

Jaden hadn't been able to look at him during her confession, and now she studied her knees which she had drawn up, to provide some measure of concealing and fortification against her admission. However, her confession was only met with silence and after several long agonizing minutes, she dared a quick glance up at him.

He had moved so silently, she'd not heard him. He was now standing facing away from her, so she could not see his face. She wished he would turn or say something, anything, she couldn't bare this sudden silence a moment longer.

As she watched him, he suddenly turned, and without looking at her, quickly pulled on his discarded clothes. Jaden sat a moment longer, unsure what to do, before she too silently pulled on her own dress. Her mind felt numb. She couldn't comprehend what this silence might mean. _Was he angry with her? Did he regret making love? Did he think her as despicable as she thought herself? _But she didn't have the strength to ask any of these questions. And when he announced, in a dead voice, that it was getting late and they should start heading back, she offered no word of protest.

The climb back up the path was completed in utter silence. When she stumbled a little over the rocky ground, he turned to place a steadying hand upon her waist, but almost immediately after had released her. The ride was equally silent. Jaden felt as if she had killed something with her words. Killed a part of him and her. She couldn't even begin to comprehend what making love to her had meant to him, and to be followed so soon after by her rejection, must have been devastating.

She could feel the silent tears leak unheeded down her cheeks and she loathed herself all the more. For she suspected she wept more for her own loss, then the soul she'd crushed riding ahead of her.

Jaden was never gladder to see the last homely house come into view. They had spent the last hour in painful silence, and she was a nervous wreck.

They dismounted, not looking at one another. Jaden was desperate for something to say, anything that could take the haunted look from his eyes. She couldn't let it end like this. They had had disagreements before, but nothing like this. She fairly trembling with fear as the conversation between Elrond and Glorfindel came crashing back to her. _What if Erestor should fade, now? _She couldn't bear the thought. She would do anything to prevent that. But as she stood uncertainly wracking her brain for the right words, he surprised her by addressing her.

His eyes didn't meet hers as he asked, "Was it pity?"

Whatever Jaden was expecting it wasn't this quiet, almost desperate question. It sounded more like a plea. She didn't think she had ever heard Erestor sound so defeated, not even when he had spoken to her of his past, and she hated it. She wanted accusations, anger, anything but the defeated creature before her.

"Was what pity?"

"When we lay together. Did you do it out of pity?"

She stared at him in shock. _How could he think such a thing? He was simply magnificent. Beautiful, wise, immortal, a formidable warrior, one of the most compassionate, gentlest, strongest persons she had ever met, and he thought she had made love to him because she pitied him!?_

"NO!" She cried with such vehemence his eyes snapped to hers. "No, never! I did a very selfish thing, Erestor. I made love to you because I desired you, physically, where you did so out of love. I should have told you, and for that I'll be eternally sorry. You shouldn't have had to find out I didn't love you in that way, until after the fact...."

"No, do not blame yourself. I was too hasty. It was my own fault. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that. I should have waited. Should have spoken to you, should have followed the path of your kind. I should never have touched you in that way unless we were married."

"Oh, Erestor! I don't care about my virtue; I care about what I did to hurt you! And for your information, I wanted it just as much as you. Damn it! If it didn't mean hurting you, I'd do it again. It was incredibly!" She blushed as she realized what she'd just revealed. But it was worth it to see a small hesitate smile play across his tight lips.

"Erestor," she took a hesitant step closer to him. "I care about you. I've never felt this close to another in my life. I don't want this to be the end, I WANT to love you. I know I can't force my heart, but, before when we were together, it felt so right being with you, and that gives me hope."

His eyes searched hers; she could see the hope glimmering in them again. Slowly he reached out and took her hand in his. Jaden curled her fingers around his, intertwining them.

"You deserve so much more than me, especially only part of me, but I'll give you whatever I can, whatever you want."

"No, I would never ask that of you, not without your love. I don't deserve any of you Jaden, you know what I am, what I've done..."

Jaden let out an impatient exclamation at that, "I can't stand it when you think so lowly of yourself! I would do anything for you. Erestor, I'd marry you if you want it, and don't you start thinking it would be some sacrifice for me to do so! I love you, you are my dearest friend, and it would be a lie to say I didn't enjoy making love to you."

"No, Jaden. I would never ask that of you, not without your whole heart. The love of a friend and physical lust are not things to build a life together on. But your words have given me hope again, for I did despair when I learned I did not have your love. Would you... would you allow me to court you?"

"Yes." She answered without any hesitation, and was rewarded by a brilliant smile washing over his face. "Yes, I would like that." She gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

She would gladly court Erestor in the hope her heart, or maybe it was her mind, figured out how perfectly she fit with the elf before her. She might never understand what he saw in her, but she supposed that was the beauty of love, that it could look past flaws and imperfections. She knew it was this acceptance, that drew her too him already, she hoped it wouldn't take too long for her heart to discover the fact. Love or no love, soul bond or no, she was still a mortal -a mortal seeking the love of an immortal. Whatever life they forged together, she knew, would be a bittersweet one.

"Well then." His smile turned sheepish, and she giggle at the childlike expression it lent his usually solemn beauty.

They walked together out of the stable stealing glances at each other as they made their way to the dining hall. Jaden felt as if a great weight had been lifted. She no longer felt such pressure from her secret knowledge. Things were far from resolved, and an awkward silence still hung around them, but she felt a hope she had all but lost a mere hour before, pounding in her chest.

Note:

If you are interest in hearing more of Erestor's background, it can be found in "The Price of Duty" the first few chapter's I've posted on FFN, but the entirely is on 'Lord of the Rings fan fiction- A Tolkien loving community.'

Here is a link to my profile where the story can be found: http:// www. lotrfanfiction. com/viewuser. php?uid= 3518


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

_Minas Tirith, July 3019 Third Age _

She took a deep breath trying to steady her racing heart. _She shouldn't be so nervous! _But no matter how many times she told herself to calm down it failed to help. She hadn't spent much time with Erestor since they'd left Rivendell two months ago and her anxiety was beginning show. Yet she could not blame him. No matter how much she wanted to blame other factors for her hesitancy, Jaden just couldn't hold this against Erestor. Elrond _did_ need him more then she did. Arwen's wedding was last week and it was taking a toll on her father. In less then a months time they would leave the white city for Edoras and then, soon after, the final parting. She couldn't begrudged Elrond of his friend's comfort, but it did make her problem, their problem all the more awkward.

_Well there was no time like the present._ Jaden raised her hand and knocked on the thick wooden door. It was late, but she couldn't wait. Erestor may have already been in bed since it was well after dinner, but her unspoken future clawed at the back of her mind. She had to speak with him. Fear made her desperate. It was the same anxiety born fear that kept Jaden herself from sleeping tonight and, for that matter, the past months. Ever since her suspicious were confirmed beyond all doubt.

"Come in." Called a muffled voice.

Jaden braced herself for what was to come, one last time, and slowly opened the large door. Erestor was still awake, seated at his desk.

Jaden had never been in his bedroom at Rivendell so she had little to compare the immense chamber she found herself in. Her own room in Minas Tirith was far more luxuriant then she needed, and the reason for that was soon discovered. Large overly decorative rooms were the norm for the white city because Denethor had enjoyed showing off Gondor's wealth to its guests when he was in his prime.

And despite her own elegent settings, Erestor's chambers were even larger, grander then her own. Erestor's quaters were composed of three contected rooms. The first room, the one where she stood uncertainly, was the sitting room. Plush chairs and expensive wooden tables and other smaller wood works decorated the room enchanced by gold leafing and moldings. Jaden caught a glimpse of an immense bed, complete with a gaudy red bed cover, through the open side doors and a bathing entrance off to the other side of the sitting room as well.

"Jaden!" She was pulled out of her survey as Erestor rose to greet her. "How are you? I haven't seen you in some days. Is anything wrong?"

He had changed from his formal attire and was clothed only in a pair of black leggins. Jaden forced her eyes away from the exposed perfect chest and was grateful when he reached for a discard tunic.

They had shared nothing more intimate then kisses since that day in the secret valley almost five months ago, and not even kisses in eight long weeks. Jaden hated the uncertainty she felt around him, even more so lately, and couldn't help but wonder if he regretted that day.

It had been beautiful. She had never imagined making love could be that incredible, but the consequences of that act were only now fully realized. Consequences that Erestor still had no knowledge of, that she herself tried to deny for many weeks. She couldn't keep this secret alone any longer - she had to tell him no matter what his response would be. She was overwhelmed, terrified, and knew for certain that she could not do this alone. She needed him. Needed him to tell her it was going to be alright.

"Come, won't you take a seat? Can I get you something to drink?" He asked after making himself more presentable, his voice shaking slightly. Jaden could see he was nearly as nervous as she, and he didn't even know the reason for her being here! Jaden regretted coming to him now, but there was no way she could stand another sleepless night. Now was the time. It had to be. She twisted her hands around each other.

Erestor guided her over to one of the lush upholstered couches. He started pouring two glasses of a dark wine, but Jaden stopped him by reaching out her hand to touch his wrist.

"Um, do you have any water?"

_Ah, what she wouldn't give for a strong glass of wine right now! _But she'd already had a glass at dinner. She had been forced to drink more watered down wine than was healthy for her, but it had been that or go thirsty. A large portion of Minas Tirith's fresh water supply had been tainted during the war, and clean water was hard to come by.

"Yes, I do have some in a water skin in my bedroom if you would wait here a moment."

Erestor hurried into the large adjoining sleeping room. Jaden heard the sound of things hastily being thrown aside and was gratefull for the few precious moments to recompose herself. She had come to Erestor without any real idea of what she would say, and before she had had a chance to think up any clear plan Erestor was back carrying a leather water skin triumphantly with him.

"Found it. I keep telling Aragorn he needs to have more wells dug. The streams here will not be clean of orc filth for several more months, and his wine stores will only go so far. Water's more expensive down in the lower levels then oil!"

He settled down in the covered chair opposite Jaden after handing her a glass of water.

"Thank you, Erestor. I know I should get used to the wine, but..." She didn't want to blurt out her reason for her careful consumption of alcohol just yet.

Furthermore, she couldn't help noticing the distance between them. _How did this happen? _Yet she knew how it had happened. It wasn't just Elrond's silent need for his heart brother that had placed this gap between them. She too had been distant. So caught up in the excitement of seeing her old friends again, in the wonder of the white city, she'd simply hadn't the time. The fact that she spent so many hours hiding away with Legolas and Gimili, the elf never seemed to be far from the dwarf, only compounded the problem. They made her laugh so hard and so much that her problems just washed away, completely forgotten.

She hated feeling like such a coward, but she couldn't bring herself to face the hard, hateful eyes of the Gondorian's and Rohirim. She had gotten so comfortable in Rivendell that she nearly forgot her own reception there. Now she simply avoid those elves, and mortals more recently, she knew held no love for a dark skinned people. It had become second nature. As long as she didn't seek them out they left her alone. It was the best she could ask at Elrond's house.

But that was not the case in Minas Tirith. She couldn't take a walk in the gardens, couldn't walk freely through the city, couldn't even go to the dinning hall without feeling the suspicious, angry looks following her, and when she was alone it wasn't just looks she received. Food, foul words, even stones had been thrown her way when she wasn't hiding behind another's presence.

She had never spoken to Aragorn about the reception she had received from his people. She understood their hatred of southerners, but that didn't mean she had to accept it. Legolas and Gimili had witnessed a woman slandering her. Gimili had been thrown into such a rage that Jaden thought he might do the woman a harm. Luckily, Legolas had held him back. Of course, Legolas had given the woman a piece of his mind, and Jaden was sure the look he gave the woman was enough to send her tongue cringing back on its words. But the hate in the woman's eyes had not lessened.

Jaden had begged Legolas and Gimili not to upset Aragorn with their knowledge. He was so blissfully happy in the aftermath of his wedding and had enough to deal with ruling a war torn nation. So, Legoals and Gimili had become her 'protectors' and barely let her out of their sight.

She knew Erestor would have done no less, but he was needed by his lord and friend. Jaden knew he spent every day with the grieving lord. Elrond always put on a brave face when in public. Smiling and laughing with Aragorn and Arwen over meals. Dancing with Arwen and even Galadrial during the seeming endless celebrations. But Jaden could see the sadness in his eyes; it was there plan for all to see if they looked closely enough. Many did.

Jaden saw the comforting looks and touches Erestor offered his lord when the nights of merriment became too much. She saw him lead Elrond, fake smile fixed on the elf's beautiful face, from the halls every night. If one carried to follow the two elven lords, as she did one night, they would have seen how Erestor had to physically support his lord to his chambers, so emotional drained was he. How Erestor would sing the weeping lord to sleep holding him through the long restless hours of the night.

Yes, Jaden knew how Erestor and she had grown apart, but she needed him now, needed him so much.

"What's wrong Jaden? I can see something troubles you?" Erestor broke into her thoughts.

"Forgive me, Erestor, I should have waited until the morning. I am sorry." Jaden apologized wishing again that she'd waited, no matter how much she needed him now. This might be the first night Erestor had slept in his own chambers, and here she was disturbing him. She could at least give him one restful night.

"No, you are not disturbing me." Erestor said as if reading her thoughts. "You could never disturb me, Jaden. If you're wondering, Elrond is with Galadiral and Celeborn this evening, and I was not resting. So, please, tell me. I have barely seen you since setting out from Rivendell."

Erestor got up and moved next to her on the couch taking her hand as if it would keep her there with him a little longer. Jaden looked into his eyes and saw what she craved. His love shining out. His strength enveloping and supporting her with a single touch. She took a calming breath before asking the question she had to have him answer, an answer she needed before she could explain to him what he needed to know.

"Do you...do you regret what we shared in that valley all those months ago?" Her eyes were fixed firmly on their hands intertwined in her lap. Her other hand working nervously on the hem of her scarlet night robe, the same gaudy color that adorned his bed sheets.

Erestor was silent for a long moment, and Jaden felt her heart beat quicken with ever minutes agonized wait until she thought it would burst from her chest.

"I am not quite sure I understand what it is you are asking me." He finally said.

Jaden's eyes darted up to his face. His eyes were turned away from her gazing intently at his wine glass on the table, a frown growing on his brow.

"Yes you do." Jaden answered quietly. "I am asking you if you regret making love to me."

She heard his sharp intake of breath, and his eyes turned to capture her own in a searching gaze. "Do you?"

Jaden let out an exasperated sigh. She couldn't answer that, not until she knew his own heart. Her own was too confused as it was. Her guilt over what she had done had grown steadily day by day. Recent developments hadn't helped either, only deepened her own regrets.

It had been an incredible experience, one she would never, could never forget. Yet, she wished now they had waited. She wished she had not given into her body's cravings. She wished she could look back and say she had given herself fully to an elf she loved, not just an elf who had loved her. But more then this even, she wished she could take the child growing even now within her womb and place it years in the future. When she could look upon his father with a heart full of love and a wedding ring upon her finger.

This was not Earth 21st century, but Middle Earth end of the Third Age. She was currently residing in a city who had no love for those of dark skin, and she feared what more she would have to endure when her unmarried pregnant status became known. Which it surly would in less then another month. She was already showing for any that had an eye to look and it would not be many more weeks before even the blind could see she was with child.

"I need to hear your answer, Erestor, before I give my own." She said simply.

"Very well...when I think of that day I am consumed with guilt. I feel I took advantage of you," he began slowly. "I forced myself upon you before you had a change to understand and explain what is was you were feeling. I will regret rushing something that should have been beautiful, and filled with nothing but love and desire between us, for the rest of my days."

Jaden opened her mouth to dispute his misplaced guilt, but he held a finger up to her lips silently begging to continue.

"In my defense, if I can have one, I would say that in my desire to share our love I forgot you were human. Rather I forgot what it means to be a human in the matters of love. It is harder for humans to understand and know their own hearts. Elves do not join physically except with their loves...well not anymore. In our youth we were more open and attune to the voices and needs of our flesh, but such ways have been largely silenced. Instead we give more heed to the desires of our spirit, which helps us understand our hearts' desires more easily, but ignores our other natural needs. Which is why I failed to realize your physical response to me was not born out of the love you held in your heart. I had forgot the ways of the flesh. I had been so long without..."

Here a delicate pink blush spread up from his cheeks to his pointed ears. "That is... I had forced myself to forget what physical desire was, or at least I tried to. I admit feeling things, stirrings I have not felt for many long centuries, when I am around you. But I told myself they were only the manifestation of my own hearts longings. Elves rarely act upon only our physical desires. Well, not anymore." He finished with a small, sad smile.

"So, what are you saying exactly? Were you mistaken? Did you merely desire me in a physical sense, and were mistaken about all the rest." Jaden worked to keep her voice calm, but she knew she failed. The thought of Erestor not truly loving her was too terrible to bare thinking of.

"No!" Erestor said in alarm. His other hand reached to capture her still worrying hand and he clasped both of hers in a tight desperate grip. "I love you with all my being! My _fea_ cries out to be united with yours until the ending of the world and beyond. Never doubt my love, Jaden. I merely tried to explain how it was I could have misunderstood your own heart at such a crucial moment. And I wanted you to know that I not only love you but desired, desire you as well."

Jaden let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, and squeezed his hands in return. She hadn't realized until that moment how much his love meant to her and how much in turn she cared for him. She didn't think she could ever live without his love again, but she had to push these thoughts aside for now. She had come here for a reason.

"Thank you. Thank you for telling me how you felt." She took a deep breath. "Erestor, I have to be honest with you. I have regretted what we did, as well." She saw him close his eyes heavily. "It's not that I don't care for you, and I wanted... wanted you, still want you. It's just that I feel terribly guilty over giving into my lust. I should have stopped you. After... after you said you loved me, I knew I should have stopped you. It was so wrong of me to continue, and now....I was worried you had regretted what happened, and now that I know you do..."

Erestor tried to break in. "Jaden it's not like that I …."

Jaden shook her head cutting him off. "I know you wanted it to mean something else, I know you didn't do it just for the physical satisfaction, like I did, and I feel like I cheated you, cheated myself."

She fell silent, and Erestor suddenly pulled her trembling form into a tight embrace holding her tightly to him. She couldn't stop the strangled sob she let out as she buried her head into his shoulder.

"I am sorry, so sorry." She choked out between silent tears that wet right threw his light tunic.

He held her, rocking her gently, whispering his love and forgiveness while asking her to forgive him.

When she finally calmed down and was able to pull away, Jaden knew that she still needed to tell him why she had come to him in the first place. She felt more calm now, but she still worried how he would accept the news. _How would he feel about having a child with a mortal women who had yet to return his love? How would he feel about begetting a child from an act he had admitted regretting? _

"Erestor, there's something else I have to tell you." Jaden pulled fully from his embrace and settled her eyes on her lap again. She tried to pull her hands away from his but he wouldn't let her take her hands back and wound his fingers around hers.

"You know you can tell me anything, Jaden."

"I am pregnant." She said all in one breath not giving herself anymore time to think about it.

"What?" He asked after a stunned moment.

"I am going to have a baby, our baby." She raised worried eyes to meet his astonished ones. She felt a strange desire to giggle at the sight of the astonished elf. She didn't think she'd ever seen an elf ever taken so by surprise.

"A baby?" Erestor asked in a whispered voice, the shocked expression never leaving his face. "Our child? But, but its been months, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you say anything? Nearly five months, Jaden!"

Jaden felt all the amusement drain out of her to be replaced by a worried frown again. She bit her lip nervously. "I know, I know and I am sorry. I just... I didn't know how you'd take it. And really I didn't want to believe it myself for a long time. It was only this last month that I couldn't keep lying to myself anymore. I scared, Erestor, I'm scared! I am too young to have a baby." She ended in a strangled voice.

This last confession seemed to snapped Erestor out of his frozen state, and he immediately tightened his grip on her hands. "It's going to be alright, I am here, we'll do this together. I am scared too. I've never really given much thought to being a father, but you aren't alone."

"Really, you aren't mad or disappointed?" She asked cautiously.

"What ever gave you that idea? I am scared yes, and I'll admit to feeling even more guilty if possible, but I am also exited. A baby, Jaden, our child! Can you believe it!"

"No." She answered in a less then ecstatic voice that Erestor didn't seem to notice.

"Just think of how wonderful it will be. I know you'll love being a mother - you will be wonderful. Oh, I can't wait to tell Elrond! I..."

"What! No! You can't tell anyone!" Jaden exclaimed worriedly.

"Why not? This is glorious news, are you not happy?" He asked in confusion.

"I don't know, I don't know what to think anymore. A baby's just so, so final. It's such a responsibility, Erestor. It's going to change my life forever."

"Our lives, it's going to change OUR lives forever. You are not alone anymore."

"I want to believe you but... Oh, Erestor you can't tell anyone. I mean what will they think?"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, stop being so naive!" She shouted standing up and wrenching her hands from him. "I am not married, Erestor. I am a pregnant southerner who got knocked up outside of marriage. Oh, these Gondorians are going to love this. It's not enough I have the skin color of their enemies, but now I am an immoral slut to go along with it! A bastard. That's what our baby is going be! Or have you forgotten where we are, Erestor? We might as well be in the Middle Ages!"

Jaden was breathing rapidly when she finished, her eyes darting about the room wildly, her hands twisted in her robe. Erestor was staring at her in shock. They had never fought before, and Jaden couldn't say why she had yelled at him. She had just hated that happy, contented look that had been spreading over his face a moment ago. She had to wipe it off. _Everything was NOT going to be fine, didn't he understand that? She was going to have a baby! She wasn't ready for this, she was only 19. When did things start happening so fast?_

"Jaden." Erestor began slowly, after a moment of tense silence. "I am sorry."

Whatever she had been expecting him to say it wasn't that. "What? You're sorry, for what?" She asked dumbly.

"I am sorry for not understanding your heart. I got so caught up in the news, I failed to really see what you were feeling. But I think you are more worried then you need to be. The Gondorian's are good people. They won't label our child in such a cruel fashion. And if you are worried about it that much maybe....maybe... would you like to marry me, Jaden?"

Erestor bit his low lip in nervousness as he waited for her answer. For Jaden, she could only stare at him for a long moment. Marriage. He was asking her this now, only after she had announced she was pregnant. _What did that mean?_

"Oh, Erestor, that's not... I mean. Thank you for asking, but I won't make you marry me because of this. I wont burden you...."

"Jaden! Don't you know me better than that? You are NO burden, our child is NO burden, could NEVER be a burden. I love you. Nothing would make me happier then to take you, the mother of my child, to be my wife. Marry me, Jaden."

He was looking at her with his intense beautiful dark eyes, and for a moment Jaden felt herself hesitate. It would be so easy to be his wife. She was about to open her mouth to reply when she recalled what he had said nearly five months ago when they had stood together after coming back from their fateful day in the secret valley.

"I can't. I know you meant what you said about not being a burden. I know, but it wouldn't be right either. You told me you didn't want less then all of me, and to that I will hold you. I know you would do this for me, for our child, but I am not ready to give you all of my heart, and I wont let you settle for less then that."

Erestor bowed his head a moment, and then stood slowly walking over to her. He took her face in his hands and placed a soft, loving kiss upon her lips. He leaned his forehead against hers. "Jaden." He breathed. "How I love you." She closed her eyes. Her heart rejoiced and broke with his voice. _How she wished she could say those words back to him! What she wouldn't give._

"Please." She begged in a whisper. "Please, wait for me?"

"You don't have to ask. You have my heart for eternity, whether you take it now or no."

They stood in silence a moment longer before he pulled away with a regretful sigh.

"Better?"

She let out a little laugh. "You always make it better." Which earned her a happy grin from him. "But I fear it hasn't changed my opinion on this matter. I am still unwed and with child. Even if we were to marry now, it is too late. I show more every day, soon all will be able to see I am with child."

"I fail to see how that will matter? Do you think any of our friends will think less of you for it?"

"I do not know, but those that are not my friends..."

"And what do they matter?"

"Erestor, I know you have been preoccupied of late with lord Elrond, and I do not begrudge you or him that. He needs you, but it has not been easy for me living here in this city. I can barely leave my room unaccompanied without facing the hostilities of this city's people. As beautiful as the white city is it's people have no love for those of dark skin, and they have made that abundantly clear to me on multiple occasions. I know it will only get worse when they learn of my pregnancy, and I can only imagine what they would call our child if we were to live here. It would be intolerable."

"Well, at least that is something we can avoid. We are leaving in less then a month as it is. We will live in Rivendell, and we never need come here again. Though how they could treat a friend of their king with such disrespect...."

"Just because they love Aragorn does not mean they love all his friends. You may not have seen it, but there is little love spared for the rangers of the north though they fought alongside the Gondorians and Rohirim for Sauron's defeat. And elves are not beloved by all either. Even the Rohirim are not fully accepted."

"You are right, though none would dare show their displeasure of elves openly. They may not love us, but they fear us. But why have you not spoken of these things to the king, and why is this the first I hear of it?"

"Aragorn has enough troubles as it is. The hatred these people bare those of dark skin goes too far back to be annulled by a few passing words from their newly crowned king. As for you... well you haven't, that is, I have barely seen you, and sometime I feel, it feels..."

"I have been distant." It was not a question, but Jaden nodded her agreement. "I am sorry, Jaden. So, sorry for everything."

"No, don't start that again, you didn't know this was going to happen. I just wish we could have waited. Things are too unresolved to have a baby."

"I know, but maybe...maybe this child, our child will bring us closer together?" He asked, and Jaden couldn't fail to see the poorly disguised hope shining in his eyes again.

"Now it is my turn to ask forgiveness. I ruined what should have been a happy moment for us by my own fears and self-doubts."

"No more apologizing tonight, love. Hum?" She nodded again, and accepted the arm he threw about her waist as he pulled her down to sit next to him on the couch again. "I haven't spoken to you in weeks it feels. Let us talk of lighter things."

"Yes, but first...do you want to feel it? The baby." She took his hand in her's and maneuvered it over the slight bump on her stomach. She watched the slow smile spread light over his face, and felt a much longed for contentment steal into her weary soul. _How she loved his smile._

_Rivendell, Year 8 Fourth Age_

Jaden was pulled from her remembrances by the insistent tapping of bored fingertips upon the wooden table. She looked up to see Erion's dark eyes turned vacantly out the nearby window, essay left forgotten in front of him. His dark curly head was cocked to the side, as if listening to a distant sound. _Which he probably was_, Jaden thought. _Sometimes she hated her mortal hearing! _

"Mother, horses!" Erion's childish face lit up in delight as he turned back to Jaden. "It's Elladan and Elrohir, they're back!" Without waiting for his mother reply, or consent, the young one jumped from his chair and raced off down the corridors intent on reaching the courtyard before the much anticipated sons of Elrond's arrived.

Jaden sighed in frustration, glancing down at the forgotten history essay her son had conveniently been interrupted from finishing. A smile played over her lips as her eyes traveled to the window. Erion, who had raced like mad to escape the confines of walls, was laughing hysterically in his father's grip while Erestor preceded to tickle the little one furiously. Jaden couldn't help laughing as she caught sight of Erestor's face. _He could be such a child sometimes! _

She quickly joined them on the steps of the last homely house awaiting it's lords return. The twins had been visiting Aragorn and Arwen in Gondor for the last two years, and Erion, who had grown very attached to them after their last visit, followed them around like a worshipful puppy. He had missed them terribly. There was barely a day that went by without him asking one or both of his parents when the twins were expected back.

Erestor stopped tickling his son with his wife's arrival and gave her a wink as he set the pouting child down. Jaden just rolled her eyes and mumbled something about over grown elflings which he had no trouble catching with his elven hearing. He pulled her to him and planted a sloppy noisy kiss on her lips earning a loud "Yew!" from Erion. Which, of course, had been the desired affect. Jaden couldn't help giggling at her family's antics.

Erion didn't have long to wait, and before many more minutes passed even Jaden's pure mortal hearing could pick up the sound of the rider's approach. When Elrohir and Elladan finally rode in for their long awaited return, Erion let out an ear piercing squeal and started jumping up and down with unsuppressed excitement.

"Well, you better not keep them waiting then, love." Erestor advised his son as the twin's dismounted. Erion, the ever obedient son, was quick to follow his fathers advice, and proceeded to fling himself from the highest step into the waiting arms of the closest twin.

Elrohir caught him effortlessly, and swung the giggling child onto his shoulders. "Elrohir! Elrohir!" Chanted the exited child.

Jaden watched on nervously as her son was passed precariously from twin to twin. She resisted the urge to cry out a warning at the daring throw Elrohir used to maneuvered the young one into Elladan's clutches. Jaden could watch no more and buried her face in her husband's shaking shoulder with a groan. Erestor found it all highly amusing, as usual. She would swear he got younger by the day.

Erestor put his arm around her comfortingly. "Come on, my love, he's in good hands."

"Or no hands! Elladan almost dropped him there! He's barely ten years old, Erestor, and so small with his elvish blood. I can't help worrying for him."

"I know, but he'll be fine. Trust them."

Jaden let out another groan. "Last time I trusted the twins with our son they taught him how to throw knives. He was only eight!"

Erestor just laughed and shook his head in amusement at the squeals and loud laughter still coming from the child and his returned heroes. Elrohir came over to greet the two waiting patiently on the steps while his brother kept Erion busy.

"That one gets more wild ever time we see him. What are you feeding him?"

"It's good to see you too." Jaden said as she and Erestor exchanged hugs with their lord.

Elrohir brought forth several worn letters and handed them over. "They miss you, both of you. And Legolas and Gimili haven't seen Erion in years, Aragorn and Arwen not even once. Don't you think it's time for a visit?"

Jaden sighed. She knew Elrohir was right, but she hated traveling through human settlements. She had found humans views on southerners had changed little in the ten years since she had visited the white city, and she still had enough less then fond memories of that place to last her many more years.

"Yes, mama, I want to go see the king!" Cried an enthusiastic voice. Erion, though still dangling precariously in Elladan's arms, had managed to catch his elders conversation. Jaden sighed and resisted the urge to hide her face in her husbands sleeve again.

As well as a constant bombardment of questions seeking to know the whereabouts of the twins, Erion was also famous for his many speeches and questions in which he tried to convince his parents to let him see all the many famous people and places he had heard countless tales about. The Rohirrim were his favorite, at least for the last month, and he couldn't hear the story of their courageous charge onto the Battle of the Pelennor Fields often enough.

"Please, mama, papa, I want to see king Elessar, and we could go through the house land's too! I want to see the Rohrrim!"

Thankfully Erestor took over this round of questions. "We'll talk about it latter, Erion. I think you are making Elladan and Elrohir sad with all this talk of leaving. You'll make them think you don't want them to play with you, and then they will leave again."

Erion looked horrified at this thought and quickly flung himself at Elladan's legs. "Please don't leave me! You're my best friends ever!"

Elladan just laughed, and pulled Erion up in his arms again with many reassuring words.

***

The evenings dinner was filled with embellished tales told by the twins, to Erion's delight. There were many more entreaties to his parents to go on many grand adventures himself before the night was through. However, Erion eventually feel asleep while Elladan relayed an adventure involving eastern wildmen and stolen treasure.

Jaden tucked her son in bed whispering words of love into his sleeping ear and stroking down his unruly curly locks so like her own.

"He reminds me of myself at his age." Came her husband's voice where he leaned in the doorway. "So curious about everything. I am afraid I was quite a handful myself. But there is no darkness now to cloud his spirit."

"There will always be darkness, my love. Its focus has merely shifted to men."

"I fear you are right, but I would spare him. What I wouldn't give to never have him ride out for war, to never go hunting the servants of evil."

"Yet already he has asked the twins when he may go orc hunting with them." Jaden sighed heavily as she rose to join her husband.

"We will not be able to protect him forever. He'll grow up, and sooner then we would like." Eretor conceded reluctantly.

"I wish..."

"What love?"

"I wish I could live...to see him come to his majority." Jaden whispered. Erestor's arm wrapped around her, holding her to him tightly. They never spoke of her death, yet it always lay between them. A bitter ending neither could avoid. Jaden would have given almost anything to take the future pain of her passing from him.

"You will, beloved. He grows faster then an elvish child. He'll reach his majority before his fiftieth year, and even then you will still be here for many long years." Erestor said resolutely.

"You don't know that. Erestor, I turn thirty in three months, our son is ten years old. I may live to see forty more years, but we cannot know..."

"Don't, Jaden, just don't. I cannot think about that, not now, not today."

Jaden held her tongue, knowing they would not talk about the future tomorrow or the next day. She knew her hair would turn gray and still Erestor would not accept that she would die in a mere handful of years. He refused to think upon their future for even a moment. He lived in the present, soaking up all he could, so that he could treasure his memory's when they were all he had left of their life together.

So, she kissed him gently on his neck and let the matter rest. She would not force him to accept the inevitable, not yet. Time would do its work, and when the time came she had given him a reason to live. Their son.

She knew Erestor would follow his friend and heart brother to Valinor like he had promised all those years ago. She hoped, for her love's sake, that their son would be by his side, but the pull of Middle Earth was strong upon Erion. She had no gift of foresight, all she could do was hope, and live for the present, for the future did not bare think about. The pain of their parting was unavoidable and held the finality of Ages. She would love Erestor for eternity, just as he would love her, but they would not meet again, after her death, until the breaking of the world.

Author's Note: A huge thank-you **Felix02** to for Beta reading this!!! Also, thank you readers and reviewers for your continued support. It's coming down to the end now, only 1 more chapter! I've already started writing it, I am actually almost done! But that's NOT the end. I've decided to write a sequel, but more on that next chapter. I wouldn't want to spoil anything :D

Also, I've compiled a short slide show on my live journal. I am an extremely visual person, and I love art, so I had to pick out some pictures for the story. So, if anyone is interested in some pictures of some 'To be Black' character's then here's the link (split up because FFN is crazy, and doesn't like web addresses!)

http:// pics. livejournal .com/encairion/


	19. Chapter 19

**Epilogue (Also stands as Prologue for 'Shadow of the Past')**

The Gray Havens, Year 126 Fourth Age

_I have not tasted the sea in long years, not since Gil-galad sat upon his gilded throne in Lindon, but that was an Age and more ago. I cannot stop my eyes from traveling westward, over the sparkling waters. It will not be long now. _

_These last few years have seemed an Age in themselves; I have been so anxious to leave these shores. I never thought the day would come when I would feel the world-weariness Elrond did. Yet, it is time. It is five years now, since Arwen succumbed to the gift of men, five of the longest years of my life. I spent the majority of them in a constant state of fear. Afraid my son would choose the gift of men, and leave me like his mother._

_Perhaps it was an irrational fear, but it was there nonetheless. I have always been fond of my lords' sons, Elrohir and Elladan, but if they had lured my son from me I would have never forgiven them. But they have no need of my forgiveness, for they stand next him on these white shores even now as we await the tide, and the ship that will bare us to the undying lands..._

Erestor's hand stilled, his journal left forgotten in his lap. His dark mane caught up in the sea breeze, loose shirt billowing around him. He sat, bare feet dipping idly in the cool salt water, his perch on one of the elven docks giving him a good view of the white beaches where his son strolled next to Elrohir.

Erion's short curly locks whipped freely about his face in the fresh sea breeze. Erestor smiled as he watched his son's dark almond eyes light up, and a dazzling smile cross his lips at one of Elrohir's jokes. His golden brown skin glowed in the noonday sun.

Erestor had to admit his son was an exceptionally beautiful elf. It was his strangely unique blend of races; it gave him an exotic flare, which Erestor was sure many a poor mortal lass had noticed. But, to Erestor's relief Erion had never shown an interest in any mortal maiden. While Erestor never regretted his choice of love he would not wish that on his child. Nor would he welcome his choice for mortality.

Erestor had spent the last five years in an almost constant state of trepidation. He knew the twin sons of Elrond looked upon his son as a little brother. In the past he had worried they were trying to replace those they had lost with him. But he knew they couldn't love his son any more if he shared the same blood. They had held him while only a babe, joined in his childish games as he grew, took him on his first hunt, teased him after his first kiss. They had spent many of his short 128 years in almost constant company with him. Erestor had become closer to the twins in turn and if he hadn't quite loved them as his own before, he did now.

But Erestor had feared their wilder side, the darkness and revenge they clung to after their mothers' death. He had feared they would choose the path of men, and forsake their elvish kin, never leaving these mortal shores. Erestor had feared his son's love for the twins, and his desire to be reunited with his beloved mother in death. Erestor had selfishly clung to Erion, doing everything in his power to persuade him to join him in Valinor. He knew he could not survive his loss.

In the end though, Eru had been merciful, and gave him not only eternity with his child, but the twins as well. Erestor knew Erion's choice had heavily influenced their own. They were unwilling to lose another sibling, not to mention their hearts ache to be reunited with their parents.

Erestor lent over his writing again, determined to finish this one last entry before leaving the beloved shores of his home forever.

_It was a hard five years, but they are over now, and I am the better for it. I thought nothing could pierce me like the loss of my beloved, but I was wrong. The mere thought of losing my son was enough to drive me to near madness. But the One is merciful, and has rewarded me far beyond what I deserve._

_I cannot help smiling, when I think of the strong words Jaden would have said, if she'd been reading this. I cannot bear to think of the way I lived before meeting her; lost in the past, suffocated by memories. Oh beloved, my heart, how much you gave me and how I love you. I miss you so..._

Erestor was pulled out of his work when he sensed another body plop down beside him on the white washed dock. He looked up into knowing gray eyes. Elladan.

"Working on some last minute writing?" He asked in a falsely casual voice.

Erestor sighed, "There's no need to worry, Elladan. I just wanted to use it one last time."

Elladan gave him a searching look, and Erestor struggled not to look away. I_ have nothing to feel guilty about!_

"Are you writing about her?" Elladan asked quietly.

"I may have writing a _little_ about her, but I had meant to write about this last day on our beloved Arda, and about... my fears for Erion." Erestor knew he was changing the subject, but couldn't manage any guilt over it, anything to stop Elladan's questions.

Erestor had spent years struggling with the grieving sickness after his beloved's death. Locking himself away from all others, lost in memories. None could reach him, not ever his son, but he had survived. He had to. It still hurt, it would always hurt, but there really was no choice in the end. He could not leave Erion.

"Well, as long as you do not dwell on the past, my friend. You know we love you, I will not see you pulled into despair. Erion needs you; Elrohir and I need you. You are as good as a second father to us."

Erestor sighed again, "And I need you." He pulled Elladan into a tight embrace. "Do not worry for me. It has been many years since her passing. If I did not fade then, I will not now. Give me this last chance to pen my feelings? Is it so much to ask?"

"For any other, no. But I still remember how you were after she died. But I trust you. If you need someone to talk to..."

"I know, thank you, Elladan." Elladan leaned his forehead against the trembling ellon's. After a silent moment they pulled away.

"So, what's this about Erion?" Asked Elladan.

"He's beautiful, is he not? Have you ever seen an elf with such curly hair? Such dark skin?"

"I know what you are getting at and I've thought it too, beautiful but different. I think you worry too much, Erestor. If he can survive the judgmental lustful gazes of humans, he'll have no trouble surrounded by this kin."

"But are they his kin, Elladan? Did I push him into this? Do you think he'll regret his choice?"

"He will never regret choosing his fathers' people." Elladan said with such forcefulness, Erestor almost believed him. "In the end there was no real choice, not for him. He would never leave you. Can you not see how much he loves you? More then any other, more then Elrohir and I, more then his mother. He will never regret it, I promise you!"

Elladan grabbed his hand, pressing it forcefully as though if he pressed hard enough Erestor might be made to believe. Erestor's eyes turned back to the slim figure of his son strolling idly down the white sand, a small smile still playing on his lips. Erestor knew Elladan's words were true. Erion had chosen to be numbered among the elves; he would not look back.

"But he's so different, Elladan." Erestor couldn't help worrying. "His skin is near as dark as his mothers! And we both know how much she suffered, even among the elves."

"Yes, and there may be some that do not accept him, but such friends are not worth his time, or our worries. He will never be alone or outcast, you know this, so stop your fretting. You are reminding me of a_da_!"

Erestor couldn't help laughing as he remembered all the times he had chided Elrond for his 'over indulgence in worry.'

"Ah, I miss him!"

"Soon, we shall see him soon... and _nana._" Elladan finished in a barely audible whisper, a shadow falling across his clear gray eyes. Erestor reached for his hand again, pulling him back from the brink he had been approaching.

"She is healed, you know this."

"But can it ever be as it was before?" Elladan voice his deepest worry.

"No, it can't. But she still loves you, and you her. You will all find happiness together." Elladan nodded mutely, and Erestor could see the danger had past. Elladan's mind had stayed fixed in the present not straying down the paths of memory.

Elladan's eyes drifted over to the two beings he loved most in the world, his two brothers, strolling side by side along the beach. Yet, he could not forget the ones who had come before; he didn't want to forget. Erion was not Aragon, not Arwen. But he had found long ago he did not want him to be, and he loved him all the more for his differences.

He didn't think he would ever be able to express how much Erion's acceptance of him and Elrohir had meant. Elladan could still remember the first time they had met the young one.

Erion had been nearly three years old. Elrohir and he had been lingering in Minas Tirith with Aragorn and Arwen, before they made the long trek home, to bid their father goodbye, perhaps for the last time. Elladan remembered feeling the shadow of the past hanging dark and heavy upon their shoulders, and it disturbed him. He had thought, hoped, that the shadows would not be able to touch them after the Dark Lords defeat. But he found the darkness that drove Elrohir and him had not come from the east, but their own hearts.

They had ridden into Rivendell, somber with past and future sorrows. They had sought out their father immediately, but the meeting had not gone well. The twins had refused to sail with Elrond. They had expressed their desire to linger before this last meeting, but Elladan realized the loss of Arwen had pierced their father deeper then they had realized. He was inconsolable. Flinging their loving words back in their faces. He shouted, cursed, threatened, begged them to leave with him, but they would not, and the meeting had ended in a tight bitterness on both their parts. Elrond, for not having his son's word to sail, and the twins towards their father for putting them in such a tearing situation. For making them choose.

The twins had wandered into the garden together, loosing themselves in their thoughts. Words unneeded between two of such like mind, when they were startled by a child's giggle.

Elladan had not at first registered whose child it must be. He remembered thinking some human family must have been visiting; it had been so long since an elfling graced Arda. But upon rounding the bend they had come face to face with a dark skinned, bright eyed, pointy-eared being. He was slight and delicate, like an elvish child, and while his skin and strange curled hair spoke of human blood, his ears sealed him as elvish.

Elladan and Elrohir had stood staring at the beaming child for some minutes; they had not seen an elfling, even one with mixed blood, in over a thousand years. The child had stood looking at them, equally dumb. But suddenly the spell was broken when the child let out a loud wail, the smile slipping from his chubby cheeks.

Elladan and Elrohir had stood uncertainly; they have never been practically good with elflings. A hundred years separated them from Arwen, and Elladan could not remember many occasions when they had played together. The twins had been consumed with swords, horses, elleth, and guard duty. Leaving no time for little sisters.

Now they were faced with a screaming infant, and were at a complete loss for what to do. Luckily they were saved by the appearance of a familiar face. Jaden, her long skirts swishing about her, had come hurtling over, anxious to see what had upset the child. Her child.

As she scooped the crying child into her waiting arms, the twins had understood the identity of the young one. They knew of her pregnancy of course. Many did, since Jaden had started showing before her return journey to Rivendell from Aragorn and Arwen's wedding. It had been quite a scandal.

Elladan cringed, even now, remembering the sharp barbs, and whispered words. Erion had been named bastard even before his first breath. Though none in Rivendell would say such to their faces, even if it was whispered of. Erestor would not press Jaden into a marriage, and it would have helped little, the physical evidence of their union could not be easily covered.

But Jaden had stood strong. Even through those painful weeks in Minas Tirith, and on the road to Edoras, before they could shed the company of most humans. Elladan remembered watching her, head held high, as she walked down to her horse, at the final departure from Minas Tirith. Her belly swollen. Elladan had been relieved she didn't have elven hearing, since he could easily pick up the slanders thrown about.

Aragorn had openly given her his support; along with all others she called friends. Elrond had promised help in the deliver, and couldn't care less what people said about his friend's lover. Elladan had watched the first true smile cross his fathers face in months, after he heard the couple's happy news. His father loved children. Though, Elladan could already see the signs of regret gathering in his eyes. He would miss the happiest years of his heart brother's life.

Elladan remembered seeing the relief seep through Jaden, as they left the white city behind. She would never return. She rarely traveled after settling in Rivendell, though she made a few visits to Ithilien.

Erion took up the wandering restless life of the twins just after reaching his thirtieth year. Spending more and more time apart from his parents. Elladan knew those separations were hard on Jaden, but it left Erestor more time with his beloved as she aged.

Erion was insatiable. His craving for adventure was spurred on by his youthfulness, though Elrohir and Elladan were hard pressed at times to keep his reckless spirit in check. The twins had almost completely cleared the Misty Mountains from its orc infestations by the time Erion reached thirty, but he did have a few chances to prove his worth in skirmishes with the vile scum. The twins had to hold back their own frustrations at his youthful eagerness for blood and battle. They had to remind each other that he knew no better, that they had once been much like him in spirit, though centuries of pain and death had driven that long past recall.

The twins had clung to the hope time and experience would calm him. After a run-in they'd had shortly before his mothers death, they'd thought those hopes fulfilled. It had been Erion's first time killing humans. He had never looked at death the same way again. He had lost his innocents before his fiftieth year.

Yet, even this lesson failed to fully tame his restless daring spirit. Nor did the loss of his mother lend him the wisdom of age and world experience. Erion was a free spirit, often times rashly so, and now he no longer had the purity of his youth and innocence to lend him balance.

For all his faults, the twins would not have him any other way. He was proud and bold, never afraid to grasp what he wanted and say what he felt. But he could also be entirely selfless and kind. He was fiercely loyal to a fault. He was more likely to draw a sword on one who spoke harshly against a loved one, then use a level head to deal with the offense.

Erion had enough sense to keep his wilder side under tight lock when near his father, for which the twins were ever grateful. Elladan did not know all the details of Erestor's past, but he knew enough to advise Erion against openly showing his blood lust and blatantly recklessness for his own life and actions, in front of Erestor.

Elladan had to admit he hoped Valinor would sooth Erion's spirit, just as much as his twin's and his own. Elladan could not hold back the surge of hope he felt every time his eyes turned westward. Elrohir and he had been living under the shadow of the past for far too long. Their spirits cried out for rest and healing.

But on that first day, when they had beheld Erion, they did not know what he would become to them. They did not know they had found another brother in him, a fiery soul to bring healing to their own cold ones.

Jaden had introduced them to her child, after he had calmed down. She had placed Erion in a bewildered Elrohir's arms, instructing the age-old elf how to hold him, and what to do to make him laugh. The little imp had captured their illusive hearts in a matter of minutes.

"Your mother chose life, and when you see her again, she will know you."

Erestor's reassuring voice brought Elladan back to the present. _His mother. Would she truly see him, and know him? _ He couldn't forget the pain of her parting. She had not even said goodbye, had not wanted to. She had not know her two son's, who had gone into the pits of darkness for her. They had stained their souls with their deeds driven by revenge, anything to drive out the memory of those vacant, loveless eyes. _Would it be enough? Did Elrohir and him give up enough of their innocence to bring back what was stolen from her?_

He could not dwell on the alternative. _Their mother would know them. She would be waiting for them on the white shores, their father by her side. Soon all would be well. Erestor said things could not be as they were before, but what other way was there? She would crush their desperate souls to her soft breast, and it would be as if the orcs had never been._

"Yes, she chose life, for herself only then, but she will know us her sons now. It _will_ be like we had never parted." Elladan's reply.

"We may travel from these shores, Elladan, but do not make the mistake of thinking all wrongs and pain will be forgotten. We take that with us." Erestor answered solemnly.

Erestor had spent thousand of years in regret. Tortured by his own remorse. Jaden had helped him free himself from the past, slowly, one day at a time. But he couldn't pretend all that old pain was gone, no more was the twins. Erestor would never fully forgive his past actions, but he could not torment himself with them again. He had thought about the consequences of sailing west many times. He wondered if he might meet those he had killed, or those he had fought side by side with as he spilled red elven blood.

But Elladan was not ready to hear the truth. He had clung to his unrealistic dreams for too long to let them go, short of the face of reality. Until he stood before his mother again, saw the past still hidden within her pale blue eyes, he would not believe it.

Elladan pushed himself up, and away from the comfort his second father would have offered him. Only one could pull him from the darkness of his own soul. His twin.

Erestor watched his foster son go, heart heavy again. It seemed this day of parting would have every joy ripped from it. Their fears, long withheld ever bubbling under the skins surface, had chosen today to burst forth. Erestor's own demons of loneliness and soul ache gnawed ever at the paper-thin flesh pulled over old wounds. Never to heal.

He picked up the discard journal. His hand traced the worn leather, battered and bruised, like his heart. And his soul poured out from the ripped, bleeding organ, onto the tainted white pages.

_Ah, Jaden! What I would not give to see your face one last time. To hold you close, to touch you. Will this pain ever truly end? Not a day goes by, not a minute of time, in which I do not long for you. My very being cry's out for yours. Oh Jaden, my heart! Come back to me, come back to me. Don't leave me in this darkness all alone. _

_I raise my eyes and I can see the work of our love standing tall. He is so beautiful, my love. I wish you could be here, I wish you could see him now. He's become a fine elf, the best. How could one so good, and true be a product of my flesh and blood? _

_Do no scold me, wherever you are, for these words. Sometimes the past takes a hold of me again, and I cannot shake free, today is one of those days. Soon though, soon, I will walk the white shores of Aman, and face my evil deeds. I pray I can find rest from them at last, after all these long years. But never will my heart find true peace without you by my side. You have my heart; my soul will find no peace without it._

_Do you think of me? There where you dwell in the halls of waiting? What joys and grieves lie in the doom of men? Have you at least found peace? I pray you are not alone in death. I cannot dwell on such a thought; surely the One is not so cruel, though I am. I have taken our son with me, into immortality. He will never join you. Forgive me this selfishness. But I need him. He is all that is left of you. He is my life now; I just wish I could be whole for him. He deserves so much better. I hope the One will bring him love and great happiness in the Undying lands, though how he, or the twins for that matter, can be content in a land that knows not but peace is yet to be seen. _

_Think of me, as I think ever on you. Do not forget me in death, my love, for I will not forget you in life. No other can lay claim to my heart; it is yours for eternity. Eternity, my love. Do you remember? I promised you eternity, and to that I hold. _

Erestor gently closed the worn journal for the last time. His hand smoothed over the leather binding. His heart filled with memory and pain, but no regret. He could never regret his love. She had been his savior, his life, though only for a few brief years that would stretch on for eternity in his heart.

The call went up, carried on the sea breeze. It was time. Erestor's eyes traveled to the white elven ships bobbing in the harbor. This could well be the last sailing of the elves. He could see the sons of Elrond herding the last stranglers of their people on board. All that was left of Imladris sailed this day; all that was left of the Noldor.

Celeborn had gathered many of his people as well. Erestor could see his silver hair blowing recklessly in the breeze as the elf lord climbed the rigging, so he could keep his beloved home in sight as long as possible.

Celeborn had no heart for the west, would never hear the call of the sea. But his heart had answered the call of his long departed wife. He would join her in the land of her birth, and forsake the land of his. Many of the remaining Silvian elves sailed with him, but not all. Thranduil would never sail. Never set eyes on his wife or youngest son again. He would never abandon these shores and the remnant of his once mighty people, and so he was fated to fade. For this was the Age of men, and it had little room for the first-born.

"Father!" Cried Erion as he raced towards him. "Come father, the Teleri grow impatient. They say we are off, come!"

His son pulled up next to him on the dock, and Erestor's eyes rose to meet his. So dark, Erion had his eyes. A fact Jaden was quick to point out. She often said they were his most becoming feature. Erestor smiled at the memory.

Erion held out his hand to help his father up. Erestor gazed at it a moment. He could see the calluses worked into the dark palm. Calluses from sword and bow. Erestor remembered the night he had wished his son would never have to go to war, never have to raise weapon to defend himself or those he loved. Erestor had wished the same, ever time Erion set out with the twins, leaving his worried parents behind. There were none Erestor would have entrusted his son's life with more then the sons of Elrond. But that didn't stop the gut wrenching worry always experienced waiting for his return.

Erestor's eyes traveled from the outstretched palm, to the dark shining eyes again. _When had they become so knowing? When had he gone from mischievous imp to hardened warrior? _

Erion looked back into his fathers' eyes, searching their depths, and seeing. "We go now father to the Undying lands, to the blessed realm. Put your worries and pain aside. Take my hand, and come. We go to peace."

Erestor gave his son a wry smile, and took the waiting hand.

"Peace yes, but only of a kind my son."

"Yes, but one kind is better then none." Erion replied, as he turned and lead his father up to the waiting boats.

_Better then none._

Erestor made to follow his son to the waiting ships, but a hurried call stayed him. "Lord Erestor! A moment if you please!"

Erestor and Erion turned and halted their progress, seeing a harassed looking Cirdan hurrying towards them. Cirdan had hunched up his silver robes to make faster progress on the sandy beaches. Erestor had to repress a chuckle at the sight of the nearly jogging elder. He highly doubted Cirdan had moved this fast in an Age. As the shipwright drew closer, the worried lines on his face and perspiration slicked brow, became clear.

"Erestor." He half painted as he pulled to a halt in front of them. "Will you walk with me for a moment? I have something urgent to discuss with you."

Erestor quickly agreed to the request, wondering what could have come up since their parting only a few short hours ago. Cirdan along with a few remnants of his people would linger a little longer on these shores. He was reluctant to leave any elf stranded on Middle Earth should any of the determined wood elves change their minds and sail. But what the shipwright could want with him, Erestor did not know. He had never been particularly close to the Teleri lord, Celeborn or his young lords the twins seemed the more natural choice to discuss any last minute business with, but he couldn't refuse the elder.

Erion watched his father fall into intense conversation with the shipwright as they strolled further down the beach. The same thoughts as his fathers, running around in his mind. _What did the old one want with his father? _ Erion couldn't shake off the feeling of foreboding that stole over him, as he watched the pair disappear around a bend.

"Where are they off to? It's nearly time to sail?" Questioned Elrohir, as he and Elladan came to stand next to the waiting Erion.

"Lord Cirdan didn't say." Erion answered with a growing frown.

"Well, I am sure they'll be back soon. I hope they don't keep us too long though, many are anxious to be off, myself included. I hate this lingering. I'd rather just have done with it." Said Elrohir.

"Are you so ready to leave these lands?" Questioned Erion, still feeling a bit moody over his father's sudden disappearance.

"You already know the answer to that Erion, but I despise this prolonged parting. The gulf in my heart isn't going away anytime soon, but I hate good-byes, even if the recipient is the vastness of Arda."

"Maybe the gulf will never go away." Erion whispered, almost too softly for the twins to hear. But they caught the whispered fear, and exchanged sorrowfully glances. They were well acquainted with that particular fear, feeling it themselves.

"Time will tell," was all the answer Elladan could give.

Luckily the now solemnly waiting trio did not have long to await their last wayward passenger. However, when Erestor finally made his reappearance he was not accompanied by the harassed shipwright, neither was he alone.

A tall figure, robed in a dark rough worn cloak, walked with him. A fur-lined hood was pulled up, obscuring his face. But his tall slender build declared him elf, and male.

The waiting brothers looked on curiously as Erestor led his new companion too them. Erion could not help noticing his fathers pale face, and haunted eyes. Worry, and was that fear? Clouded his dark eyes. Yet, Erestor also exerted a strange sense of excitement. Erion wondered at his father's unusual behavior. His father, who was usually so calm and collected, looked like a skittish colt.

"He looks as if he's seen a ghost." Elrohir whispered as they scrutinized the approaching figure, and Erion had to agree. His father looked as if he'd just been faced with the very souls of the dead.

Erestor stopped in front of them, his companion standing just behind. If the brothers thought they were in for an introduction, they were much mistaken. Erestor addressed the twin lords in a strained voice.

"Lord Cirdan has requested passage for one more," he gestured to the silent, hooded figure, "Is that agreeable my lords?"

The twins were suppressed by his formal greeting, but did not comment on it. "Any elf is welcome to sail with us, as you know Erestor." Answered Elladan, "What is your name stranger?"

The figure was silent a moment longer, but when Erestor made no move to supply the requested information, a deep musical voice floated out of the concealed mouth.

"My name is my own, son of Elrond. I ask only passage on your vessels. I give you my word I shall be no trouble. I am sure all shall be reviled soon enough."

Erion and the twins were momentary speechless in the aftermath of that voice. They had never heard its like. It seemed to wind a spell about them from its first word. They found their tongues tied. Elladan could only nod his assent, no further questions asked. Erion had the strong impression any one of them, Erestor included, would have done whatever the being asked, such was the power of that voice. It seemed to seep into their souls, to call upon them to answer its owners bidding.

Erion saw a shiver rock through his father, and watched him slowly close his eyes as the powerful voice spoke. For that was what it was. Power and charisma. Seduction, appeal, and pure music. It's pull was irresistible, unavoidable, for who would not march into Mordor itself if such a one asked?

And then Erestor spoke, and the spell was broken. Erestor's voice had never sounded so hallow and lifeless, it could not compare to the music before.

"Very well," and it seemed Erestor was straining against some demon in him, his face had taken on the look of one in pain, and Erion again saw the haunted look cross his eyes. "This way, my lord."

There was a moment of confusion. The twins made to follow. Neither they, nor Erion had ever heard Erestor call any but Elrond and his sons _my_ lord. Such a reference was reserved for those he served. However, the mysterious figure also moved forward, as if it had been he addressed by Erestor as his lord.

Erestor shot the two brothers an apologetic look, but offered not a word of explanation, as he turned to lead the strange hooded figure away. Leaving three very confused elves in his wake.

"I think we have ourselves a mystery on our hands. Who in Arda was _that_?" Elrohir broke the shocked silence, as they watched Erestor lead _his lord _to the waiting ships.

"Perhaps Valinor will not be as dull as we thought, eh?" Elladan teased, though the glare he was shooting the retreating cloaked figure held no humor.

"Calm down...." Began Elrohir, seeing his brother's look, but Elladan would have none of it.

"Calm down! How can you suggest such a thing? I know I am not the only one who felt that...well whatever it was when he spoke. His voice, it was unnatural, something is not right here. I do not like him."

"Then why did you agree to his boarding?" Asked Elrohir, though they all knew the answer.

"Well I wont be so easily swayed next time." Huffed Elladan still embarrassed at how easily he had caved. "And who is he? That's what I'd like to know. Erestor's not one to throw around titles.... Hold up Erion, where are you going?"

Erion, who had listened to the siblings bickering in a thoughtful silence, had come to a decision. He was not one to beat about the bush, worrying and waiting. He wanted action and answers. But instead of feeling hostility towards the unnamed elf, he felt the rising of a challenge. Erion loved adventures, had loved them from his earliest memory. He would never, could never, turn down the prospect of one, no matter how difficult, tedious, or short lived.

So, he made his way, without further ado, to the one who could help him solve this mystery. His father. Erion knew his father rarely spoke of his past. He had most certainly never confided in his son, but that was about to change, if Erion had any say in the matter. Erion was convinced the key to this adventure was in his father's past.

Erion's long strides quickly left the twins behind, still discussing this new turn of events, but Erion was done talking, at least with those who held no answers.

"Father!"

Erion called out, as he gained the waiting ship's deck. Erestor had escorted the stranger abroad, but it seemed they were not inclined to move past that. The hooded elf was standing on the opposite side of the ship, facing west. He appeared to have no further desire to converse with the solitary Erestor who was determinately gazing at the soon to be lost white shores of his homeland.

Erion approached his father. Not feeling, or perhaps not identifying, the other elf's desire for his solitary state to go undisturbed.

"Father, we need to talk." Erion began.

"Erion, will you give me but a moment." Erestor answered in a weary voice. It was the sound of his father's voice, more then his plea, which caused the young elf to hesitate. He had not heard his father sounding so tired, so defeated since his mother's death. It sent a chill down his spin, and any thoughts of unfulfilled quests were left forgotten.

"Father, what is it?" He asked worriedly, his hand coming to rest on a hunched shoulder. Erestor's right hand snaked up to squeeze the comforting hand, showing his gratitude for his son's understanding.

"I am sorry Erion, but I cannot speak of it now. My thoughts have not been so dark, nor confused since your mothers death. I have received the shock of a lifetime, today. Not an entirely unpleasant one, but an unlooked for and disturbing one."

"You know I would not rush you, if this pains you. I love you father." His voice was uncommonly vulnerable as he uttered those last words. _How long since he had told his father how much he cared for him? _Things often went unspoken between them, things that should be more often voiced, not assumed.

Erestor's gentle sigh at his son's words caused a feeling of guilt to spread over Erion.

"And I love you." Came Erestor's reply, soothing balm over Erion's wild soul. His father had always been as an anchor to him when his restless spirit took hold. He was overcome with the strong longing for his childhood. To be able to crawl into his beloved fathers lap, cuddling up for a thrilling tale, strong arms around him, protecting him from all the worlds hurts.

Erion's eyes were brought back to the lone figure, facing west, when his father turned slightly, casting his own eyes over to the still cloaked elf. Erion watched in unsuppressed curiosity as the fur hood was drawn back revealing the mysterious stranger's features to his hungry eyes.

Midnight hair flowed free of the confining cloak. Four braids consisting of intricate designs the like of which Erion had never seen before held the dark locks in place. Erion studied the only feature revealed to him. It was a glorious mane, and Erion's curiosity was only peaked further by this revelation.

As if hearing his unspoken desire, the noble head turn, just enough for Erion to catch fair creamy skin stretched over high cheekbones. There was a flash of sea blue eye before the vision was replaced again with a fall of dark shadow.

"He looks just as I remember." Erestor's confession brought Erion's eyes back to his father.

"You knew him." Erestor's words were only a confirmation of what he'd already felt.

Erestor turned away again, his eyes falling back on the eastern shores. It seemed Erion would not be getting an answer. But now the subject of his curiosity was broached he couldn't prevent prying for a little more information on the mysterious, and beautiful stranger.

"His voice..." Erion couldn't complete the thought. His mind worked to put what he had heard and felt into words.

"Yes, it was always thus. He inherited his fathers gift, as did his brothers in a lesser extent." Erestor's voice was little more then a whisper, but Erion strained his ears to catch every breathy utterance. "When he sung or sought to lift our spirits with fine words of hope and embed courage into our very bones; he would thread all the power and fire of his being into his voice. His father had this same gift, as did one of his younger brother, or so I am told. It was as if all his brothers inherited a small piece of their father's being. To some it was his beauty, others his skill in the smith, his fiery temper..." Erestor trailed off.

"His father?" No answer. Erion realized he wouldn't be getting any names -yet. But he was far from defeated.

"When he spoke, I felt...I felt as if I would have done anything he'd asked. Hells, I'd have walked into Barad-dûr itself were it still standing, had he asked it of me!"

Erestor let out a sharp hiss, "NO! I never want to hear such words from your mouth again, don't even think it!" Erestor had turned and grasped his startled son my the shoulders, shaking him. "I forbid you to go anywhere near him!"

"I am not a child father!" Exclaimed Erion, as he shook his father off.

But his own anger at his fathers manner, faded not a moment latter, and he regretted his own harsh words. Erestor's face had crumpled; his whole body slumped over, and into Erion's arms.

"Please Erion, please. I cannot lose you too." Erion had never heard his father beg, and it was not a sight he'd like to see again.

"Father, what has come over you? You're not going to lose me. Are we not about to sail for the Undying lands? I am here, right now, you can never lose me." He comforted the distraught elf.

He was thankful when Erestor finally managed to compose himself, and pulled out of his supportive embrace. "Forgive me, Erion."

But no further explanation was forthcoming, and Erion couldn't help the frown marking his brow. _Was that it? His father had literally collapsed in his arms and all he would get as way of explanation was an apology?_

"Father, what..." But Erestor stayed his questions, placing a slightly shaking finger to his lips.

"Not today. I will explain, I promise, but not now."

Erion's eyes looked into his, hard, searching for the truth of those words. But Erestor turned his own tired ones back out to the now empty shores. Erion let out a resigned sigh. _If his father thought he would settle for less the whole truth, and quickly, then he didn't know his son at all._ Erion had to be content with the future, and he reluctantly let the matter drop, allowing his eyes to travel over the forlorn shores one last time.

They stood, side by side, as the ships pulled away, watching in a companionable silence as their beloved Arda diminished. Elladan and Elrohir came to stand next to them, offering comfort, and taking it in return as they watched the only land they had ever know or loved fade from view.

Erestor thought of the grave he had left behind, and the now silent halls filled with memories. It had been his life support through the hard years. When he could not bear his cold bed, the empty halls, or battered heart another moment, he'd visit her resting place. He'd bring his precious journal with him. He'd give in to the heartache, spend an hour, an afternoon, a day, whatever it took until he had released his grief anew.

His one comfort, empty as it was, was gone now. He'd never again run his fingers over her grave marker; never again wander down lightness corridors where once laughter and her light that had shone so brightly. He was adrift, alone in a sea of pain, while this other treacherous sea took him further and further from all that remained of his beloved.

The grief rolling off Erestor was like a thick suffocating blanket on the air, and drew his companions' notice. Erion pulled his father into a tight embrace, the twins curling their arms supportively around the embracing father and son.

The four of them stood like that, for many long moment as the agonized sobs were ripped from Erestor's chest. No questions were asked; none were needed. There was only one thing, one person, whose memory and loss could reduce the proud elf lord to little more then a whimpering child.

Yet, for all the brothers' efforts and words of whispered comfort, Erestor would not be consoled. His heart felt like it was being ripped anew from his already vacant chest. Not ever the outpouring of love, he so craved from his son and foster sons, could quench the pain.

It was in this pain filled daze, when no words could reach him and he had succumbed again to the memories, when a voice once so familiar reached him.

Its words breached the overwhelming gulf of loss, and pulled him up, his lifeline.

Erestor's tears and anguished cry's subsided as his spirit understood and accepted the words of comfort. They spoke of hope, even now. They spoke of love, the love of three sons, of a brother in heart awaiting him in Valinor. And they spoke of the final victory. Of not only the breaking, but the remaking of Arda. When the soul of his beloved would be reunited with his for all eternity, never to be sundered again.

Erestor's eyes opened, and his body straightened, though did not remove itself from the protective circle of arms and body's. His eyes sought those long forgotten ones. Ones he'd never thought to see again. One's he'd hopped for long torturous years to never see again.

His eyes found the sea blue gaze, and fixed upon it. Old memory's long buried resurfaced. Memories not of pain and death, but contented nights spent listing to his lord's voice around the campfire. A half elf twin or two nestled in his arms. Though even these young memories were shrouded by his evil deeds. He remembered the feelings of peace and happiness, however fleeting, he'd experienced listening to the gentle singing of his bard lord.

The sea blue eyes, which had looked at him vacantly, even dismissively just minutes ago, were focused on his own dark ones. They gazes lock, over the bent heads of his three sons, and they did not waver. Understanding and acceptance passed through them as if on an electric jolt.

No smiles or happy twinkles entered their eyes; there was no room for that. The son of Fëanor's lips remained a firm thin line. The grim lines around his mouth speaking of years, even centuries spent without stretching upwards into smiles.

But external physical comforts were not needed when one could see into the very soul of another. The voice had invited Erestor in, and he had taken the plunge. Diving into the abyss that was the singer's soul. The scraps of comfort were quickly devoured. His soul seeking to piece the gaping cavity in his spirit back together. But there was not enough left of the singer's soul to give him what he yearned for; and the sea blue eyes turned listless and unseeing once more.

Erestor's spirit withdrew from the visual embrace, to find comfort in the physical arms of his sons. His eyes watched the last son of a dispossessed cursed house, turn west again. Facing the future that awaited them all.

Erestor studied the straight back, unbowed by years living in the wild, tortured by Eru new what thoughts and memories. Damned into the eternal darkness by his deeds, yet facing the light. Whatever fate awaited the last of the oath-takers, Erestor would not let him stand alone. His own hands were are bloodied, oath or no. Erestor would not allow his former lord to be caste out alone and abandoned in the land he once called home.

Erestor knew what it was to be forgiven when he did not deserve it. He knew what it was to look into eyes free of hate, judgment, or accusations. And he knew what it was to live surrounded by those who would like nothing more then to tear out his very eyes. Jaden had shown him what it was to love again, and to love himself. And she had shown him what it was to accept and lay aside judgments and prejudice. He knew without doubt she would have looked upon Maglor Fëanorian, oath taker and kinslayer, with the same eyes she turned upon all others. Jaden had taught him what it was to be forgiven, and to forgive in return.

She had breathed life into what had been his empty existence living in the shadows of the past. Because of her he had found the strength to go after he had watched the life leave her beloved eyes. Because of her he was standing now beside their son. And because of her he would stand next to Maglor Fëanorian. It would not be easy, accusations and anger already coiled in him, struggling to wrap themselves around his already struggling heart. But he would try, for Jaden he would try.

Author's Note: Firstly a huge thank-you to **Felix02** and **Cameo Corbin** for the beta work they have done for this story, as well as their continued support. Also a thank-you goes out to all my lovely reviewers, and readers:D You have been a driving motivation helping me finish this story in a relatively timely manner lol!

This is the end of "To be Black" however, there will without doubt be a sequel called "Shadow of the Past." It will be Erion, Erestor, and others' story in Valinor. (Not the greatest summery, but it is not yet all sorted in my mind ;D) I will not start it for a few months, as I am currently working on "The Price of Duty" which is Erestor's back-story and needs to be written first.

If you are interested in reading the sequel I recommend you sign up for my author updates. I will not post anything more on FFN until I start "Shadow of the Past" so you wont get any unneeded messages.


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